“Hey…”I said weakly as I opened the door to Jessica’s room.

“Hi!”She shouted happily. I took the wheelchair that I brought and pushed it near her bed. “What’s this for?” Sheasked.

“I don’t want you to walk to the backyard, hop on” I said as I patted the chair.

“Eeeehh . . . don’t wanna” She said while pouting. I don’t know why she still acts like this. She’s so strong. I know these two pass months weren’t easy for her, yet she kept showing me her smile.

“Hmmm then we’ll just talk here”I said and smiling at her.

“Carry me!”She said as she spread her hands out, gesturing me to carry her.

“Okay… Bridal style?”I asked her.

“No… ummm… Carry me on your back!”she said.

“Okay”I said.

I lowered my body so she could put her arms around my neck to hold it tightly. I grab her thigh and pulled her up. “Woah! You’re heavy… ugghhhh” I said trying to make it seem like she was heavy, but it was actually the opposite, she’s really light. *Plak* Suddenly, I felt a slight pain in my head.

“Shut up! Walk!”She said pointing at the door.

“Yes yes… You’re not heavy by the way…”I said and start to walk. “Open the door for me” I said as I bend down so her hands can reach the door knob.

We walk through the hallway. Well because it’s already late the hallway is pretty quiet. “Soo…” She said leaning on my shoulder, giving me a tingling feeling as I felt her soft breath on my neck.

“Umm”I said as my answer.

“Have you met my father?”she asked.

“Yes… and I told him that I’m dating you…” I said to her bluntly.

“Woah… fast… why?”she asked.

“Umm… I guess you’re faster than me… you confessed to me first… I just thought that it will be better… You tell him about me too right…”I said as we arrived in front of the elevator. I gestured my head telling her to press the button.

“Umm… I guess it’s okay… do you want to know why I confessed to you?”She said.

“Why?”I asked her.

“I’m afraid that I will lose you Soo… I’m afraid that I will forget you the moment I close my eyes. And I’m mostly afraid that… no one knows that you’re the girl I like. I’m afraid that no one will remind me…I’m afraid I will forget to go to our meeting place. I’m afraid that I will forget how you look… even if I write or something…I’m afraid, Soo…” She said as she held me tighter and began to cry on my shoulder.

We arrived at the first floor and as expected, it was quiet. I walked straight to where we usually meet each night, the nice bench where we usually shared our stories. I put her down and she’s still sobbing.

“Here…”I said offering her my handkerchief. “Better now?” I said as I sat beside her.

“Umm…”She mumbled and looked at me.

“Do you have your phone?”I asked.

“Um yes…”She said handing me the phone.

“Let’s take a picture”I said and put my hand around her shoulder. We both smiled into the camera. 

*Click*

I looked at the picture and set it as her wallpaper. “There… this way you won’t forget my face, you’ll see it each time you open your phone” I said and giving her the phone. “Say Jess… we already talked about your hobby and stuff, even family… what do you want to talk about with me? I can’t think of a good theme hehe…” I said rubbing the back of my head.

“Umm… I don’t know…”she said.

I really want to ask her about a lot of things. Like why she can be this strong. Why she didn’t go through surgery and stuff. And the most important thing I want to know is what books she reads most of the time. Okay I’ll ask her about her book.

“Sica-ah… Can I ask you what book you’re always reading?”

“This?”she said pulling the book from her pocket (yeah this book isn’t that big and you know patients robe has a big pocket). I just nodded as my answer. She gives me the book and I read what’s inside. It’s like diary. She has been writing in this since 4 month ago it seems. But if I’m not mistaken she was diagnosed 2 month ago.

“Sica… It’s…”I said looking at her.

“It’s a diary I wrote…”she said. I went through the book and found out that some parts of her writing are terrible, so she actually has the symptoms. It also has pictures of her family.

