I'm walking calmly by the sidewalk with my hands inside my pockets, next to my incredible friends. Dara, Daesung, Bom and Minzy. We have been spending this beautiful night inside our favourite restaurant, eating delicious crepes while joking at each other. As always. I noticed Dara throwing me glances again and again and looking at me through a gaze that I can't know the meaning of it... when our eyes meet, she smiles sweetly. Dara... what are you doing.. you have a boyfriend.. you shouldn't do that. You're melting me... anyways, speaking about my friends again, I'm proud to have them because they and I know since when we all were little. I think I'm one of those people who can say proudly: "Our friendship is forever". 

We talk about funny things that happened to us when we reach the other side of the street. Dara is walking beside me while Daesung, Minzy and Bom are in front of us. Suddenly I feel her hand grabbing innocently mine. She looks back at me when I'm looking at her with a slight frown. And as always when she does that, I'm going to sigh nervously as she smiles. Why does she do that when she's having a boyfriend? And why her boyfriend is not here with us?

As the minutes are flying, I find myself waving my hand saying goodbye to them. I'm in front of my house. Everyone smile at me before turning around. I hear Dara's voice. "Take care a lot, Chaerin!" she says while waving her hand with a big smile. I smile at her too, waving back. I feel the need to cry just right here but I just swallow hard my emotions. I can't understand her actions... maybe she wants me to feel good despite her rejection or I don't know.

Yeah... she rejected me when I confessed my feelings to her. Sigh... I guess happiness is not for everyone.   

Ah... finally, I'm back to home. I had a looong day! I put my jacket and scarf to the rack and blow my cold hands to turn them warm. Oh my.. the nights are so cold lately. Sometimes I wonder when will be the time that I'm going to become into an ice statue one day.

I turn on the heater as I prepare a herbal tea before going to sleep. A sudden change in the environtment makes me look around in the living room. A heavy one. It feels strange... everything it's okay but there's a sensation around... oh, I hope those crepes are not giving me weird feelings or sensations now. Or even sick. I already ate for the nth time in that restaurant and I never had a feeling like this one... maybe it's just stress of the day or the week...

Trying not to care and be myself, I turn off the fire and put the hot water into a glass as I let fall the little bag of the tea,. Honey is melting as I'm moving the spoon in circles, watching the water turning in a gold colour as the bag is letting out the fragrance.

Uuh... that sensation again. It feels stronger now.. I need to rest so soon as be possible. Drinking my herbal tea I go to my room going upstairs. I feel a sudden hard pain in my chest, making me hard to breathe. The pain making me cough twice. I want to cry but I don't want to. I look weak when I cry. I can't allow myself to do that. Not even when I'm alone or someone's around. I have to be strong... but damn, this... what is this? It's suffocating me.

I pause slowly at the last step of the stairs while the bathroom it's just at the corner.. trying to breath properly. I rub my neck and I feel myself very warm. What's happening to me? I just felt well moments ago with my friends and now.. argh..!

Opening the door of the bathroom I look my own reflection in the mirror. My mouth falls down at my own appearance. I'm red.. my whole face and neck is red, and I'm sweating. What the heck?! I'm having some kind of weird reaction or something?! This doesn't have any sense!

I wash my face with cold water. Ah.. it feels so good, but I still looks red, my facial features draw an anxious expression, like.. I just saw the demon or a ghost. I close my eyes, letting out a deep sigh as I feel drops of water falling from my face down to the sink. I feel cold wind behind me making me shiver. I feel sick, deeply sad, but I just see my own reflection again after opening my eyes, to see me serious, cold without crying, emotionless. I wash my face again and the sound of someone breathing makes me frozen in my place. My eyes widening. 

I hear movements behind me while two hands are against my arms, softly squeezing them. I'm about to look up when a sudden and firm female voice says...

"Don't look up! Not yet"

I can't move any part of my body. I'm terrified! I feel my face warm again, really hot. Drops of sweat roll down of my face and fall to somewhere.

Her voice... sounds like mine. No... it's my voice! But who the hell is she?! Then she steps slightly to a side and I see her hands and arms without moving my eyes. They look brown or... black.. slightly red.. oh god. I'm going crazy here! I'd passed out or something?! I'm having a nightmare?! If I am then I want to wake right now! This is so distressing!

My hands clench slowly the marble as I'm trying to gather all my encouragement to form words. I sigh deeply...

