Why does time always feel like it’s being fast forwarded?

One moment I am smiling like an idiot, rolling on the bed with you and mercilessly jabbing your waist, watching as you desperately try to escape from me.

The next moment my heart is pounding fast and hard as you press your lips against mine and hold me close to your chest.

And then all this disappears and is replaced with an aching pain that does not go away, as I watch you slip away from me.

Why does it has to be this way? Why does it have to be so… confusing?

I am so confused…

 

---

 

Jongdae felt a presence behind him, a pressure on his shoulder, a worried voice.

“…Jongdae?”

It’s Yixing. Of course it is Yixing, this is where I met him the other day too.

Yixing slid onto the seat beside him, hand not leaving his shoulder, and massaged it gently. Jongdae’s fists on his lap tightened.

“Uh.” Yixing cleared his throat awkwardly, fidgeting around on the seat for a while. After another short moment of silence, he spoke again. “You- you can tell me anything, I’ll listen.”

Jongdae nodded slightly. He took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders. It was time to tell the truth to Yixing, it was not fair to keep him in the dark after all he did for him.

“I lied.”

“What?” Yixing turned to him, alarmed.

“I lied to you. I am not a student here, I am…”

And Jongdae ended up pouring the whole story to Yixing, who listened with a jaw that couldn’t seem to close due to sheer amazement. He told Yixing about being from a faraway place long, long time ago. He told Yixing about Baekhyun (he pronounced it right) coming into his peaceful life and snatching both him and Minseok away, teleporting them through centuries into the current time period. He told Yixing about life with Baekhyun and his friends, learning new things, meeting different kinds of people from all walks of life.

He fell short of telling Yixing anything about his deepened relationship with Baekhyun, but judging from the look on the other’s face, he probably could deduce the rest of the story.

“It hurts.” Jongdae pressed his fist against his chest. “My heart, it hurts.”

Yixing was watching him with soft sincere eyes, patiently holding his hand. When Jongdae finally slumped down against the piano in exhaustion, Yixing pulled him into a hug.

“It sounds really hard on you,” he admitted, rubbing his back comfortingly. “I… do have one question for you though.”

“Hmm?”

Yixing sighed, his breath whispery against the back of his neck.

“Do you feel happy?”

Happy? Do I feel happy? Jongdae leaned back to study Yixing’s expression, and the older looked deep in thought, as if having a flashback of an event long time ago.

“My dad… He left my mom and I when I was only eight.”

Dad leaving the mom? What does that even mean?

“He didn’t want to leave, actually… But it was my mom who sent him away. Because he wasn’t happy with us. My dad was a traveller, and he loved going to different countries and seeing different things. The problem was that…” Yixing looked miserable, “having a family was increasingly holding him down from travelling.”

Jongdae leant against the piano, interested. He still didn’t quite understand how it was possible for a husband and a wife to part ways. Maybe times are different here…

“So she sacrificed her love and sent him to pursue his dreams.”

Yixing pursed his lips together and looked down, as if he wanted to say something but decided to hold back. Jongdae nodded solemnly.

“Your mom is a very considerate and respectful lady.”

“She is, indeed. Listen to this.” Yixing gestured towards the piano, and Jongdae scooted aside for the History student as he prepped himself.

Slowly, gently, Yixing glided his fingers over the keys, like raindrops dancing along a roof on a summer evening. It was a sad song, one that evoked deep emotion within Jongdae, and he found himself tearing up without realizing.

“This is Beethoven’s Pathetique 2^nd movement. My mother told me to play this song whenever she thought of my father.”

“But it’s so sad…” Jongdae rubbed his eyes as discreetly as he could.

Yixing swallowed, dipping his head. “I know.” He halted the song, turning to face Jongdae and patting him on the shoulder. “If you aren’t happy, Jongdae, then you should go and find your happiness. It can take a while to find it, but don’t give up. If here is not where your happiness lies, then don’t stay here anymore.”

