“So what horror movie would everyone like to suggest?”

“Well it needs to be scary enough so –”

"Cinderella! …And pink bunny slippers!" Lay blurted out, abruptly shooting upright in his seat.  He blinked sleepily as everyone looked at him oddly. "Or … Sleeping Beauty?"

“Don’t tell me Lay even dreams in Unicorn Land,” someone whispered.

"I don't think those are considered scary movies hyung," Kai said, stifling a laugh, "but it's okay to be scared by, oh, the pumpkin carriage."

"And the glass slipper."

Yixing merely responded with a blank, dimpled, slightly open-mouthed smile.

“Moooving on, why don’t we just go upstairs and check our collection?” Baekhyun suggested and they nodded in agreement.

They all proceeded to stand up but fell onto their seats almost immediately – and rubbing their spines.

"I told you we should've gone to somewhere else besides this room." D.O grunted, rolling his stiff shoulders.

“Guys…let’s take it…slowly.” Suho almost whimpered.

“Aw, gramps can’t handle it.”

“My back my back my back my kneeees~”

“Someone tell me why Lay is singing.”

“I agree with D.O.-hyung though, this room is horrible. You guys didn’t even let me bring my panda pillows~”

“Ugh, this is torture, why are we even doing this to ourselves?!”

Yes, agreed Chen. I don’t even know why I’m still suffering here with you tools. Maybe my sporadic, sadistic, trolling tendencies are even getting to myself.

 

~~ ~~ ~~*~~ ~~ ~~

 

They had just completed an almost perfect performance, their first since Exo-M had finally reunited with Exo-K after going to China for promotions. Exo were currently hanging in the break room, passing water bottles around, congratulating each other for a job well done and waiting to head on stage for a second song.

As for Chen, he really needed to pee.

He ran for the bathroom and almost cried to see the ‘Toilets unavailable- Cleaning in Process’ sign placed in front of the door. The nearest mens’ bathrooms were on the next floor, and Chen neither had the time nor the self control to make it that far. He nearly melted to the ground in a puddle of mental breakdown before he suddenly eyed the female bathrooms just opposite. There seemed to be a bright light erupting from the entrance that made the entire doorway glow brilliantly and, was it just Chen, or did the faint harmony of an angel choir linger in the air?

Thinking back to how he saw all the girl groups were at the commons rooms prepping to perform, Chen weighed his chances for about a millisecond before dashing into the closest cubicle in the Women’s bathrooms.

Sighing in blissful content, he flushed the toilet and was about to unlock the door to exit before –

“But we have a performance coming up soon!” Came a masculine voice.

There was chuckle and Chen dismissed how familiar everything sounded, because he was busy appreciating the fact that he was not the only male who had been forced to relieve himself in the female toilets. He was not alone in this world.

“One minute, I promise,” the second voice said, and there was a slight pause. Chen’s hand reached for the lock again as he readied himself to congratulate a fellow brother who had made the same daring decision, but froze when he heard a light squeal, “Sehun!”

“Shh Lulu.”

Wait. PAUSE. REWIND. Lulu? And… Sehun? In the bathroom?! What---wut---

Chen couldn’t help himself and instantly crouched to peek through the gap between the door and hinge. In this tiny strip of vision, he saw Sehun aggressively press Luhan against the far wall before swooping down to capture Luhan’s lips in his own. Luhan made a few muffled sounds of feeble protest, but happily obliged.

He threaded his hands through Sehun’s blonde locks as Sehun cupped Luhan’s sharp jaw in his slender fingers.

Chen felt like the biggest creep in the world, and at the same time felt the contents of his dinner slowly resurfacing.

Was he repulsed? In shock? Because Hunhan already existed? BECAUSE HUNHAN ALREADY EXISTED HOLY MOTHER OF ALL – Chen quickly clapped a hand over his mouth to keep from shouting out.

Finally pulling back breathless, Sehun tenderly traced small circles on Luhan’s cheek, flushed as his own. They stared soulfully at each other for a couple of moments.

“I missed you.” Sehun mumbled, just loud enough for Chen to catch.

Luhan giggled, ing giggled, and said, “It was just a short trip.”

“Still missed you.”

“I know.”