“You must have realized that I wrote this 4 month ago… I’ve actually known about my illness since then.” She said. I’m shocked of her confession. Then she must hide it from her family. “I don’t want my family to know. I was already at stage 4 back then; I’m still impressed I’m in this condition now. I knew my life wouldn’t last much longer, so I decided not to tell anyone and just spend my last moments of my life in the outside world not here in the hospital…” She said with teary eyes.

I moved closer to her and hugged her. I let her head rest against my chest as she cries. “I’m the one who told my father not to do anything to me. I knew it would be hard for him to see me suffer because of the treatment. I know it’s just a matter of time when God, will finally call me from this world” She said as she already calmed herself.

So that’s why her father said so. I saw hesitation on her father’s face when he said that to me. He wanted to try but his daughter rejected his offer. Well I think Jessica has a point when she says she doesn’t want her father to do anything to her. Those treatments will make her look so vulnerable. Her body will look so thin. Her face will look so pale, even a soft touch will hurt her. I think it won’t hurt Jessica only. Her father must be so broken looking at her daughter in that condition. Either way… God will take her from her father… that’s what she thinks.

“Soo... sooner or later more symptoms will start to show up. I already forget some parts of my life already; thanks to that diary I wrote I will be able to remember it… Promise me Soo… that when the time comes that I have lost my ability to write… promise me you will write in that book about us. When the time comes and I have lost my eye sight… promise me you will read them for me… promise me you won’t leave me…” she said looking at me with her deep eyes. I hold my tears trying to be strong in front of her, but slowly those tears came down and washed my cheek.

“Yes… I promised”

1 Week Later

“Sica…”I called out as I entered her room. I found her sobbing while holding her right hand. “What’s wrong?” I asked her scared of the reality of things happening now.

“I can’t move my right hand…”she said holding her hand.

After An MRI Scan

“It seems that her right part of her body will be permanently paralyzed…”Dr. Jung said after he looked at the scan results. I saw his eyes getting teary thinking about what his daughter is going through.

“Should I tell her sir? I don’t want her to get shocked if suddenly she cannot move another part of her body…”I said to him.

“Yes… tell her slowly…”He said to me. “Dr. Choi!” He called me when I was just about to leave. “Have you ever asked her about her dream?” he asked me.

“No sir… I have not brought up that subject in our conversation.”I said.

“She always wanted to be a great photographer. Well she already was… but she quit 4 months ago. That day… the time she told me that she quit… I was so shocked… but the words she said that time… “I’m glad I took these all photo dad…” I have no idea by what she meant.”He said while his voice was cracking all over. “The time she was brought here unconscious… I entered her room later that night… I found her MRI scan results and test results … and she knew her illness two month before. What kind of father am I? I’m so stupid not to realize that she was sick… that she was hurting inside…I’m a great oncologist they say… but I don’t need that kind of praising, if I cannot even save my own daughter…” He said crying his heart out.

I felt my tears already drenched my cheek as I cried silently. I felt the same as him. Everyone said that I was a genius, graduating as a doctor at 20 and becoming a specialist at the age of 23. But I can’t even save the one I love with these hands. I saved a lot of people but why can’t God let me save the one I love. I felt useless…

“I’m going to meet her sir… excuse me…”I said leaving the room. I went straight to her room and wiped my tears before I entered the room. I saw Jessica looking at her phone. I think she was looking at the picture we took a week ago. “Hi…” I said entering the room.

“Oh hi…”She said as she closed her phone and looked at me. “How’s the results?” she asked.

“Um, so from the MRI, it seems like you will lose movement in the right part of your body little by little” I said weakly as I sat down beside her. “Don’t worry Sica-ah… I will be here with you…” I said as I held her weak right hand. She nodded and let her tears fall from her cheek.

1 Month Later

 It has been one month since that time. Each day I will come to her, and tell her stories. I also write in the diary instead of her. We talk about a lot of things together. I’m glad I can still make her smile so warmly.

