It was snowing by the time Himchan stepped out of the building. Scrunching up his nose to show his distaste towards the weather, Himchan opened his transparent umbrella and trudged through the road that was blanketed with whiteness.

He was exhausted after facing the computer in his office for twelve hours straight. His back was aching and his mind needed nothing but a good night’s sleep.

You’re too dedicated towards your work. You should give yourself a break, hyung.

When Himchan was about to turn into a junction, he noticed an old lady organizing fruits at her stall. She kept on bending down once in a while to take out the fruits from their boxes and Himchan doubted she could carry on like that without injuring her back so he rushed to her side and offered to help.

“Thank you so much, young man. Bless your kind heart,” the old lady smiled at him, revealing her crooked teeth.

A smile crept over Himchan’s face upon hearing her words.

“Nah, it’s fine,” Himchan waved a hand dismissively.

Although he was not in the best mood, he found himself enjoying helping the old woman. It felt like he was doing something useful for the first time.

Hyung, you should at least smile. That’s the least you can do to spread kindness in this world.

Junhong’s voice rang in Himchan’s head. He liked to remind him of how important it was to spread kindness. Himchan found it adorable for the boy to keep on reminding him about it.

Kindness can’t be spread that easily, Junhongie.

Himchan had replied to the boy nonchalantly. He didn’t really give him much attention whenever he talked about it. He thought that the boy hadn’t been exposed to reality. He was young anyway.

 People would only forget about it eventually. Can you even do it with sincerity if you already knew the consequences? The world is really different from what you think it is.

Junhong had disagreed with his opinion.

Well people can learn to appreciate don’t they? All you have to do is keep on trying. Hyung, this world is not colorless.

Himchan shoved a hand into the pocket of his white coat and was about to walk away from the stall when something caught his eyes. He stopped and took a step backwards, training his eyes on a crate of dark red apples.

Junhong liked those kinds of apples. It was his favorite.

“Might as well buy some for him,” Himchan muttered to himself as he fished out a few bucks and handed it to the old lady. “Ahjumma, I’ll take two bags of these apples.”

*

“You’re late,” Junhong stood up from the couch to approach Himchan who’d just entered the house, hands full of groceries.

Himchan only let out a sigh and proceeded to the kitchen.

“I hate the snow. I wish I could just melt them all with a single breath.”

“Well that’s quite impossible, hyung,” Junhong chuckled, standing beside Himchan as he watched him take out the groceries from the brown paper bags.

While taking out the groceries one by one, Himchan muttered out the price—a habit which Junhong had always loved to tease about. Himchan would always have this serious expression on his face whenever he was preoccupied with his habit.

“There you go again, making that same face when you’re counting the price. You should stop doing that. It’s not like you don’t have enough money to buy things.”

Himchan scowled and opened the fridge, stuffing whatever groceries that needed to be stored at cool temperature into it. Then he closed it back using his leg and placed the apples he’d bought earlier on the dining table.

“You bought my favorite apples?” Junhong raised his eyebrows, staring at Himchan with sparkling eyes. “You’ve never done this before!”

“I’m a bit bored of the same routine,” Himchan shrugged, staring at the photo that was hanging on the wall near the staircase. It was a photo of him and Junhong building a sandcastle together. “Might as well do something different huh?”

“We should really go to the beach again someday,” Junhong said when he noticed the man staring at the photo.

“Someday,” Himchan muttered, nodding his head.

Junhong could see his eyes crinkling slightly, like he was going to smile but then the look disappeared instantly when he blinked.

With another sigh escaping his lips, Himchan the stove and started cooking porridge. Junhong sat down at the dining table excitedly, swinging his legs under the table. If Himchan saw him doing that, he would surely tell him to stop.

“Porridge again?” Junhong pouted when Himchan had served the food on the table. “We eat porridge like everyday since my graduation day.”

“Live a healthy life,” Himchan chanted those words for the millionth time as he sat down opposite the boy. Then he took a generous amount of the porridge with a spoon and shoved it into his mouth without even waiting for Junhong.

Junhong rolled his eyes upon hearing what Himchan had told him. He’d been hearing those words too many times already.

“How can I stay healthy if you keep feeding me the same thing? Come on, hyung. I need my nutrition.”

“And you will start to nag the whole night,” Himchan shook his head.

The crinkles at the corners of his eyes appeared once again but the smile Junhong had hoped for always failed to make its way to Himchan’s lips.

Another blink and Himchan would return to his solemn state.

“Well I won’t nag today because you’d bought me my favorite,” Junhong smiled. “Thanks, hyung.”

“Do you like the apples?’

“Of course.”

“I bought them from a stall outside my office building,” Himchan rested his chin on his palm, gazing at the apples with a weird smile.

Junhong noticed that smile.

“Did something happen?”

Himchan stayed silent for a while, eyes not leaving the apples.

“Junhongie, I think I just spread kindness today. I helped out an old lady and she thanked me. She even gave me the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen.” Himchan let out a snort and shook his head. “Huh, that sounded cheesy.”

“Really?” Junhong lifted an eyebrow. “You mean you really helped her? That’s good, hyung! You’re improving.”

Himchan leaned back in his seat and took out a small bottle from the pocket of his khaki jeans. Junhong eyed the bottle knowingly.  White pills filled half of the bottle. Usually the pills would be gone in a week. Himchan used to take them frequently.

The first time Junhong saw those pills, he thought that Himchan was sick. He thought that he suffered from cancer or whatever but when he noticed how hard it was for Himchan to smile or even be happy, he knew the man was facing a thing called depression.

Junhong couldn’t remember when Himchan started acting that way. Maybe from the day of his high school graduation or maybe it was back when Himchan’s parents signed for divorce.

Depressing things had been happening in Himchan’s life. The day Junhong came to him, he would always try to make things better for Himchan. He knew how negative the man was about the world.     

“I’m only doing it now. I should’ve done it a long time ago,” Himchan chuckled. “To tell you the truth, it felt good. Really good.”

“Told you so,” Junhong smiled.

“Thanks a lot, Junhongie,” Himchan smiled back.

“Wow, this is really different from yesterday…or the day before,” Junhong said but then added again, “And another day before. You really are breaking from your old routine.”

Junhong regretted saying those words immediately when he saw Himchan’s eyes tearing up.

“Am I too late?” Himchan questioned, staring at the bowl of porridge placed in front of Junhong.

“Hyung, not this again,” Junhong shook his head. “At least you’ve done it. That old woman thanked you didn’t she?”

“It didn’t feel right,” Himchan said. “I should’ve listened to you earlier or else I wouldn’t feel like this.”

Junhong kept his mouth shut. He knew Himchan wouldn’t stop even if he told him to. It had always been like this. Every night Himchan would come home from work, cook and sit down at the table with Junhong, only to end up crying.

Junhong thought that this night would be different. He was wrong.

“You said that I see the world colorless,” Himchan shut his eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks. “How can I see them in colors? Tell me, Junhongie.”

Junhong only stared at the broken person in front of him. There was no use answering him. He wouldn’t listen to him.

“You have to teach me,” Himchan pleaded.

“You’re not late, hyung,” Junhong muttered. “I wish you would stop asking me the same thing everyday. I’m getting sick of it. It hurts me to see you like this.”

Junhong had lost his appetite to eat the apples.

Himchan stood up from the dining table and walked past Junhong, not even making eye contact with him as he approached the staircase. Then he took off the photo of him and Junhong building a sandcastle from the wall and traced his fingers along the surface.

“I miss you so much.”

‘It takes absence to value presence’

Yup. It's a drabble. Nothing special. keke.