He leaned in again but Luhan lifted a finger against Sehun’s lips, “Wait, anyone can walk in right now and –”

“Alright, Alright.”

Chen very nearly died of cardiac arrest as Sehun tried to open his door with no success.

“The lock’s probably jammed,” he heard Luhan say. With ninja-efficiency that would’ve made Chanyeol go green, Chen silent leapt onto the closed toilet seat, just in case one of them decided to check under the door for feet. Sure enough, a second later Luhan then said, “Yep, no ones in there. Stupid locks.”

The two of them then shuffled into the cubicle next to Chen’s.

“There we go,” he heard Sehun say triumphantly after, presumably, locking the door.

“Wow, go Sehun! You must be ecstatic you know how to – “

More muffled noises.

Chen could only really crouch on the toilet seat, which was probably not holding his weight safely, in utter shock.

Hunhan were together-together already.

Together-together in the same bathroom…in the same cubicle!

Doing –

Wait, he shook his head and forced himself to think rationally. Maybe Luhan’s showing Sehun the wonders of the girls’ bathroom. Haha, yah know, this is probably where he gets prepped up everyday, considering he’s such a girly deer and all. And by showing Sehun I mean... INTENSE MAKING OUT AND EACH OTHER’S FACES OH GOD I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!

Reaching for the lock again, he hoped hoped HOPED it wouldn’t make any noise.

Please God, Buddha, Isis and Poseidon, he prayed. I swear I won’t do any more matching-making (like they even needed it!). I swear I’ll stop trolling my fellow members! I swear I’ll stop hiding Tao’s wushu stick! I swear I’ll stop replacing Suho’s vitamins with Lax-a-Fast tablets! Just please don’t let them hear me!

Miraculously, the lock didn’t make much more than a small click which he doubted Hunhan would’ve heard in the mist of their…

Argh.

Chen stepped out carefully and sighed in relief. He could, however, still clearly feel their presence back there. Taking swift but quiet steps, he rushed to the sink, and squeezed a considerable amount of soap from the dispenser onto his hands, Chen froze as he reached for the tap.

Wait, how the hell am I supposed to wash my hands?!

It was definitely out of the question here. The water running out of the facet would be way too loud, and if turned to a small trickle, it would probably make those high shrieking noises and Chen couldn’t risk it.

No no no! What am I gonna do, wash them with toilet water?

“Sehun, it’s been more than a minute, it’s been five,” came Luhan’s muffled voice.

Chen froze. , think think! Wash! Hands! Water!

“Another minute.”

“No.”

It didn’t sound like Luhan meant it though, and Chen frantically tried to come up with a plan.
I can’t forego the handwashing, that’s too disgusting! He mentally cried, flinging his wrists like a baby bird (or dying bird, depending on your point of view) attempting flight. Soap went flying in all directions.

“Hunnie, they’ll wonder we’re we went off to…” he heard Luhan manage between kisses.

“Hn.” Came the clever reply.

“And what if one of our friends walk in?”

“Hn.”

“I mean, did you see how many bottles of water Chen drank before?”

Panic-stricken Chen practically died at the sound of his name.

“He’s gonna rush in here any moment. I know him, he’s the type of person who would rather brave the nearest female bathrooms than run another level for a different men’s one.”

Damn straight, thought Chen smugly. Wait THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT OH HELP ME LORD.

“You – talk – too – much,” Sehun growled between kisses.

“And you think too little,” Luhan shot back. “We can continue later, make an excuse like always. They never really notice, sometimes they seem real happy that we leave them to their own activities.”

“Hn.”

You know what, I don’t care, Chen nearly sobbed. I’m leaving, I’ll just wash them with my freaking tears or something.

He replenished his soap out of the tube underneath the mirror (he lost a fair amount during his flailing) and literally sprinted out the door – but not before hearing Luhan gasp, “Did you hear that?”

Now, safely walking back to the common rooms with hands full of bubbly liquid soap, Chen closed his eyes and tried to calm himself.

“But…why didn’t I just burst out the door and take them by surprise? Should I? I could go back, and the look on their faces would be priceless and…”

Nah.