"W-who are... who are you?" I ask weakly. I don't receive any answer from her... just silence, making me going crazier, scared and totally nervous.

"P-please...."

Suddenly she moves her hands up to my hair. I can't move. I'm totally paralyzed because of the fear. I feel my hair moving to a side and leans her lips against my left ear... her breathing blow the insides of my auditive canal making me shiver again. Her fingers are warm...

"I'm you... Chaerin. I'm a part of you. Don't scream... look at me now" what? She's me?! A part of me?! Slowly, my head raises.. with fear running through my body, my veins, my bones.. all me! I just can hear my own heart now beating like crazy.

I gasp at the girl behind me. Her eyes are black, her face is full of blood and cuts in her cheeks, forehead and lips. Her skin is slightly dark... like she's been burnt in a bonfire.My breathing accelelrates. She's looking at me without blink. My lungs ask for air... I'm about to scream when she covers quickly my mouth with her palm and presses her cheek against mine making me gasp. She looks deeply into my eyes.

"Sshh don't scream... you don't have to"

I just can be in this position with her... my eyes glued at hers as my both hands over the hand who's covering my mouth, trying to process all this.

"You know why?" tears fall from her eyes from her bloody face. I frown slightly looking at those sudden tears falling from her eyes and one of them wets my face. I manage to shake my head. Then her eyes filled with more tears. She started to sob and sniffed...

"B-because I'm your coldness and sadness... I cry when you can't or you don't want... I'm cold when you're hurt. I live inside here..." she pats gently the sides of my eyes twice.

"And here..." she pats my lips. "I use my coldness through your lips to protect you when someone hurts you and my sadness to make you cry, Chaerin. B-but you..." she pauses and bit her lower lip as more tears fall down. I'm just listening her... I'm totally speechless.

"You're making my part really hard... you know?" her cries become stronger and her hand falls down slowly away from my face... she knelt in the floor, putting her flat hands over it. Her sobs echoing inside the bathoom. I-it's true what she's saying..? She's my sadness and coldness?

"When you don't cry... where do you think is going your sadness? M-me..." she pointed at herself looking up at me. She looks like a lost kid... the next things she said made me clench my teeth...

"I'm letting everything out through this cry now, Chaerin. When you closed your tears inside your heart.. after Dara rejected you three months ago when you asked her to be your girlfriend..." I press my lips together. I'm about to cry... if you say something else about what happened with Dara.... I'm going to cry. Don't do this.. I cried enough already... she stands up and faces me. She looks angry suddenly.

"I had enough from that pain... so cry Chaerin... cry" she cups my cheeks with her hands. Her breathe smells like mint... "Crying it's not bad... okay? And you're not right. Crying doesn't make you look weak... makes you look a human. A person with beautiful feelings. I don't want to die from sadness, I want to live in you feeling well. I need to breathe too..." she looks at me before kissing my forehead and stays there for some seconds. I just bite my lower lip as finally my tears fall from my eyes. It's been a really long time since the last time I cried. Years! Dara's rejection broke me like someone throws a glass against the wall and breaks it to thousand pieces. And since then I've been looking always myself like I look fine and I'm okay from outside., but inside.. I was dying slowly.

"Yeah... let it go. You need to let go all that pain... let it out.." her voice and her words make me cry harder. I wrap my arms around her as she hugs me back. I can't believe I'm hugging myself... but somehow it's absolutely weird and amazing at the same time. She softly my back as I'm sobbing and crying against her shoulder. She's crying again. We're crying together. Her skin feels so warm like mine...

After a while, we break the hug and I wipe my swollen and wet eyes and face. When I look at her, her body doesn't look dusty and bloody anymore. She looks very clean and she's smiling now. God... she's really me. Thanks god she looks okay now, I was about to have a heart attack when I saw her standing behind of me with that look. >_< 

"If you were able to show yourself like those two emotions, then I want to meet my others Chaerin so we can have a party" I joke smiling as I wipe my left eye. She giggles as she wipes hers too and looks at me.

"Maybe sometime hehe" I keep looking at her and giggle.

"I can't believe I'm saying thank you to myself but... thank you for helping me.."

She smiles. "Don't mention it. Although I'm the coldness and sadness I want the best for you. Every one of your emotions want it"

"So don't forget it. Mmh? Cry more often... like you did with me now, without feeling yourself embarrassed for it..." She adds. Then pokes my nose and winks.