“Sica… I have been thinking about this for a long time… I don’t know if I should ask you or not… you like photography don’t you?”I said.

“Um . . . Yeah . . .”she nodded happily. I’m glad she’s not giving me a frown or something else similar to that.

“Why do you it?”I asked her.

“Say Soo… do you believe in eternity?”She asked.

“Um no… nothing is, right?”I said.

“Well there is… for example… if I take a photo of a building or a place… will it change when you look at the photo ten years from then?”She asked me.

“Um no…”I said.

“That’s it… a photo is a symbol of our memories… and well a proof of something to be exact. It’s proof that a building once stood there. It’s proof that, that building once existed. Even if in the future it was demolished and changed into another building… people will always know that that building was once there…”She said. I was very amazed about how she thinks about things.

“So what it has to do with Eternity?”I asked

“Are you really a genius Soo? Don’t you get it? Eternity or eternal is Memories…” She said looking a little bit annoyed.

“Eeeehhh…..”I said. She smiled at my silliness. Then I saw a serious face on her.

“That’s why I take pictures, I write, I make memories again and again and to prove that those memories exist…”She said. I just kept silent and listened to her. “Even if I die… people will know… a girl name Jung Jessica once lived… and that way… I will always be in peoples’ hearts….your heart… and I feel that I will be alive forever…you understand now?” She asked me.

“Um…”I nodded even though I was a bit confused.

“Um Sica… do you have place you want to go?”I asked.

“Aquarium? I love that place…”She said.

“Hmm Okay…”I said. I look at her and she looks confused. Well I said something really confusing after all. “See you later Sica…” I said as I kissed her cheek.

*Knock Knock*

“Come in…”I heard the voice calling from the inside.

“Excuse me Dr. Jung”I said as I entered the room.

“Sit”He said as he pointed to the chair in front of him. “What is it you wanted to talked about?” He asked.

“It may be rude Sir… Can I have your permission to take your daughter out for a date. It won’t be long… Just a nearby aquarium.”I said nervously.

“Hmmm… but isn’t that aquarium closed today?”He said.

“It’s okay sir… That aquarium is my best friend’s I can ask her to open it today. And it’s also perfect because it will be quiet and rom-  yes…”I said as I almost slip my last word.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHA… you’re funny Dr. Choi… Of course it’s fine with me… and she hasn’t seen the outside world for a while.” He said. I stand up and bow to him

“Thank you Dr. Jung!”I said as I bow to him.

“Wait!”He called me

“Yes?”I questioned him.

“Take this… this is my house and my daughter’s room’s keys… both of you might want to go there before going to the aquarium, I know my daughter, she will never want to go out with a patient robe. And I didn’t bring any of her clothes here… you know why…”he said and gave me the keys and also his address.

“Hmm… should I go there alone… or with Sica? Oh yeah… I better call Sunny first…”I took my phone and dialed Sunny’s number. 

“Hello”I heard her answered the call.

“Um… Sunny, can I ask you a favor?”

+++

I’m glad Sunny helped me. She owns the SMENT WORLD. Well it’s the most famous aquarium here in Seoul. Today, her aquarium was closed, but I’m so glad she let me in today. Well we promised to meet at 3 PM in front of the gate. Well now it’s 10 AM. I still had lots of time until then. I should tell Sica.

I walked to her room and open the door. I saw her holding a book and reading it. “Sorry to disturb you Sica….” I said as I entering the room.

“Naah.. It’s okay…”She said and dropped the book beside her. She uses her left hand to push her body so now she was in a sitting position. “What is it Soo?” she asked. I took a nearby wheelchair and put it beside her bed.

“Let’s go to your house…”I said.

“Eh?”She looked and sounded confused. I carried her in a bridal style and put her in the wheelchair.

+++

“Aaahh…It’s been a while…”She said as we arrived at her house. “But Soo I don’t have the keys…”

“Don’t worry… your father gave me the keys…”I said as I opened the front door. “Let’s go to your room…” I said. She nodded and pointed to her room. It’s nice simple and it’s filled with lots of photos.