This can be my own little secret, I’ll know about them who don’t know that I know, and the rest of our members will stick with not knowing about them not knowing that I know while I continue to know they don’t know! TROLOLOLOL

SO much trolling capacity in this setup. Me gusta.

An impish smirk decorating his features, Chen rounded into the common rooms in search of bottled water to wash his hands with, only to find he had previously drunk their complete supply. The smirk was immediately replaced with downturned lips of dismay. Before he had time to voice this dilemma, his manager ushered him on stage for the Korean version of Christmas Day.

And thus, that was the special day in Chen’s lifetime when he performed on stage while both hands were smothered with pink soap and he almost dropped the microphone 7 times (and dripped said soap all over the stage which almost indirectly murdered everyone who unknowingly stepped on it while dancing).

 

~~ ~~ ~~*~~ ~~ ~~

 

After more complaints and protests, they managed to drag themselves out of the basement. Twenty minutes later, they finally got what they needed and headed towards the living room.

"So," Baekhyun said, looking at the notes they took, "we’ll put Paranormal Activity 3 on first. If we’re getting vibes that they feel kinda restricted with all of us there, we’ll make excuses to leave the room. You two will say you need to get more snacks, and go to the kitchen. I will then pretend I need to go to the bathroom, you guys pretend to go out to buy some extra stuff, you can go get a call, we can all meet up in the hallway, then –"

Kris growled. "Yeah yeah. it, get it over with.”

"So, what was this plan called again?" Chen asked, fluffing the cushions he was cradling.

"Plan K." Xiumin replied, re-adjusting the bottled drinks in his arms.

"But I thought we moved on from the alphabet, it's so boring –"

"What do you want to name it then?"

"I thought we could start naming them after different kpop groups!” Baekhyun piped up. “Like how about Plan…. SNSD?"

Tao rolled his eyes and headed round the hallway, "You’re so lame ge,” he said as he bee-lined for the living room. “How about just…Plan Getting Hunhan Together? We’ve never actually named a plan that.”

"… That…actually sounds beautiful."

“That’s the most intellectual thing I’ve heard Tao say in ages! Almost gave me a .”

Tao bowed in all directions, paused as his face scrunched up, then slapped at Kai distastefully.

Kai danced around Tao’s attacks and skipped to the living room chiming, “You slap like a girl kungfu pan-” His sentence trailed into a dying frog noise as he stopped at the sight.

 Sehun and Luhan were snuggled on the couch, amidst an intense makeout session, glowing from the blue light of the movie playing – whatever movie it was, he honestly didn’t care because he needed to distract s before –

Too late.

The rest of Exo filed into the room behind Kai, freezing comically as they took in the scene. Luhan and Sehun broke apart, blinking adorably when they noticed they were longer alone. A few awkward and extremely tense moments passed in silence, before Luhan ran a hand through his mussed, dark brown locks, grinning, “Haha, damn it.”

Baekhyun took this chance to tilt his head left, meeting his eyes, a little franticly, with Chanyeol’s in unspoken anguish. That line of sight, however, also allowed him to notice Chen, who was suspiciously but calmly eyeing everyone. That’s when he noticed they were ALL just suspiciously but relatively calmly glancing at each other.

“Wait…” Baekhyun’s curiosity spoke up, “why aren’t you guys surprised?”

“Why aren’t you surprised?” Kris shot back, arms folded. His intimidating posture wilted a little when he realised everyone’s attention was now solely on him. It was mildly perturbing. “Why are guys looking at me like that?”

Xiumin let out a low whistle. “Did you guys know already?”

“Of course I knew, I’m the smartest one here! I can’t believe you all did though!”

“Kai sit down and shut your hole.”

“Now now, which one are you referring to – ” 

“Did you all know? Did you really?! What about you!” Suho gaped and pointed at basically everyone accusingly.

Nodding all around.

“Whoa whoa whoa, wait a moment here. Hold all your horses – ”

“I don’t rise horses, I ride a ing Lamborghini .”

“None of us have Lamborghinis, Kris.”

“Now I kinda want to buy a pet horse…but then I’d have to get a farm first…”

“Guys, shut it! DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE?! WE ALL KNEW, BUT WE JUST KEPT ON SCHEMING ALL THIS TIME?!”

