I'm Happy If You're Happy

I love her but I never let her feel it. Instead, I gave her pain and sufferings. Pain that she didn’t deserve. Sufferings that her innocent and truthful heart had to endure.

It all happened when I’m at my third year in college.

Everything was perfectly fine. I’m happy with my grades, happy with my family, friends and my girlfriend Yuri. So basically everything is on the right place. I’m a happy go lucky person, seeing things in a positive and beautiful way.

One fine day, Yuri and I are seated while hugging each other in a park bench enjoying our lovely alone time watching the beautiful view we are witnessing. Everything was fine before she uttered

“Stephan, I need space”

Those words made me confused. I can’t believe that it came out from . Nothing’s wrong, everything is perfect. We love each other and I can’t even remember the last time we had our fight.

She breaks free from our hug. She told me that she really loved me, loved. Everyday that’s passing she’s feeling different and now she’s unsure of her love to me. She wants space to know if she still loves me or she had fallen out of love to me.

I don’t think that I can still consider this as a good thing. No, because we are basically breaking up with no assurance of getting back together again. This will be an eye opener not just for her but also to me if we really love each other.

I didn’t say anything, I just nodded my head. She hugged me and says we’ll figure this out and kissed me on the cheeks she then left me. I’m watching her back walking away from me. I felt alone but I need to try this for the both of us. I really hope she’ll return to me and tell me how she really loves me.

A month passed. We’re still indicating that space she needs. I know she need this, we need this time to figure everything out so I try to understand.

When we indicated this space I’m with my friends, she’s with hers. We don’t talk. We just greet each other in the classroom the hallway, the mall and in the school cafeteria.

There’s this one day in our school cafeteria. I saw Yuri on the other side of the area laughing with her friends. She was happy. It scared me, doesn’t she missed me? I can’t see any stain of sadness in her eyes. Am I losing her? I don’t want to lose her.

I need to pull out my last string, Jealousy.  To get her jealous, for her to realize that we’re in love, we’re still in love with each other.

I looked at my surroundings. Looking at the girls. I need to find someone who can make Yuri jealous.

Then I saw my friend, Jessica. We’re not close with each other, well she’s a quiet type of girl. She’s friend with my friends so we have mutual friends that’s why we’re at the same table when eating and hanging out. We’re not close but we talk in some instances. I have to admit that she’s pretty, actually there are plenty of guys who ask her out but I never seen someone she entertains. Yuri might feel jealous to her. I don’t want to lie to the both of them. I just have to be extra sweet and caring with Jessica everytime Yuri is around. It can also develop a good friendship with Jessica.

I started to get close with Jessica, she’s my classmate that’s why it’s very easy to spend time with her. As I get close to her I realized that she’s not the kind of person people described her; They said that she’s cold but she usually smile when our eyes accidentally meet and everytime she saw me in the crowd and start some small talks every now and then.

They said that she’s rude but she’s thoughtful to me, I remember how I get really down when I want to be in the music group in our musical project so she gave up her spot to me, she said that she will be a production staff instead.

Everytime I saw Yuri, I’ll immediately go close towards Jessica and joke around her and laugh out with some things. I hope Yuri will notice and she would feel jealous.

I’ve been so close to Jessica for 2 months already. She opened up and told me about her problems, worries and insecurities and so am I. I never thought that I’d be this close to her.

She’s very light and bright to be with. I thought I’d have difficulties being friends with her but no. She tells me everything from her biggest problem up to her problem about her dog having lice. I admit she’s really fun to be with and I enjoy her company.

One Wednesday afternoon Yuri is at the same place as me and Jessica. I eventually came up to Jessica closely and talk. Then out of the blue I blurted out

“I like you Jessica” I didn’t intend to say that to her but I guess it’s just a reflex when Yuri got near us.

She replied

“I like you too” we both smile, I didn’t really expect her to say that; maybe she thinks that it’s a joke.

A week after that Yuri came to me during break time at the hallway

“Stephan, I love you! I finally find my answer, I love you, I Still love you Stephan”

There it is. I’ve been waiting for this moment

But something, somewhere in my heart felt sad.

We get back together. She went back to being sweet and mushy to me just like before. She became more expressive to her feelings and her actions became a little bolder to me.

I thought everything is back to the way it uses to but then I saw Jessica. There are times that I want to go to her and would want to talk and make her laugh.

Guilt strikes me. Jessica has to know