"Did you know that love is a circle
that always spins forward,
but never spins
back

and did you know that love
is us
because you and I both crawl forward
but we never look
back."

“Baekhyun, hurry up! We’re going to be late!”

Jongdae gives his tie a final tug as he ushers the rest of the groomsmen out the door. Then and now, Jongdae is always the one to keep people on their toes as showtime nears.

“Leave him be – Baekhyun knows how to keep schedule,” Kyungsoo defends, pushing Jongdae through the door before him. “Who we should be worrying about is the stupid groom."

“Chanyeol won’t miss this day for anything, man,” the taller groomsman laughs in response. “You know how eager he’s been to get married. Remember his ramblings?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know how Chanyeol is, never understanding the concept of time and all."

Smirking, Jongdae gives up and lets Kyungsoo manhandle him to the door frame.

"Hey Baekhyun, take your time, okay? We’ll be heading out first,” Kyungsoo reassures, giving the Best Man a knowing glance before pushing the babbling Jongdae out the door. When the two leave, Baekhyun is left alone in the waiting room as he fingers the black silk necktie constricting his throat. Outside, he can hear the shuffling of many feet as people rush left and right to prepare for the elaborate ceremony. Out of all 2006 Hannyoung High School graduates, Chanyeol had turned out to be one of the wealthiest, most promising figures, and the grand hall he'd reserved for the special day proves his prosperous efforts.

A mere three months has gone by since Baekhyun arrived in Korea. The short male had boarded a plane with his wife after receiving an invitation from Chanyeol through the mail with a personal note begging the older to come. They'd lost touch for a while before the letter had arrived, so there'd been a dropping heaviness in his chest when he'd run his fingers over the chic black envelope designed to look like an expensive suit with a bowtie, one that flipped open to reveal the invitation. Typical of Chanyeol, Baekhyun had thought. It was such a Chanyeol thing to choose a suit envelope for his guy friends and a wedding dress one for the girls. Attached with his invitation was also his wife’s, pointedly addressed to “Beautiful Taeyeon-ssi”; Chanyeol always had a habit of calling Taeyeon beautiful, only because she resembled him so much. Bursting laughter that echoes through the room (although Taeyeon’s much softer than Chanyeol’s loud barking), comical faces at the most inappropriate of times (Baekhyun remembers detention with Chanyeol. He also remembers the meeting with Taeyeon’s parents months before their marriage), and the same, beaming smile had convinced Baekhyun to push a ring through Taeyeon’s slim finger on the 27th of November – Chanyeol’s birthday.

Baekhyun sighs as his reflection mirrors him blankly, hand running through smartly styled hair. The gel musses under his long fingernails, clinging to the white tips. When Baekhyun stares at the pale semi-ovals dancing in the air in tired waves, he lets out a sigh. “They’re longer than mine, Baekhyun. Get them trimmed,” Taeyeon had said. Chanyeol had said something along the lines of “How can a guy’s hand be so pretty anyway?” as he traced the smooth back of his hand. Chanyeol always knew how to give him mixed feelings. Taeyeon did, too.

"Baekhyun, are you in there?" his wife calls at the exact moment his thoughts fall on her. There comes a knock, but it's lost meaning a long way back – marriage means opens doors at any time of any day after all.

The husband of three years stiffens when Taeyeon walks through the marble frames, wafting in a trail of lavender perfume. He can almost taste the light purple on his tongue, the same hue of her flowery, light dress. A smile beams as she dusts the invisible particles of dust off his shoulder.

"Are you okay? You look a bit tired," is her comment, mascara and eyeliner batting, blinking, staring as she talks. Tired, Baekhyun repeats in his head. Tired, as in exhausted. Tired, as in "done with this long before it started". Tired, as in long-passed defeat, emptiness, potential breaking - definite breaking. Hollow vases are more prone to shattered death (or that's what Baekhyun tells himself. Physics speaks a different theory). He is so hollow inside that even the echoes bounce off the walls and dissipate into thin air.

"Not enough sleep, that's all," Baekhyun sighs in response. Not enough sleep because of what reason, he does not know. Taeyeon frowns in worry as she gives his arm a squeeze. "Is it time to go?" the Best Man asks in a weak voice, eyeing the heavy door. The shuffling has increased in volume; a dozen more feet, a dozen more crushing stomps that chant no,
no,
no.

"The others are already seated. We should go, too."

Baekhyun nods, giving himself one more glance in the mirror before fixing his already-perfect suit.

"Wait," his wife calls before his hand reaches the ridiculously ornate doorknob, metal gleaming with the image of his hunched soul. He turns, pauses, hiatus in his steps.