“Wow”I said amused.

“So what are we gonna do Soo?”She asked.

“Dress up… where going for a date…”I said.

“Um where are you going Soo…”She asked when I was about to leave.

“Um out… you’re going to change right?”I said.

“Hello. Miss. Choi… I can’t use my right hand remember? So help me”she said as she pout. Oh yes I forgot this going to be awkward…

After 15 Minutes of Awkwardness

“Done!”I said as I buttoned the last button of her shirt. She looks so beautiful and really stunning. I felt that my face was still as red as a tomato due to the fact that I just got finished dressing her.

“Don’t be that embarrassed Soo… you’re a doctor and you’ve seen people’s bodies from time to time...”she said. And this really doesn’t help me; it just makes me more embarrassed. Well I didn’t see her completely but still… Forget it!

“Let’s go!”she said. I scanned the room for a moment, aha there it is.

“Let’s take this with us”I said grabbing her SLR camera.

“Mm… Let’s go Soo”She said as she nodded in agreement.

The drive to the aquarium was not that long since it is near the hospital and Jessica’s house. “Uwaa…. We’re going here?” she said.

“Yup!”I said and parked my car.

“But it’s closed Soo…”She said looking a little bit disappointed.

“Hey… I won’t take you to a closed place… wait …”I said as I scanned the area and saw Sunny standing in front the gate. “Come on” I said as I got out of the car and prepare the wheelchair for her. I carry her and placed her on the wheelchair and then we headed out towards Sunny. “Hey Sunny-ah… Have you been waiting long?” I said to the shorter girl.

“No… I already told some of the staff to feed the animals and to have all the habitats prepped and ready for you guys…”She said while smiling brightly.

“Oh yes… this is Jessica my girlfriend… Jessica this is Sunny, my best friend.” I introduced the both of them to each other. Both of them just bow at each other and then we proceeded inside.

Sunny left us alone and told me just to call her when we were finished. We toured the Aquarium and talked about the habitats. Finally we reached this big aquarium where we can see various fish from small to big, swim from here to there.

“Do you know why I like this place Soo?”She asked.

“Um... no”I answered her.

“You remember I said that I have a sister and a mother right?”she said. “This is the place where we usually went before my parent’s divorce...” she said with a cracked voice.

“Um... You usually go here?”I said trying to lighten the mood a bit.

“Yes, this place is near my house Soo…”she said as she smiled at me.

“I also love this place…”I said.

“Oh really? Why?”she asked.

“You see… looking at this aquarium makes me feel so little. I feel this world is so big.  Even just with this aquarium, I’m nothing… I’m so little. Yet everything that is inside came from the sea… That way… I feel that there are lots of things that I should achieve… this is not enough… I want to be someone better… feelings like that”I said

“Woah…”she said amused.

“But I also think about other thing other than that…”I said.

“Umm… what?”she asked again.

“What do you think if this Aquarium was just filled with water?” I asked looking at her with my warm smile.

“Um… Boring? Something incomplete…”she said.

“Bingo! The fish completed this aquarium and made it beautiful… Just Like you filled my heart and made my life complete…”I said as I look deeper into her eyes.

“Eww… Soo being cheesy…”She said making a disgusted expression.

“But you like it right?”I asked leaning closer and showing her my pout. 

“No, I don’t like it… I love it…”She said and gave me a peck on the lips. I was shocked about her sudden contact and froze for a moment.

“Let’s go back Soo… I don’t want my father to scold you…”She said.

“Um okay… wait a minute” I said and dialed a number. “Sunny, where are you?Can you come here to the main aquarium?Um okay… I need your help a bit”I said and closed my phone.

After 5 minutes, I saw a danshin walking in my direction.  I waved at her and directed her to come quickly. “Would you take a picture of us? Hehe…” I asked her as I handed her the Camera.

