So.... this is a special chapter! I plan this chapter since... a month now, yeah :D I hope you like it!

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

[Hinder - Better than me]

Rap Monster

I look up when Yoongi enters the room. He looks at us with wide eyes and I look down again. Jin continues puts his clothe in his suitcase and Hoseok stands there with red eyes. We have fought with each other after Yoongi runs away. I just couldn’t take it anymore the way Hoseok behave. Why didn’t he notice Yoongis feelings? Why? Yoongi isn’t that type that would kiss everyone… and he isn’t that person that would everybody let him. No, Yoongi is there a very emotional person. He even hates it when unkwon people touch him. Like when we meet some of the backup dancers. We greet them friendly and Yoongi was the only one who didn’t hug them. Just a handshake and that’s all. He even sometimes hates it when I touch him I think. But with Hoseok it was always different. Yoongi touches him – his legs. His back… his arms. So why didn’t notice Hoseok that. And the way he looks at him… But I didn’t tell him anything. I didn’t dare to tell him something because Yoongi would kill me. I’m sure he would kill me.

“Whats happened here? Jin… stop this”, Yoongi tells him and grabs the older one by the wrist. But he slap his hand away and look at him. “I don’t want to be here anymore… Hoseok and Nam Joon fight… you and Hoseok fight… and so many things went wrong here”, Jin says and grabs some of his shirt. Yoongi watch him doing this and bites his lower lip. Then Jin closes his suitcase and look at the small rapper again. “I’m sorry Yoongi…”, he mumbles and with that he leaves the room. Yoongi and Hoseok follow him while I sit down on Jins bed.

It’s my entire fault. I should have taken care of everyone – I’m the leader. It’s my fault that Yoongi hurt himself, it’s my fault that Jin leaves us now and it’s my fault that Jimin and Hoseok start to cry. Everything is my fault. I’m a stupid leader… I’m the worst leader ever. I’m a shame form my band. I built one hand into a fist and let out a slight sob. Hastily I stand up, walk over to the door and lock it. I don’t want that anybody see me like this now.

I look over at Jins bed and walk over to it again. It’s so empty… I let out a sob again. I didn’t want to hurt him like that. All I wanted that he is happy, that he laughs…. Oh how I love the way he laughs… How I love the way he smiles at me. This cute smile with the light chuckle. I slowly crawl on the bed and grab the pillow of Jin. It smeels like him… I miss that. I miss that so much so burry my nose in his brown hair… when we cuddle while watching a movie I often did this. I always pretend to fall asleep when Jin looks at me then. I didn’t want him to know how important he is for me. How much he means to me. He means so much to me… But I can’t tell him that… because I’m such a bad person. I know I would never make him happy, never. And he deserves someone who makes him happy. Who puts a smile on his pretty lips every day. His pretty lips… which feel so good on my own…

It was the day we debut… I remember that so well. How proud we were to finally manage it, to stand on the stage and debut as a group with our song. Yoongi, Hoseok and I worked so long at this song and the music. And also the others! Without them encouraging words, they care and they ideas about some parts in the song he wouldn’t sound like that. Also Jin was…and still is my inspiration.

“Oh Nam Joon you were so cool!”, Taehyung screams when we were back at our dorm and jumps on my back. I hastily grab his legs that he didn’t fall down. “You too! You all did an amazing job! I’m so proud being the leader of such a cool group“, I tell them and Taehyung laughs a bit. “Don’t be like that Nam Joon”, Jimin says and laughs “I thought you were a cool rapper not a soft rapper”. “I’m the coolest rapper ever!”, I remember him and let Taehyung down who puts his shoes aside. Yoongi looks at me and raise an eyebrow. “The coolest rapper? Nam Joon, really?“, he ask me and grins at me but I just nod. The pale boy just laughs and went over into the living room with Jungkook and Hoseok. Taehyung and Jimin follow the two so that Jin and I were alone. “So… should we grab some drinks? Do you think we could give the other a bit of alcohol? I mean…it’s such a special day”, Jin asked me as we walk over in the kitchen. I think about this for a moment and then nod. “A bit won’t hurt them. Also Hoseok take care of Jungkook and Yoongi of Jimin and I know you will watch Taehyung”, I say and search for some drinks and also for some alcohol. I want to celebrate this special day with my band members. Some other members of the groups which also perform invite us to join them at some party. But we have three under aged boys in the group and we are one group. So we should celebrate this together. So Jin and I search for some glasses and also some food we have here.

