It wasn’t late yet. Yes, the sun had set long ago, but that was normal for winter. It was barely even eight, and Jaejoong wasn’t tired at all. Not tired, but starving. He sat in the living room next to her father who had the TV. He was embarrassed to admit, but he’d actually been surprised upon seeing that her parents actually had a Television. He was talking about all kinds of stuff, his job- he was a fisher- how more and more teenagers left the island, how much he missed Jiyeon, how much he hoped that they’d stay forever together. Jaejoong agreed, saying that he hoped so, too.

He didn’t even have the time to feel bad about not telling her father what he knew, because her mother entered the room with a plate full of foods. He could hear his stomach growling and see Park Sungah grin at him. “Somebody’s hungry, mh?” She said with that motherly voice of hers and she set up the table. Soon after, she brought three bowls of rice. The rice and the fishy side-dishes tasted awesome. Never before had he eaten homemade food, and if, it had been Jiyeon’s miserable tries. This was way better than you’d find in any restaurant. Way better than he’d ever cook. Or so he thought. He knew that to Jiyeon, his western dishes were the best. She was looking forward to them all day.

“So, Jaejoong-ah, Jiyeon has called us more often recently,” Park Sungah suddenly says between two bites, averting her gaze for a second, but looking at him right after. Jiyeon’s father became all silent and Jaejoong knew that his only wish was becoming invisible. “She told us that she’s having some trouble with her memories. You know, we could keep her for a while, until she feels better.” He knew that her mother wanted to be nice, wanted to make their life as easy as possible for them, but that wasn’t going to happen. He wouldn’t leave Jiyeon behind, not in this life.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. There are top-doctors in Seoul, and I will pay as much as they want me to until they find out what’s wrong. Everything will be alright,” he gave them a smile, one of those everyone thought to be true when Jiyeon could’ve told it wasn’t, and kept on eating. Her mother nodded lightly and ate as well, but the thought of her daughter suffering caused her to shove the rice aside.

“I’m worried,” her father suddenly voiced and Jaejoong looked up at the man. The exact same man who had just told him to stay with Jiyeon forever would now tell him what? To leave her? He put down his chopsticks and stared at the man, waiting for more to come.

“I really like you, Jaejoong. You’re the first man I want to see by her side, as a boyfriend, as a groom. But what it this isn’t right? What if there is a reason why she forgets you?” He asked and Jaejoong’s heart started to ache. He the air in and closed his eyes. This wasn’t happening. If her parents told him to leave her behind, not to see her again, he would have to obey. Because he didn’t want fights with her parents.

“She will forget me,” he said after some time, but both of her parents didn’t understand. Eyes still closed, he tried to explain it to them. “There’s no going back. She loses more and more each day. Eventually, she’ll completely forget me. She’ll look at me and will have no memory of my face, my voice… of nothing. And that’s when I’ll walk out of her life. But not before that. Because as long as she still feels love for me, I can break her heart. And it’s easier to have my heart break alone than carrying the burden of her broken heart with me. I hope you understand.”

He stood up and bowed to them, not feeling like part of this family anymore. For six years, these two had been the closest to parents he’d ever gotten. And he was thankful for this time, even though it was soon to be over.

He entered the room and leaned against the door after closing it. Jiyeon had awoken and was staring at the ceiling. However, when she noticed his presence, she turned away from him, her shoulders shaking unnoticeably. He quickly crossed the room and knelt down where she was lying, hand on her shoulder. “Shhh,” he whispered while she was wiping away the silent tears.

“Is it true?” She asked, not facing him at all. “Will I forget you completely?”

It hurt him to see her like this. Broken. He remembered first seeing her, and closed his eyes. The rose whose thorns had left bloody marks in the palm of her hands. The candle, the tender light.

“Do you remember our first meeting?” He asked her breathlessly. She pushed herself into a sitting position, wiped away her tears and flung her legs over his. Like this, she cuddled onto him, nodding.

“Yes. Ironically, even though I’m forgetting all our first times, I do remember this one. It was at the concert. Daughtry, wasn’t it? I’d gone there with Bom, she totally loved Chris back then. I didn’t really like them, neither did I know their songs. And so, I was pretty bored there,” she chuckled. It seemed as though the memory made amused her in a way he couldn’t understand. “It was like you appeared out of nowhere. There was this slightly overweight man standing behind me and next time I turned around, there you were. And I remember telling Bom to take a look at the cute guy behind me, and she’d told me that she would totally take you if it wasn’t for Seunghyun. And because I was bored anyway, I started talking to you about useless stuff. You’d told me that you didn’t know the group, and I’d wondered why you were there anyway…” She trailed off, thinking back, and realizing that she still hadn’t gotten an answer to that question. She frowned. “Why were you there?”

He smiled down at her, her eyes only half-opened as she still was tired. “To meet you,” he admitted. In a few weeks she wouldn’t remember any of it anyway, so he might as well tell her. Her lips curled up to a smile and she hugged him tightly. A yawn escaped before she said: “I’m happy you were there, anyway…” and dozed off. Jaejoong started her hair again.

“It wasn’t the first time we met, that’s why you still remember,” he told her, knowing that she couldn’t hear it. He was happy, though. As long as she had this memory, as long as this memory wouldn’t be taken away from her, she at least would remember the nice stranger from the concert that she hadn’t seen ever again. Maybe she would once tell her children about it, maybe she would wonder what said stranger was doing.

