“Are you done waiting?” asked Junsu hyung.

 

I knew what he was talking about. I’ve been waiting for another visit from my best friend Kyuhyun for the past three years but he never showed up.

 

“Maybe he got into an accident, maybe the borders are blocked,” I reasoned.

 

“Maybe he died,” Junsu hyung said. I laughed. The jail really did mess up my sense of humor.

 

“They say the good dies young,” I shrugged.

 

“Then explain to me why am I alive, please,” Junsu said , “And why is Heechul dead.”

 

We both burst out laughing yet again.

 

“Heechul may have been an but he was a good one,” I defended my old friend.

 

“Yeah---sure,” Junsu rolled his eyes as the door to our room swung open.

 

It wasn’t meal or bathroom time so we were both startled.

 

“Shim Changmin,” said an officer that I recognized as one of the people who had tortured me in the mirror room years ago.

 

“Here,” I replied, standing up.

 

The officer walked towards me slowly before giving me one hell of a strong slap across my face.

 

“A souvineer from this place,” the officer said with an evil smile, “You’re released.”

 

I didn’t get the chance to say anything but “I’ll visit,” to Junsu who I still remember looked already lonely.

*************

The moment I walked out of the grim tall building that changed me , my eyes landed on a jet black car with a brunet guy standing next to it.

 

The said man was my best friend, Kyuhyun.

 

He waved at me with a grin but I just strolled towards him, very, very slowly. 

 

"This is not a dream," I said, loudly. Looking up at the sky, there was a big shining thing in it. Was that really the sun? Am I finally deserving of happiness?

 

I shook my head and crossed the street. I eyed the passing cars, their colors were too bright. Is that what's fashionable nowadays?

 

I took a deep breath, the fresh oxygen revived me and had me convinced at last that I really was a free man.

 

When I was meters away from Kyuhyun, I noticed he had his arms open for a hug with a genuinely moved smile across his face. I laughed but gave him a brotherly hug anyways.

 

"Welcome back, Voldy," he said, sounding too gentle for the usually smug Kyuhyun.

 

"I thought you had forgotten about me," I told him as I pulled away.

 

"You know better," he smiled, "Get in the car, we gotta get you dressed up and fed!"

I nodded. Even though I was dying to see my family again. I thought it'd be better if Yoona saw me looking good and not like the sick person I now was.

I spent the ride to the store (where Kyuhyun bought me two new outfits) and the ride to the restaurant studying the now ruined streets. Every now and then, the road would disappear and Kyuhyun would just continue driving past houses and people until we would see another road. 

 

There were more damaged, broken houses than standing ones. Kids were playing in the street barefoot and drinking the muddy water. It was really a saddening sight.

 

It reminded me of my dear friends who died trying to fixing this situation.

 

But I decided not to dwell on that now. I’ll have plenty of time later to worry about such things.

"Changmin, we're here," Kyuhyun shook me awake. I had dozed off without noticing.

 

I sat up and studied my surroundings, it was not the familiar place I call home. 

 

"Where are we?" I questioned, clearly disappointed.

"My house," Kyuhyun said, "let's go."

 

"Take me to my house, Kyuhyun. Please,” I said, trying hard not to beg.

 

"Your family moved man," Kyuhyun answered, sorry, "I hired people to find them."

 

I heaved a deep sigh.

I spent my first night of freedom in Kyuhyun's house. 

 

After another fancy dinner, we went to bed.

 

I stayed up almost the whole night despite the fact that the bed was clean and cozy. Still a small part of me was unable to accept that I'm finally free. 

 

Freedom.

 

That word meant a lot to me now after I had it.

 

I spent the night remising about old times, imagining myself finally with Yoona. Holding her, kissing her, loving her and only her.

 

As the sun began to rise, I fell asleep.

 

In my dream, Junsu hyung was calling me.

 

"Changmin, get up. It's your turn," he said in his melodious voice.

 

I finally fluttered my eyes open. I was greeted with the holes in the roof and it's insects that were a family. 

 

"Changmin get up," a different yet still familiar voice called. I closed my eyes shut, begging and praying that it was all just a dream. 

 

"Changmin," my body shook and I woke up to Kyuhyun nudging me.

 

"Hey bro, did I scare you? Sorry," Kyuhyun apologized.

 

"Is that really you?" I pathetically asked. Since leaving jail, I regained one of my older characteristics. I was back to being the sensitive guy I once was. 

 

Kyuhyun sent me a pitiful look before smiling and nodding. 

 

That day, I grew impatient. Right after breakfast, I insisted that I wanted to visit our house even if my family wasn't in it. 

 

As we drove closer and closer to the house that I always called home, my heart started to beat faster and faster to the point where I thought it'd explode right out of my chest. 

Once we were there, I jumped out of the car and to the gate. Like an idiot, my first reaction was to knock on the door.

 

But of course there was no Yoona or Neya inside to fight over who gets to open the door.

 

I heard Kyuhyun heave a long not-so-silent sigh behind me. 

 

It didn't flatter me, I looked at my sides then stumbled my way to the wall. 