I nod smiling, feeling much better. "I-I will..." 

She also nods and pats my head. "Good girl"

I smile at her. Then I remember that I have to sleep. Tomorrow I have to be awake very soon in the morning!

"Let's sleep... you need to rest so you'll have enough energy for tomorrow" she says coldly. Woah, she's really my coldness haha... I walk heading to my room when I wanted to tell her something but when I turn around, she's not there. Then I feel a warm sensation invading me, envolving me from inside and outside. Somehow.. I know it's her.

I changed my clothes by pajamas and cover myself with the sheets and try to sleep.

"Remember... don't keep inside those tears.. it hurts.. specially me..." I hear her soft voice telling me from the other empty space of the bed and her hand moving softly away a strand of hair from my face. I hear her smiling. When I open my eyes, she's not there anymore.

A smile draws in my lips as I feel the previous sensation I had while my eyes are closed again. "Yes... I'll remember it..." After I said that the environtment came back to normal and me too! Oooh... what a relief! Now I can sleep peacefully...

Some moments later I fell asleep.

------

My eyes open at the soft light entering through the window straight to my face. I get up after rubbing my sleepy eyes and look at the clock of rilakkuma version in my night-table. 8:10 AM. Good! I woke up 5 minutes earlier before the alarm could ring! ^__^

I take my shower as every morning before having a healthy and good breakfast. Thinking about yesterday... it feels like I just was having a nigtmare.. but later turned into a dream. But no, I was totally conscious. I really have that part of me... I have to take care well of it.

After crying like a baby, I feel like I can float like a feather today. I'm just calm, without feeling pain when I remember Dara and her rejection... I'm okay now. But now that I'm thinking about her, I still love her... that feeling is still with me. But I guess that's the only thing I'll have. These feelings and nothing more. No relationship nor romance between us. Just... a friendship. Or maybe not even that.

I didn't say it before, but Dara and I work together. We run an equestrian center. We love horses ^__^. I have a good chemistry with them and never have a problem. The same happens with her... Dara. She's always caressing them tenderly with love... and they seem to like it a lot. They don't avoid her caresses, instead, they seem looking for it. When I see that, for a moment... I just want to be those horses that she's caressing.

Okay... after dressing myself and brushing my teeth, I'm ready to go at work. I step inside my car, ready to start a sunny day with a clear difference in my attitude. I throw a glance to the rearview glued in the roof and drag it in my direction. My face is smiling. I can't help but to smile. After what happened yesterday, I'm a new Chaerin... no pain, no sadness and coldness thanks to... you know already who!

Driving away, it takes me 15 minutes to arrive to my destination. Always the same number of minutes. Exactly 15 minutes! No more nor less.

Parking my car in the parking lot, the smell of horses is the first thing greeting me when I step out of the car and close the door.

I inhale and exhale deeply before heading to the bar. We have to work really hard today because many kids of several schools are going to come here later to ride horses. There are four people more working with us.

Onew, our boss and our co-workers, Nana, Taeyang, Jooyeon and Jungah. Taeyang is... Dara's boyfriend. That's why I heard since a couple of months ago. Sigh... well. I just have to move on. It's the only thing I can do...

I'm about to open the door of the bar when Dara had the opposite intention. Our eyes met. "Oh, C-Chaerin.. good morning" she greets me with a smile. Her expression looks like watching something in my face making me feel nervous and blush slightly.

"G-good morning Dara... how are you?" I ask trying to hide my nerves as I bite softly my lower lip. My heartbeat starts bumping stronger.

"Very good. Thanks..." I look up at her and she smiles widely. Oh... I never saw that kind of smile before... Chaerin, don't hope. Don't fall that easy only because of her smile. Don't let out your emotions so easily. Yeah, she looks like a goddess when she smiles, specially now, but no... I don't want to suffer again. Be strong... move on.  

"Glad to know that.." I say calmly. We look into each other's eyes without saying a word when suddenly we listen Taeyang calling her name from somewhere, making her look to the direction of his voice. Well, that's great, here it comes her prince... 

I walk away because I don't want to see them together. Besides I have best things to do than watching them having their lovey dovey moments or whatever. But that smile from Dara... no, erase it. It's nothing...

I hear their voices and close the door of the dressing room while clenching my teeth. There's a mirror to my left side and I stand in front, looking at my own reflection. Seems like the cold and sad Chaerin is talking to me through it. 

