“How does it feel to be bad?” A blonde petite young man approached her and asked. She exhaled the smoke that had been contaminated in her body for the longest time. “People will look at you the same thing even if you aren’t doing anything. Why bother?”

The air Luhan inhaled was smothering him. As it caught in his lungs, he choked and coughed out, in desperation for air.

“I think… you are a good person.” He confessed for the first time.

Chaerin looked up to him, tips of her lips curved upwards and she smiled appreciatively.

“Thank you.”

---

“Hey, how have you been?”

Luhan chased her again. This time, she knew his existent. Maybe in the long run, they could be friends. In high hopes, he caught her in the hallway, expecting things could get better.

Chaerin threw his hands off her shoulder. The air tightened. Her eyes stared deep into him. He did not breathe.

“Maybe you should get off my sight.”

She left him. Questions could not stop running in his head. Thinking of any possibility, he still could not get the right answer to her cold actions.

Was it really his fault?

---

Her thoughts were drowned by the beats. Her glass was half-filled but she reached out to her friend, Jiyong for another full glass of drink. She needed another one.

“What is wrong with you, Chae?”

Her ex-boyfriend, her bestfriend, Jiyong was the only person that she could not lie to. He knew everything about her, inside and out and she knew that this time, she could not hide things from him.

“Pretty boy again. Schoolmate and a blondie. Much resemblance to you but he is kinder. Pure like a snow, fragile like soul. I can’t, Ji.”

Chaerin took out a tiny packet of white powder. She grinned.

“Chae, this is not the way out.”

Jiyong screamed in her ears but she could not hear him. Or just maybe she chose not to. For tonight, she indulged in her fantasy. Tonight, she’ll be living in her world.

---

Luhan sneaked out from his Math class and ran to a spot where he knew he could find her. The wind was strong enough to cover the woman’s facial but he knew it was her. Of course, he recognized her.

“Chaerin?”

He called her name out. He bit his tongue immediately, too foreign to be coming out from his mouth.

Chaerin stayed silent. She heard shuffling of feet and she felt heat from her side. He was beside her. As she held her head up, tears flowed out. Emotions could not be contained. Things changed since he emerged in her life. The things she asked herself, she never ever thought of it.

“Am I good enough?”

Luhan paused for a moment. He was about to let the answer slip his tongue but she spoke again.

“I smoke, I drink and I take drugs. I club every night and my grades aren’t good enough for my future. My friends aren’t real friends and I have no one.”

Chaerin turned to him.

“Why are you here, Luhan?”

Before he could make any actions, Chaerin stood up and left him.

---

A number she never called. She pressed it and put her phone near her ear. Mumbling words she could not comprehend. Her legs were wobbly, her visions weren’t clear and her mind was not in a right state. She was high in drugs.

“Luhan…”

That was the last word she said before the line was cut off. The only thing she remembered was a loud horn and lights were obscuring her views.

---

A cigarette stick held between his fingers, ashes were littered on the ground. What amused him was that the dirt was scattering on the floor of a house that belonged to someone. Someone he barely knew, someone he wanted to get close and someone that called him late at night.

“This is her house. Have a sit. I’ll take something.”

Luhan had no idea why he was here, Chaerin’s house to be exact. The only thing he could remember is him rushing to the hospital. Apparently the hospital called his number considering the fact that he was the last person she talked to.

“Why did you bring me here, Jiyong-shi?”

The handsome man passed him a folded paper.

A note.

From Chaerin.

“What is th…”

Luhan looked up to see an empty room. Jiyong was gone. As he stared back at the letter in his hands, he had no idea what to expect. What could be inside this letter?

No matter what, Luhan read the content of it.

Am I a bad person, Luhan? Can I be treated? Will I have a better future ahead? Can I be accepted by the society? Can I make a difference in someone else’s life? Can I make people smile? Can I make you happy? These questions had been running in my head ever since we met. Such a brave person you are.

I’m sorry I can’t be the person you wanted me to be. I’m sorry if I ever offended you in any way.

My life had never been smooth. If you get closer to me, I’ll hurt you, even more. A drug addict, a heavy smoker and a lifeless human being living and blending in this society. I tried to be good, for you and I failed miserably.

Please, leave me alone. I am not good enough.

And if you aren’t leaving…

I’ll leave.

I’ll leave because I love you.

I’m sorry, Luhan.