It’s a cold night, when Yifan jolted from his white wooden chair. An absurd noise from the opened door and someone brusted in briskly, pulled Yifan out of his lonely time. It was that stranger, with his pale skin covered with sweat. Irregular breath and two oversized bag on his shoulders. Yifan just stood in his place. He doesn’t remember telling his address to this stranger nor telling anything to him. Their only interaction was just when Yifan – forced—accompanied this stranger to celebrate his birthday in his shop, every evening.
“Let’s get married!.” Yifan could only blinked dumbfounded at the absurd statement.
As the loud thud from the bags which dropped helplessly on the wooden floor, the stranger flopped himself onto Yifan’s unmoving body. It was warm.
“I runaway from home!... I’ve informed my mom though, but technically.... I runaway!.” the stranger didn’t loosen his trembling hug on Yifan. “s—so, I’m homeless and alone and ... not ready for broken heart and hungry and have nothing...” the stranger tightened his grip in Yifan’s back. “... and in love and pathetic... so you can’t detached me! You can only marry me!” the stranger burried his face on Yifan’s chest, as he ended his blabber.
Yifan didn’t know this stranger. Yifan didn’t know what was happening. But he didn’t feel lonely anymore. He didn’t really care, but yes! He need an accompany.

He was confused and felt warm.

He is married with a stranger named Kim Joonmyeon in the middle of summer. 
How can this stranger even know those people who technically live around Yifan, when Yifan himself doesn’t have any memory of them. At their wedding, Yifan thought there would be just the two of them. Since Yifan doesn’t remember he ever made any acquaintance. And this person he marry was once said that he is runaway, so—
But no. There was at least ten people in their wedding. In front of his beach house, at the tip of the beach. It was a real wedding. According to his explanation. Those tall and handsome young men with silver hair who decorated their dais with all the white flowers is Oh Sehun the florist of the flower shop beside Yifan’s shop. The place where he bought all those white anemones the other day. Those petite guy with doe eyes who brought those pretty wedding cake is Do Kyungsoo, the pettesier at the pastry shop a block away from Yifan’s shop. A place where he always bought the berry cupcake. Xiumin the owner of the book cafe. Yixing the only doctor in this rural area. They were come with –what so called—their partner. There was even this scary looking guy named Zitao who Kim Joonmyeon claimed him as his strolling buddy. Because he met him when the guy strolled around at the beach in front of Yifan’s shop, alone. It’s funny, how these people who literally around him, introduced to him by a stranger.
It’s so comfortable. This Kim Joonmyeon clinged on to him and smiling all the time with those crescent moon eyes. When he introducing those people to him.

He was still confused and felt comfort.

“I’ll stay here and do whatever I should do here, while you are at the shop.” Kim Joonmyeon stated, folded his arms on his chest. “—because it’s what a married couple do. One out to earn money and the other stay to take care of the house...” the smaller guy said with slightly uncertain. “- at last, it’s what the book said about the perfect married.”
Maybe it’s because the crimson twilight sky, or maybe it’s the salty beach air, or maybe it’s just— the not so stranger—his little husband in front of him. Yifan felt some kind of thirsty and needy. When he saw those reddish color crept on the latter’s white face. He gluped when his gaze stuck on the –now pursed – red lips.
“did you read the newlywed section on that book too?.” 
“huh?.” The shorter male looked shock. Lifted his head to faced Yifan, only to turned absentmindly after his eyes met Yifan’.
Actually, Yifan himself doesn’t know what was he doing?. He barely speaks and yet, what was he talking about?.
It was two days after their wedding. Yifan couldn’t describe what he felt at that time, what he know was... those thin red glistened lips taste so soft and warm like an edible pair of luxury rubies. The taste of that silky smooth hairs, those pearly white skins—intoxicate feeling, sweet red wine-like smells an indescribable taste. Many kind of feels, lust, desire, selfishness mixed at once, when he devour those slim figure for himself. 
The night felt longer, yet passed faster.
At the next morning, with someone sleeping peacefully in his arms. Yifan realized he is marrying a pretty—no, a beutiful creature named Joonmyeon. 

He was no longer confused and maybe—he fell in love.

II

The sky was purplish, grey and orange mixed above the horizon line. September’s wind coldly greeted all the world’s inhabitant. As usual, Yifan already on his way home. Walking on the side footpath by himself. A white anemone and two berries cupcake in his hand. He smiled as he clutched the small gift in his jacket pocket. This is his Joonmyeon’s 200th birthday. Since his  beautiful love celebrate his birth day everyday, counted from the first day they met. “because my mom said, I was born when the sun set and because I’m longevity. So we must selebrate my birthday everyday!.”

