--- 하나---The Temptation

 

"Green is my favourite colour" Kai, a 21 year old student of Sociology was telling his friend Kyungsoo. "why, though" replied Kyungsoo, half interested. They were getting books out of their lockers for the first lecture. 

 

The day at Eden University had just began and the packed corridors were bustling with students getting ready for the day. Amongst the chatting of students Kai could hear the irritating voice of so called Snake (his real name was Park Nahash*) clearly saying something about the university being filled with sin and blasphemy. Their parents were friends before Kai's mum walked out on Kai's dad and asked for a divorce, Snake's parents were very religious and had considered this a reason to sever the friendship, divorce to them was a sin. Whether Kai's father had been unfaithful or violent was irrelevant to them, nothing was as important as the sanctity of marriage. Snake was a hateful person, brought up with a warped sense of religious bigotism- he had been arrested for assault on girls several times and seemed to consider this a badge of honour and in the same breath would scoff at the idea of homouality. Kai didn't know how he managed to get into university, he was very bad at most subjects in college but he was taking Law at uni. Most of the people in the uni were too old or intelligent to listen to anything Snake said but Kai had had a few years of enduring Snake whispering insulting things about his parents, so much so that 2 years previous Kai had hit Snake in the face while waiting for the bus. Keeping this memory in his mind to control his hatred for the boy Kai closed his locker as Snake slithered through the crowd to join his classmates.

 

"I don't know, it's just...there's something unusual and wonderful about green. It's so beautiful, the colour of life" Kyungsoo didn't answer and led the way into the lecture hall. Kai had known Kyungsoo since they were 16, they always hung out but Kai often felt like he didn't care about anything at all. They hadn't been really close for a few years but when they got accepted into the same uni they both felt like they had to ally with each other. Kai had stopped talking to both his parents and was frankly glad of anyone talking to him, so he put up with Kyungsoo's cold nature because it was one of the few things he had.

 

Kai was taking Sociology because society fascinated him, people fascinated him. This is what he told himself anyway. The simple truth was that he didn't like anyone, not really, he didn't even like himself sometimes but he always felt was so close to getting the answers, like every knew thing he found out about humans brought him closer to understanding the world and himself. Enduring two years of learning about other people's theories before he got to put it into action was not a problem for him, his thirst for learning extended far and wide. In his final year he was planning for his major study, where he finally got to question all that theory he'd learned and put it into practice. 

 

---

 

The first time Kai saw Oh Sehun was in a lecture. Kai was already writing his dissertation which he'd decided was going to be about students so he was covertly observing a class of first year Philosophy students for part of his study. He'd arrived early so his presence wouldn't be obvious, they would just think he was a late transfer. Sehun caught Kai's attention when he walked in as he half turned back to his friend and laughed and Kai felt a bit weird but he couldn't stop looking at him. Sehun sat about 5 rows in front Kai, he kept running his hands through his dark mop of hair and biting the end of his pencil. It was such a funny smile and unusual face and it really distracted Kai. Kai realised he must have looked pretty intense because as he left the tutor had remarked with a smile that Kai had "found something interesting to observe".

 

Days passed when not much happened, Kai read complex theory and watched University Challenge in his flat by himself. One Friday afternoon Kai was talking to his personal tutor about his dissertation. He had notes he'd hastilly written at 1am the night before in front of him "I've decided I want to continue to focus on this specific group of students, that way I'll really be able to study them in depth. I might even do some individual case studies". 

 

3 weeks later and Kai knew the back of Oh Sehun's neck by memory. He was familiar with his hasty shy answers twinged with his lisp. He liked it when he wore plaid shirts and when he came in looking tired with bed-hair. The two hour lecture only happened  twodays a week but Kai had come to define his whole week around those 4 hours with 15 minute breaks each. The 3 and a half hours Sehun was in the same room as Kai left him tense and agitated he almost always had to go to the gym and work off some of his tension. There was nothing sick in Kai's obsession, he was in love entirely with Oh Sehun before he had even spoke to him, in that magical way you can be in love and in awe of a friend or a celebrity you've never met. He wanted to know Sehun but he was much more afraid of breaking the spell and being dissapointed, he had learned early that things aren't always as they seem. 

 

Kai had asked the tutor of that lesson to offer one on one Sociology tutoring to the students so he could get started on his individual case studies. He wanted to find out why students went into further education, how social class and gender affected their experience and the role of education in society. But to get honest answers he couldn't just go asking people so he decided to observe them personally. Many students who took certain degrees found studying other similar subjects was beneficial for them, Kai himself had done Pyschology and Philosophy in his first year. So the tutors often encouraged these informal side subjects. It was like taking an extra class but there was no pressure, no exams and it was helpful for final years to teach what they had learned.

 

Soon Kai realised he had fallen into a rhythm; entering the classroom early and sitting wishing he had just gone 3 rows down...or even a risky 4. Then biting his nails making sure Sehun would be there, glancing alternately at the clock and door until he entered. Then hoping he wouldn't sit somewhere else Kai couldn't see him (once he sat very far away, by the window and Kai had to actually work for once). His whole week was arranged around Tuesdays and Fridays 2-4pm so much that the only time he felt alive anymore was in those brief beautiful hours. He had absolutely mastered how to not look like he was watching Sehun all the time by observing everyone around him while not actually looking them. In the beginning all he noticed was Sehun, all he looked at was Sehun but over time he didn't want to draw unneccesary attention to himself so sometimes he would pretend to be looking at the tutor or at the wall when really he was still looking at Sehun out of the corner of his eye. Every so often as he walked the long way home he would think about Sehun, he'd think about the exact shade of his lips, all the things he'd noticed about him and all the things he was desperate to know. 

 

Not long after Sehun had first caught his eye, Kai came to realise that he was attracted to this person in a way he'd never felt before. It was when Sehun entered the room with a fairly low cut top and Kai could see his collarbones, chest and adams apple. He sat counting the knotches in Sehun's spine for 2 and 3/4 hours, watching his muscles tense and relax, wanting to touch his skin. That was the day Sehun looked at him for the first time.

 

There were exactly 3 times (possibly 5) that Kai was absolutely sure Sehun had looked at him. He would replay each memory over and over for the rest of the day, grasping at each tiny detail-what the people next to him were doing, the exact expression Sehun was making, the smell of his books on his desk, how long it lasted. The most memorable was the time he clung to the most. Sehun turned abruptly just after sitting down and stared pointedly at Kai. It was a few minutes after the lesson had officially started and Sehun had been a little late, he was wearing his typical button up shirt. This one was turquoise and blue tie-dye, the hemline had been cut and frayed, he was wearing it with tight blue skinny jeans. His hair seemed especially bouncy today. What only lasted a few seconds felt like decades to Kai, so hungry was he for attention and affection. Sometimes Kai would spend the whole time wishing he would turn around and look at him "look at me! turn around and look at me dammit!" but most times he didn't want to be found, most times he wished Sehun would carry on looking down, biting his lip. Kai realised he liked it this way, where he couldn't get hurt. That night Kai dreamed of small details; tight jeans with bony ankles sticking out, hair shaved at the sides, and a veiny hand holding a pen- tapping softly against pink lips.

 

*bonUS INFO! Nahash is a Scottish name meaning snake ;)