KYUNGSOO

NOVEMBER 2007

"Omma, why is appa never here? Does he not like us?"

"Kyungsoo-ya, just understand appa for now, okay? He's working really hard for us since he loves us so much. Don't hate him, okay? He'll be home during Christmas, so you'll see him again. He might even stay for a few weeks to celebrate your birthday with you."

"I understand, omma. I really can't wait to see appa again. I want to see him again."

DECEMBER 2007

"Kyungsoo-ya, appa called."

"What did he say? Is he gonna be home soon? Where is he?"

"He... can't come home this Christmas, Kyungsoo-ya."

"...It happens, omma. Who knows he might be home on your birthday? For now, we can just celebrate by ourselves. Should I call Jongin and his mom to celebrate Christmas with us?"

My mother and I have had that conversation multiple times now for as long as I can remember. New Year's Day, my birthday, my mother's birthday, Chuseok, Christmas... whatever it is, I always hear the same thing.

"He'll be home."

He'll be home? What a joke! I'm sick and tired of those empty words. I don't blame my mother for that. Why should I? The only person to be blamed here was him. No one else.

Things have changed though. I grew up. I'm not the ignorant 10-year-old anymore. The 10-year-old who trusted his promises. It wasn't like that anymore. I'm done waiting. My mom was still blinded by his promises though and I've been trying to snap back some sense into her, but she's not budging. She loves him. Whoever he is.

Years have passed and I've gotten used to the life without a father. I had my mother with me and I didn't need anything else. Besides, the conversations between me and my mom about the unseen person were slowly running out. The time we spent waiting were wasted, but I felt apathetic. My curiosity about him and how his life is going lessened. My longing turned into indifference. The love that was felt turned into hatred. The broken promises turned into painful memories. And the person? He turned into a stranger.

"Kyungsoo hyung!" Someone called my name from behind while I was on my way to school. I knew exactly who the person was just by the sound of his voice. "Hyung!" The person called again.

I turned around and saw the face that I've seen everyday ever since the day I was born. "Oh, Kim Jong In."

Kim Jong In, who goes by the name of Kai, is my best friend. He's a year younger than me, but we treat each other comfortably. Jongin and I have known each other even before the day we started crawling. His mom and my mom have been co-workers for years and that's how Jongin and I met each other. We know almost every single thing about each other since we've seen each other as we were growing up. We might as well be called as brothers.

"Hyung!" He said again as he finally caught up to me. He looked at me straight in the eye and eventually wrapped his arms around me. "Why did you come to school so fast, hmm?"

His action caught me off-guard since we were in public and a lot of judgmental eyes could be looking at us. "What do you mean?"