Hana's pov 
It has been two weeks since I entered SME. 

I was sitting on one table with Shin hye and Eun na, they turned out to be my friend here sort of. 
They were also trainees here just like me. They passed the same audition round as I did and I was charging a room with Eun na.  
I was sitting in the canteen.
It was almost full with trainees idols and staff. I would totally have dreamed away from all the idols if I knew how they were. 
Please don't be mad I just didn’t  like idols and if you would ask me I would say because they all look so fake but that’s not true  it's because I lost my friends to idols. It’s because SHINee left me to be idols that I hate them now I don’t want anything to do with them. 

Anyway you know those story’s where people meat there idol and they turn out to be big jerks.
Well here  it’s like half of the idols are really like they are on tv but there are hoe it’s only an act.
Some are like cool when they act cute or cute when they act cool. 
And there are also the jerks and bullies. 

Well it’s kinda like this you see Key everyone knows his as a diva. And it’s all fun and cute. But with the camera of it’s totally crazy every this has the be perfect. I never saw a guy spend that much time on his looks. I never even saw a girl spend that much time on her looks.
Or Jonghyun the fame has totally gone to his head. He thinks he can do anything he wants. 
Not even his manager can control him. 
And the weirdest thing is I never saw Onew eat chicken. It’s like he doesn’t even like it. 
The worst thing is that they go around and bully everyone. Though I heard Suju used to stand against them. They still do but they back down easily. It wasn’t that way when Leeteuk was still here. 
Luckily he would come back next year. 

Thought this one time I got a one on one talk with Jonghyun. 
It was pretty weird it was almost like we used to talk years ago. It would have made me cry if I wasn’t crying back then.  I was about a week here and I had realised my skills weren’t that good as those from other trainees . and I didn’t believe I could make it to be an idol

*flashback* 
I placed my back against the wall. Trying to catch my breath I dropped down so I was sitting on the floor with my back against the wall trying to cool down. The music starts playing again, but I didn’t have to energy to dance any more. I look at the empty dance room. It was late a night I stayed longer to practice my dance moves. It was hard I wasn’t as good as the others. I hear them talk. Why did they even accept her she has no talent. That is what they say. I doubt that I could be an idol. I look down at my feet again. This was just like my life used to be no matter how hard I try no matter how much I do my best . Everything will always be the same. I was just little useless me. Bad at everything I try ugly and alone. 
Why did I even bother trying anyway. Do I even deserve to be happy. 
A tear rolled down my face. Do I even deserve to go the heaven. 
The clinking sound of the door made me look up. Someone came in the room. It was.