I'm Into Noonas
I'm Into Noonas
Jessica’s doorbell rang. Jessica groaned in frustration, tossing and turning under her duvet. It must be Mrs Choi dropping off her freshly baked muffins again. As much as Jessica liked Mrs Choi, that old woman always had the tendency to drop off her pastries early in the morning. And Jessica never woke up early.
11am in the morning was still too early to get up.
Jessica brought one of her pillows up to her ear to drown the noise, but even through her pillow, Jessica could still hear the bloody noise. Jessica threw her pillow off her ear in annoyance and untangled herself from her duvet before walking out of her bedroom. On her way out, she turned her head to glance at her wall clock.
It was freaking 4am in the morning.
Freaking 4am.
Jessica’s stopped in her tracks before she rubbed her eyes and read the time on the clock again. It was still 4am in the morning. Jessica was groggy as she scratched her scalp and wrecked her brain for possible reasons why Mrs Choi would be knocking on her door at 4am. She couldn’t possibly be dropping off muffins so early, right?
Maybe it wasn’t Mrs Choi.
Jessica gasped dramatically and brought her hands to . Maybe it was a serial killer! Jessica rushed back into her bedroom to get her father’s old baseball bat in case the person behind her door tried to attack her. Even in the outskirts of Korea, one could never be too sure what sort of danger she could be facing. Jessica wasn’t going to take any chances. She decided that at the count of three, she would open her front door and scream at the potential serial killer with her baseball bat in her hand.
Okay, inhale. Now, exhale.
One…
Two…
Three!
Jessica swung the door open and let out an ear piercing scream, causing her visitor to jump back in fright. She was being greeted by a tall, blonde man dressed in a muscle tee and leather pants. He didn’t look like the usual serial killer type (like she would know), but Jessica couldn’t take any chances, so she swung her baseball bat in front of her face in an attempt to protect herself.
“Who are you?!” she half-screamed, half-demanded at the man. “What do you want from me?!”
The blonde man looked slightly surprised at her reaction, but he extended his hand out with a smile plastered on his face. “Hello, I’m your new next door neighbour.”
Jessica stopped waving the baseball bat and stared at him.
The man stared back at her, with his hand still extended.
“What are you doing outside my house at this ungodly hour?” she demanded to know, anger boiling in her chest. Sleep deprived Jessica was equivalent to angry Jessica. No one, no one should ever disrupt Jessica’s slumber.
“Oh, I thought I should drop by to introduce myself,” Her neighbour grinned sheepishly at her, finally retracting his hand and pocketing it into his trousers.
“At 4am?” Jessica nearly screeched at this man. “Are you kidding me?” She still held on to her baseball bat tight because this man was starting to prove that he had a screw loose. It could be all an act, she thought. It could be his attempt at tricking her so she would be vulnerable enough to be murdered. Jessica put the baseball bat in front of her in a threatening stance.
“Sorry, I just arrived. I didn’t think—I mean, my tenant said the people who stay here are friendly,” Her new neighbour explained, still smiling at Jessica as though he didn’t just wake her up to introduce himself at 4 freaking am.
Jessica glared at her neighbour with cautious and angry eyes. “Well, I think Hyunseung meant the people on the left side of town.”
With that, Jessica waved her baseball bat in front of her face once more for protective measures and slammed her door on the blonde man, making hissing noises as she strutted back to her bedroom.
Whatever, she needed to sleep.
Jessica pushed her shopping cart down the aisle, nodding profusely at every sentence that came out of her neighbour’s voice box.
“And you know I heard Taeyeon is pregnant, like you know, for the fifth time this year.” Jessica’s neighbour across the street, Yuri, provided Jessica with her latest juicy gossip.
Jessica gasped as she threw a few packs of instant noodles into her cart.
“And it’s a different guy,” Yuri continued, pushing her shopping cart next to Jessica. Yuri furrowed her eyebrows because she disapproved of Taeyeon’s constant involvement with different men. “It’s always a different guy!”
Jessica gasped again. “Oh my God!”
Jessica stopped pushing her shopping cart, turning to look at Yuri. “Wasn’t she just like, pregnant not too long ago?”
“She got an abortion, duh.”
Jessica nodded as her brain digested her town’s latest gossip. She was grateful to have a neighbour like Yuri who provided her with all the fresh news of their town on their weekly grocery trips together.
“Oh, oh! I heard there’s a cute guy who just moved in yesterday!” Yuri suddenly squealed, arms flapping about as she jumped excitedly.
“Oh my God, really?”
“Like, totally! I think Taeyeon already introduced herself.”
Jessica rolled her eyes at this. Trust Taeyeon to make a move on every man that stepped foot in their town.
