First thing she did after that was to head to Taemin’s home and call him.

“Who the call in such late hour?” Taemin was obviously sleeping.

“It’s only eleven pm.” Hye Jin tried to chuckle but it went out as a sob. “Can you meet me at the gates?”

“Noona? I’ll be there. Give me a minute.” Hye Jin didn’t know he meant it literally because a topless Taemin showed up. “Noona!” He opened the gate and pulled her to a hug. “Why are you crying? Did something happen?” She shook her head and held out her phone. It had only her conversation with Jongin recorded on, so Taemin didn’t make time to figure it out as he heard every single word. The painful sobs Jongin made managed to tear Taemin up.

“I just want Taemin Hyung to forgive me.” The phrase had a tone of hope and Taemin broke in tears. Hye Jin stood there, unable to say anything.

“He is so stupid.” Taemin whined. “How can he expect me to forgive him when he did kill me? I can’t do it.” He sobbed. “I just can’t do it.”

“Why? It was my fault if he did it.” Hye Jin spoke suddenly. “Hate me and forgive him. Hate me because I really do deserve it. Didn’t I promise you to not let anybody hurt you in the beginning? But here I did not only destroy everything Jongin had of valuable, but I made him destroy everything you had of valuable.” Taemin gave her a curious look. “You lost yourself, Taemin. I feel like you did.” Taemin paled and looked away.

“Forgiving him won’t make me get it back.” He hissed.

“How would you know if you didn’t try?” Hye Jin persisted and Taemin groaned as he stepped toward the gates, fed up with the subject. “What if forgiving him was everything you need?” The question froze him. “Try to give him a chance, and if it doesn’t work out. I’ll never try to make it up between you two.”

Taemin looked at his friend who seemed more determined than her tone let out. “Fine. I’ll be nice and friendly but I’ll not forgive him easily. Don’t ask me to that in the blink of an eye.” She offered a tired smile nodding, before heading back to her place, while he stood in the chilly cold, wondering why it worried him to see her smiling that way. Something was up with his best friend and for once he felt like he was ready to do anything for her.

--- ---

Jongin was shocked when he noticed Hye Jin in his door. “Good morning. I brought breakfast.” Jongin studied her face and she seemed tired but relieved somehow. He smiled to her before offering her to get in. “Oh. No, I have to run back to the school before Taemin’s bus reaches it.”

“Run? But…” She chuckled, pasted a kiss on his forehead before running out. He was shocked by how fast she dashed away, before focusing on the box that smelled so good. It was a handmade breakfast, the first he got in over 95 days. His heart swell at the kindness and he smiled sincerely as he slowly dig in. Hye Jin was in the bus stop twenty minutes before it arrived so she changed her clothes, in the middle of the fortunately empty street. “Good morning, Noona.” Taemin’s cheerful tone surprised her but she still smiled. “Did you sleep well?”

She didn’t sleep at all, but he didn’t need to hear that.

Jin Ki showed up. “Hi.” He gave her a cold gaze that she didn’t reply.

“Hi.” Taemin sighed at the cold war happening again between the two. “I’m waiting for Jongin, so don’t wait for me.”

Taemin froze at the name, but he managed to hide his apprehension, as he stood by Hye Jin’s side. “I’ll wait with you.”

“Who is this Jongin?” Jin Ki worriedly held Taemin’s arm.

“My classmate I have assignment with, Hyung. Don’t worry, he’s harmless.” Taemin almost winced at the word harmless but he couldn’t let his Hyung discover the pain the mere mention of Jongin brings to him. Jongin’s bus didn’t take time to show up, and he had to cross the road but he froze there when he noticed Taemin. The kid was looking at him tensely, as if he was debating between killing him right there or leaving him alone. Hye Jin waved to him and encouraged him to come closer. When he did, Taemin offered a tentative smile, not really a forced one, neither a sincere one. “We will be late. Come on.”

Jongin couldn’t believe that they were walking side by side. His heart was racing painfully, his eyes glued to the floor, while Hye Jin observed them. Taemin in other hand was looking straight ahead. The day seemed to start on a stiff foot. They sat in the class normally but none of them looked at the other.

“Well class, I hope you did start your project because I moved the deadline.” The teacher shocked them and they gasped in horror. “It will be for tomorrow, unfortunately, because I won’t be here next week. Another teacher is going to replace me, so I hope you will behave.”

