Ayo, Datmao!
B&D • Best for the Best
TITLE: Passion or Desire?
STORY LINK: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/488003/passion-or-desire-yulsic-hyosun-hyosica-hyosic
STATUS: ONGOING
SYNOPSIS: 5/10
It's a bit boring and doesn't catch my attention. The only part that really grasped my curiousity was the last question. Try and make it mysterious because, right now, it tells the readers what the story is about is going to be. The synopsis needs to make the reader want to read more. The foreword is overwhelming. A nice snippet or the most impacting part of that section would help grab the readers attention.
ORIGINALITY: 8/10
It is a cliche plot but it does have it's far share of twists. It's an interesting take on the plot. There are scenes in which are predictable but the author molds it into her version.
GRAMMAR/LANGUAGE: 7/10
The dialogue is hard to read since it is jumbled into paragraphs. It's a bit confusing to distinguish who said what and I have to reread twice. It's better to let have each speaker have its own paragraph. Other than the dialogue, there are few grammatical errors.
FLOW/STYLE: 9/10
General flow if story is slow but fluid. A few unneeded scenes but they are nice to read.
ENJOYABILITY: 8.5/10
I generally enjoyed this story and have few negative comments. It's a nice read and does the plot justice. I find myself rereading certain scenes here and there.
OVERALL: 37.5+2/50
COMMENTS:
When I first started to read this story I was going to stop because of the dialogue situation but the author's take in "player tries to change" is really intriguing. Instead of focusing on the developing relationship between the two main characters, the author focuses on the development between the main character and her own struggles within herself. I believe to have a great developing relationship between the two, there needs to be growth within the self. So that earns two points itself. I don't subscribe to many stories and I am subscribed. It is even more rare to upvote stories and I have upvoted this story.
Though I am a hardcore Hyosica shipper and a Hyosica writer as well, these facts do not influence the grading of this story.
Reviewed on 8.23.14
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