 

"Hey, what do you think you're do-" Kyuhyun's question hung in the air as he watched me.

 

I jumped until my hands reached the top and climbed up to finally land on our garden.

 

I silently made my way to the gate and allowed Kyuhyun in.

 

"You know, you still can't get inside the house right?" Kyuhyun said, shaking his head.

 

"You've underestimated me," I replied confidently as I walked deeper into the garden. My heart dropped at the sight of the once green place now dull and empty. 

 

Right next to the barbeque tools, at the corner, I started digging with my hands.

 

"You're cra-"

 

Kyuhyun stopped midway when I held up the key I had buried years ago.

 

Kyuhyun and I both grinned as our eyes met.

 

"Impressive," he said. I was so happy to find the key that I broke out laughing as if Kyuhyun said the funniest joke ever.

 

Soon, the door was unlocked and I was inside. My heart started beating again as I took my first step into the living room which was, of course,  empty. 

 

I walked into the kitchen then the bathroom. The guest bedroom was locked so I started to climb the stairs to the bedrooms. 

 

First was my parents, then Neya's.

 

Both were locked.

Facing them was Kris' bedroom then Yoona's. Both were locked as well. I lingered at Yoona's door, knocked then went to my room. I still had hope that the room was unlocked, I had hope that they lost the key but as my hands fell on the handler, I realized that it was locked too.

 

I felt like life closed its doors on me so I fell on my knees in front of Yoona’s door.

 

"I'm back," I said, "Where did you go and leave me?"

 

And that's when I broke down yet again.

 

But when I opened my eyes, something caught my attention. If not for the fact I was in this position I would not have seen it. I rushed towards my door to a piece of paper neatly folded beneath it.

 

I didn't struggle to pull it out.

 

In it was a letter from my Yoong.

 

I don't have the time to write a proper letter. Dad, mom, Kris, Neya and I are moving Jushi, Changmin

 -Yoona 

 

I began to laugh, like the maniac I maybe was. 

 

"You really lost it this time," Kyuhyun said, I forgot he was standing there.

 

I grinned at him, "it's a letter, from little Yoong. She's telling me they moved to Jushi."

"Impressive," Kyuhyun noted and we both started laughing again. 

*******

 

It took us exactly two days and four hours to prepare for the four hour trip. Due to the destruction of the roads, the trip took us seven hours so it we arrived at night.

A couple of times, we pumped into police officers. Every time, a newer and bigger panic rush ran into me.

 

Every time, I remembered the time they came for Leetuek and Kangin. Then Heechul...I also remember them beating me nearly to death...I remember them beating Junsu hyung who I was sure was leaving this world...

 

I remembered the cell...everything.  Everything was raw and fresh in my memory and I don't think that time will make me forget any of it.

 
"Let's book a place to sleep in. We can look for them in the morning," Kyuhyun announced.

"Let's look for them now, Kyu," I insisted, "I can't wait another second!" 

 

"You waited seven years, I'm pretty sure you can wait another day," he said, then grinned at me, "Besides, do you want the girl to see you looking tired and sick? Girls focus on first impression!"

 

I heaved a sigh, "fine."

 

Kyuhyun grinned as he drove us towards the city’s gas station. 

He walked into one of the grocery stores near it and brought us food. He handed me a bag but I shook my head. 

 

"I'm not hungry," I said.

 

"Come on bro, you have to eat something," he tried convincing me but I refused again and again. 

 

"Just get me a cigarette," I said as I ignored the surprised look on his face. That day I smoked my first cigarette since my discharge.

 

As Kyuhyun and I talked about old classmates, I became dizzy. I didn't fudge and continued questioning him about Onew when sudden pain rushed through my stomach.

 

“Oh and Kyuhyun?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“let’s find my family now, please.”

 

“But—“

 

An "ah" escaped me and Kyuhyun glanced over, concerned

.

"It's just a headache, don't worry," I said in a convincing tone, the last thing I'd want is for him to stop driving now.

 

Kyuhyun nodded and continued driving but I was losing consciousness. 

 

"Just drink this," Kyuhyun shoved me grape juice and I obeyed him this time.

Right after though, I pulled out another cigarette as my heart continued to race and race in my chest as my excitement grew more the closer we got to Jushi.

 

It was 12:00am when we arrived so Kyuhyun tried to convince me to go in the morning.

 

"Jesus Christ cho! I can't wait another second!" I pleaded.

 

"We don't have an address or anything, all offices are closed too," Kyuhyun reasoned but I had none of it. 

 

After arguing for five minutes, Kyuhyun finally surrendered and we started asking people about the Shim family. By 22:00Am we were given an address.

 

The car stopped in front of a medium sized house in a not so rich neighborhood.

This is it.

My heart raced even faster, the palm of my hands were sweaty as fear and happiness rushed through me at the same time.

 

What if this house wasn’t my family's?

 

What if they didn't want to see their criminal son and brother? 

 

I’m not usually a lucky person.

 

Why would I be lucky now?

