There was a stream of light coming into the apartment as I opened my eyes. I looked around, trying to remember where I was and how I got there. At the sight of the graffiti on the ceiling and the odd, dreamlike decor of the apartment I was in, I remembered quickly that I was in the place that Jonghyun, my odd new friend and I supposedly shared. The ache in my back reminded me that I was on the floor. There was a blanket around my waste and I was in the clothing I was given, since I did not have sleepwear of my own.

Looking around a bit more, I saw some glasses on the table in front of me and a few throw pillows next to me. The indent in these pillows brought back yet another memory of the night before. Minho. He was here, next to me, I cried, he cried. I held his hand. My cheeks felt like they were on fire as I thought about how childish my experience with Minho had been. We were curled up in front of a couch, sharing things that came to our minds, venting, and holding hands. I found myself gripping my own hand, rubbing it, trying to find any traces of Minho’s larger, colder hand that he may left behind. Feeling ridiculous, I stood up, stretched, and looked around some more. Obviously, Minho was no longer there. I sighed in disappointment, but also relief. I wanted to see Minho’s face adorned with sleepy, heavy doe eyes and messy hair this morning, but I was also thankful that he was not around, for eye contact alone would be uncomfortable and embarrassing. 

I padded into the kitchen, careful not to trip over anything, in case Jonghyun was sleeping, to see what time it was and to maybe get a clue as to where any of the people I had met were. In the kitchen, I saw that many of the cabinets that Jonghyun had gone through the previous night, were slightly open. It was 7:30 am. I tip-toed across the cold kitchen floor, as shivers went up and down my spine. I circled around the kitchen a few times, really not knowing what to do, until I came upon a lone piece of yellow notepad paper resting on the countertop that I had previously missed. I was about to open the paper, when I heard glass shatter followed by swearing. The noise was coming from the direction of Jonghyun’s room.

I cautiously walked towards the room he went into, and opened the door. All over the floor were crumpled up pieces of paper with small words scribbled on them. There was an empty tissue box on the nightstand as well. A few unmarked bottles were scattered around the room. The sheets on the bed looked more than jumbled, it looked like someone had had the worst sleep of their life. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I realized that the wooden board that had previously been covering up the window for Jonghyun’s safety was on the floor and the window was wide open. Jonghyun was nowhere to be found. 

“!” I hissed. I was panicking at this point, remembering well how important it was to keep Jonghyun in at all times. I threw caution to the wind and my adrenaline kicked in. I ran to the open window, a cool breeze was coming through it. I peeked outside the opening to see if there was some sort of ledge, or any kind of of safe landing for Jonghyun to be on. If I hadn’t seen the board go up, I really would have thought that Jonghyun just went to work. I held onto the sides of the opening to gain my balance as I peeked out further. We were very high up and there were no flag poles for Jonghyun to do tricks off of. This would really be a fall, unless Jonghyun had made this jump before. Perhaps he had since Minho was so serious about putting the board up. I stretched my neck, craning it to see if there was any trace of Jonghyun, any loud fabrics or feathers. It felt almost odd to be panicking over someone who was still a stranger, but I couldn’t keep denying that I cared for these people, as Minho had pointed out, more than I realized. I really did. 

The almost inhuman neck craning paid off as I noticed a metal ladder to the side of me, which I supposed was one of those last minute escapes in case the much more secure fire escape was crowded or unusable. It was actually less of a ladder, and more like metal handles jutting out from the side of the building that were barely big enough for my feet. I had no intention of climbing the ladder, rather I really wanted to run outside to the warehouse and notify Key that something was wrong. However, I then remembered Key was occupied with a lot. I didn’t know where Minho was at all. I began to panic, until I heard faint music coming from above me. It was rock music, which I could not recognize at the time. My ears perked up and my heart rate did as well. Could Jonghyun up there? 

I rolled my shoulders back, puffed out my chest, reminded myself that I was an adult, and began to climb up. The pain of the metal bars digging into my feet reminded me that I was not wearing any shoes. Only shaking a little bit, not used to using this much leg strength, I made it up without any problems. I put both of my arms at the top, which I prayed was a rooftop, and hoisted myself up. 