Yifan giggled at the flashback in his head. He fall in love with his Joonmyeon. He can’t wait to reach home. He can’t wait to see his only accompany’s face. Because every morning, Yifan never woke him up. Yifan likes those sleeping face. He will never disturb those peaceful closed eyes. He would just greets his beautiful Joonmyeon later at evening.

“I’m home!.” Yifan put his jacket on the hanger before going in and put the white anemone on the counter near the enterance.

“where are you?!.” Yifan searching.

“I’m beside the window!.” Yifan would hear his Joonmyeon’s voice from somewhere in their tiny house.

“come here!.” Yifan pulled the wooden white chair. Put the berry cupcakes on the tiny dining table infront of him.

He smiled, because Joonmyeon will have sitting on the chair of the other end of the table when he finished set the cupcakes. And two glasses of orangejuice.

“Let’s talk!.” Yifan stated. As always. Since there’s nothing common between them. It's always the same. The pattern of their conversation is repeated over and over again.

“you go first!.” Yifan would see the bright beam from the beauty across him.

“where did you go?.”

“I didn’t go anywhere, I’m always here waiting for you!.” Yifan know he would get those kind of awkward cheesy stuff as the answer. But Yifan know that he like to hear that.

“what are you doing?.”

“I’m listening to my handsome husband’s heartbeats.” Yifan would enjoyed the view of the pink tint that would appear on Joonmyeon’s cheeks after saying his own words.

“you are beautiful!.”

As always, Yifan’s words would end the conversation. It’s always bring a smile on Yifan, when his little beloved would blushing madly and awkwardly leave the room, searching for nothing. Yifan would follow him afterward.

The smile on Yifan’s face dissapear the moment he stepped on their bedroom.

The sight was awful. 

That's not the scenery that should exist, at his—their beautiful home.

That's vague, like shards of glass were thrown into his head. Fractional memories wring shooted, hurting his brain. When he saw brown dried blood stains, on the hardened white sheet. The cold chill runs through Yifan’s body.

                                 “come here!” 
Like his own voice being heard in the distance. Yifan clenched his fists, was trying to move the nerve from his head.
                                  “I—I can’t-.” 
Joonmyeon’s whisper sounding like shouted in his ear. Yifan’s brought his palms to cover his ears, pressed them tight. Want to muffled the echoed voices.

Where are you? Where are you? Where are you Joonmyeon?!

It’s like a layer of happiness in front of him, broken, cracked. Yifan’s view suddenly changed. His—their house began crumpled, showed a messy dim house. There’s no warm breeze, just cold airs filled the room. There’s untouched a glass of milk and a bowl of brown tinted apples—the breakfast Yifan always serves for Joonmyeon—on the coffee table across the room. A withered sprig anemone lying dusted beside the fresh new placed one.

And like aghost for himself, he whispered to his heart. You're alone.

His vision's swirl like madness, he threw his back on the cold wall behind him, before slumped in an empty.

                                “I’m s-sorry…Yifan-.”

Joonmyeon’s painful groan, Echoing in Yifan’s ears.

Yifan closed his eyes, shook his head, tried to swept away the pieces of scenes which sharply jumbled in his head, like a broken movie.
Yifan screaming air. His lung suffocated no mater how much he forced the air through his mouth and nose. He clutched his hair in despair. Desperate, he burried his head in between his knees. Yifan give up. And letting the horrifying memories of that night run through his head.

I♦

“what is wrong with you?.” Yifan wished the light was dim enough for him to not to saw the state of Joonmyeon.

“Yifan, I’m sorry...” Weak words followed by violent coughs.

There’s blood. Yifan could see the blood flowing from between Joonmyeon’s fingers which covering his mouth tightly. Make it like molten crimson in between the white snow. The blood was increasingly unstoppable covered his entire hand, flooding the white shirt along with his worsened violent coughs. In his life, he had never seen such a horrible sight. Even when his mother died, it was not as scary as this. He did not know what to do?. He never faced anything like this. In front of him, a man he loved, looked in pain gripping his mouth, as if want to destroy his own face. He saw a man he loved was suffering unimaginable pain.

He did not feel the cold winds of winter. He was confused. Holding his beloved on his back. He ran through the winter night. Pungent smell of blood pierced his nose. He could feel the hot air out of Joonmyeon’ mouth on his neck.
"Yifan ... forgive me-." Yifan pretend deaf.
"- I know, I should have stopped … from the moment I met you ... Yifan forgive me-I did not mean to lie to you … about this disease-". Imposing frozen oxygen to enter his lungs, Yifan did not want to listen to what Joonmyeon say, he ran faster, hold Joonmyeon more tightly.
"ugh-." He moaned. He felt a burning in his feet. He ran barefoot. His feet hurt, by a rough footpath coupled with the snow on it. His legs were like frozen and sore, issuing blood spills. He did not care, his love in pain.
He did not want to stop running. No, he should not!. He had to go to the only place in this village that might be able to save his beloved.

