The Melancholy Sound of the Guitar

by GreenGardenPop

Title and Description - 10/15

I loved the title. It attracted me to the story and it was a great snapshot of what the story is all about. The description, while not bad, would have given us a more accurate picture of the story if it had included anything about the heartbreak that was the main focus of the story. I loved the forward. It gave us a very good preview of your style and the tone of the story.

Plot - 16/20

This gave a good twist on the old ‘break up’ plot. What I liked about this is that while Jiyeon was still in love with her ex, she wasn’t willing to sacrifice her values or herself in order to be with him. It wasn’t a happily ever after for their relationship, but it left us with the possibility that one day Jiyeon will be happy.

The emotion was played well and the tone had an overall dark, but hopeful feeling.

Characters - 15/20

I really like what you did with Jiyeon’s character. You put her through torment and allowed her to show her strength. I think the point where I admired her most was when she declares, “I’m not your princess anymore, I’m a grown woman.” It’s very refreshing to read about a strong woman who knows what she wants in life.

I found Myungsoo’s motivation a little weak. I have a hard time believing that a man would abruptly throw the love of his life out of his house for not being ready to have with him. (but then maybe I’m just naive.)I think that a way you could have done this a little better would be to explore the reasons why he is not willing to wait until marriage. Does he not want to marry her? Does he feel she’s rejecting him physically for not wanting to have with him? Exploring the motivation of your characters action is important even when it comes to minor characters.

I really liked that you gave a kind of character to the guitar. It really set the story apart as being unique.

Pace and Flow - 9/15

There were some things that I didn’t like about the pace and flow of the story. The backstory of the relationship explored through flashbacks felt a little like an information dump, which isn’t to say that the flashbacks weren’t beautifully written and emotional, just that they could have blended with the story better.

I felt that Jiyeon’s emotions changed just a little too abruptly, especially at the beginning of the second chapter. It moved the plot nicely, but in future, I think your characters need a little more motivation between their emotions.

I loved the parts that

Grammar, Spelling and Structure - 8/15

I’m always really impressed when someone chooses to write a story in a language that is not native to them. I didn’t observe any spelling mistakes, although the grammar could honestly be much better. There weren’t too many parts where the grammar was totally wrong, but even when used correctly in a lot of places the words were applied clumsily. I really respect that you’re writing in a language that you’re less familiar with and I’m sure this will be a great way to improve.

I loved the overall structure. The chapter length was great (in my opinion) and I loved the insertion of emotional lyrics. It fit really well with the theme of the story.

Overall enjoyability - 12/15

I honestly really enjoyed this story. The cliffhangers at the end kept me wanting to read the next chapter and there were very few times when I got bored. There were a few points where my attention drifted. One was when the relationship was being described in the first chapter and the other time was in chapter five during the flashback of Jiyeon’s father.

Total score: 70/100