“Yes teacher.” The students spoke in a calculating manner but their tones had panic and disappointment on. Taemin groaned before looking at a baffled Jongin.

“We got no time for making a well-planned one. Let’s just cut the project in two.” Taemin hissed to Jongin who nodded. “I’ll do the forgiveness part and you the love. Deal?”

“Deal.” Jongin smiled as he pulled a paper. Taemin blinked in shock at how fast Jongin filled them. Within few minutes, Jongin had handed him a three pages long part. He was tempted to ask Jongin what the hell he did in the papers because he couldn’t read something else while the lecture started but the teacher didn’t seem to notice their secrecy. Tempted, he read the first phrases, when it did hit him hard.

“What is love? Love is when you make mistakes and feel guilt swell your heart because you didn’t mean it. Love is when you hold on even when you lose those who you love. Love is when your world collapse, your beloved, and every memory of him manage to give you strength for another day. Love is when you know that living without that person will mean a lot of insecurities, a lot of pain, and a lot of sadness. You will survive, but you will never live.”

Jongin was talking about him and his deceased boyfriend, and Taemin felt tears rush in his eyes. The rest of the letter spoke about how the literature glorified the love as a perfect feeling but it wasn’t because love had flaws, it didn’t give those it the strength to move on, to love again. Love didn’t allow them to look at the flaws, to accept them first. Love was blind, and a blind thing never find its way correctly, it fall down, bump on things. He related at how Love wasn’t the most powerful emotion in the world anymore because Fear and Anger were prominent and able to turn to the most pure creatures as sinners.

Taemin didn’t know how to hold his tears at how beautiful Jongin’s part was, and even the teacher couldn’t manage to get the answer as he asked Taemin if he was ok. Taemin just nodded and wiped his tears, while he subtly closed the book where the papers were.

“My whole body hurt, sir. I can’t handle the pain.” Taemin whined through the sobs. “Can I go to the nursery?” The teacher just signaled him to move but as soon as he stood up, he sat up, more tears showing up. Jongin rushed to his side, and helped him to stand while Hye Jin took him in bridal style.

“I won’t make long.” Her tone was baffling the teacher but she seemed to have an authoritarian aura so he didn’t object. The nursery was few classes away so Taemin soon found himself in a bed.  “What happened? What did Jongin wrote?”

“I’ve never read something so beautiful, Noona.” Taemin shed tears, while a wide smile showed up. “I don’t think I’ve seen someone so in love and so hurt to be in love like Jongin. Even Minho Hyung wouldn’t be able to express it that way.”

“Minho loves his girl, but Jongin lived through his Hyung. It was beyond love, Taemin.” Hye Jin spoke almost lifelessly. “You could see it in his eyes. When he said that his boy will be happy to see me, it was like he was holding on the hope that his love will come back.” Taemin frowned.

“Or that he will meet him soon.” The phrase got a horrific dimension and Taemin looked at Hye Jin, terrorized. “He won’t do it, right?”

“Why wouldn’t he? Everything he loved is somewhere up.” Hye Jin answered him. “Jongin have no family, Taemin. He had only Jun Myun, and I took that from him.” The pain that showed up in Hye Jin’s face was enough to make Taemin wince in guilt. He pulled her to a hug.

“Don’t hurt yourself that much, Noona. It was meant to happen.” Taemin soothed. “Maybe, the fact you were involved to this man’s death was the best thing ever happened to Jongin.” Hye Jin frowned, glaring at Taemin. “Imagine if it was those men who killed him, and that he didn’t know who to accuse, would he be still sane and in one piece right now?” Taemin sighed, resting back and closing his eyes. “I think that anger saved him from hurting himself, then guilt…” Hye Jin blinked as she thought of it.

“Love will be the only reason for him to live if ever guilt is washed over.” Hye Jin mumbled to herself and from Taemin’s expression, he didn’t hear her. “Taemin, can you please befriend him?”

Taemin looked at her, shocked. “Befriend him?” Hye Jin nodded, and he sighed. “I don’t know. I mean, he is still the one who me…”

“I guess at least he should excuse himself about that. Even nothing excuse that, but let’s hear him out.” Hye Jin pleaded. “Please?” Taemin nodded absently as he closed his eyes. “Do you want to sleep?”  As Taemin nodded, Hye Jin leaned to kiss his head, before leaving him alone.

