Five Steps -- EvilBaboo

Genres: angst, romance

Characters: Ken, Leo (Keo)

Status: complete

Description -- So, it sets the feel pretty well. However, the first line seems pretty unrelated to the second and third, and likewise with the fourth and fifth. As for technical issues -- “Red crimson blood tainted and spread through the crisp white, newly laid snow.” I would say “crimson red” instead of “red crimson,” because whereas crimson red is one color, red and crimson are two (albeit synonymous) colors and would require a comma between. Also, this sentence.. “On the other hand it is Lee Jaehwan after all.” I would omit “after all,” because you already have “on the other hand.” A comma would be necessary after “hand” and, should you choose to keep it, before “after.” There’s also a period missing after the last line.

Foreword -- Because this is more of a section listing rather than an actual snippet of story, there isn’t much to correct. What there is to correct is purely mechanics. Spacing -- it should be “1. Denial and Isolation,” with a space between the period and the title. Ditto for the other sections. In addition, you mistyped “story” as “strory.” Finally, I wouldn’t say “Warning: this is an angst story, I am warning you,” as the repetition of “warning” is redundant.

THE STORY

Chapter One -- The format was interesting, what with the headings and paragraphs. It built the story effectively, and the use of italics also worked well. I also like that you use present tense. It lends a more poetic feel to the story, as long as you make sure that you always use the right verb tense (which you have been). On the other hand, the grammar was a definite weak point. Here’s an excerpt that I edited in red. Additions and word changes are in red text, omissions highlighted.

    “Jaehwan is just another classmate that Taekwoon’s friends Hakyeon introduced him to, and they casually hang out just like any other teenage boys. But recently, when he talks and plays around with Jaehwan, these butterflies flutter inside of him. Taekwoon is fully aware of what it means: he’s in love, with Jaehwan.”

    Though I won’t point out most details, I’ll mention this -- you used “might of done,” which is phonetically but not grammatically similar t