"Yep," Luhan affirmed from the sofa, leisurely taking a sip of taro bubble tea.

"And you knew that we knew!?" Baekhyun whipped his head around and gaped at him.

Sehun shrugged. “You guys were completely evil with the first few plans.” He pouted at his hyungs. “So we thought, after we got together, it’d be a fun way to get back at you guys.”

"Ah yes," Chen smiled at the memory. "Plan Zero. If you ask me, I still think it could've worked –"

"It didn't," Sehun interrupted, "but it did up until Plan Negative Eleven."

"Negative Eleven?!" Suho all but shrieked. "So all this time – all these months, we've been planning in vain?"

"Yup. It was hilarious."

"You guys…you guys are evil!" Suho said brokenly, shifting the accusing finger to them. "You could’ve said something!”

"And miss out on all the fun?" Luhan smirked. "I don't think so."

"But – you – we spent hours!" Chanyeol wailed. "Hours and hours, you don't know how much we've committed to this – this project –"

“Well that teaches you to never take part in a match-making conspiracy.”

“Conspiracy! Would you listen to the guy – wait, when did you guys find out anyway?” Baekhyun turned around and eyed s.

“I NEVER found out!!” Suho screeched.

“Well I found out with Baekkie, we saw them having bubble tea.”

“For me, it was during the epically stupid but awesomely entertaining BBQ plan.”

“It was when our Christmas album just came out.” Chen smirked then added. “In the female toilets.”

D.O. shrugged. “For me, a few months ago, in the middle of the night when I went to get a drink.”

 “I was shopping and I saw THEM.” Kai pointed at them dramatically.

“Almost a year ago. Dance practice room. Ace is a witness.”

Suho looked expectantly at the remaining members, looking like he was about to lapse into a facial seizure. “Tao, even you knew?”

“I’m sorry mama!” Tao blurted, squeezing his black-rimmed eyes shut apologetically. “I found out that day when I went to ask Luhan ge to shower with me because you were all ignoring me! Then I didn’t know what to do, so I told Kris ge. He threatened not to buy me Gucci anymore, and ordered me to forget the incident! YOU MUST UNDERSTAND, HE THREATENED ME WITH GUCCI!”

Suho was becoming paler by the minute. “D-did you know too Lay?”

“…I believe I may have found out through observing them. It wasn’t too hard. They give a lot of clues if you watch them closely.”

“So…you never bothered to inform us of your… findings?”

“Well I sort of…might have…forgot.”

Facepalms all round.

“AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDN’T KNOW?!” Suho was turning hysterical at this point.

“Wait, when was your bubble tea trip? When was your shopping trip? And when did your observations inform you of their togetherness?”

“A few months ago.” Chorused the reply. 

“So if we add this all up that means…”

“I FOUND OUT FIRST. THAT, ESSSS! HAHAHAHAHA!” Kris hollered while doing a highly embarrassing, should-not-be-seen-in-public, exclusively-for-giants, interpretive dance.

Kai dramatically pressed his hands to his heart and gasped.

“That’s impossible! I wasn’t even the first to know?”

Xiumin chucked his soccer ball at Kai’s head (which then rebounded to hit Kris) and shoved his hands in his pockets. He smiled warmly at Luhan and Sehun. “Well that was all unexpected. But I’m still super happy for you guys. What movie did you wanna watch? We were actually planning to exact one of our schemes…”

“Big surprise.” Sehun scoffed.

“But I guess that’s that. Let’s turn it into an Exo movie night then?” Xiumin scratched his head. “Or are we…disturbing…you guys…”

“No, not at all. We were just about to go make popcorn…”

“They were just about they to make popcorn they say...” Kai whispered to D.O and D.O elbowed him.

 “…I guess we’ll just have to switch it to a mega bowl then?”

The younger members cheered whilst the older ones stepped out of their shock/surprise/glee to congratulate Luhan and Sehun like mature adults. Except Suho. At this point he’d become completely silent, and was blankly staring at the floor. It was a worrying type of silence.

Not that the rest of s seemed to care.

“Well, since that stupid but highly entertaining phase of our lives is behind us, we can now do this freely in front of you guys.” Luhan said and clasped Sehun’s hand in his, interlocking their fingers. He pecked Sehun on the cheek and they both turned to the members, sporting winning smiles.