“Sure… say…um… Just smile… 1.2.3” She said as she clicked the button. 

“Let’s set it to a timer… I want three of us to take a picture…”Jessica said as she smiled.

Sunny set the timer and put it on a nearby stair, then 1 2 3 Click…

+++

At The Front Gate

“Thank you so much Sunny-ah…”I said as we walked to my car.

“No prob!”she said showing me her smile

“Take care of her Soo…”she said waving at us her goodbyes.

Inside the Car

“Hey Soo… thank you so much… I’m so happy that we could go there today… How about your work? Is it okay?”She asked me.

“Yup it’s fine… Dr. Hwang already took care of it… I’ll take the night shift today for her…”I said as I drove the car.

“By the way Soo…”She said taking her left hand and hold my right hand that was free from the wheel. “Thank you…”

1 Month Later

It has been one month since then, each day I will come to her and write in her diary for her. Talk about things, each day… each day we make new memories. Sometimes she forgets about things, but I’m glad it was just short term memory loss, or it was only small things she forgot.

She lost her sight in her right eye not long after that date, maybe three days. But I’m glad she’s still able to see through her left eye.

Day by day, she starts to have problem eating; vomiting each time she consumes food. She starts to lose weight.

“What is that Soo?”she asked me.

“This… it’s just vitamins…”I said injecting the liquid through the infusion. I recheck everything and take notes. “I’ll come back later okay Sica…” I said as I checked on the ECG. “Sica?” I heard no respond so I call her again. I turn to look at her and saw her eyes already closed. “Sica! Sica!”

+++

“How is she Dr. Choi?”I heard Dr. Jung ask me from behind.

“Right now her condition is stabilizez… and I think… she fell into coma…”I answered his question. Dr Jung stood closer to the bed.

“I’m Sorry Sooyeon… I have been a bad father to you…”I heard Dr. Jung talk and cried. I decided to leave them and leave the room. I sat on one of the chairs near the room. Its 12 am so no one is here. I cried my heart out expressing all my sadness and frustration.

After 30 minutes I saw Dr. Jung leave the room. I stand up and went to him. “Excuse for my rudeness Dr. Jung. Actually Jessica told me that she still has mother and a Sister… But I’ve never sene them…” I said. I want her Mother and Sister to be able to see her before her time is up. I don’t want her mother and sister to regret not being able to see her.

“They are at America… I should call them… her time is near…”He said and left me there. I just bowed to him as he walked away.

3 Days After

“SooYeon! SooYeon!”I heard a woman call the name while entering the Hospital. I looked at who was there, and I guess its Jessica’s mom, I also saw a girl coming with her. “Where is my child?” She asked the receptionist.

I approached her and greeted her. “You must be Ms. Jung… come with me…” I said as she followed me.

“Sooyeon!!”She screamed as she saw Jessica’s weak body on the bed lying there. I saw her cry her heart out.“Ah… a…” She said and soon collapsed.

“Mom!”The girl beside her cried out. I carried her immediately to the nearest room and checked her condition.

“She’s okay… It seems she’s stressed and has a light anemia…”I said as I covered her body with a blanket.

“It has been 10 years…”The girl beside me said. “Even though she always emails me… she never said anything about this…” The girl continued as she sobs. “Even three months ago she still messaged me and stuff…” The girl cried even harder. I held the girl to calm her down.

“You should rest too…”I said as she nodded.

“I’ll see my sister first”she said and leaved.

I was about to leave when I saw the woman that was on the bed wake up.  “Miss…” I called.

“Doctor”she said weakly.

“You’re fine… it was just a light anemia… rest here and you will be fine...”I said to her.

“Just Lying down… to be cured like nothing happened.. While… my daughter is suffering so much… why her?Why isn’t it me?...”She cried.

“Excuse me miss…”I said and leave the room.

I saw the girl waiting in front of Jessica’s room. “Why are you not inside?” I asked.