“What do you m-” Jongdae suddenly felt his heartbeat spike, as realization of Yixing’s words finally hit him hard. “Wait, you mean to say I should go back to Balhae?”

“Is Baekhyun holding you captive here?” Yixing enquired, concerned.

“No…” Now that Yixing had mentioned it, Baekhyun’s history project was coming to an end, and that meant that technically, Jongdae wasn’t needed in the 21^st century anymore.

What is happiness? Jongdae had never really asked himself that question before. All his life, he had known nothing except knowledge necessary for him to become a successful King. As Crown Prince, there was only one thing that was decided for him – it was his fate, to succeed his Majesty the King. Of all the lessons with Teacher Minseok and volumes of books in the Palace library, there was not one snippet of information that talked about happiness.

Was happiness something that never existed in the 10^th century?

Was happiness something that never existed in the Palace Life?

Was happiness something that never existed for the Crown Princes, the Kings-to-be?

Jongdae reflected back on the past few months in modern-day Seoul. It was hell-of confusing, everything was just too fast for him, too strange and too complicated. But there was this sense of freedom that he never had, a sense of anticipation, a sense of not knowing what the next day, the next hour, the next minute held for him.

In this few short months, he felt so many new feelings that he never knew he could feel. Wildly thrilled, crazy, humiliated, desperate, overwhelmed, agitated, hysterical, disappointed. It opened a whole new avenue for him, a path that he never knew could exist for someone like him, tightly strung up like a rag doll to serve the duties of the Balhae King.

 

But maybe, it’s time to wake up from this long, long dream, to abandon this adventure and return to reality before he really lost track of what is real and what isn’t.

It’s been too long. What have I been doing?

My country needs me. I can’t shirk my responsibilities like that.

 

“Are you happy here, Jongdae?” Yixing’s voice jolted him from his thoughts.

“Not when I feel this broken,” Jongdae replied, biting his lip. What is happiness, Yixing hyung?

“Would it be better if you went back?” Yixing sounded warm, like the comfort of home. Where is home…?

Jongdae pressed his palms against his head as his mind started spinning slightly with confusion. “I don’t know… I don’t know…”

 

Maybe he’s just not suited for a life here in modern Seoul. Maybe he’s just not geared up enough for this. This confusion, this dizziness… It’s so stifling.

Jongdae got up from his seat, wobbling slightly. Yixing immediately reached out to steady him, but he flinched away from the older’s touch. The other’s face morphed into a confused frown. “Jongdae…?”

“I… I need to go.” Without a single look back, Jongdae hurried out of the music room, closing the door behind him. He pressed his back against the door and took several long deep breaths.

It suddenly dawned on him that Yixing’s story was trying to hint something at him. Was Baekhyun actually happy? Jongdae thought about the short time they were together. There were moments where Baekhyun was smiling, laughing at him, with him. But then there were the increasing moments with Baekhyun depressed, upset and conflicted.

Am I bringing so much unhappiness to Baekhyun hyung?

He thought once again about Yixing’s mother, letting go of her loved one to let him pursue his own happiness. Baekhyun deserved his happiness, and Jongdae didn’t want to be the one holding him down.

This is it. I have made my decision.

Happiness, whatever it is… I don’t need it.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

“W-What?”

It was as if the world had just crashed down on him, knocking all the breath out of his chest. If it have been two months ago, it would have been borderline okay for Minseok. But at this stage, something so drastic like this seemed like the ultimate worst nightmare.

Jongdae was staring at the ground, hard enough to burn holes in the floor. In his hands was a bundle of cloth, the same one that he came to Balhae with, the pale-blue coloured one that was his ultimate favourite.

Minseok swallowed painfully. This can’t happen, no…

“Please, Luhan hyung. I beg of you. Let me go back.”

“Are you crazy, my Prince!?” Minseok stumbled forward, grabbing the cloth bundle, but Jongdae held on tight, unrelenting, with his gaze still fixed on the floor. “You can’t do this to me, you-”

Jongdae gave up on the staring battle with the ground, his sharp gaze darting up to fix on Minseok’s face. His eyes were bloodshot, like he hadn’t been sleeping well.