"Use your coldness Chaerin, be cold... be strong" then three sudden knocks make me gasp and look to the door's direction.

"Chaerin... I'm Dara" Oh it's her. "Are you there?" The dressing room is slightly away from the entrance of the bar. Our bar has an area for the coaches like us to change our clothes. Every one of us has one.

I gulp and try to speak properly. "Y-yes I'm here.." she tried to open the door but I locked it.

"Hey, let me in. I want to talk with you.."

I smirk. "Okay, but you can talk with me from outside. You don't need to go in. I'll be able to hear you well from here"

"Eh? But this is not a proper speech.. I want see you while I'm talking to you, not the door. Come on Chaerin, let me in..."

I bite my lower lip. I just want to open the door and let her in but I want her to know that I'm not that easy to get just because she's begging me to open it.

"I'm changing my clothes.. do you want to talk with someone who's ? I'm indisposed" I cover my mouth when I realized what came out from my mouth. Oh my god.. those weren't the things that I was supposed to say! I blush after my statement and rush to dress myself.

After I said that, I listen her coughing again and again. Did she was drinking something? Then I hear a voice saying: "Dara, are you okay?" Great, Taeyang it's with her again just behind this door. Just great! I slide the zip of my jacket close to my neck as I remember the speech I had with my other part of myself. I have to cry and be cold. But I can't cry now, I don't want those kids looking at me weirdly. There's a long day today. I let out a sigh before opening the door.

I see them looking up at me. I fake a smile. "Come on. Let's go to work. Those kids are already here. There's no time for talking now" I say coldly and walk away from them until I close the door behind me.

The buses are parking and once they turned off their motors, everyone steps outside. Many kids with their teachers. I rush to prepare our horses for them as my other co-workers are doing it too. We greet each other and join them. After some moments, Dara came too.  

The hours are passing fast with the kids and I feel one of them for a moment. It's good and nice to see their excited faces while riding our beautiful horses as grabbing funnily the reins. Jungah guides the first horse softly by the squad as the other horses follow her from behind. I caught Dara looking at me several times too. She really looks like she wants to talk with me. Her eyes look worried and desperate. Because of the work, we can't talk. At least Taeyang it's not with her... why she wants to talk with me? To confirm that she's really dating Taeyang? No, thanks...

6 PM

We reached the end of our work. Yoohooo! The last horse enters inside its place of the byre and I close the door, locking it.

"You did a good job as always, Giancarlo" I say softly as I look proudly at the great animal in front of me. A precious brown and white marwary. He worked really hard. He's an extraordinary horse, as every one here. Giancarlo approaches to me and lets me caress its long head along with its nose. A smile appears in my lips as I feel its soft fur beneath my palm.

I startled when I see another hand caressing its face too. Her hand almost touches mine. "Hi Giancarlo, are you having a good time with Chae?"

The only person who calls me Chae in this world is Dara... I move away my hand and look at her.

"You startled me.." I say while Giancarlo seems to enjoy Dara's caresses. He's moving its head up and down.

I hear her smiling and looks at me. That smile again.. "I'm sorry..., I saw you here and I wanted to join this cute scene" she says calmly.

"Why? You.. you have more important things to do than being here" I say seriously with jealousy. Taeyang appeared in my mind!

"Things like what?" she asks as her smile fades away gradually.

"Things like Taeyang" I clench my hands as the jealousy it's growing.

"Taeyang?" she laughs making me look at her with a frown.

"What kind of things? Playing mini football with him inside the bar?" she looks at me straight on the eyes. 

"More than that... I know what's happening between you two. You two are dating" I say weakly as I look at Giancarlo again. Sadness is envolving my eyes, so I cry... a tear falls from my right eye and Dara saw it.

I look at her again and close slightly my eyes when she wipes it with her sleeve. She looks serious. Stop doing these sweet actions... stop smiling at me that way, you're melting me. You make this heart beating stronger for you. And that's not good..

Looking at each other for some seconds, I sniffed and decided to go back at my home. I'm tired...

"I go home... goodnight" I mutter coldly and sadly, ready to walk away. 1 step, 2 steps, I'm about to make the third, but then...

I gasp when I feel her hands against my shoulders making me turn around and puts them against my cheeks. Her lips crashes into mine. My eyes looking hers closed. She starts to move her lips like begging me to move mine. God.. this is really happening? After some seconds of spacing out I kiss back as my tears flowing down.