Xiumin had hearts in his eyes, while the rest of the members promptly turned and began fake puking onto the ground, clasping each other on the shoulders for support. Kris stood with folded arms and shook his head at everyone disapprovingly. Suho continued on in his (ignored) shocked state.

Tao, being the first to recover, whined, “Ge~ And Hun~ C’mon guys.”

“Yeah guys, we were trying to get you together, but we didn’t want a free ticket to daily PDA.”

“Oh god, what did we get ourselves into?”

“This is what you have to put up with as a consequence for your horrible plans.”

“They were for your own good!”

“Sehun even got hurt in a few of them! Most of them were dangerous, inappropriate, and if we hadn’t known about your planning beforehand, we would probably have high degrees of PTS right now.”
“What, no! We were helping you out of our own goodwill and compassion!” Kai puffed his chest.

“You were helping us out of your own sadistic enjoyment.” Sehun deadpanned.

“Would you listen to this kid? Someone hold me back before I hit him, this kid just doesn’t get it. I said, someone hold me back! Yeol, hold me back! Yeol are you listen –  Jesus where’d you get those sunglasses from?”

“They were too cute and sparkly, I needed to protect my precious eyes.”

“Like you can talk, you and Baekhyun were waaay sparklier than this when you just got together.”

“Why’s this now about us?”

“Gross, now we’re gonna have double the chances of running into a couple making out in the dorms!”

“SO true! Why did we ever want to get them together? Holy crap, my eyes will burn out.”

“Much regret right now. Much regret.” Chen wailed and fell into the couches dramatically. He then popped up and threw cushions at everyone and mimicked in a chipmunk voice, “Ninja star, HA!”

“Hey!” Chanyeol growled and lunged at Chen, with Baekhyun in tow. Kai ran to join the Beagle Line roaring, “You’re half the reason that plan failed that time you y ninja!”

Kris, Tao and Xiumin settled themselves onto the remaining couches and armchairs and began chattering about what takeout to order for this movie night. D.O. smiled softly and dutifully picked up the scattered cushions from the ground, then looked up wide eyed when he realised they were missing a member. Moments later, he located Lay face-down in a beanbag, looking very much dead although he was probably just sound asleep. D.O. let out a soft snort before resuming his cushion collecting. Seconds later he sprung up and raced to flip Lay over when he realised the special unicorn may very well not have been able to breathe in that position.

Luhan watched all his fellow members with his twinkling eyes crinkled, and in a rare moment, the unreadability of them reflected his true age as a hyung in the band. He then hummed to himself as he left to the kitchen with Sehun to make a massive 12 person batch of popcorn.

This was when Baekhyun shot up abruptly, eyes wide, and said, “Wait. WAIT. Let’s all just stop and rewind to what Luhan said a few minutes ago.”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“If I remember correctly, he said ‘if we hadn’t known of your planning beforehand’?”

“Wait…mother of cheeseballs! Does that mean what I think it means?”

“We need to question them!”

“Luhan? Oh Sehun?!”

“Where did they go?”

“I swear they were standing there just moments ago!”

Evil cackling filled the room as the Luhan and Sehun duo re-entered, holding a ginormous bowl of buttery popcorn, a laptop and…was that…no it couldn’t be…

“POLLY?!” Tao screeched, gaping at his beloved mascot.

“This is much more entertaining than any movie, I assure you all. And this is only a glimpse of the latest update.” Sehun clicked on his laptop, and soon familiar, slightly static voices fill the room.

“So what’s Plan K?”

“Uhh, go with the flow?”

zz-zz-zz

“We went with the flow for plans E to H,” “And let me remind you, they ALL FAILED MISERABLY. We need a real plan, A FULLPROOF PLAN, do you hear me?”

zz-zz-zz

But gege~ What else is there to do?” "Should we tie them up to a streetlight and leave it to fate?"

"Hmm…"

zz-zz-zz

"Let's set them on fire,"

zz-zz-zz

"It’s the ty names," "Plan A? Plan B? Are you for real? Which completely unsophisticated moron thought that up?"

zz-zz-zz

"As you've probably noticed, we've covered all these ridiculous plans, yet the answer is so obvious!"