“I told you I will be fine, Teacher Minseok!”

“We came together, we have to go together, my Prince!” Minseok tried to reason, as he felt tears prickle in his eyes. How could Jongdae think of going back to Balhae all by himself? How was he going to cope being all alone without him?

Minseok let out a choked sob, and Jongdae pulled him into a tight hug. “I will be fine, Teacher Minseok. I will tell them that I sent you away for an important mission. They will not suspect anything amiss. I-”

“That is not the point, my Prince-”

“You CAN’T come with me, Teacher Minseok!”  Jongdae yelled in desperation. His arms were in a firm grip by the younger as he tried to get his attention.

Beside him, a voice spoke suddenly.

“Minseok.”

Luhan had been completely silent all this while, watching the scene with a conflicted expression. Minseok turned to look at him, and he returned the gaze with equal despair.

“You can’t go, Teacher Minseok, because you have Luhan hyung.” Jongdae continued, voice heavy with emotion. “You have an important task here, which is why you cannot go.”

Luhan stepped forward. “But why do you have to go, Jongdae?”

Jongdae shook his head, releasing his grip on Minseok. The scholar felt his knees buckling, and felt thankful when Luhan caught him in time before his legs gave way.

“I can’t stay here any longer. I need to go before it is too late.”

But what about… The name got stuck in Minseok’s throat. It was something that had been troubling him for a while now. Luhan’s falsely-bright smiles, always trying to change the subject when he brought up the topic about Jongdae. The constant tension in Luhan’s shoulders, the way he would talk in hushed tones over the phone with an unknown speaker.

As if reading his mind, Jongdae averted his gaze once again. “I need to go away from this place, to clear my head. Many things have happened… And I have figured out that I have to let go.”

“Let go… of what?” Luhan sounded really tired. Minseok got increasingly worried.

Jongdae smiled, and it was wan and weary. It looked as tired as Luhan sounded. “This. All this. My life here. It-it does not suit me at all. ”

Luhan glanced at Minseok, and bit his lip. Minseok could almost see the cloud of thoughts buzzing in his mind. Luhan must really be at a loss right now…

To his surprise, he nodded quietly. “Okay.”

WHAT?! Minseok grabbed his shoulder hard, making the other stumble slightly. “You can’t do that, Luh-”

“It’s his decision,” Luhan explained calmly, voice void of emotion, but his face betrayed him as his eyes welled with tears. “I’m in no position to stop him. I’m just… sad that it has to end this way.”

Jongdae nodded in response. He handed Luhan a traditional hanbok. “Wear this, to avoid suspicion.”

Minseok blinked a couple of times, before pulling it out of Jongdae’s hands. “I’ll send you there, Jongdae.”

“No!” Luhan exclaimed, snatching the hanbok back fiercely. Minseok flinched, startled from the sudden outburst. He directed an expression of disbelief towards the other.

Luhan didn’t reply further, and quickly ushered Jongdae to the room to get changed.

Now alone in the front room, Minseok fell back onto the sofa and buried his hands in his face. He felt an overwhelming sense of guilt wash through him. I am the protector of the Crown Prince! I am tasked to look after him and make sure he meets no harm! How can I stay here while he returns to Balhae all alone?!

But the thought of returning sent nauseating butterflies into his stomach. He had plans of entering the Barista competition which was just 2 days away, and he would have to disappoint his Barista teacher. And there was Luhan… The thought of leaving Luhan hurt so badly, it felt suffocating. After finally finding a place in this difficult society, he wasn’t ready to leave all this behind.

Besides, why didn’t Luhan allow me to send Jongdae back? A sudden realization hit him, and he pressed his lips together. Did Luhan not trust him enough? Did Luhan really think he would flee to Balhae with Jongdae and not return? A rush of disappointment flooded him as he leant back, and suddenly noticed the couch vibrating slightly.

