The winter already aproachs us, the bench i used to sit seems so warm, it welcome me warmly. I look stright to the what’s waiting me : The darkness with full of luquid cold. In usual day, it became so beauty, it smiles when sunlight came, should i call he or she? No, both she or he always leaves pain.

The snow i step seems so cold, are they againts my decicion? Are they let me? Oh, if you guys can talk. I feel the wind blows in my bare hands. I look at the sky, sun hides in gloomy cloud, somehow i feel so good that even nature feels what i feel. I look at the tree beside me, the bird which always came to acompany me gone. Only its branch shown, snow flake makes it bautiful, i wish i was a tree.

I tired to sit hold my knee, i tired when that liquid out from my eyes. Usually, the grass under me, now i step on snow. I close my ayes  the wind holds me so tight, i step stright forward, those dark cold liquid which used to so pretty seems smile at me and welcome me warmly, if you could with me forever, but i guess now it cans. Lonely world, i make friend with the darkness now, at least they smile at me. Good bye.

Flashback time

The night i spent nothing special, i heard only scream, only cry, i hid in my closet trembling. The guy just been in another pub to drink, when he came, he hit my mother without any mercy. That when i was a little girl, now, every that guy came, i helped my mother, i cover her, he swear, always the same, “Why i choose you instead my family?” He regret married my mother. And unfortunately, he is my own father. No metter how much liters of my blood from my scar, i don’t care, my mother is the one who most important. Without her, i have nothing to lend in this universe.

After he crush all entire house to find some money, he leaves. Left my mother and me with all scars and bruise in some parts of body. But, it doesn’t metter, our happpiness is when the guy leaves. I help my mother to stand and go to her bedroom to sleep. I fix all my father have damaged and back to work my homework.

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The sun rises so bright, it emerge my window, i smell food from kitchen, my mother cook again before she goes to work. I decided to bath before eat, i see all bruise in my entire body, and then the flash of last night came, i used to felt this, only little girl cries.

My mom seems arleady gone to work, i eat breakfast alone, i look at this small place, too many memories left.

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In school, nothing diffrent. My fault, my brain diffrent from another kid, this school belongs to those rich kid with handsome and beutiful face, i don’t know if they real or fake. I don’t care anyway. I used to end up in here,  lonely place with lonely feelings, weather in class or in corridor, i got bullied.

They pull my hair, they kick me, the bruise i got from last night never heal, even worse. I don’t say any words when they do that to me. I keep loooking at the ground let them do something hars on me. Maybe that’s why they even more chalange to hars me in other way.

Once, there was a boy helped me from those girls, his voice was loud offer the girls to stop, he helped me set the book which i droped. But i didin’t bother to see him, neither say thankyou. I am sorry, but, i don’t trust Cinderella’s story, that story only in novel or TV.

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Today i decide to stop, i don’t want anymore, i want to help my mother work. In my direction to principal’s office, like always those creepy girl never leave me alone. After they unreasonable angry to me, i stand and continue my step, someone hold my shoudelrs, , i got scar on that body part, i grin but tried to endure the pain. I turn my head, he is one of the most popular guy in this school, if they see, i will get more trouble, i better saty away. I turn my head and go to my direction.

Lee Chaerin, the head master, i look stright to her beutifull face, waiting me to say a word from my mouth. And, finallly i said what i want to say, Lee Chaerin songsangnim doesn’t allow me to step back from this school. I the only student i got to make this school proud from academic achiement, besides, she always calls me if she wants to tell me her problem, she likes friend to me.

So, i go out from that office, i see the famous guy again, he is Lee Chaerin causin actualy, his name is Kim Hanbin, i imidiatly bow to him and avoid him. He seems want to bear me, but Lee Chaerin call him.

::::::::::::

I go to my locker, in my way to it, i see a poster, it is an audition looks for a singer, my mother always said that i have beautifull voice yet so pwerfull, i see the date and the place, maybe i can try, i keep that poster in my bag.

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This guy is one of Soccer player Kim Hanbin. I sit  on bench now to see him, but off course in the most corner and alone place. I just want to see the game, the team, that’s all. Their team has won, and the man of the match ofcourse him, i smile as our school win, and so does him, i look at next to me, no one around probably.... no, it was imposible, i avoide his smile and imidiatly leave my place, just in case someone realize where the stare and the smile direction.

