Music and books filled one boring month.

Daniel spent his mornings at school, afternoons in the library and evenings listening to Henry’s last tunes of the day. The blond pushed his violin to the limit on several occasions, especially when he pictured his lover’s face within the melody. The concert of his life was nearing, becoming warmer with each sunset and sunrise, the rays strengthening his nervousness. Daniel would then shower him with joy and make everything better.

Shared meals, shared sheets, shared showers, everything seemed to be back in its rightful place and the two never stopped exchanging glances, kisses, touches and on top of all, love.

The day Henry waited for finally arrived, only for a call to ruin everything. They moved the concert in late March due to some financial problems. It earned Henry a frown for the following hours, mumbling when Daniel asked him what’s wrong at breakfast, groaning whenever he remembered about it alone in the house and sighing loudly after he took a stroll around the city until late afternoon to calm down.

“Oppa!”

Before he could unlock the front door, he heard a girl’s voice.

Turning around our of curiosity, Henry’s back hit the door the exact moment Hara jumped in his arms. Startled, the blond first held her well in case his legs couldn’t handle the new pressure.

After things settled down, he gently pushed the girl off him and fixed his coat and scarf hanging loosely from his neck. He shouldn’t have dressed with so many layers, it was warm enough outside to let go of the winter clothes and embrace the pre-spring attire.

“What was that about?”

“Oppa!” Henry cringed with that thing ringing again in his ears. “I want to thank you for last time. Want to have dinner?”

Hara puckered her lips, kept her hands behind her waist and seesawed on spot, battling her eyelashes every second.

“Has the idiot put you up to this?”

The girl’s flirt backfired. She puffed her chest and violently shook her head, locks of hair flying back and forth and lashing her beautiful face void of heavy make-up.

“Of course not! Honest!”

“Why are you letting him boss you around?”

“Really oppa! I mean, I know you’re gay and all, but…” she shrugged and grinned wide, making Henry almost slap his forehead in defeat.

“I am not gay,” he had to protect his image one way or another. “I’m biual, there’s a huge difference.” Even if that meant giving away his secret to the girl who already knew more than his family or closest friends… then again, Henry had no friends to begin with. He hadn’t counted Jinyoung anymore since that incident, even if he ultimately still cared enough to help him.

“You’re what?”

“It means I like both genders.”

“I know what it means but you’re what? I always thought you were straight-up gay.”

Henry mumbled something under his breath, making Hara tiptoe closer to catch him cursing her brother. Before their encounter could become any more embarrassing (or his lover to get the wrong idea if he saw them), Henry pushed Hara again away from his face, leaving enough space between them.

“What hour? And can I bring somebody along?”

“Eight, the usual place, bring whoever you want, I don’t care that much. Don’t be late!”

She leaned forward, pecked his cheek and then dashed away from the stunned blond, constantly giggling to herself and drawing attention from men and women alike. She avoided a collision with a brown haired boy wearing a red scarf before taking the corner.

Henry on the other hand scoffed, touched his cheek and scoffed again, making Daniel raise both his eyebrows.

“…are you okay?”

Henry closed his mouth, straightened himself and then forced a chuckle out with his arm around Daniel’s shoulder. The brunet almost dropped his bag, curious on what flustered Henry.

It was probably the weather.

Henry smiled at him as he unlocked the door.

Yeah, the weather.

---

The restaurant they frequented consisted mostly of ssam menus. It was more of a family orientated atmosphere none of them truly enjoyed, yet differed from the luxuriant or shady places none of them wanted to go at. As they always said – better to be safe than sorry – and their haven was between crimson walls adorned with dragons and other oriental motifs. Chattering customers usually covered any musician playing from the speakers between tables of steaming vegetables and sizzling meat.

Before Henry set foot inside, Hara grabbed his arm and pulled him at their table. Daniel followed amused, erupting in hellos when he spotted Donghae. Not long before the two discarded their scarves and heavy coats, Dongwoo rushed to the table and excused his lateness.

The girl urged the three boys to take a seat, attending the meat and asking for extra portions from the waiter careening between clients.

“Dig in!” excitement wrapped around her entire body, radiating from each pore “We’re paying, don’t worry!”

Jinyoung snorted, leaning his chin against his palm and watched Henry take the chair by his side. He questioned his move through his gaze, seeing Daniel take the seat near Henry and Donghae. The last one, Dongwoo (who he had not met before) took the only place available, near his sister, and immediately asked if she needed help with anything.

It was all a parade for him.