It was Luhan’s handphone – it was ringing. Minseok checked the screen, and it displayed ‘Wu Yifan’.

Yifan? The guy who looked a lot like the Head Palace Guard from Balhae? Minseok answered the call, and was immediately plunged into a pool of hysterical yells from the other end.

“Jongdae is gone, Luhan hyung! I don’t know where to, but he left me a note telling me to take care and not expect him back anymore I mean if he returned to Baekhyun I’d be more than glad but there’s something really strange about the way he left I mean all his clothes and stuff are still here he didn’t take anything with him not even his wallet how is he going to survive-”

The speaker paused to gasp for air, and Minseok jumped at the opportunity. “This is Minseok.”

“Oh, Minseok hyung! Uhh…” The historian stuttered, having been caught in a slightly embarrassing position. “Well, Luhan told me to keep Jongdae’s issue from you…”

“Jongdae is leaving,” he sighed. Yifan didn’t have to explain himself. Minseok could see why Luhan wanted to keep it from him. It would have made him worry after all.

“Leaving? Where?” Minseok could hear Yifan starting to shout again at the other end of the line, and he hung up without replying. A throbbing headache had started to brew at the back of his forehead.

Luhan emerged from the room with Jongdae, holding the teleportation devices. He glanced once at Minseok, then turned away, murmuring, “I’ll be back in a while.”

Jongdae bowed hastily at him, refusing to look him in the eye. “Goodbye Teacher Minseok. I’ll… never forget you. And… thank you for everything.”

Taking Jongdae’s hand, Luhan led the Prince towards the storeroom. The same storeroom that himself and Jongdae had arrived in, all those months ago.

Minseok looked down at the fists on his lap. He hadn’t realised how tightly curled they were until that moment. He cannot just leave like that. I will not allow that. Things cannot simply end like this!

Gathering whatever remaining strength left in his legs, Minseok pulled himself off the couch and made a dash towards the storeroom. He stumbled against the door, fumbling open the handle and swung it open. “Wait, stop!!-”

 

It was empty.

 

Jongdae was gone.

 

The last of Minseok’s control slipped away from his body as he collapsed onto the floor against the wall. My Prince… I’m sorry…

 

He clutched his knees tight to his chest and begin to sob.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

“Thank you, Luhan hyung. I will be eternally grateful to you.”

 

“Are you sure about this? There is no turning back once I go, Jongdae.”

 

“I am sure.”

 

“I know that you love Baekhyun, and you must know that he loves you too.”

 

“I know, Luhan hyung. I just want him to be happy like he was before I was brought to your time.”

 

“I don’t think he can, Jongdae.”

 

“If Baekhyun hyung really loves me, he will know what to do.”

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

When Baekhyun arrived at Luhan’s apartment with a distraught Yifan, the first thing he noticed was how quiet the apartment was. The taller man was practically hyperventilating as he searched the rooms, growing increasingly frantic.

“Where are they?” He growled, and threw open the storeroom door. Yifan peered inside, and stopped in his tracks, his expression morphing from worried to puzzled.

Baekhyun sprinted over to the room, throwing open the door wider. They were both on the ground, Luhan squatting in front of Minseok, with one hand clutching the side of his face. The scholar was glaring at him, breathing heavily.

“Where is Jongdae?” Baekhyun couldn’t help but break the tense silence.

When neither replied him, he entered the storeroom and immediately noticed the teleportation devices on the floor beside the History lecturer. Then it struck him that Luhan was wearing traditional Korean garb.

His heart flew to his throat.

“Don’t tell me…” Yifan trailed off, eyes wide with horror.

Baekhyun grabbed the front of Luhan’s hanbok, pulling him to his feet, and slapped him tightly across the other unhurt cheek.

“How COULD you!” He choked out, clenching his fingers together in anger. Luhan stumbled back, holding onto the wall for support.

“You know how much Jongdae means to me, and yet you still do this? Why, Luhan hyung? How could you do such a thi-”

“Precisely!” Luhan snapped back, eyes flashing. Baekhyun blinked, startled. He didn’t expect Luhan’s sudden outburst. “If he meant that much to you, where have you been to prevent this from happening? If there's anyone to blame, it’s you!”

