He glared at his cellphone. He had come to hate it. That little, stupid device. Tao's name on its screen. Just one hit of a button away. He just had to do it. To call. Just call. So he pressed it, swallowing hard as the waiting tone echoed inside him. Until he didn't hear it anymore. 

After a short silence, a low voice rasped out, "Hello?"

"I can't do it, Lay. I can't call him." 

"For god's sake Kris! Don't you own a watch? It's two in the freaking morning go to sleep!" 

"But Lay-" 

"Shut up." 

After a few moments of silence, Kris stuttered, "L-Lay?" Silence. He'd hung up. What a great best friend. Hitting the call button again, he waited until he heard a groan. 

"Why are you calling again?" 

"Because I need your help!" he retorted childishly

"What the hell do you want me to do?!" he shouted, clearly pissed off, "I'm freaking exhausted! We've practiced for hours today and I have to be the one trying to fix your mistakes and the freaking Panda walks out on me and I just need to sleep!" he rushed out, breathing heavily for a moment until what he said sunk in on Kris. 

"Wait. You talked to Tao?!" he clutched the phone "What did he say?" 

 "," Kris heard the rustle of sheets on the other side of the line, although his thoughts were entirely somewhere else. Tao. Why had he talked to Lay? Why hadn't he talked to him? Was he okay? Did he hate him? He hoped not. But he was worried. Really worried. And he missed the Panda.

Silence settled on them before Kris broke it, voice soft and a little unsure, the one he allowed very few people to hear. "How is he?"

"Why haven't you told him about Wooyoung?"

Kris froze at the name. It had been long since they'd talked about him, even longer since they had mentioned his name.

"You told him," he said disbelievingly, fire running though his veins.

"Of course not! Who do you think you're talking to?"

Once again the call was ended, and Kris let out a shaky breath, still feeling uneasy. 

"I'm sorry. I don't want to fight with you too," he mumbled as soon as his friend picked up the phone once again.

"I know. I just wanted to see if you'd finally stop calling. Guess not."

"Idiot. You're not helping, you know."

"How do you want me to help? You keep turning my advice down!"

"Your advice is stupid."

"Your face is stupid."

Kris scoffed. Lay must have been really exhausted if he was back to his twelve year-old self. Kris had hoped he'd never have to hear that phrase again. Thoughts roaming back to what was making him have this phone call in the first place, he closed his eyes.

"I can't tell him," he stated, "I know I should but I can't tell him about Wooy-" he clenched his teeth, "I just- can't." 

"Why not?" asked the reassuring voice on the other side.

"Because it'd be like dragging him into the problem! I don't want that!" he ran a hand through his hair, "He'll probably pity me."

"No he won't."

"You don't know that! He very much could!"

"If you think so then you don't know the Panda at all," Lay chuckled.

"Don't call him like that!" he snarled half-heartedly. He knew Lay was right. Tao would never pity him, wouldn't stop liking him. But he still didn't want to involve the boy in the issue. He still believed in people, in that there was something good inside of everyone. Kris didn't want to be the one to change that. The past would only bring up painful memories, would only hurt them. Both. But it was gone. Tao was his present. And, hopefully, his future. It was all that mattered to him now. 

"Why don't you call him instead of me?" Lay suggested, suppressing a yawn.

"What if he hangs up?"

"He won't."

"But what if!"

"Oh my god Kris! How old are you! Last time I checked you were a seventeen years old guy, so stop acting like a girl on her period and grow a pair!" Lay snapped. Kris frowned at his phone, unsure of how to answer to that.

"You'll have to talk to him about Wooyoung sooner or later, you know," his friend sighed finally, voice sleepy.

"I'll take later."

"Good night."

"Wait! Don't hang up!" he heard a low growl, "Just- How is he?"

Silence followed his question, weighting down on him. "You should ask him yourself. Bye, Yifan."

Kris held his phone tightly for a long time, knuckles turning white. It had been almost a whole week since he had last slept properly, barely able to drift off to sleep for a couple of hours, waking up drenched in sweat and feeling horribly empty.

The first night had been the hardest one. Tao's scent lingered on his bed, on his pillow, clouding his thoughts and making it impossible for the pain to go away. But instead of getting better, it got actually worse. Because the scent began to fade away. And Kris got increasingly desperate. Anxious. And he missed him. A hell of a lot. And he was just so angry. At first he'd been mad at Tao. For not getting that it was a difficult issue. That it was hard for him to talk about it. Though, it didn't take long before the only remaining anger was towards himself. Because he was an idiot. Because he knew how much it'd hurt not knowing what was wrong with Tao when he was having a hard time with the whole parents' issue. How hard it was believing that he didn't trust him.