Jongin showed up, few minutes after. He got in hesitantly, looking to his feet. “I’ve took notes for you.” He placed Taemin’s notebook next to him. “Hye Jin Noona said she needed to get the assignment done with her partner.”

“I see.” Taemin sat up, pulling his knees closer and freeing space for Jongin to sit on. “Sit.” They sat in silence at first. “Why? Why did you that to me?”

Jongin bitterly chuckled, as he looked at Taemin with teary eyes. “Didn’t you get it?” He mumbled sadly. “I wanted to kill her angel like she killed mine.” Taemin’s face remained unfazed but inside him, his heart clenched painfully. “I hated her so much. I hated myself as much. I thought that if I hurt the person she cherish the most, she would live my pain. She did. God, I’ve never regretted something as much as this.” Jongin sniffed.

“The day she discovered that a student died in the accident, I was in the hospital because some bullies pushed me so hard I knocked my head to a vase.” Taemin spoke coldly. “She swore since then to protect me.”

Jongin winced, hiding his face with his hands. “God…”

“Do you even realize how deeply sorry she is for not saving your friend?” Taemin hissed. “Do you even know how much deep her wounds are? No, you don’t. Noona can’t stop herself from panicking whenever a car accident occurs around her. She always rushes to help, hoping to save their lives… because she couldn’t save your friend’s life.”

Jongin nodded. “I know.” He was red. “I am terribly sorry for being so blinded by anger, and… pain.”

“You loved that kid, didn’t you?” Taemin’s question was calm, almost endearing and Jongin didn’t dare to look at the man.

“He was my world.” Jongin sniffed again, to notice that he was crying suddenly. “I felt so lost without him, I didn’t know what I’m doing, and I feel so ashamed of even calling myself his friend, not after what I did to you.” Jongin chuckled suddenly, bitterness written in his face. “The ironic part is that I know Hyung would have hated me for doing what I did to you. I always knew it, but I still went against that idea. I did that not because I was seeking revenge, but because I was too angry that she didn’t bear the pain the way I did, that she didn’t feel the consequence of that accident…”

“It was meant to be.”

“I know.” The word was a start for an endless set of tears. “I was meant to lose everybody around me, to be alone, and” He scoffed. “I just don’t believe how I lived so far, you know? If I didn’t have this poisoning guilt inside me, maybe I would have killed myself the same day he died.” He didn’t look at Taemin, while the last looked at the kid shock and horror written in his face. Jongin suddenly slammed his palms on his forhead, and Taemin noticed how shaken the kid was, before running his hands on his hair and pulling it. “He had nothing that morning and I ing called him! I called him! Why did I have to do that? Why? Couldn’t I just ing wait?” Taemin rushed to hold Jongin’s hand when the last held his shoulder.

Jongin shook him harshly for a moment before noticing who was with him. Taemin noticed as realization fell on Jongin and how the horror filled Jongin's eyes as he let him go. He was fast to catch Jongin in a hug. “Breathe.” It was soft and soothing and Jongin let out a loud gasp of air, breathing painfully. He wasn’t crying anymore but his lungs seemed not answering his commands. Taemin patted on him softly. However, Jongin didn’t calm down, he broke even more.

“Stop being nice to me.” Jongin suddenly sobbed. “Stop being nice to me, please. I beg you to stop.”

“I’m not being nice.” Jongin looked at Taemin while the other chuckled. “I’m being me. I can’t stop hating you for what you did to me but… I just can’t stop worrying about you.” Taemin pulled the kid’s head to his shoulder. “I remember my feelings when I opened my eyes that night, when mom and I got the accident. She was crying beforehand so I guess her sight was blurry and she didn’t manage to control the car.” Jongin tensed suddenly. “I was in pain, so much in pain I felt numb within few minutes. The painful part was that mom had pulled me out of the house because she was leaving my father, so when the ambulance came and took us, I couldn’t tell them my name or his name.” Taemin chuckled. “Like I predicted, when dad came to fetch me, he shoved me out, with my bandages, and still bleeding wounds to the car, where Hyung pulled me closer. I didn’t cry, I don’t remember crying over the whole issue.”

Jongin looked up. “What happened to your mother?”

“She died on the spot, as my brother told me.” Taemin sighed deeply. “But father hated me since. I’ve been sleeping in the storage room, somehow disowned, and everybody treat me like I’m a trashcan, and especially the servants.” Taemin had a sudden uncomfortable expression in his face. “But I’m surviving it.”

