Yijung winced at his reflection in the mirror. The bruises on his face were darkening into a sickly shade of blue. The cuts were still bleeding. They felt raw. His fingers traced the wound by his lips. It stung under his touch and he winced. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. His head ached and his body felt almost numb. 

He fell back onto the pathetic excuse he had for a bed and buried his head in the thin mattress. Kyungil’s drunken yells still echoed against the dingy apartment. His throat felt raw as he screamed at his reflection. He yelled at himself for being so stupid, for getting involved with someone like Kyungil. He knew it was dangerous. That he’d fall into a ditch and never come out. But he still did it. He still let himself fall for the one person people warned him about.

His eyes fell upon the packed bags sitting by the foot of the bed. His mind screamed at him to just pick them up and run away but his heart was tying him back, telling him to not leave. He picked up his phone and stared at the lighted screen. He scoffed at the image of them together. Their sides were pressed up against each other and the smiles on their faces were so real. He tapped on his inbox and scrolled through his endless conversations with Kyungil.

15/11/13 2:40pm

From: Kyungil

Hey! I got the gig! They want me to perform there next week ^^ You gonna come see me?

15/11/13 2:43pm

To: Kyungil

Congrats :) I’d never miss it for the world! Love you ~3~

15/11/13 2:44pm

From: Kyungil

I love you too <3

He sneered at the chain of loving texts they shared. If only he knew what was awaiting them. If only someone had told him to run far away and never look back. A lump formed in his throat as he scrolled through the more recent texts. How had he not seen it? The signs were all in front of his eyes.

 19/11/13 9:30pm

From: Kyungil

Don’t come. I got cancelled. 

19/11/13 9:31pm

To: Kyungil

What? They cancelled you? Why?

19/11/13 9:40pm

From: Kyungil

I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll be back late so don’t wait up.

Yijung stayed silent as his tears stained his cheeks. He couldn’t help but blame himself. He should’ve helped. He should’ve gone out and looked for Kyungil. He shouldn’t have fallen asleep comfortably while the man was suffering and drowning himself with everything that was wrong. Yijung stared blankly at the screen as his fingers typed out a text.

21/11/13 11:15pm

To: Kyungil

Come home. I miss you.

✖

Kyungil bobbed his head to the unfamiliar beat. His body moved along the other soulless bodies in the room. He swayed to the heavy bass that coursed through his veins.  He let the music hypnotise him. He let himself get lost in the music as he tried to forget everything going on around him. He couldn’t see the other people pressed up against him. He couldn’t feel the cool bare skin of females moving their bodies against his. He couldn’t hear their voices.

He grabbed a bottle out of some stranger’s hand and downed the remainder of the ‘evil’ liquid as Yijung would refer to it. His throat burned and it felt hoarse. He picked up as many bottles as he could carry and slowly drifted from the crowd. He breathed deeply as he trudged threw a dark corridor. He slid down the wall and popped the bottles open. He sighed as he tasted the bitter liquid on his tongue. It felt so good yet so wrong. 

He winced as his knuckles stung. He had completely forgotten about the wounds that were littered on his body. He wiped the blood on his knuckles off onto his jeans and watched as the crimson liquid slowly stained his jeans. He watched as the stain grew larger and eventually turned into a large patch on his knee. 

His fingers itched to check up on Yijung but his mind held him back. He couldn’t be so weak. He clutched onto the glass bottle hard as the thoughts from earlier flooded back into his system. His heart was pounding against his rib cage violently as the memories appeared in his mind. He could still feel the impact of his hand against Yijung’s face in his hand. 

He breathed heavily as he tried to calm down his racing heart. His head dipped down and he laid his forehead on his knee. He couldn’t forget the look of betrayal and hurt that flashed through Yijung’s eyes after the blow. He couldn’t forget how the blood oozed out of the fresh wound on Yijung’s face. His breathing stuttered as the sound of Yijung’s desperate cries engulfed him. 

His body convulsed at the memory of Yijung curled up on the floor in pain, begging for help from him. He should’ve stopped. He knew he should have when he could. He should have controlled himself like all the times Yijung had. He should have held back. It wasn’t Yijung’s fault but he knew the boy could only blame himself. It was just how Yijung was. 

He hurriedly searched for his phone in his pocket and hastily pulled it out. A choked sob escaped his lips as he looked at the screen. Yijung’s bright smile as he pecked him on the cheek. He could see the love in Yijung’s eyes as he beamed at the camera. He tapped on his photo gallery and scrolled through the pictures.

A sad smile appeared on his face as he looked at his never ending collection of their pictures. They looked so happy but something broke between them. He knew it was his fault. He knew that everything had got wrong because of him. He scrolled through the rest of his gallery with shaky fingers. 

He jumped when his phone beeped and notification appeared at the top. He felt his throat dry up the moment he saw Yijung’s name flashing on his screen.

21/11/13 11:15pm

From: Yijung

Come home. I miss you.

His fingers trembled even more as he typed out a reply. A small smile appeared on his face as he kicked away the bottles sitting next to him. He tucked his phone back into his pocket and slowly made his way back to the apartment.

21/11/13 11:20pm

To: Yijung

I’ll be there soon. Wait for me.