“I just got outside”She said

“Oh I see… you must be Krystal…”I said.

“Eh… how do you know? She only told my name to her girl- wait, are you?”She asked pointing at me.

“Yes I am her Girlfriend”I said

“I see…”she said.

“I wonder if I’m a good girlfriend…”I said to her.

“Yes you are… she’s happy with you… she always told me that…”She said.

“Thank you… you should accompany your mother…”I said to her. She nods and goes to her mother’s room.

3 Months Later

It has been three months since Jessica fell into her deep slumber. Her family and I switch from time to time to look after her. When it’s my time I always read the diary she and I wrote out loud to her. Each day I hoped she would open her eyes again.

---

“Doctor! Doctor!”Krystal shouted.

“What’s wrong?”I asked her.

“She woke up!”She said. I was with her father that time so we rushed to her room.

“Sica…”I called softly.

“Soo…”She said with a faint voice. I immediately checked her condition and everything.

“How long have I been asleep?”She asked.

“Three months…”I said holding my tears.

“Ahh… I thought my record will always be 14 hours…”She said playfully making her mother break into tears. “Mom…” she called.

“Yes?”Her mother answered and leaned closer. “I’m sorry if I ….couldn’t have been a good daughter to you… I miss you…Mom…” She said slowly. Her mother just nodded and cried more. “Krys… I’m… also… sorry… If I can’t…. be… a good Unnie for you…” She said. And Krystal just silently cried.  “Dad… I’m so sorry that I… went against you… about being a doctor . . .  and that I wasn’t a good daughter” She said having more strength.

 “What are you talking? You’re the best daughter that God can give me… along side with Soojung…” He said holding his tears.

“Soo… I want to go to that bench again…”She said. I look around to her family and they all just nodded.

Dr. Jung and I released all the aids that helped these pass three months. Her family helped Jessica hop onto my back. She puts her hand around my neck with a weak grip. “It’s been a while… since you’ve ... carried me like this Soo…” She said.

“You’re heavy Sica-ah…” I said with a cracked voice.

“Don’t be stupid… I know I’m very light now… hehe...”She chuckled.

We were silent along the way to the backyard, although I call her once to check her consciousness. “We’re here Sica…” I said as I seated her on the bench and sat beside her. She laid her head on my shoulder and I hold her right hand.

“What time is it Soo?”She asked.

“8PM”I answered.

“Just like the first time we met…”She said. I can’t hold my tears anymore and silently cried. “Thank you Soo… you gave me great memories… I’m glad I met you…” She said weakly.

“I’m glad I met you to Sica-ah… or I will never know how important memories are…” I said.

“I love you Soo…”She said.

“I love you too SIca…”I said. Suddenly I felt the body beside me become lifeless. .. No… “Sica… Sica...” I shake her body but there is no response. I felt my unstoppable tears flow faster down my cheeks. I cry and cry… holding onto her cold hands wishing it would turn warm….

==================================================================================

Thank you… you have taught me a lot of things that I would have never been able to learn without you . . .

Before, I never knew if the answer to what eternal was or is, or even if it existed . . . maybe I said no.

Before I don’t know if someone asked me if there is something important to you… maybe I said my family…

But now… after I met you… I know how to answer those questions…

If they asked what eternal is or does it exist I will answer that eternal exists and that it is memories…

If they asked what is important to me… I’ll answer… My memories with the person I loved… my family and you…

I love you… Jung Jessica

-Sooyoung

Even though I thought my life is over, I thought my last time in this beautiful world will be boring…

I was wrong. God sent me you…

You gave me more will to live more will to make great memories… If I didn’t meet you… I don’t know If I can say My life is complete when God asked me that…

I’m glad that I was born here in this world… I’m glad I had a great family… even though God gave me this Illness… I’m still happy with my life…

Thank you Choi Sooyoung… Now I can proudly said… that my life is complete…

-Jessica