“You were really cool”, then Jin says and I look at him. He smiles shyly and me and bites his lower lip. “And… you encourage me a lot… thank you”, he mumbles and I smile a bit more. Why must he be so cute? I never meet such a beautiful and cute person before. Everything about him is perfect… everything attracts me. I never thought that I would be gay… But Jin changes that. He changes so many things in my life. “I need to thank you… you always inspires me when I write some songs”, I tell him and put the glasses on a tray. He looks at me with a surprised face but I just nod. “Yes… you are my inspiration in so many things”, I confess to him and smiles a bit more. A moment there was silence between us. But then I look at him again, he stands next to me and grab another glass. A moment I just look at him. “Jin…” I say softly and he looks at me. We just stand there and look each other in the eyes… his pretty eyes. And then I couldn’t resist leaning forward to kiss him softly. His lips feel so good as I ever imagine… no, better. They were soft… I put an arm around his should to pull him closer to me to continue the kiss. But it was still sweet and lovely. I didn’t want to rush into something. I just want to enjoy this sweet and innocent kiss. It feels so good. After a few seconds we break the kiss and I just look at him again. With big eyes he watches me and then smiles softly. I his cheek softly. Even his skin is so soft… How could this be? It just made me realize that he is perfect… he ist he person I have searched for so long. But then Taehyung enters the kitchen. “What are you…. Do you have kiss each other?“, the blond boy asks us with wide eyes. I wince at his voice and hastily shake my head. “No… we aren’t that close that we kiss each other…no”, I tell him hastily before I grab the tray and went over into the living room. Jin and Taehyung follow me a few moments later.

I’m sure I hurt him so deep… but… He was still close to me. We still hang out with each other, we cuddle with each other… we take care of each other. And now he went away and this is my entire fault. I have hurt him so much that he didn’t see another way out to leave us. I sink down on his bed again and burry my face into his pillow and just cry. I don’t know what I should do instead… I just cry to try to free myself from all that pain. But Im sure the pain Jin feels now is bigger… I hurt him so much and now I only wish I could have changed so many things. When he tells me he loves me… I should have say ‘I love you too you idiot’ but I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t. Because I know he deserves someone who will take care of him and treat him like the princess he is. Someone who is strong… someone who didn’t treat him like this and let him cry alone.

Again I sit up and pull the pillow away. I shake my head hastily and slowly stand up. I need to calm myself… I can cry later, now I have to take of the others. I’m the leader and I have to take care of them. So I wipe away my tears and leave the room of the two. A moment I just stand there and look around, and then I hear some voices out of the living room. I went over in the room. There were the others – Hoseok, Jungkook, Jimin, Yoongi and Taehyung. All look at me and I let out a sigh and slowly sit down. “Nam Joon”, Taehyung mumbles and look at me worried but I shake my head. I don’t want to talk about this now. No one says a word until Jungkook raise his voice. “I… Jimin, Taehyung and I going to make dinner”, he says hastily, grabs these two by the wrists and leads them out of the room. I look after them before I face the other two. Hoseok and Yoongi just sit there in silence and avoid looking at each other. These two idiots. That Yoongi loves Hoseok is obvious and Hoseok… I don’t think that he didn’t feel anything for Yoongi. The way he cry when Yoongi runs away and I scream at him… his words… That he didn’t know what’s wrong with Yoongi and he just want to talk with him. “We… I will share my room with Taehyung now”, Hoseok says and Yoongi raise his head and looks at him. I can tell by the way he look at Hoseok he didn’t like it. “But…”, he starts and Hoseok look at him with a questioned look. “I don’t want to leave him alone now and I share a room with this two… also It’s sometimes annoying when Jungkook and Jimin prefer to sleep in my bed”, Hoseok explains and rub his neck. Yoongi just nods a bit and sighs up. Good, so Taehyung don’t have to sleep alone. I also have think about changing the roommates. I love to share my room with Yoongi, it’s comfortable but I think we should do this some time. Maybe not yet… later. When everything is okay again.