“Oh my God! The cute guy is here!” Yuri squealed even louder this time. She smacked Jessica’s left arm repeatedly in excitement, causing Jessica to wince at the contact. “Oh my God, I can’t believe this! This must be fate!” Jessica immediately whipped her head to the direction Yuri’s finger is pointing at, her eyes searching for the said handsome face.
“I don’t see any cute guy,” Jessica frowned and squinted her eyes to have a clearer look of the grocery store. She still couldn’t see anyone who could be deemed as good looking. Jessica turned to Yuri. “Where?”
“The tall, blonde man by the dairy aisle,” Yuri informed her.
Jessica waited for the said man to turn around so she could have a good look on his face. However, when the blonde man turned around, Jessica let out a gasp, startling her neighbour.
Yuri gasped along with Jessica. “Oh my God! What is it?”
“That man?!” Jessica screeched, her voice going extremely high-pitched. “That man is a psychopath!”
Yuri brought her hands to , her eyes widening in surprise. “How do you know that?”
“He came knocking on my door at 4am this morning!” Jessica rolled her eyes and scoffed as she recalled the horrible memory. “Tell me that isn’t totally psychopath material.”
“Why was he knocking on your door?”
“I know right? Like, why would anyone sane do that? Apparently he moved in next to me and he wanted to introduce himself.” Jessica deadpanned, “At 4am.”
“Oh my God! Total psychopath!” Yuri nodded in agreement. “Pity he’s so cute though.”
Jessica scoffed once more. “No, he’s totally not cute. I’ve seen cuter!” She wasn’t being bias; she just didn’t think her new neighbour was that good looking. He was like, totally not good looking. Psychopaths can’t possibly be cute!
Just as Jessica had such thoughts, she could hear Yuri gasping dramatically again. “He’s walking over! Oh my God, Jess! He’s walking over!”
Jessica turned to look quizzically at her panicking neighbour before she finally realised what her neighbour meant. Her new mentally-challenged neighbour was walking towards their direction, a knowing smile played out on his lips. He gave a wave towards Jessica and Jessica’s heart nearly jumped out of her chest.
“Oh my God,” Jessica muttered under her breath, her brain sending of alarm bells. “Why is he walking towards me? Oh my God.”
“Oh my God,” Her neighbour echoed.
Her mentally-challenged neighbour reached the two ladies and smiled once more, sending Yuri into a fit of giggles. Jessica turned to glare at her giggling neighbour before returning her gaze to the blonde man standing in front of her.
“Hi,” Her new neighbour greeted.
“Hi!” Yuri greeted back, her greeting full of enthusiasm.
Jessica just stared blankly at the tall, blonde man. Her mentally-challenged neighbour opened his mouth to say something to her, but instead of words coming out of his voice box, his face turned green.
He made puking noises and very unexpectedly vomited his lunch all over Jessica.
And Jessica let out a very, very piercing scream, nearly shattering the windows of the grocery store. The entire population at the grocery store turned their attention to a red-faced Jessica, wondering what the ruckus was about.
“WHAT DID YOU JUST—” Jessica shrieked, staring down at her vomit-covered dress. Her dress was brand new! Jessica’s horrified expression resembled the ‘The Scream’ painting. “OH MY GOD! YOU !”
“I’m so sorry,” The blonde man apologised, reaching into his pockets to pull out a few sheets of tissue. He reached his hand out to wipe his vomit off Jessica but Jessica only screamed again, pushing his hands away from her.
“Oh my God! You freak!” She yelled. “Don’t touch me!”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to, I just—” The tall, blonde man continued to apologise repeatedly, offering Jessica tissue. Unable to take any of it anymore, Jessica yelled at him in annoyance, “Oh just shut up!” With that, Jessica let out an exasperated yell and stalked off to the grocery store’s washroom, leaving her helpless neighbour behind.
“Wait—” Her neighbour started, but Jessica was long gone.
Jessica’s doorbell rang the second time that day. Jessica’s ears perked up at the sound and she turned to look at her front door. She was only wrapped in a towel, having just come out from her bathroom after a long shower. It took Jessica an awfully long time just to scrub off all the vomit from her body. She sighed at the bad memory. What did she do in her past life to deserve this?
With her hair dripping wet, Jessica took hurried steps towards her front door and swung it open expectedly, a grin on her face. It must be Mrs Choi dropping off her muffins! Jessica absolutely loved Mrs Choi chocolate muffins. It was nice living in a small town where she had friendly, generous neighbours.
However, what she hadn’t been expecting was to be greeted by the freak next door.
It was her psychopath neighbour by her front door.
“Hey, about earlier—”
Jessica let out a scream, slamming her front door shut on his face, not wanting to hear whatever he had to say. It was best if she didn’t have any sort of contact with him, considering the unfortunate event earlier. She didn’t want to spend another hour in the shower just scrubbing vomit off. Jessica was going to avoid this man at all costs.