And he didn't want the boy to feel that way. Because he did trust Tao. A lot, actually. He just didn't trust himself. It had been two years already. The nightmares had barely stopped hunting him. And he wasn't ready. He had never told anyone about it. At least, no one besides his best friend. Lay had been there, so there hadn't been a lot to tell. And he wanted to tell Tao. He really did. But he just couldn't. 

Besides, Tao didn't seem to miss him. The Panda went to practices. He ignored him. Their friends got together without his team, Tao joined them. He was happy and had his friends, had those two annoying boys to smile at and be all sweet and helpful. And it hurt. Because Kris wanted, physically needed, to have him close, to kiss him and hug him, to never let him go.

He went to sleep that Friday night with the resolution of calling the boy the following morning.

But that call never came, and Tuesday dawn welcomed him lonely again. It had been the worst weekend of his life. Lay had stopped answering his calls. He'd had practice both days, even on Sunday. Sunday. He was back to abhorring the day. It was such an icy contrast with the previous one. Because he wasn't going to have with his boyfriend. As things were going, he wasn't even sure if he had a boyfriend anymore. 

By Monday he was completely worn out. A heavy cloud hung above his team's head, ready to crush them any moment now. They were playing badly. Kris didn't remember them playing so horribly before. They all seemed distracted, unfocused. And he knew his mood wasn't helping at all. Besides, they'd been to their rival's games, as they usually did before important tournaments, but for the first time they had left them feeling unsure. They were really good. And Kris didn't want them to make a fool out of themselves. Lay had remarked several times that the general depressing state of the team was Kris' fault only, and he couldn't help but to agree. Now he didn't just have to worry about Tao and his own past, but also about the whole team's wellbeing. And it was exhausting just to think about it. 

If Kris needed something else to make him believe some unknown higher force out there was against him, he got his proof that same Tuesday. 

As usual, he'd been pretending not to watch to the other side of the court as both teams had their respective practices, and failing miserably. As Tao and the others were practicing with that sort of stick the boy had used the first time he'd seen him at the exhibition, "gun shu" or something like that, Kris' eyes kept going back to Tao, thinking about how amazing it'd be to push him against the gym wall and him with his wushu uniform still on. 

After the boy had finished explaining the movement and showing it himself, he set off to try to make the younger boys get it. Kris didn't like them. They really at wushu, and so they got the captain himself to help them almost every class. Tao didn’t mind, as he really appreciated their effort and enthusiasm, or so he had told him when Kris had asked about it, but he knew better. Kris could see one of the boys checking his boyfriend's out every time the other wasn't looking, and it was starting to get on his nerves. It was honestly stupid to get jealous of First Year boys, moreover knowing his Panda was so innocent that he didn't even notice the quite obvious flirting, but they had Tao at the moment. And Kris didn't. He wasn't even able to dial his number.

A very hard shove on his shoulder and a stern look from Lay startled him enough to get him back to his own team, despite his mind still being on the other side. They started to play.

And then he heard it. A loud thud. The sound of a body hitting the ground. A scream.

The whole team stopped on their tracks. Kris turned around. His heart stopped beating, even as his brain tried to process what was going on. Because the whole wushu team was surrounding someone lying on the floor. Because his own team ran towards them. Because a strong feeling of déjà vu left him breathless. Because that someone was Tao.

He couldn't. He couldn't breathe. Think. Move. All he could see were his friends' concerned expressions, the movement around them. Their lips moving, saying something. He couldn’t hear.

Tao moved. Blood rush back to Kris' limbs, and then he was running, pushing at the crowd surrounding his boyfriend, trying to reach him. Luhan and Joonmyun were there, helping the boy sit up. It was blurry. All he knew was that he pushed them away, eyes scanning Tao's face quickly before somehow managing to get the boy to his back. He does remember telling Joonmyun that he'd take them, seeing the sparkle of memory on his eyes. Remembers Lay helping him up, politely asking everyone to make way for him before throwing a discreet wink his way, ordering him to return things back to normal. Remembers Tao squirming on his back, trying to break free from his hold, hissing at the pain before just leaning against his back.

"Put me down," he mumbled, low and weak, breath tickling Kris' ear, "It hurts."

"I know it does," he replied, tightening his hold on the boy's thighs as he began running through the empty halls, "I'll take you to the nurse."

He doesn't remember running so fast in his life, trying hard to move the Panda as little as he could, the little whimpers escaping his lips being an evidence of how much pain he was enduring. 

He bursted into the infirmary, frantically calling for the doctor. What he found instead was a neatly fold piece of paper on the desk, informing that the doctor would be back in fifteen minutes. 

"Great. What a good doctor," Kris scoffed to himself before placing Tao on the bed, moving to roam through the drawers by the side of the tiny room, desperately looking for some sort of pain reliever.

"Kris!" he heard after a couple of moments, heart pounding painfully at how much he'd missed the sound of his name on his boyfriend's lips, "Just wait for the doctor. Calm down."