They all pretended to get along, despite everything that happened. It had been a thrilling ride of jealousy, betrayal and any other he’d hear when somebody summarized him a melodrama. His life was probably worth portraying on TV with a handsome actor as the lead and some ty actress to the side because he honestly couldn’t picture anybody else playing the role of his lost love Henry other than the blond himself.

The longing gaze he gave the violinist made him shudder for a second, enough to lock eyes with him.

“What’s wrong?”

Jinyoung let go of his hurt puppy look and stole one of the leaves from Hara. He ignored her shouts, grabbed some ready meat, vegetables and stuffed it with rice.

“Eat this,” he replied shortly after. The blond did as told, taking in the food and almost choking on the large quantity.

“Too much…,” Henry away some pieces of rice from around his lips, chewing and mixing the flavors with his tongue until everything numbed his entire being, placed him on a cloud and carried him to the faraway heavens.

The green monster circulating every human appeared on Daniel’s nose, pointing its boney finger at Henry and Jinyoung. The boy grabbed a leaf too, filled it and then brushed it around Henry’s mouth until he turned around and accepted the offer.

Of course, the green monster had the ability to teleport. He appeared before the other blond in the room, namely Jinyoung, and taunted him to gain back Henry’s trust.

That is how the infamous ssam war started, the two boys stuffing Henry with every occasion. The blond didn’t know from who to take first, his neck already tiring from all the left and right turns he was forced to take.

“Is that your brother?” Hara inquired while the black-haired man sunk deeper in his chair. Dongwoo wished for a hole to open in the floor and swallow him deep inside the earth’s core. Nothing else other than that would be enough to clear the shame.

“Yeah,” he acknowledged his relationship with the glaring slash wrapping machine that Daniel became in a few minutes.

“He’s gay too?” Hara wrapped a leaf for Dongwoo who accepted it gladly.

“Aham,” nodding, he pointed with his chin at Jinyoung, “Yours too?”

“Yep,” Hara wrapped another for herself, letting the juicy meat overflow her senses. “Guess we’re in the same boat.”

The two strangers became friends through a single high five and the pain of having reckless brothers.

Donghae was the only one laughing at their suffering, laughing at the absurdity, laughing in the face of peril, for he only saw good fortune in their interactions. He tapped Daniel’s back and shoved a leaf inside his mouth, getting Henry to switch roles and feed his lover before he’d starve.

Donghae only laughed harder, joined in harmony by Jinyoung, Henry and Dongwoo. Daniel’s full mouth was too funny, reminiscent of the same chipmunk Donghae had long nicknamed him after. Hara covered , squinting at the boys while her chest filled with air.

Winter finally left their hearts.

---

“I haven’t had so much fun in years.”

Jinyoung’s exalted spirit tripled in size, both of his hands inside his jacket’s pockets.

Donghae had to agree. At one point, he couldn’t eat anymore, for his stomach hurt too much from laughing. Fortunately, for them, due to the already loud ruckus forever present in the restaurant, nobody shushed them. What surprised Jinyoung most was Dongwoo’s offer to drive everybody home and the refusal both him, Donghae and the other two love birds promptly gave him. At the same time, the blond insisted he take his sister instead. He couldn’t let her return on her own, yet couldn’t stand her intertwine between him and Donghae, needing a long walk and a long talk.

“It’s nice tonight,” Donghae took in the fresh air, slamming the cane against the road with every heavy step.

“Remember when I took your battery phone and you didn’t have money for a new one?” The blond snickered, suddenly bringing back high-school memories. “I left you a note inside to come and see me if you wanted it back.”

“I did the same for payback, you were so pissed.”

Donghae knew those moments well. It was a dark period for Jinyoung, forever under the threat of his control-freak father. He had asked his mother countless of times to divorce the demon, only for her to forever plead forgiveness towards the man and promise they would all be good. His messages, his books, notebooks, diaries, every single thing Jinyoung owned was thoughtfully checked by his father.

Sure, he could delete Donghae’s texts right after reading them, yet, they always gave him hope whenever shadows took control.

In the depths of nights like those, starless and hopeless, he popped the case open, unfolded Donghae’s note and read it over and over again until his eyelids dropped and carried him in a dreamless sleep. Nightmares weren’t that scary when the reality Jinyoung had to endure was much, much worse than anything his brain could craft.

“Yeah, for a second,” he murmured, enjoying the breeze, the silence, the almost empty path towards the chaotic home he dwelled in since birth. “But your words saved me.”

It was their little secret. One that Donghae tainted when he tried to tell Daniel something important, yet failed to also give instructions on how to access his wisdom when he wasn’t there.