Jongin looked at him for a while then looked away. “You can live with me, if you want. I live in my friend’s house ever since my parent got divorced.” Taemin looked up.

“They divorced?” Jongin chuckled.

“Yeah, and none of them wanted me, so I ran away from home but none of them cared.” Jongin spoke in a very easy going manner but it seemed like he was pained by it and deeply. Who wouldn’t? “It was the day Jun Myunnie found me, his parent died so he lived with his grandparent. He took me in his house, and treated me like his own brother.”  Jongin’s eyes were so red already and Taemin didn’t want him to cry again.

“I can’t live with you.” Taemin cut off. “Hyung won’t let me go. He loves me a lot, even if he rarely shows it. He is very possessive, somehow.” Jongin nodded, agreeing.

“I saw the way he treat Hye Jin Noona whenever she get near you.” Taemin scoffed at him.

“He loves her; that is why he treats her like .” Jongin gave him a shocked expression. “Believe me, he is so into her. However, he got hurt by so many women in his life and I don’t think he will trust the opposite so easily.”

“He’s gay?” Jongin asked him, surprised.

“No. I’m gay but Hyung is definitely straight. I’ve seen how much he loved holding Noona closer but he still pushes her away the next day.” Taemin sighed suddenly. “I wish he could give her a chance. Maybe they will happy.” Jongin remained silent observing Taemin. “I think the second period is halfway done.” Jongin looked up to the clock. “It will Lunch break soon. Let’s go to the cafeteria.”

“But!” Jongin’s eyes were wide. “You were ill. You need to rest, I’ll bring food.” Taemin chuckled and stood, stretching his body, while Jongin remained unsettled.

Fetching his stuff, he held Jongin’s hand pulling him along. They walked side by side and Jongin didn’t know why he felt so happy because of that. The cafeteria was empty, so they just sat wherever they felt like it. “You should write your part, I’ll go see if they have the lunch ready meanwhile.” Taemin nodded at Jongin’s proposition, and as the man stood to leave. Taemin picked the notebook and stared at the paper for a second.

“Forgiving is a hard task. It is not easy to forgive people, and sometimes you act like you do but you never did. Forgiving is the result of courage, because you have to face anger in order to forgive. However, if Love blind you, Anger kill all your senses, and somehow kills you too.” Taemin’s eyes got teary. “I wonder that if I forgive maybe I’ll be happier but the doubt still keeps the anger living inside me, burning me up. I know that those who regret their acts, especially who regret them deeply, deserve forgiveness but it hard to do so.”

He tore the paper and wrote again. “Forgiving is such an underrated act. People consider it as a weakness, but only courageous people can forgive. It takes a lot of will to go beyond anger and to open your heart again to someone who hurt you once. In fact, nobody is able to forgive nowadays, so they punish people instead. They bully you because they are cowards and unable to face their anger, their insecurities, and mostly they can’t face themselves. They have a lot to fear. This is what makes me face them every day. I know who I am and I don’t fear accepting it. I am someone strong enough to move on, so I’ll forgive, maybe not today, or tomorrow, but I’ll definitely forgive them all and move on in my life, stronger than before.”

His part was really small, but Taemin considered that the Love part was long enough to cover such small part. He looked up to notice Jongin absently looking somewhere. He noticed how tired the kid looked, and restless. “Jongin ah!” Jongin’s eyes widened and he looked at Taemin who pouted. “I don’t know what to write; save me.” The smile that showed up in Jongin’s face made Taemin’s breathe hitch. The kid nodded to him and he looked to his paper.

“It’s ok. It is ok; I should forgive to move on. I should do it.” Taemin mumbled to himself, his uniform up his chest when Jongin showed up.

“They didn’t start serving yet, so I’ll help you meanwhile.” Jongin offered with a smile. He pulled the small paper and read it in silence. His face fell suddenly and he blinked few times before smiling back to Taemin. “It’s a really good part. Short, but meaningful. I think I need to shorten mine too.” Jongin suggested, bringing up his papers. He was about to erase something when Taemin snatched the paper.

“No! I love it this way.” Taemin’s horror was shown. “I don’t care if the teacher finds it long, I loved it this way.”

Jongin tilted his head, curiously. “You loved it.” Taemin blushed and looked at the paper he smothered. “I must have made many mistakes.”

“And I loved every single one of them. Don’t worry about those.” Taemin dismissed Jongin’s attempts to take the paper back.