But the boy was rubbing his back, a pained expression grazing his face, so he shook his head, turning back to what he was doing, "There has to be something."

"Wait."

"Maybe-"

"Stop! Leave it," Tao snapped, wincing at the pain on his back. "Just wait for the doctor. You can go back now," he hadn't met his eyes yet, making it pretty hard for Kris to breathe, "Thanks."

Kris took a deep breath, trying to coax his lungs into functioning on their own once again. Only that he couldn't. Tao's lips kept moving, but he wasn't able to hear what he was saying. He felt himself take a step closer. And then his lips were on Tao's effectively silencing the boy. Surprisingly, Tao kissed him back.

Coming to stand between his legs, he wrapped his arm around the boy's waist, bringing him incredibly closer. They kissed hard, hungrily. All the despair and the anger and the loneliness poured into that kiss. He wanted this moment to last as long as he could, begging for Tao not to realize what was going on at least for a while. Kris would take whatever he could, half-expecting the boy to push him away any moment now, wanting nothing to do with him. 

But instead of getting hit, a warm hand was placed on his cheek, caressing him softly. Kris had missed him so much, more than he ever thought he could. His boyfriend's soft lips against his, his warmth radiating through his clothes. His closeness. He never wanted this to end. But it did. Tao pulled away slowly, calmly. He was clearly regretting kissing him, but it wasn't that what broke Kris' heart. What did was the utterly broken look on the boys' eyes, the sadness on them. Kris felt like crying.

And then Tao was opening his mouth and Kris didn't know what to do. So, pressing a hand over his mouth and feeling his heart beat faster when the boy's eyes finally looked at him, he swallowed.

"Please don't. Don's say anything. I'm so so so sorry, Panda," he sighed as he took a step closer, eyes never leaving Tao's surprised ones, "I didn't want you to get mad at me or to feel bad or anything. It's just... This issue..." he chuckled in frustration as he felt his throat constrict at the loss of words, dropping his hand from the Panda's mouth. "Sorry."

Tao stared back at him for a couple of moments, finally nodding. Kris wrapped his arms around him, burying his face on the crook of his boyfriend's neck, feeling so utterly relieved he was almost dizzy. 

"I'm sorry," he mumbled against the tender skin, placing a kiss there. "Sorry," a kiss. "Sorry," another. Tao's hands came up to hold the front of Kris's shirt, pulling him closer, until he suddenly hissed, hand shooting to his back and whimpering in pain at the touch. 

Stepping away, Kris took in his pained look. Getting closer once again brought his hand to the same spot the boy was rubbing. "Where is the pain?" he asked, and the Panda tightened his grip on his shirt, hand directing him towards the aching place. 

As he began caressing that spot, he let his other hand roam through Tao's back. He'd missed it so much. He found himself thinking about how strong it was, how beautiful, how well defined. It probably wasn't the time, as a small whimper brought him back to the present. Attempting to distract his boyfriend from the discomfort, he started to trace his jaw with his lips, relishing on the way the boy relaxed almost instantly. 

"Am I interrupting something?" a stern voice interrupted, making them both freeze before Tao pushed Kris away, almost making him trip on his feet. Looking towards the door, Kris found the doctor staring at them judgingly. He felt his face burn against his will, wondering how much had him seen. Being sure that the Panda's face was bound to be even redder than his, he avoided looking back at him as the boy explained what had happened during practice, feigning normalcy; and even agreeing to leave the room when the doctor asked him so, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do.

He rushed back to the locker room, relieved to find it empty as to avoid having to give explanations, and looked for both their backpacks, going back to the infirmary in record time.

 And minutes passed. And Kris began to get antsy. But then Tao came out, walking a bit unsteadily and avoiding his eyes. And Kris was roughly reminded of the awkward position they were now in. He couldn't let it go on like this, though, so he turned around and crouched slightly.

"Get on."

"What? I... Hmn." Tao was gaping at him, a frankly adorable blush on his cheeks.

"Come on," he insisted. The boy could barely walk, and there was no way Kris was letting him go without his help. With a sigh of defeat, the obvious pain making it impossible to reject the offer, Tao climbed up his back, conscientiously wrapping his arms around Kris' neck.

The walk towards Tao's was awfully silent and awfully slow. Feeling unusually uncomfortable, Kris asked the boy about what the doctor had said, and was positively worried once he found out. Apparently, Tao's back was going to swell in the next few hours. And hurt like hell. And he'd have to take painkillers for a couple of days and avoid sports for as long as it hurt. Knowing how much it bothered him not being able to attend practices, Kris felt sorry for his boyfriend.

Silence fell upon them once again. The Panda turned out to be quite heavy, but Kris didn't even think about putting him down. He was finally able to have him close, to touch him and feel his warmth. And he wasn't going to let that go.

