I had out on the bench for hours. I was in such a bad state that I barely made it home, my body almost frozen solid. Even though I made extra effort to sneak in, I was apparently not in a state to do anything delicately. The ruckus I made woke Nichkhun up, of all people. Well, at least he'd had the sense to come home after the movie instead of spending the night with that foul creature. “Omo, where have you been?” Nichkhun whispered concerned. “You are freezing cold!!” Nichkhun rushed to get a blanket, weaving it around me, rubbing the sides of my arms to try and get some heat into me. I was half expecting to feel repulsed by his touch, but luckily it still felt the same, warm and cozy. Even though I couldn't get over the fact that those hands had touched the face of that guy, and perhaps not only his face. I shuddered, I couldn't think about it. I had to stop thinking about it. This was driving me insane. Nichkhun bent down to untie my shoes. I was going to say something about being able to untie my own shoes, but then I got really dizzy, swaying, seeing spots.

I opened my eyes, everything was dark. What had happened? I remembered Nichkhun untying my shoes and then nothing. I wriggled my feet, they were shoeless so he had definitely finished the job. As I wriggled them, I realized I was lying down in a bed, probably my own. There was someone beside me, with an arm around me. It was Nichkhun's arm. Had we fallen asleep together? I hoped against hope that I hadn't blurted anything out in my delirium about my newfound feelings. It would break Nichkhun's heart to know that I thought like that, heck, it was breaking my own heart.

My throat felt sore, and my bones were shaking. My body felt feverish so I crawled deeper under the covers. The movement triggered Nichkhun's hand that came to life and started my belly. My abs automatically hardened and I got this strange feeling inside. I wasn't sure if I was getting nauseous again or if I was just ticklish. I wasn't sure of anything anymore. I suddenly got scared, scared of my own feelings, scared that they would grow to affect our relationship. I drew Nichkhun into a close hug, promising myself that I wouldn't let that happen.

I shook and shivered something fierce, thankfully I didn't have a schedule today. Nichkhun came rushing in with a tray in his hand. “Oh no! You stay in bed, you! You've got a seriously high fever and you really don't look so good.” Nichkhun's bushy eyebrows wrinkled with worry. “What on Earth were you doing last night to get you into such a state?” he mumbled, shaking his head in dismay as he put a cold washcloth on my forehead. My word, it felt good. I closed my eyes for a second. “No wait, you have to take your medicine before you drift off.” Nichkhun softly commanded, “And it wouldn't hurt to get some soup in you as well, you are all skin and bones. I think you took the diet a little bit too seriously this time” Nichkhun gave me a reproaching look.

“Ah, hang on, I forgot the spoon. Don't fall asleep, you hear!” Nichkhun rushed out of the room. *blipblip* *blipblip* What was that annoying sound? It kept repeating itself, aggravating the headache I hadn't noticed I had. I rubbed my eyes, trying to wipe away the blurriness. It was Nichkhun's phone. I knew I should just wait for him to get back, but that sound, I just couldn't handle that awful beeping any longer. I picked it up but it was locked. Confidently I typed in the date of our debut, Nichkhun was such a sentimental soul at heart. He was a family guy through and through, and to him, 2PM was family. I knew that he would do just about anything for me. I knew that if I would ever be unlucky enough to get involved in a scandal, Nichkhun would be the one to stand by me no matter what, even if his career got dragged down the drain in the process. He wasn't a saint or anything, there weren't many people in the world he would sacrifice himself for, but his family and 2PM, they had a special place in his heart. That was why I was having an extra hard time with my homophobia. Nichkhun would put his life on the line for me, but I couldn't even handle him dating some guy? How petty and cheap a person was I?!

It failed. I keyed in Nichkhun's birthday next, still the phone beeped. As a joke I tried putting my birthday, and it worked! Ahhhh, oh silence, how I missed you! Wait, really? He had my birthday as his password? Was he rotating our individual birthdays maybe? Come to think of it, it was kind of genius, we would never think of trying our own birthdays on his phone. Or, most people wouldn't. What had made me try my own birthday, it made no sense. I really wasn't that self-centered, or at least I didn't think I was. Maybe I was clairvoyant! While I was marveling at all the things I could do if I had real psychic powers, I glanced at the screen. Nichkhun had gotten a message. I wasn't going to invade his privacy but I could see the first few words of the message under the number that had sent it. 'I had fun yesterday, we..'. We what? We what?!

It was obviously from that creep from the movie theater. A familiar feeling of rage was returning. I couldn't stand the thought of those two together. I had a fleeting thought that scared me. I wasn't that person. I prided myself in being kind and understanding. Everyone deserved a shot in this world, everyone deserved the benefit of the doubt. But it was Nichkhun we were talking about. Yesterday they had been kissing in the open, what would be next? Nichkhun was clay in the hands of that monster, he couldn't protect himself. Somebody had to do it for him. All my instincts told me I should put down the phone, but I just couldn't leave it alone. I couldn't let that bastard infiltrate Nichkhun's life. I just couldn't. I convinced myself I was doing it all for him. If he didn't know what was good for him, he had to have someone take care of it for him. As if possessed, I pushed reply. My fingers moved of their own accord, I felt like I was floating outside my body, watching myself. As if someone or something evil had taken my place, using my body like a puppet to ruin Nichkhun's life. I tried to shout: no, stop it! But the demon wasn't listening.

'Sorry, you're just not my type. Thanks anyway.'

My heartbeat got faster as I pressed send. What had I done? The worst part was that I actually felt better. Was there an actual demon controlling my actions? I didn't know I had such a dark side in me. As I deleted all traces of my meddling, I almost cried. Or I tried to convince myself I wanted to cry, but no tears came out. I didn't regret it. The evil homophobia monster inside me was actually satisfied that it had destroyed a gay couple's happiness. I got a pang in my stomach, I was scaring myself.

As Nichkhun entered I quickly placed the phone on the table, completing the perfect crime. “Aigoo, I got a banana for my sick little Chanana” Nichkhun joked, giggling as he sat down on the side of the bed. Smiling, he put a tray on my lap with soup, a warm mashed up banana and some cold medicine. He was so kind, so caring. How could I have done this to him? I could feel the guilt crawling up my spine, poisoning everything it touched. I felt horrible. As I should! What I did was unforgivable. The homophobia had won this round, but it hadn't won the war. I swore to myself that I wasn't going to be this person. I was not going to be this small minded, vindictive snake, stabbing my friends in the back the moment they looked away. I vowed to be a better person, a stronger person. I had to fight this. Promising to be better eased my conscience and after letting Nichkhun take care of me, I fell into a deep sleep.