Hoya was exhausted, but completely happy. The drive down to Santa Cruz was less than an hour despite the Independence Day traffic; flying by in barely no time at all with Dongwoo serenading him and their son to old R&B songs - it’s important for Sooyong to know the classics, baby!

Not that he minded, in fact he’d still swear that Confessions was his favorite Usher album to date, but he didn’t think it was the most festive of choices considering the holiday. But Dongwoo was having such a good time enthusiastically singing along to Yeah! and the baby was getting a kick out of watching Dongwoo’s antics that he couldn’t bring himself to stop the party.

After arriving at their destination they spent the morning being lazy on the beach, Sooyong securely hidden away from the sun under Dongwoo’s bright green umbrella. His husband did manage to convince him to let him take the baby closer to the water, and he snapped a few adorable pictures of the two of them playing in the waves. Sooyong seemed to love the ocean, his little legs splashing the water around as his high pitched giggle cut through the air. But since the water was still a bit on the chilly side, they didn’t keep him there for long. Hoya was just as content to lay in the shade with his son blissfully napping on his chest.

He saw the flash go off in the corner of his eye and he pulled his shades down to glance over at his husband. Dongwoo looked absolutely smitten, grinning down at him with his blinding smile.

“I’m sorry but- do you even realize how insanely hot you look right now?” Dongwoo gushed and Hoya merely quirked an eyebrow.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously! I mean you’re shirtless cause you were in the ocean and you’re still technically all wet which always is a plus, and you have our super cute little baby sleeping peacefully on your chest. This might be the most domestically y thing I’ve ever seen. Like, you’re officially a hot dad. This is officially our lives.”

“Well, officially, do not ever call me Daddy. Just in case you were contemplating it.”

Dongwoo cackled, smacking his knee loudly and almost waking the baby in the process. But thankfully Sooyong was knocked out after his beach adventure, so he merely readjusted his head and continued to doze on. Hoya shook his head at his silly husband, who was rubbing Sooyong’s back to calm him.

“You know that I’ve never been into that kink.”

“Don’t say kink around the baby!” Hoya chastised him, and Dongwoo rolled his eyes.

“A; You just said it too. And B; Sooyong is sleeping. And what I was trying to convey was that I’m happy with the direction our lives had taken. I mean, it’s crazy how much has changed so fast. I never used to daydream about you with a baby. About you being a father. I knew you would be amazing at it and I knew that I would love to raise a child with you, but I just never allowed myself to have those hopes. But now… seeing you do something so simple but so paternal… it’s breathtaking. I love watching you with our son. It’s like you shine even brighter than before, like meeting him and loving him has made you even more beautiful.”

Hoya blushed all the way to his ears, Dongwoo’s heartfelt speech touching him in the deepest sense. He felt the exact same way about his husband; he loved watching Dongwoo take care of their son, provide for him and protect him. “I know exactly what you mean. I was in love with you before… I didn’t think I could actually love you anymore than I already did. You were my everything Dongwoo. But then Sooyong came along and you became so much more. Fatherhood looks good on you too.” Hoya reached out, cupping Dongwoo’s cheek. “So gorgeous and all mine.”

“And don’t you forget it.” Dongwoo leaned down, dropping a soft kiss to Hoya’s lips. Hoya reached around Dongwoo’s neck, holding him in place as he deepened the kiss. They exchanged a few more endearments, Dongwoo finally tucking into Hoya’s side to join the embrace with their son. Dongwoo held his hand protectively over Sooyong’s back, and in return Hoya held his husband’s to keep them firmly wrapped up together.

They laid in silence, just enjoying the smooth sounds of the ocean, soaking up the relaxation from their surroundings on the beach. They didn’t move from that spot until Sooyong woke up, demanding attention and his afternoon snack. They packed up their towels and supplies, Hoya smoothing just a bit more sunscreen into the baby’s skin to prevent him from getting burned, before heading out for the boardwalk.

Despite all the big attractions, they chose just to walk around, blending in with the busy crowd and enjoying the weather. Dongwoo took more self indulgent pictures of Hoya, this time with the baby backpack strapped on to his front and Sooyong happily riding along on Hoya’s chest so his hands could be free; Dongwoo had tried to convince him to get the kind that strapped the baby to his back, to which Hoya panicked because how can I wear that if I can’t keep my eyes on Sooyong to makes sure he’s okay?!