It was silly, extremely silly, something only children could think of or people who overcomplicate everything in their life, exactly like Jinyoung. Maybe that is why he took the last drop of courage he had left when it came to confronting the blond, finally spilling out everything he ever wanted to say.

“I sometimes wonder if that’s true. If you even needed saving.”

The two stopped, face to face, Donghae knowing well Jinyoung’s dumbfounded expression was genuine.

Ever since he met him, some things didn’t change. One was Jinyoung’s sharp tongue and honesty, which often got them in trouble, with the other one being Jinyoung’s readable countenance. Even the slightest twitch spoke volumes to the elder while others barely saw it.

“What do you mean?”

As always, Jinyoung was exactly the opposite, failing to see the grimaces of those around him.

“You say that my words saved you, yet your actions killed me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Words are just that,” Donghae stared at the sky, photographs of their happier times spreading all over the black canvas. “They come and go, they lift you or punch you back to the ground. But words don’t count that much in the end,” his gaze re Jinyoung, too weary to smile anymore “because they are just words. What’s the point of telling somebody that you love them if you never showed them that?”

“Are you talking about Henry and me? Because you know that---”

“You! I’m talking about you!” Donghae cut in, not wanting to hear that bastard’s name anymore in the same sentence with Jinyoung’s. “If it was anybody else, I would have forgiven you already. But why Henry of all people? Why?”

“I love him.”

“You don’t,” Donghae couldn’t handle him anymore. He could no longer accept Jinyoung as Jinyoung. Even he had a limit, one on the verge of breaking. “You don’t love him. If you had, you wouldn’t have run back to me.”

“But you’re my friend, why wouldn’t I do that?”

“Not every single time, you !”

Jinyoung bit his lips, lowering his gaze and then back at Donghae. His knuckles turned white, the fabric of his jacket crumbling under his hand.

“So you’re judging me too,” he slowly let go, itching to grab onto Donghae instead “After all these years, you’re judging me too.”

“I am,” the elder came closer and without any warning, he connected his lips over Jinyoung’s, taking in the only kiss he shall ever give the rebellious child. Pulling away, he whispered hesitantly “because I’m the one that has always loved you unconditionally and I can’t help judging you for never noticing me.”

“I did,” Donghae became the puzzled one. “I always had… have always known…,” Jinyoung gulped on his words. “Always wanted you more than anybody else, yet, I never could have you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I slept with Henry to make you jealous.”

“…why would anybody do that?”

Jinyoung grinned.

“Murderers like me do it. I understand if this is the end of our… everything. Because for once, I admit I’m in the wrong.”

“Jinyoung, what the are you saying?”

It was the blond’s turn to kiss the other, his turn to bitterly say their farewell in a way both wanted to give their greetings. Donghae pulled at his shoulder, eyes closed and prolonging the kiss.

“It’s over,” the blond breathed over his lips, finally letting go, finally accepting that fate is one y lady. The shatters between them were too tiny to glue them back.

“You’re being a goddamn drama queen again and it’s ing annoying, do you know that?”

Donghae wrapped both his arms around the blond and kissed him again and again, shrouded by the darkness which once united them.

---

Another couple decided to have the long-walk, long-talk dish. Dongwoo insisted to take them home, only for Daniel to insist back their place wasn’t that far to need a ride. Afterwards, Dongwoo begged him to take the DNA test in the end.

“Please, I need to know before I go.”

“Go where?”

“The army.”

That is how Daniel found out his brother wouldn’t be around much since he got a notice and had to leave soon. He wondered why he was the one to leave before him. Truthfully, that subject hadn’t crossed their minds in a long while. Due to the novel circumstances, Daniel accepted, only after Dongwoo swore to take care of everything.

“It’s nice,” he told no one in particular, Henry too busy typing at his phone.

“What is?” he finally took part in Daniel’s musings, placing the device back in his deep pockets.

“Breathing, seeing, speaking,” their pace matched, none speeding or slowing down “laughing…”

“Living?” Henry completed, his fingers tentatively grasping at Daniel’s until they finally joined. His lover nodded, thumb brushing over Henry’s hand.

“Yes,” with still a lot to go and the promise he made, Daniel glanced at Henry several times before opening his mouth again “Want to know about Sungyeol?”

“Your brother spoiled me a little,” his grasp tightened. Never had he appreciated the other more than in that month. “It's your choice.”

“I’ll tell you,” Daniel smiled ahead, glad he had Henry there, glad no storm tore them apart, “I’ll tell you about Sungyeol.”

7 chapters to go! ^^ thank you for reading~