"I keep telling you that bowties suit you better," she says, undoing the knot of his tie without asking. Baekhyun grits his teeth. "They go well with your baby face, honey."

He waits as she adjusts the collar for a finishing fit and brushes a kiss by his cheek. "There, that's much better."

The bow feels a bit more constricting than the necktie, Baekhyun thinks, but it doesn't really matter to anyone.

It doesn't matter, doesn't matter,
never mattered, never will.

The first time Baekhyun feels his heart flutter is in the eighth grade, when he moves to a new school a mere week after his parents get a divorce. The new surroundings make Baekhyun nervous, and his mother’s constant mumblings don’t help in his efforts to settle down and feel at ease. At school, his hands tremble as he introduces himself to the class, “Hello, I’m… B-Byun Baekhyun,” as he grips the side of his pants to make the shaking less obvious. The first classmate who approaches him is Kyungsoo, who waves with friendly eyes and a heart-shaped smile.

“Hey, Baekhyun. I’m the class president, Kyungsoo. How’s school so far?”

Baekhyun doesn’t know how to wave back because he’s afraid that his hands will give away how much of a freak he is. He doesn’t know why he can’t control the strange, involuntary quaking in his two most noticeable limbs, and it makes him feel self-conscious: like the only thing people concentrate on when they look at him are his hands. It started after the divorce, Baekhyun knows that for sure, but he doesn’t know when it will stop.

Kyungsoo is all about open arms, however, and even introduces him to his circle of friends. There’s Jongdae, whose glasses slide off his nose at least twice every time he opens his mouth, Sehun, who’s a couple years younger than everyone else, but still acts like the big boss, Zitao, who spends half the day trying to mimic Sehun’s lisp, Junmyeon, the class secretary, and Kris, the eldest of the group who likes to stay quiet unless directly spoken to. This circle also leads to another circle that consists of Jongin, Luhan, Minseok, and Yixing, who are all part of the school’s student council. Being friends with Jongin also brings another rowdy boy into the circle, and despite being the latest to be introduced, Chanyeol is the one that Baekhyun has the hardest time forgetting.

There are three interesting things about Park Chanyeol that keep him in Baekhyun’s line of thought. The first is that he has no internal-external filter. He blurts out comments without thinking, and that is why the first thing he says to Baekhyun other than “Hey, Baekhyun. My name is Chanyeol,” is “Why are your hands shaking so much?”. It makes Baekhyun cringe visibly when the others start to notice his busy fingers, and for the millionth time in too short a span, Baekhyun wants to close his eyes.

A habit takes long to break out of, and Baekhyun’s particular habit of closing his eyes is one of the longest known of the bunch. Weeks, months, and years before his parents’ divorce, darkness had become his one and only friend amidst all the yelling trapped between suffocating walls and shattered glass rained down tiled floors. The ivory barriers are only so thick, and the capacity of the human’s ear is carefully crafted through evolution to pick up any sound within reasonable decibel to hear. And so, when the daily bickering about alcohol and money and accusations make a round trip in their small house, Baekhyun closes his eyes.

Seeing is believing, they say, and Baekhyun refuses to believe.

But Chanyeol is a big believer, one who perceives things the way he sees them. The second idiosyncrasy about Chanyeol is that he always takes in the big picture, which is why he is the one to tell Baekhyun that it’s okay if his family is split. “Just look at it this way: there’s no reason for you to sulk about it anymore. What’s done is done, right? Isn’t your mom a lot happier these days? I mean, if not, you can always bring her to my house and let her chat with my mom. My little brothers will probably do something to cheer her up, too”. Chanyeol is a positive person, if his constantly smiling face doesn’t give that much away about him, and Baekhyun finds that he can't look away.

(One day, Baekhyun actually asks his mother if she wants to visit his new friend Chanyeol’s house, and even if her blunt answer is, “I don’t have time for ahjumma gossip”, Chanyeol makes him feel better by saying “Maybe next time”. By the end of the first semester of school, “next time” is more like “never”, but the growing friendship and slow stitches between Baekhyun’s group of friends and Chanyeol’s group of friends make everything feel so much better.)

The third and last distinct trait about the boy with big ears, however, is the one that really settles in the coziest place of Baekhyun’s heart. The way Chanyeol tries to include him in all of the group's laughs, the way he explains how a certain inside joke came to be and why the bunch of idiots find it so funny, and the constant "How are you doing? How's everything going"s – just the small pieces of attention Chanyeol spares him lets him know how hard the younger tries to fix things that are broken. Baekhyun is fractured beyond distinction inside, and Chanyeol understands this so he tries to glue the pieces back together. Baekhyun feels a warm thumping settling over his chest because for once, someone cares.

