Striped Carnation: I can't be with you

Chapter 4

The whole house was decorated. The lights were up on the walls, there were streamers criss-crossing the room from here to there, and everything was clean. Dara looked reasonably dressed up in her outfit from that fateful day when she’d broken the news. A simple plaid dress, with cute shoes and an intricately weaved short jacket. She’d even worn a tiny amount of lipstick.

Whereas me? I was dressed in jeans and a simple tee-shirt, my favourite red sneakers and a dark red beanie to top it off. We’d switched roles today, my sister and I. Today I was dressed simple while she was dressed up.

The occasion was a farewell party. For us. Because we were flying out of here the next day. I was flying out of my life the next day. And I was not looking forward to it. So why celebrate? Personally, I felt like mourning.

But I couldn’t do that, considering that all my friends were coming over. Even Jiyong was bringing some friends over so that my sister could mingle – which was pointless since we were moving. She’d probably never see them again. I sighed as I watched her bounce around the house, adjusting minuscule imperfections, but not noticing that she was dropping things as she went. I went to help her out.

Dara’s so cute, and I was happy that she’d finally found a reason to come out of her shell – even though the reason was a guy. (I’d never expected Dara to be the type!) Jiyong had done us both a big favour, and I’d warmed up to him considerably for that. Well, at least enough for him to get some Korean into my brain.

The thing was… I still didn’t want to leave. I had all this time to get myself to come to terms with it, but I still hadn’t. The leaves had all fallen off the trees now, and that beautiful red colour was absent except when I looked in the mirror and saw my beanie. And still, I hadn’t told Joe.

I wondered what would happen when he showed up today, if that was even going to happen. He would probably be so mad at me that he’d choose to stay home while everyone else came to say goodbye. I was sure that he’d eventually regret it, but by then it’d be too late.

If L.Joe wasn’t going to be at the party, then I had no mood to be there either.

Just then, the doorbell rang. I glanced at my room door, and was about to make a break for it, when my sister pinched my arm and forced me towards the door. Her meaning was clear: open the door and stay here throughout the party or else. I sighed as I pulled open the door, stepping back and making way for the person without even looking at them.

“Rin, we need to talk,” a familiar voice said.

A familiar hand grabbed my own. I looked up and felt a thrill as I realized I was looking at L.Joe. He’d shown up. Smiling, and before I could help it, I flung my arms around him. I felt him smile as he wrapped his strong, comfortable arms around my waist.

“Dara, I’ll be right back,” I shouted over my shoulder as I stepped back and dragged my boyfriend out of the house. I tugged him over to a bench and we sat down, admiring the little garden before broaching that painful topic.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Joe asked, his voice betraying the pain he felt.

I forced myself to look him in the eye as I said, “I didn’t know how to. I was afraid of breaking things off with you until the last moment.”

He sighed, running his thumb over all my fingers as his grip on my hand tightened. I bit my lips nervously.

“What about a long-distance relationship?”

“That’s not going to work and you know it. Not just the time difference, but it’s going to be an emotional burden for the both of us not to know immediately what each other is doing.” I explained. I’d thought this through how many times already.

“Then this is goodbye?” he asked softly, his voice no more than a whisper.

I stared deep into his eyes, filled with a haze of sadness. “Don’t you want to stay?”

He surveyed me, and I knew the answer already. “I can’t. If I do, I’ll go crazy and probably never let you go.”

This boy was so sweet… would I ever find anyone else like him again?

Smiling softly, I kissed him and said goodbye. We played with each other’s mouths with a passion I’d never felt before, but eventually it had to stop.

“Goodbye,” he whispered, fading away into the darkness that had enveloped us in the last few moments we’d spent together.