It wasn't until they were only a couple of blocks away from the house when Tao spoke again, voice low and slightly raspy, "Thanks Kris," he whispered, and had Kris not been as close as he was, he would have missed it.

"It's fine, Panda," he smiled to himself.

All of a sudden, the boy burrowed his head on Kris' neck, pressing his slightly cold cheek against his warm skin.

"Why am I forgiving you?" he said, leaving Kris utterly confused and a little bit hurt. "I'm so weak. I should be mad. But I've missed you so so much." 

Kris felt his chest tighten, heart about to get out of his chest. He wanted nothing more than to kiss the boy right there right then, but he knew that even the slightest movement could end up hurting him, and he didn't want to risk it.

"I missed you too," he answered, voice tight.

"Then why didn't you call?"

He didn't have an answer for that.

They were now in front of Tao's house, so he put him down, being extremely careful with him. After a moment of silence, Tao reached for his backpack, looking for his keys before slowly making his way to the door before opening it and entering his house. Seeing him struggling to walk, Kris was sure it'd be impossible for him be able to climb the stairs to his room on his own, so he strode forward, placing his arm around his shoulders.

"Let me help."

The Panda only blushed, not meeting his gaze.

After quite a struggle to get to the upper floor, Kris helped his boyfriend get into bed, feeling completely useless after seeing the pain he was experiencing. As Tao's mom was nowhere to be found, probably still at work for a couple of hours, he sat on the bed besides him. He hated it. It'd never been so awkward between them, even before they had started dating, and now he couldn't even meet his eyes.

"I didn't call you because I thought you'd hang up," he sighed after the silence had stretched for too long.

"I... I wouldn't have," Tao mumbled, eyes downcast.

"Well… You were so angry that I-I thought..."

"I wasn't angry. Just… sad."

Kris finally looked up at him, mentally flinching at how he looked. He'd noticed it the last couple of days, the way he looked weaker and paler, heartbroken. And it was because of him. And Kris hated it. He kneeled on the bed, as to being able to fully face his boyfriend.

"I'm so sorry Panda," he apologized, letting his words carry the whole weight of his feelings, "I-I was and idiot. Really. And I promise I'll tell you. About... what happened before-before you," he whispered.

Tao's eyes widened slightly, "You will?" he swallowed, "I mean. I don't- I don't want you to feel pressured to do it."

"I'm not. I... want you to know."

Leaning closer to him, he pressed his forehead against the boy's, letting his eyes flutter closed. Once again, he felt Tao's hand on his cheek, washing all the sorrow from the past week away.

"I missed you so much," Kris mumbled, and just before Tao could answer, Kris leaned further down, pressing their lips together. It was a different kiss from before. Sweet and delicate. Slow. Trying to convey their feelings, to taste each other, relishing the way they were finally together again, able to kiss, to touch, to the other's lips and brush their fingertips through their skin. Softly. Carefully. As if the other might break.

Something was off. Kris didn't care. But then it happened. 

"Second room to the left... Here! T-A-O-" Chen swung the door open without further announcement, freezing on the doorstep at the sight in front of him. 

Kris turned to look at him in shock, just in time to see ten pairs of eyes staring at him disbelievingly. Kyungsoo was the first one to react, slamming the door shut.

Kris may just want to bury himself. Forever.

"We walked in on them having make-up !” Kris heard a flustered Baekhyun whisper loudly just outside the door, "How are we even supposed to apologize for that?! We're the worst friends ever!"

"Go on! We didn't see anything!" Chanyeol shouted at them, and Tao winced. A loud hit accompanied by a "What was that for?!" was heard, signaling that someone had finally shut the boy up. Kris felt his face burn, and Tao squirmed until he was completely buried on his sheets.

Standing up, Kris strode to the door. 

"We weren't ing!" he shouted, part of him chuckling as his friends jumped nearly a foot off of the floor.

"Did you find the room?" Tao's mom appeared on the back of the group, looking at them weirdly when the boys turned to her, faces ghostly pale. Kai cackled up, laughter filling the hall for a moment before Kyungsoo shoved him on the shoulder.

A whimper was heard inside the room, and Kris ran back towards Tao, yanking the covers off and fumbling through his body to check on him. Tao chuckled a little, feeling kind of self-conscious for having all his friends looking at him now, standing awkwardly in a room way too small for twelve men. Smiling up at Kris, he mumbled, "It's okay. I forgot I shouldn't move that much." His face was still reddish, and Kris was seriously considering throwing himself out of the window to avoid another moment of embarrassment.

Tao laced their fingers together, hesitantly smiling at him, and despite it not being quite how he'd imagined their make-up, Kris smiled back.

A/N: Happy late birthday to our baby Taozi!!! Hope you had a wonderful day, we love you really much.