“Here, Baekhyun. This is for you,” the giant says one winter morning when their group meets to go snowboarding. It’s a gift for Baekhyun, and he isn’t holding any others for the rest. “My family is going to visit relatives during Christmas so I thought I should give it to you in advance.”

“Hey, none for us?” Jongin asks, laughing as he jabs Chanyeol’s rear with his red, flame-patterned snowboard. Baekhyun turns as red as the equipment as he takes the small box with two hands, sputtering.

“F-For me?”

“Yup, just for you,” Chanyeol responds, smiling. He punches Jongin in the arm as payback as he says, “Nothing for any of you guys because Baekhyun is special.”
 
“What is it?” Kyungsoo asks, walking alongside Baekhyun as he taps the box. Baekhyun looks at the green and red wrapping with wide eyes.
 
“They’re paper cranes. Paper for folding them, I mean,” Chanyeol says, swinging an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders. Snow flitters down upon the impact. “I heard that if you concentrate on using your hands for a detailed task, it helps with the trembling. Folding origami cranes was a good start in my opinion, so I got you a box.”

Baekhyun’s heart stirs like a butterfly when Chanyeol smiles down at him, ruffling the snowflakes out of his brown hair.
 
“Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable the first day we met,” trails into his ears like hot chocolate on a day as cold as this one. What makes Baekhyun bite his lips is the fact that the “first day” is three months ago, and Chanyeol still hasn’t forgotten the uncomfortable look on his face. Deep inside, Baekhyun hates him for gathering the shattered fragments of his fragile heart and piecing it back together, because now it beats again and it's beating for Chanyeol. It beats for a Chanyeol who will never know how much the small gestures mean to him.

“Jjongdda, where’s Jongin?”
 
“Last time I saw him, he was in the back taking pictures.”

The Best Man sits down at the VIP table as Kyungsoo asks about Hannyoung High School’s ex-historian. Loosening the bowtie just a bit with two hooked fingers, he coughs, reaching for the bottle of wine.
 
“Not yet, Best Man,” Jongdae chuckles, dragging the expensive glass away from Baekhyun. Although the older drinks more than twice the amount the others at the table drink on a weekly basis, he still has the lowest tolerance. Something about him being petite, Sehun says. Baekhyun thinks it's bull.
 
“Just give it to him,” Luhan takes his side for once, giving the groomsman a playful shove. “It’s not every day that you get to drink wine worth more than your suit.”

“Actually, Baekhyun has a whole wine cellar dedicated to ridiculously expensive wine that he can't even finish, so your point is invalid, sir Lu ge.”

“Your Chinese still , Jongdae. Don’t even.”

Kyungsoo pats Baekhyun on the back as he laughs. “It’s a little too early to numb yourself, isn’t it? Let’s hold back just a few more hours. It won’t be that bad.”

The Best Man nods in response. It's sort of an obligation, really, getting through his event. Who in their right mind refuses to attend their best friend's wedding, after all?

“Where’s your wife?” Minseok asks, eyeing the room. Baekhyun's head jerks toward him. “I thought she went to go get you? Why aren’t you guys together?”

“She said she was going visit Dara nuna in the waiting room first,” Baekhyun answers quietly, sipping water from the wine glass instead. The lights dim just a notch as he speaks, the procession itching to begin.

“Sehun! Can you come help me for a sec?” comes Jongin’s voice from the other end of the hall over the bustling crowd of guests getting ready to sit down. The scene is much too hectic for a high-class wedding (but then again, it’s Chanyeol’s high-class wedding, and Chanyeol without noise isn’t Chanyeol at all).

“That bastard can’t even handle his own job,” Sehun sighs, getting up as he straightens his suit. “What do you want, Kkamjong?”

A few minutes after the youngest leaves, the hall dims completely and the center stage glows an elegant white. “Is it starting?” Jongdae asks, sitting up in his chair. The rest follow suit, and all eyes concentrate on the two parents lighting candles on the parallel sides of the aisle.

“Baekhyun,” a voice whispers by said man’s ear, tapping his shoulder. Baekhyun turns to see his wife. “Best Man is up.”

The man of honor nods, getting up as he swallows a sigh. The time has come.

“Good luck,” Kyungsoo says to him, giving his arm a squeeze. “We’re coming right after you.”

Baekhyun smiles as best as he can before heading backstage with his wife.