He should not stop ... 

But his bare feet could not functioning normally with snow and his injuries. "Yifan enough! -." 

"Yifan is enough - that's enough!." Each step was staggered.

"Enough! ... Yifan stop! ..." Yifan gritted to hold everything and kept forcing his feet to step on the frozen pathway.

"I beg you, stop! ..." Yifan heard sobs on his back. No! Don't cry!.

"s-stop..." it's a complete mess.

Yifan could feel hot tears on his shoulder. Messy sobs mixed with weak coughs, let the blood tang, met Yifan nose again. The pale trembled hands, warped his neck weakly. "Please stop!..."

Yifan's step slowed. Stopped. He could do nothing.

He felt useless. Miserable. His sore trembling legs, glued on the harsh winter snow.

Yifan bite his lip, he shut his eyes to prevent the urge to let the upset tears out. He couldn't hendle the drawback. He want to do something. He want to do anything for Joonmyeon, to takes the pain out of him.

"Yifan-- I'm cold."

II

Desperate, angry, upset, denial. Yifan squeezing his head. Holds his breath.

If only at that moment he was stronger, faster.
He will be able to bring Joonmyeon to the clinic.
If only at that moment he is more capable, more money.
Joonmyeon may be open about his illness, and he will be treated.
If only at that time Joonmyeon not with him, and still with his wealthy family.
Joonmyeon might be receiving proper treatment.
If only Joonmyeon not met useless him.
Joonmyeon may be-

All the ifs running in Yifans brain. He tried to reduce the horrible feeling that filled his chest by it hard. Made loud thuds when his big fist met his ribcage. He doesn’t like this feelings.

I♦

They sat on the edge of the walkway. Yifan leaned on a wooden fence. Joonmyeon sat in his lap. Difficulty breathed. Yifan was also very difficult to breathe, his brain like punishing him to hold his reflex to breathe. He wrapped his arms on Joonmyeon in his embrace. His legs was sore throbbing demand for attention, Yifan could not feel anything, his body was like a numb. What did they do?. What did he do?. In the midnight seaside winter, did not wear anything just a layer of clothing.

" Yifan ... Thank you - "

Yifan swept up Joonmyeon head, put it in his chest. Kissed the crown of Joonmyeon’s head affectionately. He further depress Joonmyeon body onto his body possessively. He tried to balled his body with Joonmyeon in him .

How Yifan want to scream, when he could feel Joonmyeon faint heartbeat increasingly weakened.

No ! No ! No ! Don’t !

Tightened his embrace . Almost like squeezed Joonmyeon small body in his arms. Trying to forced to feel the weak faint heartbeat.
The light in Yifan eyes was taken, disappeared. He loosened his arms. There’s no trace of any expression on his face, he turned soulless. When he no longer felt the weak breath against his lower neck’s skin. When there’s no longer small huffs from Joonmyeon lips.

Joonmyeon face’s beautiful as ever, even though half of it was covered by blood stains, Joonmyeon is beautiful. Joonmyeon eyes closed beautifully. Yifan gently the soft cheeks carefully, cleaned the blood stains. Then hug Joonmyeon back into his arms. He never woke Joonmyeon, he likes Joonmyeon sleeping face.

Sounded so noisy the waves that night.

Yifan never reached the clinic. He never reached anywhere.
He never let Joonmyeon go.
He never woke Joonmyeon up.
He never attended any funeral.

►

In his stifled silent sobs, Yifan will drift away to the gamma world. He will always fall asleep in his cries. 

Those awful memories of 100 days ago, is always like a fresh memory of yesterday.

Because tommorrow, when he open his eyes, he would clean up all the mess. Pour a glass of milk and wash an apple. Makes a special gift at his shop. And end his day with a white anemone and two cupcakes in his hand. Celebrating his loved birthday. Talking about the same things ‘with’ his beloved.

Because Yifan never woke Joonmyeon up in the morning. He will never.

Because for Yifan, the memories of yesterday is his only forever.

//Goodbye//
//I saw a dream last night//

//Goodbye//
//It will always be the same story//

----------

A's something:

I quoted part of the lyrics (Onaji Hanashi)

If you confused to read this :

the centered one is flashback

the green is imagination/unreal thing.

hope you enjoy your time~

huhuhuhu when M and K separated ;A; I'm rolling like a buffalo crying being sad.