“What you fighting about?” Jin Ki’s voice froze Taemin’s veins for a second because it seemed hostile but Jongin didn’t seem to notice.

“He refuses to let me modify my part.” Jongin explained, giving Jin Ki an exasperate look. “He said he loves it while I wrote it in a rush.”

“This is why I love it!” Taemin complained. “You did so well in a first try! I don’t think you can make it any better.” Jongin gave him a look that Taemin sustained. “Believe me.”

“But I must have done some spelling mistakes.” Taemin ran his eyes on the paper again; trying to contain the rush of emotions Jongin’s words made, but ended up tearing up shaking his head. His brother noticed the reaction.

“Can I see it?” Jin Ki offered as he sat facing the kids. Taemin gave him, not without looking uncomfortable. When Jin Ki started reading, he didn’t notice what could make Taemin so emotionally involved into someone’s work but as soon as he finished the first paragraph, he noticed how suffocated he felt. “It’s breathtaking.” Jongin blushed. “I’ve never envied someone to be so loved. She must be so lucky.”

As Jongin’s face fell, Taemin was the one to speak. “His boyfriend was the student who died in the accident.” Jin Ki needed no detail; he paled and looked at Jongin who looked down to his stuff. “We are in the middle of making it up between him and Noona. I know it needs time to be forgiven, so Noona gives him time.”

“I already forgave her… but she doesn’t seem to forgive herself.” Jongin admitted. “Neither do I forgive myself.” He sighed. “It is hard to accept the fact you caused, even indirectly, someone’s death.”

“Even harder if that someone is someone you love.” Jongin looked up to see Jin Ki looking sadly at the paper. “We all felt this, but some of us had to move on in order to make other people happy.” Jin Ki pointed at Taemin who smiled at his brother. “Not even once he cried or complained, despite his open wounds, because he never wanted to burden me. He was strong enough to overcome things I wouldn’t survive.”

Jongin and Taemin looked at each other and the last could sense pain and disgust in Jongin’s eyes. “I wish I was that strong too.” Jongin’s tears seemed heavier and Taemin smiled to him.

He sat even closer and pulled Jongin to a hug. “It’s ok to be weak once in your life, Jongin.” Taemin mumbled so as he patted on Jongin’s back. Jin Ki observed them silently, frowning at the odd connection between them. However, he wasn’t there for Taemin. He didn’t notice Hye Jin, for the whole day so he worried a little.

“Where is Hye Jin?” Jin Ki asked Taemin who glared at him. “I mean where Hye Jin Noona is.” Taemin was about to answer when people got in a commotion. The boys stood to find Hye Jin avoiding punches, while Jonghyun pushed Key toward them.

“But! Jonghyun!” Key protested when Jonghyun gave him a warning glare.

“Stay where you are.” He warned before rushing to Hye Jin’s side. He was about get in the middle of the punches when Hye Jin fast punched the dispenser which exploded. The cans contained behind the punch exploded and the soda went through the hole she made.

“ENOUGH!” She yelled as they froze in shock. “I’ve been nice and ing avoiding your punches but I don’t have the ing whole day to waste on you. Each one of you will go in his way and avoid me and my friends like a ing disease. Don’t get near them, don’t talk about them, and es, I don’t want to explode your brainless heads like I did to this ing thing if I hear you caused them problems.” She pushed Jonghyun toward the table. “Don’t get in the middle of a fight when I’m involved.”

Jonghyun was mostly shocked by her strength than by her attitude. “But Noona…”

“Kim Jonghyun, I won’t repeat it. Don’t try to help me out.”  Hye Jin hissed before smiling to Key. “Does the punch still hurt, Key?” Key shook his head and Jin Ki rushed to check on Key’s face to notice a bruised lips. “Be glad I came back early from my assignment’s workout.” Hye Jin smiled, teasing Key who had tears in his eyes. Suddenly, the kid hugged her, shaking badly.

“Thank you for being here.” Key’s words made her shed tears, while her eyes went to Taemin. It was the first time the oldest Lee ever saw her crying, so he observed her and his brother interacting for a moment. Jonghyun hugged them as well, patting a hand on Hye Jin’s back.

She pushed them, sniffing a little too loud, and dried her eyes with a huge grin. “I’ll do anything for my best friends.” She chuckled as Key and Jonghyun did. “I have to go. I need to give my partner my part of the assignment.” Hye Jin was about to leave when Jin Ki held her hand.

“Can we talk?”