As Taeyeon fixes his suit and hair, Baekhyun’s ears pick up strings of words such as “begin this ceremony… thank you for coming…”, but nothing stays in his head for more than two seconds. There’s a nauseous feeling in his stomach when he sees the first of the bright center stage's light two feet before him, and he almost has to refrain from holding onto his wife.

“I’m going to join the other bridesmaids now, okay?” Taeyeon says, and Baekhyun nods. He thinks he can see the rest of the groomsmen getting ready in the pit, Jongdae calling for the two young photographers in the back with his hands. The priest enters from the side opposite from him and stands behind the podium at the altar, signaling the start of something irreversible.

The rest of it is much like a blur. As Chanyeol enters through the monumental double doors, light blinding through as he splits the darkness, the clapping of guests sounds muted in his ears like water is logged in them. Everything slows for a moment, Chanyeol smiling his trademark smile as he waves and bows and walks with a practiced step. His suit is jet black, slick and clean and a thousand dollars sewn. Genuine bliss radiates from every inch of his body as he flashes his parents and Dara’s parents an almost-shy smile when he walks by the sidelines where they are sitting. As he watches, Baekhyun feels a tight, constricting hand close around his ribcage, closing the valves of his heart with every squeeze, every compression. To say it hurts is one of the less fancy ways to describe the dull throbbing. Baekhyun is something more like tortured and burned.

Eyes clouding over, he enters the stage from the side, the world still muted around him. Chanyeol greets him with a small handshake he hasn’t forgotten – fist pump, shoulder bump, mini point with the index fingers, shoot! Baekhyun is afraid that Chanyeol’s smile will stretch off his face.

The room quiets down as the guests wait for the bride, and Baekhyun’s ears tingle when the mute button finally turns off. Chanyeol bends down and whispers in his ear, “Thanks for coming, Baek. I would have been tons more nervous without you.”

The groom’s hands are balled together in front of him, knuckles turning white with heart-pounding anticipation. Baekhyun can’t tell if his own face is smiling or cringing or calling out for help, but by the way Chanyeol looks at him, he’s leaning closer to “beaming”.

The hundreds of candles flicker when the famous wedding song plays from the grand piano in the back, and Baekhyun’s eyes search for Kyungsoo when the aisle is casted with ten lean shadows from the big group of groomsmen. The way Chanyeol set up the wedding procession isn’t traditional in the order of entrance, but Baekhyun assumes this is so because Chanyeol wants to save the best for the last – the last being his wife, of course.

Tall, sturdy men walk down one by one, a few giving the groom a thumbs-up as they line up by Baekhyun’s side. Chanyeol smiles at them and even laughs when Yixing accidently stumbles in his steps, emitting a light chuckle from the other guests. Kyungsoo is one of the last to enter the room, and Baekhyun feels a wave of relief washing over him when he gives him a slight nod. It helps to know that someone knows the kind of turmoil he’s going through, more or less. Kyungsoo has always known a little more about Baekhyun than did the rest, and it’s something that has kept him alive.

A nudge is dug into his ribs when the groom’s nieces prettied up as flower girls walk in, throwing petals of pink roses behind them; and when the bridesmaids enter, Baekhyun’s wife among the few, Baekhyun knows it’s Chanyeol’s way of saying “She’s coming, she’s coming!”

Baekhyun watches Chanyeol’s nephews hobbling before the ladies in matching mini tuxedos and mini dress shoes, one gripping a ring box and the other, a pillow that was originally meant to hold it. The crowd coos at the young twin boys, and Baekhyun looks up to see Chanyeol smiling.

The next nudge he feels comes from Jongin, who tells him to watch his own wife. Taeyeon’s eyes are already locked on his face, a pretty bouquet of flowers in hand as her lavender dress floats behind her. She’s beautiful, Baekhyun thinks. He doesn’t tell her that often enough.

“It’s time,” Chanyeol whispers to him, making him pull his gaze away from his wife. Baekhyun’s heart thuds loud and slow in his chest.

When the piano plays the most important notes of the melody, the guests all stand up to welcome the bride. They all clap as she enters through the door with her father, hand placed daintily on his as she smiles shyly at the groom. Her white dress trails behind her gracefully, curving around her body in beautiful slopes and glimmering slides. The small jewels embedded in her bridal headpiece shimmer in the reflected light, and when Baekhyun glances at Chanyeol, he knows what he’s thinking.

Perfect.