In the kitchen…

Jungkook close the door behind him and look at the two others. “We need to do something… I think we have watch enough”, Jungkook says and Jimin nods. He pats the back of Taehyung who looks at him with sad eyes. “Don’t worry Tae~ everything will be alright and Jin will be soon at our dorm again”, Jimin says and place a kiss on his cheek. The younger one smiles then, his famous teeth smile. “Alright… but what should we do with the four idiots… I never meet such dumb people”, Taehyung mumbles and sits down on a chair. “Mhm… Maybe we should make one of them jealous?”, Jimin suggest and search for some bowls “Yoongi gets jealous easy”. “I think we should make Hoseok jealous… but he never gets jealous”, Jungkook sighs up and start to heat up the rice again. Taehyung start to make some kimichi and search for some meat. “Ouh, I think he gets jealous about Jihoon… Nam Joon tells me that Hoseok looks pissed when they sit next to each other this morning”, Taehyung says with a big grin. “But… do you think this will work?”, Jimin mumbles “I don’t know how Yoongi would handle it when Jihoon wants to cuddle with him”. “Okay…then we need another idea”, Taehyung says and look at the two others.

“Argh, why are these idiots? Is it that hard to accept the feelings for each other? Sometimes I think we are the oldest and not these four”, Jungkook starts to complain. “And this is the reason why we need to interfere now…”, Jimin mumbles and put the last bowl on the table. “Yes… I don’t want that Yoongi also leave and in the end… everything get worse”, Jungkook shrugs his shoulders and thinks a moment then. “Are you also sure that Hoseok loves Yoongi?”, Jimin asks then the maknae. This one nods immediately. “I’m more than sure… he cry because of Yoongi, he never cries because of anyone before since I know him. And we all have hear how Hoseok and Yoongi had yesterday”, Jungkook reminds him and Jimin laughs a bit. “I think everybody hear them moan”, he laughs and bit like Jungkook. “And Hoseok was a before and I know he wouldn’t have with anyone he didn’t love or at least like that much… especially for his first time”, Jungkook let out a sigh and walks over to Jimin. This one looks up to the younger one and smiles a bit before Jungkook leans down and kiss the smaller one carefully. “At least we weren’t such idiots”, Jungkook mumbles against his lips. Jimin laughs and bit and kiss him again, this time more passionate. “Ah, get a room you too!”, Taehyung says then and hit Jimin slightly. “I’m sorry that Ren isn’t there now… maybe you should call him”, Jimin place a hand on Jungkooks side and caresses him there a bit. “Maybe… but he have so much work to do”, Taehyung sighs a bit before he starts to grin “But, while you two talk about Yoongi and Hoseok I have made up a plan!”. Jungkook raise an eyebrow “Yes? Tell us!”. Taehyung laughs and bit and want to start to tell it his band members but then the door opens and the three rappers enters the kitchen. Jimin hastily pulls his hand away from Jungkook sides and look at the three again. None of them should know about the relationship – not yet. “Everything alright?”, he ask then the three and Yoongi just nods. “Everything alright…yeah”. “Taehyung, I’m going to share my room with you now”, Hoseok says and sits through his black hair. This one starts to grin more. “Sounds good!”, he says and chuckles a bit.