Seungho’s Pov:

I look out the window of our apartment, staring up at the sky like if i was waiting…waiting to see your face or waiting for Him to bring you back to me. It’s our son’s birthday today. It was hard to be happy for him without thinking back on that day, thinking how at the same time i lost you forever.

I was still lifeless, trying to go on one day as i can without going insane, even though i was still insanely denying the fact that you are gone. I still yearn for the sound of your voice, i still spray your perfumes in our room and on your pillow to pretend your there, your things are still in the places that you left them. I hate to see myself withering away like a flower that has been left out for too long. I still sometimes cry myself to sleep.

Everyone keeps telling me it’s not healthy. She’s not coming back Seungho. You need to move on. But it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t easy to move on and forget you. You were the love of my life. We shared a love so strong that sometimes i thought it couldn’t be real to love someone this much. But even till this day, 5 years since your death, i can still feel every ounce of love i have for you. I do want to move on, be strong for our son…but it was hard.

I feel a soft touch on my shoulder making me turn. It was Junhee, our babysitter. 

”______-yah fell asleep. Would you like me to put him to bed?” She asked.

I shook my head, "I’ll do it, thank you."

I went over to where our son lay and gently picked him up, carefully trying not to wake him. He was growing more like you every day. The way he looks, the way he acts, It still hurts me.

"Happy birthday son," I whisper and gently caress his face. I finish tucking him in and silently walk out his room, closing the door behind me softly.

As i walked out to the living room i saw that all the guests had left and Junhee was beginning to clean up.

"You don’t have to do this, i can do it." I say to her as i start to clean up.

"It’s okay, i don’t mind." She said with a soft smile.

As we finished cleaning the living room she started to do the dishes. As she worked i found myself staring at her. She had short wavy hair cut in a bob, beautiful dark almond shaped eyes and a small mouth. I couldn’t deny that she was beautiful. As i realized what i was doing i looked away. It felt wrong that i was looking at her in that way. It somehow felt like i was betraying you because i was noticing her beauty.

Once she was finished I walked her to the front door. As i opened the door for her she stopped and turned to me, looking up into my eyes.

"You are a good man Seungho and an amazing father. Though no one could ever take her place, i wish you would let someone bend the sorrow in your heart." She said as she caressed my cheek.

I felt a comfort in her touch, a comfort that i didn’t feel before.

I smiled softly at her, "Thank you. See you tomorrow?"

She smiled and nodded, “Goodnight Seungho.”

"Goodnight." I pushed the door closed behind her and made my way to my room.

I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said. I wanted so badly to let someone in, fill my heart with love again, but i knew i couldn’t just yet. I was still in denial about your death. I still couldn’t accept it, like if i was somehow expecting you to walk into our home like you were simply away on vacation. I still needed closure. Once i fully accepted the fact that you were really gone, could i then be able to start over.

I walk past our son’s room and i hear voices.

"Adeul, it’s time for bed. I thought you were —" I froze as i pushed the door open. I expected him to simply be watching cartoons, but what i saw was something else entirely.

It was you, my one true love in real form. The woman that made my heart flutter faster than anyone could, the woman that will always hold the other part of my heart, was sitting right there in front of me.

"No, this isn’t real." I said as i walked out of his room.

No, i couldn’t believe it. I didn’t just see my wife speaking to my son. She was dead, it was impossible.

I felt hands wrap around my waist, "Seungho…" I hear from behind me. The sound of your angelic voice making me fall to my knees, clutching my chest as my heart felt like it was breaking off the remaining pieces of it. I closed my eyes, hoping that when i opened them you wouldn’t be there. That my mind wasn’t trying to play some sick cruel game on me.

I felt your hands on my cheeks and i could already feel my eyes began to water.

"Seungho, open your eyes." I hear you say to me.

The moment i opened my eyes and saw your beautiful face, i broke down.

I had spent 5 years wanting so badly to see that beautiful face of yours, to really see it, and now that i see it, it’s tearing me up inside. It reminded me how much i missed you, how much i yearned for your touch, how much my life has turned miserable because of how much i loved you.

I feel your fingers wipe away the tears i was shedding and i feel your lips kiss my cheeks.

I opened my eyes again and grab your wrists.

"Is this real?" I asked you, my voice shaky from crying.

"It’s as real as your want it to be my love."

I cup your face, feeling your warm skin against my fingertips. I lean in and kiss your lips softly.

The moment our lips touched, it felt like my heart came alive again. I felt the fluttering in my chest, the ache that had developed in my chest after your death vanished. As we kissed, my passion, desire and desperation to feel you took over me. 

I had forgotten how much i loved every aspect of your body. The small freckles on your shoulders, the softness and the taste of your pure skin, the feel of you against me, the way you reacted to everything i did, your smell, your noises, i could go on and on.

After we made love I pressed your body close to mines, not wanting you to stray away from me for a second.

I looked down at your beautiful dark eyes, "I love you…" I said to you for the billionth time.