They approach slowly, perhaps more slowly to Chanyeol than to anyone else, and when they are close enough for Baekhyun to see the sparkle in Dara’s eyes, her father gives the groom a trusting nod before handing his beloved daughter over to him. Jongin smirks when he sees Chanyeol gulp visibly as Dara looks up at him then looks down again bashfully. They join hands before turning to walk up the steps to the podium, and the room cheers ceremonially for them.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God to join this man and woman in holy matrimony,” the priest starts, and the guests in the pit take their seats. “We are all here today to witness the joining in wedded bliss of Park Chanyeol and Park Sandara. This joyous day celebrates the commitment and love with which they shall start their lives together. If any person here can show cause why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Inside, Baekhyun screams. He has been screaming since middle school, since high school, since the paper cranes and the wishful thinkings. Outside, he is but a shell, so he cannot speak. Silence fills the room, and everyone makes the unspoken agreement.

“Through God, you are joined together in the most holy of bonds," the priest continues. "Who gives this woman in holy matrimony to this man?”

Dara’s father raises a hand and bows. “I do.”

The other three parents nod their approval from the sidelines. The priest gives them a slight bow and a smile before turning to the couple at the altar.

“Do you, Chanyeol, take Dara to be your lawfully wedded wife and promise to live together forever in the estate of holy matrimony? Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse for as long as you both shall live?”

Hammers pound nails into Baekhyun’s heart. The groom looks to his bride and exchanges a smile before responding confidently.

“I do.”

“Do you, Dara, take Chanyeol to be your lawfully wedded husband and promise to live together forever in the estate of holy matrimony? Do you promise to love, comfort, strengthen, and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse for as long as you both shall live?”

Without a moment’s hesitation: “I do.”

The ring boys totter up the steps, the first nephew fumbling with the box as he climbs. Chanyeol laughs as he takes it and hands it to the priest, ruffling Junhee’s hair in affection as he sends the two boys off. The box opens to reveal a set of shining rings, silver and plain, but sweetly engraved inside with promises of everlasting love.

“The wedding ring is an unbroken symbol of the beautiful commitment between man and wife,” the priest says, handing Dara’s to the groom. “Repeat after me: With this ring, I wed thee.”

Chanyeol takes the ring with trembling hands, breathing deeply as he looks into Dara’s eyes. “W-With this ring, I…”

And of course, without surprise, clumsy Chanyeol makes a comeback when he tries to slip the promise into her ring finger and the crowd watches in horror as it drops with a horrifying clink! The guests all open their mouths in uniform shock and the groom panics as the silver jewelry rolls in dangerous circles before bouncing down the steps. The clinging and clanging stops under Baekhyun’s foot as he catches it, though, and the sound of relieved sighs fills the hall at the timely step. Everyone stifles a laugh at the groom, who turns beet red as he steps down to retrieve the ring from his Best Man.

Baekhyun shatters into a million invisible pieces when their fingers touch as he passes the groom the promise of love he doesn't want to wish him.

“With this ring, I wed thee,” Chanyeol finally manages, playfully wiping his brow as he places the ring in its rightful place on Dara's slender finger. The bride turns to the priest, receives her husband’s ring, and sticks out a tongue at him before lovingly taking his hand.

“With this ring, I wed thee.”

Chanyeol bites his lip as he rubs slow circles on her ringed hand, watching the ornaments gleaming under the spotlight.

“What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. With the power vested in me by God and the state, I now pronounce you: man and wife.”

The guests erupt in blasting cheers, and the groomsmen start in a low chant of “Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!”

Chanyeol covers his face with Dara’s hands, shying away from them as he always does. He turns back to look at his father-in-law, and blushes when he gives yet another nod with a loud guffaw. The priest chuckles heartily as he closes his book, smiling before giving the final words of approval.

“You may now kiss the bride.”

The spell summons magic and Dara almost tiptoes when Chanyeol leans down. On their right, Jongin and Sehun madly take pictures while Luhan pops a bottle of champagne with an excited burst of cheer.

Kyungsoo looks for the Best Man in the crowd, but no one really notices.

And Byun Baekhyun, afraid and always hiding, hurriedly closes his eyes.

A/N: i guess i'd just like to say now that this fic is not one of the favorite ones i've written so far.  there's too many things outside of my comfort zone (the characters right down to the emotions) so it's a little hard to get this out. Paper Cranes Dont' Fly is more of a personal project than anything, so I am really thankful for all the readers who have subscribed and looked forward to this.

some things you should note about this fic to... enhance your understanding of the plot:
1. details. they are really important so pay close attention to the little things!
2. time jumps. there will be a great amount of time jumps, so keep your head up!
but that's about it.

thank you for your support,
Heidi (serendipity--)