 

"Get the hell out of my car," Kyuhyun grinned, and that gave me the push I needed to take my exit.

 

They were just a knock away! Can you believe how ecstatic I was? 

"Who is it?" yelled a manly voice from inside that I had not recognized and my heart dropped to my feet.

 

The nervous smile on my face disappeared for a second but as the door swung open, revealing none other than my younger brother Kris, eyeing me, it came back. This time much, much wider.

Kris was a few inches taller than me. His bangs covered the injured side of his face so he appeared very handsome. 

 

Our eyes stayed on each other as we each continued to register the new changes in each other looks.

 

"Who is it, son?" I heard my father's deep voice and then he appeared on Kris' side.

That's when I woke up and wrapped my arms around him. 

 

"Changmin, my son," he murmured, I couldn’t see his face but I knew he was crying.

"I'm home dad, I'm finally home, I had missed you all so much," I replied, tearful myself.

 

I felt someone nudging my shoulder and turned to Kris.

"Don't I get a hug too, hyung?" he asked childishly.

 

"Come here," I opened my hands wide and we hugged briefly before someone pulled me back.

It was my mom with Neya next to her. As we exchanged hugs, kisses and tears too, I began to wonder about my little girl.

 

"Where's Yoona?"

 

"I'll call her!" Neya volunteered and ran up back inside.

I sat down with everyone in the living room while waiting for my child to pop out.

 

Neya took a long time and I just couldn't stay in my seat any longer.

I stood up in excitement in front of the stairs and waited for that tiny figure to appear.

 

Instead, I was greeted by a woman. A beautiful woman who had Yoona's eyes, but that was about it. Her face is much thinner, her hair waiver and her body, god her body! It was anything but tiny! She had a thin waist that was apparent due to her tight blouse, and her hips were just right, not too wide but not too thin either. Her legs were also long and lean.

 

This, in front of me was a fully grown woman. 

 

"Changmin--" that same delicious voice came out of this stranger's lips.

 

And suddenly this stranger jumped from the top of the stairs as I rushed to free my arm from Neya and my mother so I can open them for this flying woman. 

 

And as she crashed into me, I felt the earth circling around us.

 

She mumbled something that I didn't quite hear as she began to cry. 

 

My heart continued to race, this time so fast I felt like I’ll really die because of it.

 

Everything around me was circling and I felt like falling to the ground. 

 

finally!

 

I am finally reunited with my most precious person.

 

My child. 

 

My one true love.

I've waited seven years for this, Seven horrible years! 

While I got dizzy and weak, Yoona’s hug was strong, too strong, it felt like she was trying to penetrate my skin.

 

The strength of this hug reminded of that day in that park of that hug.

 

The day I lost everything.

 

Will there ever be a time when I wouldn’t remember that day so painfully vivid? I think not.

 

 

When the memories began to play in my brain, I hugged Yoona with all my strength.  If I had my old strength then I would have broken her bones. 
 

I pulled back so that I can make sure that it is my Yoona and smiled at the realization. 

 

She was a crying mess but she was my Yoona.

 

Then my knees went weak and I collapsed on the floor. 

 

When I woke up a few minutes later, I found myself surrounded with my tearful family. Everyone looked concerned and it reminded me that less than a week ago, I also fainted but there was no one to ask me if I was okay.

 

 I brought my body and brushed my mother’s tears.

 

"I'm fine, I'm fine. A little tired but fine," I said, looking at everyone and lingering a little more on Yoona , "There's nothing in this world that's more precious than your tears so don't cry."

 

“What happened?” my dad asked.

 

“I guess I was overwhelmed,” I said with a grin as I noticed my friend wasn’t there.

 

"Where is Kyuhyun?" I asked no one in particular.

 

"He said he will be back in the morning," Kris replied.

I felt myself getting dizzy again so I said, "I'm exhausted."

 

Kris nodded and showed me to his room, where I slept that night while he slept at one of the sofas. 

 

When I woke up, it was dawn. My throat was hoarse and too dehydrated so I decided to get water.

 

Finding the kitchen wasn’t difficult because it was the only lit up place in the house.

 

When I got inside though, I found a small figure standing in front of the open fridge, with her back facing me.

 

"Yoong," I said, she jumped up in shock and eyed me carefully before looking down at her feet shyly.

"I'm here for water," I told her. She stepped aside, giving me space. 

 

I grabed a big glass from the counter and poured cold water in it before gulping it all down in a second.

 

I saw her staring at me from the corner of her eyes and almost burst out laughing. Ah, she was always a cute one.

 

"You grew up," I said.

 

No response.

 

"But you didn't change that much either."

Silence.

 

"What about me? Did I change?" 

She looked up, hesitantly, adorably before answering.

 

"Your nose," she said softly, "did you change it?"

She was the only person who noticed that change and just that fact made me laugh.

 

"Is it that bad?" I asked after a few seconds. 

 

She looked at me with her brown eyes then shook her head.

"It looks good actually," she replied and ran towards the door then I heard her footsteps running up the stairs.

I laughed again.

I'm finally home. 

 

I tought everything was going to be the same.