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The audition pretty expedite, i sang well, i knew some songs. Missing You is my favorite. I go home with smile, hope the result satisfies me. In the bus, i see the guy again, i want to get out from that bus but i can’t, i sit on most back and corner, to avoide him. He seems always look back, and i always look at the window, i scared if he comes closer, even though i knew that he doesn’t want. Fortunate that i gett off first then him. Without any word, i step forward to my home. Home Hell Home.

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The day comes, i finally could see the result, Lee Hi name was not imprint in there, how hard i try, how long i see, i don’t see it. I knew it, i knew that i will fail. I came home from school, seemes like first snow fall, i should celebrate it, but unfortunately, i never celebrate Christmas since i was five, when our family called a Happy Family.

I come home, i heard the scream again, , i should protect my mom.

“Where have you been?” Yell my father, i dont bother to answer, he  is slaping me, but i don’t move an inch from hold my mother, i endure the scar which never heal, this is just simple slap, even blood out from my mouth, i don’t bother, it is not pain at all.

“She is you doughter!” Yell my mother back, but my father pull my hand and make me kneeling, he is steping on my head, on my body, he kick me. I don’t care, as long as he doesn’t do this to my mother i will be fine, he keep doing this all my blood seem want to out from my mouth, but inedeed litre of blood out from my mouth, i hear the yell from my mother, but he keep kicking me without mercy, i see my mother go to kitchen, when she out i see a knife on her hand, i want to stand but i can’t.

“No, Mom! NO!” It is too late, the knife sucsesfull in my father’s back. He seems in pain so much, he kneeling, and finally lost his concicious, i see how he try to take his last breathe, he died.

My mother cry like hell, she regrets it i knew. I really can’t get up, i can stand it, but my body is , they don’t want to compromise with me. My mom pull the knif from my father’s back.

“I am sorry Hayi-ah!” She step the knife in her own stomach.

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There’s not a worst bad dream more than this, the bad dream that you feel it in real life, the bed dream that you want it to be just bad dream, the bed dream that you want to stop it by wake up. But, this bad dream is not that simple, it always there when you open or close your eyes. I lost.

End Of Flash back.

The snow i step is so froze, the wall i touch is so silent, the wind i feel is so cold, the sky is so gloom, that’s right, all that situation make friend to me well.

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I see a girl, i see a pain in her eyes. The cold of winter can not beat how she stares, how she looks with hate. I always want to offer my hand. But no, she even doesn’t bother to look me in my eyes. Is she scared at me? Is she mad at me?

Our school football team want to match with another school, fortunaltely it helds in our school, before i step the pitch, i see a girl who i waiting for, she is sitting alone on that crowd bench, i can hear the audience my name and the rest of my friends team mate but the wind cover it all, i only focus on one girl, who is sitting quitely.

She is looking at my friend Bobby, i little bit irritate, i don’t know why. The whistle has heard and there is come to me to make a show on that pitch. I scored, i knew i can do it, i smile while looke at her, she smiles also. Suddenly the world seems so slow, the wind takes all the crowd, the sun only lights me, lights her. All audience gone. She is bautifull.

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I just from practiced with my friend, the weather seem doesn’t friendly. We decide to go home. In the road, we play around i look at my left sight, i saw a familiar figure walks, she has no scraft to cover her neck, she has no glove to cover her frozen hands, she walks with frozen eyes.

“Hyung, can i leave first, there is something i forget” i said to them,

“Oke then,”

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The darkness now so cold, so alone, they hold me and don’t let me go. All i see, my sorrow, my pain, my scar, i can feel the darkness show me all of them, i want to cry now, the cold tears turn into darkness liquid also which swallow me alive. I can hear them laugh, i can hear them scream. “We won” They said. I want to fight, but this open scar, the darkness seems so deep, i see my mother’s face, my hand want to reach her, she looks sad, i want to wipe the tears again. The darkness swallows me more deep, force my eyes to close, i don’t know if my hand reach my mother’s eyes. But, i feel something pull me up.

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I came to her direction, i see no one, nothing, where is she go? I look at the river, just wonder, and what i see is no joke, she sink, without any second, i pull her from that cold water. I am so panick, when we touch the ground i imidietly hold her tight, share my warm, come on breath, i said to my self as i hold her tighter, and i can feel her warm breath from my neck, i see her, her face back to red even though her lips still blue, i feel so relieved, she move her hand, she wants to reach something, she is touching my face. She is holding my face with those cold bare hands. She is smiling.

FINISH

Note : Thanks to those who belongs to picture above.