Her doorbell rang again and Jessica yelled at her front door, “I don’t mingle with crazy people! Go away!”
“I’m sorry about earlier, I really didn’t mean to, I mean, I wasn’t expecting—”
“Nope,” Jessica yelled, emphasising on every word she uttered, “No, no and no!”
Realising she was only wrapped in a towel, and the potential serial killer by her door had just seen her half , Jessica let out another scream and pulled at her wet hair. How could she not be more careful? She was such a stupid, brainless idiot. Now the serial killer might try to her next. Jessica cursed her luck and her stupid day, running off quickly to her bedroom to cover her (very much) exposed body.
Of course, she ignored her ringing doorbell from then onwards.
“You know, he like, vomited all over me. Like, in front of the entire town. I mean, not entire entire but pretty close, considering how small this town is,” Jessica ranted to her best friend whilst she carried her big pile of dirty clothes to her laundry room.
“You mean that cute, new neighbour of yours?” Her best friend, Tiffany enquired.
“He’s not that cute. Okay, maybe just a little. Wait a minute, how do you even know he’s cute?” Jessica gasped. “You know that psychopath? Oh my God, did I call him cute earlier?”
“You didn’t, but I just imagined him to be good looking,” Tiffany giggled over the line and Jessica rolled her eyes as she sorted through her laundry.
“Well, he isn’t. Anyway, as I was saying, he totally threw up all over me. Like, talk about ewww!” Jessica continued to rant. She needed to let it all out. If she didn’t, God knows what would happen. Jessica dumped her white garments into her laundry machine before she pressed the start button.
“Oh my God! He didn’t!”
“He totally did, and he even came over to apologise. He tried to, but I obviously— what is tha—” Jessica dropped her phone into her laundry pile and let out another ear piercing scream. She really needed to stop screaming, but really, it wasn’t entirely her fault she kept screaming these days. People had to stop making her scream!
Just why, oh why, did her crazy neighbour have to stare at her from her laundry room window?
Jessica picked up her phone in a hurry. “I’ll call you back,” she muttered distractedly to Tiffany and ended their call before she turned her gaze back upon the psychopath, shooting him deadly daggers with her large eyes.
She fumed. “You! Why are you—what are you doing here!?”
Her blonde neighbour shrugged apologetically, offering her a shy smile through her open window. Thank God for her strong window grill. God knows what that man would do if she didn’t have a window grill!
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to come over and apologise about what happened yesterday.”
Jessica took a few caution steps back, just in case that man tried anything funny on her again. “You seriously need to learn about privacy and personal space,” Jessica deadpanned, glaring furiously at the blonde figure. Which sane person would poke their head through their neighbour’s laundry room window just to apologise?
“Does that mean I’m forgiven?” Her neighbour asked hopefully.
“No.”
“I’m really sorry about your dress, I’ll pay for the laundry fees and—” Before her new neighbour could finish his sentence, Jessica had already bolted out of her laundry room and locked all three locks of her laundry room locks.
Bye psychopath!
Calming and soothing music filled Jessica’s entire living room. She was seated cross-legged on her yoga mat, trying her best to release all the negative energy in her as chirping noises and flowing water sounds sounded from her CD player.
Inhale, Jessica thought to herself. She took a deep breath, feeling her lungs filled with oxygen. Jessica exhaled happily; she was now one step closer to forgetting about—
Oh shucks. She was thinking about it again.
Jessica’s train of thoughts was interrupted by her ringing mobile phone. She shut her eyes tight and hoped that her phone would stop ringing after a while. After a few missed calls, her phone continued to ring, as though it was mocking Jessica that she would never be able to reach a state of peace.
Groaning in frustration, Jessica reached out to grab her ringing phone, nearly stumbling over as she did so. “Hello?” She answered breathlessly.
“Hi, I’m your new next-door neighb—”
Jessica hung up abruptly. She didn’t even want to know how that crazy man got her number.
She was so going to lodge a police report tomorrow.
The next morning Jessica woke up to a big bouquet of flowers and an envelope on her front steps. She picked up the bouquet of flowers with caution (she was just worried it might explode on her). Jessica ripped open the white envelope with her free hand and hurriedly pulled out the pink card and bills inside.
I’m really sorry. I hope this is enough. – Your new next-door neighbour, Kris
Jessica frowned and looked towards the house next to hers. She couldn’t understand why this man wouldn’t leave her alone.
“They say dating is a numbers game...” Jessica looked up from her opened novel. Surprise and horror filled Jessica’s face immediately because sitting right across her in the town’s library was her next-door neighbour. “So can I get your number?”
“Are you out of your mind?” Jessica hissed through gritted teeth. “Oh wait, you probably are. Are you stalking me? I am so going to lodge a police report on you.”