You smiled and caressed my cheek, "I love you too, always…"

"And forever…" I replied.

I bring our intertwined fingers to my lips and kiss your hand.

I sigh, "There’s so much i want to say, to tell you —"

"You don’t need to tell me, i know. I saw your pain, your misery. Even though you couldn’t see me, i was always with you."

I move hair away from your face, "How will i ever be able to move on from you?" I feel myself about to cry again. "How will i ever love another woman after loving you? How will i ever really love another woman when all i want is you?"

You caress my cheek and shed a tear. "This is why i fell in love with you Seungho. You love with all your heart. You are a strong man and you will get through this heartache my love. This is only a milestone to the rest of your life. You need to let someone make you as happy as i once made you."

“What if i can’t be happy cause my only happiness is with you?”

"You need to try. I know how amazing a man you are and i would want to see you make another woman as happy as you made me. I’m not saying you’ll love her the way you loved me but you need to love someone. Create a new life with her and finish what was taken from us."

Tears slowly fell from my eyes, "Why were you taken from me?”

I watched as tears fill your eyes, "I just wasn’t strong enough and yet i’m still not strong enough seeing you like this."

I held you close as you started to cry, the sight breaking my heart even more. 

"To see you so miserable without me. To watch our son grow and not be there to protect him and be the mother i always wanted to be. To not be able to talk to you and comfort you when you cry yourself to sleep. I wish more than anything i could have more days like this but i too have to accept it. I’m dead, and i’m never coming back. And all i can do now is watch over my family as they move on with their lives."

We grabbed onto each other for dear life as we wanted so badly to feel this every single day. But hearing you say those things made me realize, you were gone, you were really gone. You’re never coming home.

We stood quiet for a while after that, simply holding each other close as we didn’t know how much longer you would be with me.

I started to feel tired, my eyes starting to get heavy.

"It’s okay my love," you said as you caressed my cheek. "Go to sleep."

"Will you be here when i wake up?" 

You gave me a sympathetic look and shook your head.

I nodded softly and kissed you deeply. "I love you with all my heart ______. No one will ever take your place." I said as i pressed my forehead against yours.

Small tears fell from your eyes. Your voice was soft and i knew I will fall asleep any second now. "I love you too, always and forever. I will always be with you." 

And with those last words, everything went black.

I woke up the next morning better rested than i have been in a very long time. I couldn’t remember how i got into bed that night but i did remember the dream i had of you. It felt so real, how badly i wished it was real.

I woke up our son and quickly made breakfast before Junhee came over to take ______ to the park.

As i placed his plate in front of him i watch as he looks around curiously as if he was looking for something, or someone.

"Adeul, what’s wrong?" I asked him.

"Where’s umma?"

I was suddenly taken aback from his question. He knew you were gone so why would you ask that question?

"She’s in heaven remember?"

He shook his head, “I saw her, yesterday. She came to me. She said she loved me and that she wished she could have been there earlier for my birthday. You saw her, remember daddy?”

I grabbed onto the counter as i suddenly felt like falling. Last night was real? It wasn’t a dream?

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Eat your cereal _____." I said to him after I regained composure and went to open the door.

It was Junhee.

"Good morning," She said to me with a smile.

"Good morning."

"Is _____ ready for the park?" She said cutely to him as she walked in.

He giggled as she came up to him and tickled him.

"Finish your cereal and then we can go okay?" 

He nodded and went back to his cereal.

I couldn’t help but watch him with her and her with him. He loved her and she loved him. For a second it was like watching a mother and son and i found myself thinking it was my family.

"Seungho?" I hear her call out my name.

I snap out of my imagination and acknowledge her.

"Would you like to come with us?"

I nodded, "But there’s something i got to do first. I’ll meet you guys there."

After our son finished his breakfast, she got him ready and they took off, leaving me alone in the house.

After last night, i knew what i had to do. As much as i didn’t want to do it, it was the right thing to do.

One by one, your things were going into boxes. Your clothes, your perfumes, your jewelry..everything that belonged to you or remind me of you was going in the box. It was my first step after 5 years to fully accept that you were gone. I couldn’t keep your things around thinking you would somehow come back and use them. I needed to put them away.

One by one i took them to the attic. I couldn’t throw them out and i didn’t want too. I wanted our son to have something of yours to look back on in case one day he wanted to remember you. 

A new weight was lifted off my shoulders as i walked down the stairs and something about it made me believe I was going to get through this. That this was the beginning of great things to come.

I made my way to the park to meet up with Junhee and our son and when i arrived i found my heart fluttering as i watched them. She was great with him and I could tell he loved her very much.

A sudden breeze past through me and a small faint smell of your perfume filled my nose. I smiled as i felt a small touch on my shoulder.

"Go to them." I hear your voice in my head and slowly i started making my way to them.

I suddenly wasn’t afraid anymore. I know this is want you would have wanted. As i stared at my future ahead of me i knew, there no more looking back. I had gotten my closure.