“Okay, calm down everybody…” Yifan waved his arms around uselessly.

“Now what am I supposed to do with my whole life?” Baekhyun threw back bitterly. “And…” He turned to Minseok who was still staring listlessly at the ground. “He actually agreed to go back all alone?”

Luhan grabbed his shirt to make him look back at him. “Keep Minseok out of this! This is about you!!”

“What about me!”

“Guys…” Yifan’s pleads went unnoticed.

“Jongdae told me that you would know what to do if you truly loved him!”

Baekhyun stilled, eyes wide as he processed Luhan’s words. Know what to do? He swallowed, as a sinking realization settled in – he didn’t actually know what to do.

Luhan released him, stepping back and rubbing his sore cheeks. “I can’t help you with that, sorry.”

Baekhyun turned to the others, and they returned equally confused glances back at him. The tension within that tiny storeroom was building, and it wasn’t helping Baekhyun’s thought processing at all.

“Ah, can you all just leave for a while and let me think!”

Everyone obliged, with Yifan shutting the door behind him, not before muttering, “We’ll be outside if you need us.”

 

Baekhyun sat down cross legged on the ground, tucking his chin under his hands. Now that he was by himself, the reality of the entire situation hit him harder than before. In a sense, now that Jongdae had been brought back to the Balhae era, it meant that he had been dead for eleven centuries now. Somehow that thought didn’t settle very well in Baekhyun’s stomach.

Is Jongdae trying to test me?

By returning to Balhae, Jongdae was practically cutting all ties with him – there was no way to see him, no way to contact him… But there was a way to get him back. Baekhyun picked up the teleportation device, and turned it around in his hands.

I went to Balhae to get Jongdae the first time. Why can’t I do it again?

He got up to his feet, put on the white glasses and fitted the band around his wrist. Memories of the past started filing in – meeting Jongdae (aka Dae Jong Kim) for the first time, almost tripping over himself after discovering how good-looking he was, rescuing him from the clutches of… what’s her name again? The girl he was betrothed to. Bringing Minseok back instead of a pet like Luhan had predicted… Baekhyun couldn’t help but smile alittle.

There was only one way to solve this situation.

Confront Jongdae in Balhae, and bring him back.

Baekhyun adjusted the dial to 910, squared his shoulders, and opened his mouth.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

Luhan burst into the room a few minutes later, and groaned in despair.

“He’s an idiot, this Baekhyun!” He yelled, banging his head against the wall.

Yifan and Minseok came running in. “What do you mean?” The taller questioned, noting the absence of the History student. “Did he go to Balhae to fetch Jongdae?”

“Fetch?!” Luhan squawked. “This isn’t a game of fetch! The thing is…” He picked up the other teleportation set he left behind. “He only took along the set he was using, so how is he going to bring Jongdae back?”

Minseok and Yifan slapped their foreheads in unison.

“And…” Luhan trailed off, staring at the device with a slightly ominous expression, “I hope he selected the correct year…”

                                                    

 

---

Hi! Sorry for the wait, I was editing the story plan to cut out a lot of pointless Baekchen fighting, so we’ve finally reached the stage that I’ve been badly anticipating!

The reason why I’m doing this (making Baek go to Balhae again) is because it felt weird to just wrap up the story with just one single visit to that era. By going back to Balhae, it would help to complete the story, like a full circle.

Since it’s been a long while, it’ll be good if you guys can go back to chapter 1-3 and read them :) because they will be reference to the upcoming chapters.

And don’t worry I will not be ending this story so soon, it would have at least 5 more chapters.

And did anyone notice Baekhyun’s major mistake? ^^

 

PS: On a side note, I'm writing a fanfic about VIXX :) I know readers are EXO fans but if you do take an interest in VIXX then it'll be nice if you read my fic (when it's out!) and maybe add me as a friend too? ^^