“It was on the beach, right after Yunho had broken up with you. You didn’t see me, but I saw you. I guess that counts as a first meeting.” He smiled. She couldn’t even remember that. He’d been invisible. Not from this world. He bent down and kissed her forehead before turning off the lights and lay down next to her. It was surprising how fast he fell asleep. And he fell, and once again he fell in a deep, black dreamless land. In the beginning, the missing dreams had bothered him. Now, he understood. It would be time, soon.

June 02, 2007

She was so nervous, her heart was beating too fast and she was shivering on her whole body. She had met him only once so far, and that hadn’t been long. It was during break, he’d just brought her something to drink and wished her a good day, but it had been enough for her to think of him whenever she got the time to think. Needless to say that she’d been more than happy when he’d finally asked her out. It wasn’t really romantic, the suggestion he’d made, but he’d explained that he was inexperienced with going on dates. And so they agreed on grabbing lunch together. Yes, lunch, not dinner. It was a rule of hers. Dinner was usually followed by a wine at the man’s house and that was followed by and regrets. No, they would have lunch, eat an ice and then maybe meet again someday. She didn’t want to rush things. Not after what happened with Yunho.

She was half an hour early, but he still was standing in front of the restaurant she’d chosen. He was wearing a white tee and it was almost invisible. At least invisible enough for her to see a tattoo on his back. Her heart raced. She ran her fingers through her hair one last time and finally, approached him. He was wearing a smile, eyes only looking into hers. She’d bought that dress especially for that day, but he wasn’t even seeing it. He was only gazing into her eyes. A little disappointed, she followed him into the local.

As they sat and had received the menu, he peeked over its edge and smirked. “Pretty dress,” he said as if reading her thoughts and she blushed, happy that she could hide behind the menu. She muttered a ‘thanks’ and fell into awkward silence. At least to her it was awkward. To him, it was so new that he couldn’t even think about whether or not it was awkward.

“Have you chosen what to take already?” She asked, and he pursed his lips. It was only then that he realized not having paid the menu any attention. However, it wasn’t like he’d need long with it. He read through it and nodded after some time.

“Yes, I think I’ll take the Barbeque. And you?” She shyly hid behind the menu and pretended to read through it once more. Finally she put it down a little, for him to be able to look at her face.

“I think I’ll take it as well. Should we take a portion for two?” It was just too obvious how hard it was for her to ask that question. It was more than amusing for Jaejoong who couldn’t understand her behavior at all. They were simply eating lunch. What was there to be shy or embarrassed about?

He agreed on taking the portion for two which was referred to as a ‘couple’s portion’ on the menu and both of them ordered some coke before the waiter disappeared. He’d taken away the menus, the only possibility for her to hide away when feeling awkward. She averted her gaze and looked into the candle that wasn’t burning. For a long time, neither of them talked. They were quiet, he looking at her, she avoiding his gaze at all costs. After some time, Jaejoong had the urge to speak. Not because he felt awkward, but because he couldn’t understand why she would remain silent like that.

“How was your day so far?” He asked her, taking a sip from the coke that a waiter had just brought over, kind of piercing her with his eyes. She felt uncomfortable but good at the same time. No matter how many women passed the local, no matter how many times waitresses in short skirts walked by, he only looked at her. But it seemed almost forcefully. She shook the thought aside and cleared .

“Good, I guess. I was at work. The children are a pain, I can tell you. I have to go back later, again. There’s this girl, she’d bullied by the others, but I don’t know what to do about it. I’m only a trainee, after all. They expect me to know everything. This is frustrating.” She was surprised by how much she’d just said. Usually, when she felt shy and awkward, she would barely even answer to questions. Because with him, it was different, she realized. He gave her the feeling that no matter what she said, she couldn’t embarrass herself. And that even though he wasn’t doing anything.

“I can imagine,” he simply said. He would’ve said more, but he didn’t know what. She’d just said so much, and he had practically cut her off with this flat answer of his. He cleared his throat. “Do you teach them by yourself or are others helping?” He wondered. She smiled and straightened her back. It seemed as though she’d gained some confidence now that he was trying to keep the conversation alive. She told him about her job, about the hardships, but also about the good things of being a teacher, told him that she didn’t regret it, but missed her home, too. It was mostly her who talked, and it was mostly him who asked questions.

They’d finished lunch and had awesome ice-cream for dessert before leaving the restaurant. Neither of them asked whether or not they should still do something together, they simply started walking through the crowded streets of Seoul, talking about everything, about the buildings, about the people passing, about companies, about cars. They went into small tourist shops, tried on the funniest things, decided on buying couple-hats that looked nothing but ridiculous and had a lot of fun. They’d walked for four hours, the sun was still up, but about to set in a bit. Jiyeon remembered her rule. No dinners with a man. However, when he suggested eating at the small stand around the corner, she agreed. And she also agreed on having the Soju the Ahjumma brought them. And she agreed on the second bottle.

She didn’t remember how she made it home. But she woke up the next morning, not feeling bad at all. And as she checked her mobile, she flew on could nine.

I had fun yesterday. We should repeat that. When are you free?