When all of my limbs reached the top, I rolled myself over to my back and let out a long sigh. I was panting quite a bit because there was so much pumping through my veins and of course, because of the physical activity I was not used to doing. I laid there, taking in the breeze and the soft grayish-blue of the morning sky, trying to settle the irrational panic that was building up inside of me. A pressure cooker is what I felt like. The hot, urgent steam was becoming more and more compressed within me. I was confused, scared, worried, angry, lost, and lonely all in that moment. I was trying to prevent the billows of scalding hot emotions from breaking free. I was trembling, not really taking in the fact that the music I was hearing before, was much louder, which meant I was not alone on the roof. 

What happened next, was surreal and very odd. For the first time ever, I was startled by silence. I was jolted out of the state I was in by the click of a button and the halting of the music that was playing. I sat up quickly and whipped my head around. There, sitting against the wall to the brick structure that housed the staircase that led to the lower levels of the apartment building, dressed in a simple t-shirt and black sweats, was a piercing-less, wide-eyed Jonghyun. His platinum hair was disheveled, his nose was red, and his cheeks were stained with tears. He looked small, pale, fragile, and heartbroken. Without the many patterned layers, feathers, and jewelry, Jonghyun looked much less like a character, and more like a young boy. Next to Jonghyun, was a small cassette player and around him was broken glass and wasted alcohol. 

I desperately wanted to say something. I wanted to explain why I was up there, how I was sorry if I was intruding, how I was worried something had happened, how I had no right to be up there or so concerned about him. To my surprise, he was the first to speak. 

“It’s a mix tape. My last time listening to it. Do you want it?” Jonghyun asked, looking directly into my eyes. I stared back at him, unable to answer. I noticed his hand was bleeding. 

“I can’t have it anymore. It’s important to let go.” Jonghyun continued. He was looking right at me, but his eyes seemed distant, like he was talking to someone else, beyond me. 

“Jonghyun...I...” I struggled to find the words. “I saw the board was down. I’m sorry if I...” 

“Hey. I can’t claim the entire roof to myself. It’s a good place to think. Jinki hyung-nim, what did you expect of me?” Jonghyun asked me, cocking his head to the side a bit. Through his sadness, I could tell he was trying to act playful. 

“I heard music. I wanted to make sure you were okay. Minho told me...” I trailed off as I saw a confused look wash over his face. 

“Minho told you what? That I’m unsafe? That I need to be watched? Do you think I’m crazy now?” Jonghyun asked, inferring what Minho must have told me in regards to his dangerous habit. 

“I just care.” I answered quietly, hoping Jonghyun wouldn’t hear me. The tears that began to stream down his face indicated that he had in fact heard me. 

“ing Christ, Jinki. What am I going to do without you when you’re gone?” Jonghyun asked, looking up, trying to blink back newly forming tears. 

“Key and Taemin are still fighting, I can’t back out on you since you’re my flat mate now, and Minho...Minho he...” I trailed off, very aware of how easily Minho took over my mind. “I’m not going anywhere. Not yet. Not until you stop throwing bottles.” I swallowed, trying to add a bit of humor at the end. There was so much more I wanted to do. I wanted to use my connections to help this place. I wanted to get Key to a place where he wasn’t smoking, conning, or selling himself. I wanted Taemin to dance professionally, not just on a street corner. I wanted Jonghyun to feel instead of jump, and I wanted, no needed, to know more about Minho. 

Jonghyun cried out in happiness and repressed sadness simultaneously, as he scrambled forward to hug me. I gave in and rubbed his back to calm him down, and then proceeded to coax him back into the apartment so he could eat something, and not just have loads of alcohol running through his veins. After a shoddy and rather shaky first aid job, I go to work. As I scramble to find sparse utensils and ingredients to make something for Jonghyun, I spot the small paper I was going to open before. 

I opened the message. The message was done in extremely neat handwriting. 

Jinki-ssi, 

Hope your night was not too bad. Apologies for dinner. Keep watch over Jonghyun hyung, please. Minho is sorry he had to leave so early. He will be back later. Jonghyun hyung will be going to work late-morning. When he does, please make your way over to my apartment building. Jonghyun hyung will give you the address. When you come, do not walk past the warehouse. I live in apartment number 23. Come soon. 

    ~Taemin

I was confused for many reasons. I neither could understand how the message got here and when, nor could I understand why Taemin wanted to see me. Why the hell did someone who had just been ripe with anger, so calmly want to see me? I knew Taemin the least. I felt uncomfortable and nervous, but since I wasn’t permitted to walk past the warehouse, the likeliness of me picking up something to smoke was low. I really never would, but Key obviously did it for a reason. 

To cope. With life. With worries. With Taemin. 

A/N: <3 thank you