"I said get to the ing point, dickface!"

"… How rude."

"ANYWAYS, it's so obvious, I don't know why we've never thought of it before!"

"Is there a need for me to repeat myself?"

"Let's have a horror movie marathon!"

The distinct click of the touchpad as Sehun paused the video echoed throughout the room, now absent of all other noise as Exo were frozen in utter astonishment.

“Oh. My. Lord. It was the panda.” A faint whisper broke the silence.

Once he finally processed it, Baekhyun his lips and exhaled, “You guys… bugged us?”

“Where did you even find such technology? How did you even get the money to buy such equipment? I can’t even…”

Sehun shrugged, “Everyone knows where Suho hyung’s credit card lives.”

At this Suho promptly collapsed.

“Always knew that damn thing was suspicious.” D.O huffed shooting daggers at Polly.

“I feel strangely violated. In strange ways.”

“You guys…THIS IS A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. YOU’RE BOTH CRAZY!” Chanyeol all but yelled. Luhan cocked an eyebrow in response that noticeably read as, ‘Seriously? Coming from you?’

“They’re not just crazy, they’re masterminds! YOU’RE AWESOME, CAN I JOIN?” Chen’s eyes twinkled excitedly.

Tao sunk down to the ground and began wailing about his ‘backstabbing Polly’ and how he ‘wanted all the love he gave to Polly promptly returned’. Kris rolled his eyes and tried to drag the overgrown kid off the floor to no avail.

“Betrayed by your own kind Tao!” Kai snickered.

“I’ll never look at pandas the same way again!~” Tao yowled.

“Speaking of betrayal, how are we letting those two maniacs just stand there? WE MUST FIGHT TO REGAIN OUR HONOUR!”

“Atttaaaaccck!!!”

With this, the Beagle line plus Kai lunged towards Luhan and Sehun, pillows armed at the ready. Tao, seeing the fun, hiccuped a little more before he stepped across all the spilt popcorn (the mega bowl was now covering the floor like a new, futuristic, crunchy carpet), grabbed Polly by the ears and proceeded to bash Sehun’s face with the toy. Kris stood on the side, shaking his head disdainfully whilst really discreetly chucking popcorn at the fighting members from time to time. The pillow-fight-turned-brawl was put to an end as soon as Xiumin joined with his soccer ball, which left him as the last one standing (“the ?” Kris had complained, rubbing his head. “I didn’t even do anything!” “Everyone saw you throw the popcorn Kris-hyung.” “… I did not. How dare you make such an unsubstantiated accusation”).

During this chaos, following numerous resuscitation attempts from Lay and D.O, Suho was finally revived.  As he staggered to his feet, face ash white, he addressed the whole room in a tiny voice, “Guys…please let’s just promise to never NEVER match-make anyone ever again. Ever.”

And laughter erupted from all around the room.

 

~~ ~~ ~~*~~ ~~ ~~

 

Thus, the rest of the night was spent in a typical Exo fashion, with bromance and romance galore, lots of dumbness and corniness, stupid jokes and melodious laughter, spilt milk tea and a who-can-slide-the-furthest-on-the-buttery-popcorn-carpet battle (don’t ask), flying soccer balls and ninja stars, pillow fights and tickle attacks, a guest appearance from Ace – Witness No. 2, and of course, a continuously building number of sunglasses on their faces because damn, copious amounts of Hunhan + Baekyeol in one night was actually blinding.

Amidst busy schedules and new album promotions, the next few months in the lives of everyone’s favourite Exo also passed peacefully in similar fashion.

Until…

 

“Guys, have you seen the way Kai and D.O. look at each other?”

 

 

~The End~

 

Whew. That was possibly the longest one-shot I’ve written in my life. It turned out much much longer than expected (hence the wait too), but it was an awesome ride for me as the author (minus the times I spent sitting at my laptop crying over writer’s block. Jks jks).

Anyways, I hope you had fun reading, because I certainly had lots of fun writing! Comment below and let me know your thoughts!

Let’s all continue to support these derps in their future ventures and all the best to them as OT11 (but OT12 in our hearts)!~

xoxo
- Exoticism

Ps: Soo…anyone up for a bonus chapter?