Her neighbour’s face looked crestfallen. “Is this about the vomiting thing? I’m really sorry about that incident—”
“Hah. You’re funny,” Jessica remarked sarcastically. “Really funny.”
“…Are you being sarcastic?”
Jessica sighed and slammed her novel shut. “You know, if you would kindly leave me alone, maybe I’ll actually disregard the entire incident.”
Relief washed over Kris’s face and he gave her a shy smile. “Then will you give me your number?”
“No.”
“Just give me a chance.”
“No.”
Her neighbour looked dejected. “Why not?”
Jessica rolled her eyes at the clueless man. That man had to learn what rejection was too. You don’t just ask someone why they rejected you. You just don’t. Annoyed, Jessica decided to crush this man’s crazy hopes once and for all. What was this crazy man thinking anyway? That she would gladly give her number away to him?
“Firstly, I don’t date guys that are too tall,” Jessica started.
“I’m not that tall. I’m only a hundred and eighty—”
“Too tall.” Jessica cut him off and continued, “And I only date older men. You look too childish for me.”
Kris looked both shocked and hurt from her insult. “What? I’m twenty three.”
“I’m twenty four.”
Kris smiled. “It’s okay. I’m into noonas anyway.”
Jessica stood up, her chair making loud noises as it slid across the library floor and away from her. “Sorry, this noona isn’t interested in blonde men.” She picked up her novel and haughtily walked away from her confused neighbour.
Kris stared at Jessica confusedly. “What’s wrong with blonde hair?”
Jessica stopped in her tracks and turned around to give Kris one last glance. “Oh and, I don’t like your gay dressing either.”
Kris looked down to his tight leather pants.
Jessica’s doorbell rang and Jessica got up from her couch to answer her front door, yelling cheekily towards her front door as she walked towards it. “Hyunseung, stop asking for salt! Buy your own!”
She laughed at her own statement and opened her front door, grinning widely at the man standing behind it.
However, it wasn’t Hyunseung that was smiling back at her.
“If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?” Kris asked, holding out a bouquet of flowers.
“No.”
Kris offered her the bouquet of flowers. “Please give me a chance.”
“I believe we’ve had this conversation before.”
Kris sighed dejectedly. “I’m really into noonas and you’re exactly my type.”
Jessica crossed her arms and stared at Kris. “Do I look like I give a ?”
“Please give me a chance,” Kris tried his luck again.
“No,” Jessica answered and slammed her door shut in his face.
Jessica arched her back and stretched her arms, feeling satisfied and accomplished after a long day of spring cleaning. She glanced about her house and smiled to herself. Her house was now sparkling clean.
Wait. Is that a—
Jessica screamed as a cockroach appeared from her bookcase and ran towards her feet. She jumped about and continued to scream. She hated cockroaches and was scared less by them. She absolutely hated those bloody, damn things.
Her doorbell rang and Jessica ran towards it, still screaming. She opened her door wide and flapped her arms about to a very confused Kris, who was holding out another bouquet of flowers.
“Help! Help me! Oh my God save me!” She screamed and wailed as she gestured towards her living room.
Kris immediately ran inside her house, followed by a screaming Jessica. “What? What is it?” He asked her, glancing about her house for any signs of danger.
“COCKROACH!” Jessica cried, tears streaking down her pretty face.
Kris glanced down to the floor and finally understood why Jessica was crying. “Back off!” He screamed at the (harmless) cockroach. “Back off! Don’t scare her!”
The cockroach continued to run about the house, hiding under Jessica’s furniture before it magically appeared at another corner of her house again. Jessica continued to scream and cry as the cockroach reappeared again.
Kris, being the very heroic man he is, grabbed Jessica and embraced her. “It’s okay,” He comforted her, rubbing soothing circles down Jessica’s back. “I’ll protect you.”
“You will?” Jessica sobbed, not even protesting as Kris hugged her even tighter.
“Yes,” Kris answered her firmly.
At the end of the day, Kris didn’t exactly protect Jessica from the cockroach, but Jessica’s heart had never beaten this fast before.
Soon after, Jessica edited her list of characteristics and qualities her future husband should have. Her newly edited list is as follows:
- Said future husband
cannot be too tallcan be tall. - Said future husband
has to be older than her.Preferably two to three years oldercan be younger than her (maybe just not that much younger) - Said future husband can
notbe trendier than her (tight leather pants is accepted). - Said future husband can
not everdye his hair(unless he has reached the age of 60, in which he needs to get rid of his grey hairs)(as long as it looks good on him). - Said future husband
needs to be able to catch and kill cockroachesjust has to hug her tight and scream at cockroaches.
(Kris now has a chance.)
Author's Note: I might make this into a multi-chapter story because I really like krissica. But regardless, do let me know what you think of this story!
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