Last Christmas, I gave you my heart

But the very next day, you gave it away

This year, to save me from tears

I’ll give it to someone special

Kai x Krystal

Last Christmas – Wham!

It wasn’t easy, moving on, but I’ve found out that I never did move on. My heart skipped a beat when her eyes roamed around and accidentally stayed with mine for a few seconds before she turned around, her hair like curtain being drawn in sweeping across mid-air in the notion of hiding herself from me.

It wasn’t easy, giving my heart to her as a gift last Christmas only to have it broken the next day I saw her giving Taemin a kiss I always thought would only be reserved for me, that saccharine and bountiful love poured out in that kiss—she even meant to do that.

It wasn’t easy, begging her to stay despite her weakness, because I reasoned that I’ll be the faithful one, that I’ll be the loyal one, and that I’ll stand through for her just to make her stay.

It wasn’t easy, seeing her say no, seeing her hang her head low and crying, begging me to let go of her because it would only be a waste of time for the both of us.

It wasn’t easy, trying to move on, when I could never, ever.

It wasn’t easy, avoiding her when I know I could not, ever. An arm’s reach away and I can hold her, my heart exposed to that very embrace I wish to give her.

It wasn’t easy but I tried to chase after her one step at a time whilst she advanced two steps farther from my grasp.

It wasn’t easy following that her exiting presence led me out of the grand hall, like the way she tried to exit from my heart unceremoniously.

“Jongin.” Her voice shakes. It wasn’t easy realizing that I was the bitter cause of that.

She slowly turns around and her eyes are already wet.

“Stop crying, please.” I stepped forward slowly reaching her face with my weightless hand.

“Stop following me, please.” She pleads.

“Why? Soojung, tell me why.” My hand fails to reach her, but my feet led me closer to her.

“I-I…” she croaks, tears slowly streaming down, drop after drop.

And I led her out, hand latching on to her wrist, out of the hotel, out from the winter formal ball, and out of what might break her, which is supposedly me but I doubt so—it could be her memory of me rather.

“Jongin, I already told you. Why aren’t you listening?” She sobs hurtfully.

I stopped staring at her for a while instead I opted to look around the parking lot, the midnight skies, and the light snowfall in search of an answer, but my heart nudged me to stop searching, asking me to look deeper into her eyes for the answer.

“Why aren’t you listening to your heart as well, Soojung?” I smiled sadly at her.

She shakes her head probably because that’s not what her heart tells her to do.

“Stop being afraid, Soojung,” and after that, I let myself go, kissing her gently, carefully holding her face in my palms.

It wasn’t easy holding a heavy object as her sad face, reflecting every weighty past her heart had been carrying, and I wanted to help her carry them if she’d be so willing to open up her heart.

She mumbles against my lips saying ‘I’m a mess’ but I cut her off by kissing her some more, a portion of passion poured over.

I pull away hesitantly wanting for our lips to linger a little more and I looked at her with patience, telling her “I know that I have to give my heart to someone who could save me from tears, but it’s only you who could save me from it because I know you are capable of caring for it.”

“Why would you think so, Jongin? After the mess I tried to put you through, you’re still after me? How could you think like that?!” She raises her voice in an indignant tone.

“That mess wasn’t enough at all Soojung because after all that, it made me stronger; it even made me believe in second chances.” I responded in the same firmness of voice.

She looked down and tears continued to well up in her eyes.

I kept quiet for a few minutes giving ourselves a breather and some reflective thoughts about what this should mean to the both of us.

It wasn’t easy, waiting for her to speak up of what seemed like an hour already, but it was good enough to hear her say “I’ll try Jongin,” ending it with a hopeful smile.

“We’ll try Soojung. We.”

It wasn't easy for her to kiss me again but it was easier for me to explain through kissing her back, with untainted passion, that I'm willingly going to give her my heart in exchange of hers.