My arms hug her body as her back touches a wall. Her arms slide around my neck making our lips kissing each other deeper. If the world ends after this, I don't care.. at least I'll die with her without letting her go. Her lips feel so soft.. I never thought two pair of lips like hers could be this kissable. I could kiss her all day! I smell her perfume as we keep kissing. She smells so good... this is driving me crazy. I need to breathe despite I don't want to stop it or break it...

Slowly, I break the kiss and look at her just inches apart from each other. I caress her lips with my thumbs. After releasing a long sigh, "You don't know how long I've been waiting to feel this... to be like this with you" I blush visibly under the light hanging over our heads as she's wiping my tears with her fingers.

She looks at my eyes and blushes too. "I could have do this earlier but you were closed in the dressing room.. I mean, having a speech first... not kissing you right away.." I see her blushing even more making me smile. Then I remember all the times she's been throwing glances at me today. I blinked.

"You'd looked desperated all day... we're here now. Please, tell me about it?" I ask while I caress her warm cheeks. She's so cute... finally I'm living this in my bones after imagining it so many times in my head, or even in dreams!

She smiles with a nod and pecks my lips. "I wanted to tell you that I made a big mistake when I rejected you.. specially when you started to be cold because of me. When you changed, me and Taeyang ended our relationship. Because I think I was already having feelings for you but I wasn't sure about it... I was confused. But then one day, I started to love you but not only as a friend... the feeling was increasing more and more every day without being able to do anything against it or stop it. That's why I have been acting sweet towards you because I wanted you to realize it so I could tell you indirectly that I like you.." I'm just looking at her with my eyes widely open, also my mouth. God... how I wish I could rec these words right now so I can listen them again and again.

"I wasn't myself you know?.. I couldn't be focused in the job because all what I was thinking is you.. I have been making many mistakes because of you, you know?" she adds and giggles. "Specially when you were around or close to me!" 

"Really?" I giggle with blush as I hide my face against her shoulder. Now I understand why she looked like that or why she was preparing wrongly often the horse saddles ahaha. I couldn't understand how could be that possible if she's really good at that. She did it so many times already. She's an expert!

"And now.. you're not confused about what you feel? Just to make everything loud and clear here.." I look at her deeply, admiring her brown eyes so close to mine.

She's smirking. I break with another giggle, her expression is really funny! I brush her hair softly waiting for her answer. "You need to hear it from me, mmh?"

"Yes! I really need to hear it! You don't know how! Please say it!?" I bite my lower lip in anticipation as she leans her forehead against mine. Her eyes look nothing else than my eyes. My hands clutch a little her clothes because of the depth of her stare. "I love you, Chae. I'm in love with you. I just realized it after some weeks of my break up with Taeyang... and thanks god I'm telling you this now because I was going totally crazy. Even I couldn't sleep properly because when I close my eyes, I always see you there. Thoughts flying around my head like flies, making hard to sleep! I hope I can't do any mistakes from now on" she smiles.

I laugh and pull her into a hug. I feel so good and so happy now!! I can't stop to smile. I have been dreaming so much about this moment!! I just dreamt of the day when I could hear her say "I love you" to me... goooooooooddd!!!! *jumping happily* 

"I love you too! I love you so much! You don't know how happy I'm feeling! Don't worry, if you make mistakes we'll fix it together!" She giggles while I kiss her hands and kiss her passionately in the lips too.

We listen the horses neighing and others blowing haha. Are they cheering us?

Dara and I sit down in the ground and we stay there, kissing while cuddling together. When we break the kiss to catch our breathing, I feel very warm. And just then, I see a girl as me, another part of myself kneeling in front of us. She has a bright smile in her face as she looks at me and later at Dara. Dara has her eyes closed while her head against mine.

My other part of myself is dressing with gold clothes. Her skin and hair are gold too... her eyes stop at me again before dedicating me a radiant smile. I smile back. Woa.. she's really beautiful!

"You're my happiness, right?" I ask her inside my heart and slowly she nods twice. She wink her eye at me and vanishes softly starting from her legs going up to her head and went inside of me through my chest.

And I kiss Dara's head and close my eyes with a frozen smile.

I made the story longer.. I wasn't very satisfied with the end..

I hope you like it now even more, hehe ;)

A slight touch of horror with happy end! :D

Tell me your thoughts please :D

Thank you for reading! ^__^