Dongwoo thought it was just adorable, how careful Hoya was with Sooyong and how concerned he was for the baby’s well being, even if he did go a little overboard at times. But he couldn’t deny how cute Hoya looked, carrying Sooyong on his chest and a bright pink cotton candy in his hand, occasionally giving the baby a taste of the sugary sweet goodness. He managed to convince Hoya to take a spin on the ferris wheel, and laughed openly at the protective way Hoya held on to Sooyong and decidedly did not look down.

As the day wore on and the sun started to set, Dongwoo suggested getting a hotel room, but Hoya shook his head, a truthful look in his eyes. “I’d rather just be at home, with you.”

And with that they were heading back to the car, driving back to San Jose as they loosely held hands across the gear shift. Once they arrived at home, they headed into their backyard, keeping Sooyong bundled up in his carrier to fight off any night time chills and pulling out a few lawn chairs. Dongwoo came out with a bottle of champagne, pouring the both of them a generous amount.

They waited for the fireworks to start in the sky, clinking their glasses with twinning smiles. “To family?” Hoya suggested, and Dongwoo agreed with a soft laugh.

“To our family. The three of us, taking on the world.”

“You know what they say about the Jangs; they’re fierce and they’re not to be messed with.”

Dongwoo grinned at him wolfishly. “Damn straight.”

Hoya sighed, nudging Dongwoo playfully with his knee. “Don’t say the D word in front of Sooyong!”

Dongwoo threw his head back in laughter at his husband’s uptightness. “Are we seriously going to be those parents? The ones who spell out bad words and whisper things so the kids aren’t tainted by foul language?”

“You’re D word right.”

“Oh my god,” Dongwoo said exasperatedly, but he still found himself scooting closer to his husband. “You’re lucky that you’re hot. And perfect. And mine. Otherwise I totally wouldn’t deal with your BS.”

“And Sunggyu says you aren’t a fast learner.”

“Ha ha,” Dongwoo said sarcastically, but before he could go on a tirade about how the Chief and electronics at the station were definitely working against him, a loud boom stole their attention.

The conversation drifted off as they watched the red, blue, and white explosions in the sky, the fireworks seeming even more vibrant against the dark night sky. Hoya stole a glance at Sooyong, who was strangely quiet but completely mesmerized by the sparkling display. He looked back over at his husband, who was sipping champagne and smiling up at the light show.

Hoya settled back into his chair with a content smile on his face; there was nothing quite like spending the holiday with his family, surrounded by the two people in the world who loved him the most.

Myungsoo jumped in his seat, nearly spilling his spiked punch in his lap. He heard cackling from across the pool, and he looked to his friend for an explanation.

“Don’t mind Daehyun and Youngjae. They’re harmless, really.” Another loud bang erupted, a little too close for comfort, and Myungsoo scooted closer to Yongguk to avoid any fall out. The older man laughed, looking at the two men setting off fireworks in the grass nearby. “Okay, okay. They can be a little wild; I actually met them in lock up to be honest.”

“Seriously?” Myungsoo questioned, a surprised look on his face.

“Yup.” Yongguk took a long sip from his red solo cup, reminiscing on the memory. “They were one of my first busts when I was active duty on the force. They were still kids back then, getting into trouble for silly stuff; petty things like breaking curfew and skateboarding in business parking lots. But I threw them in the slammer one night to scare them straight, and thankfully it worked.”

“Yeah… I’m not sure I’d agree, considering the fact that those are totally illegal fireworks,” Myungsoo pointed out, and Yongguk slipped his shades back down.

“Well, being their friend also means occasionally looking the other way, if you know what I mean.”

Myungsoo chuckled, “I do. And they seem like nice enough guys. Even if they do enjoy explosions a bit too much.”

“Hey, every man has his vice. And speaking of yours-”

“We weren’t speaking of mine!”

“Well we are now!” Yongguk said gleefully, setting his sights on the detective. “How are things with your mystery man? You seem happy lately; really happy actually.”

“I am,” Myungsoo admitted, a smile coming across his face. “After our little misunderstanding, things actually got a little smoother. We’re a bit more open with each other now, things are getting more serious.” The detective suddenly blushed, a very fond memory of his boyfriend popping up into his mind that was definitely not appropriate for him to have a public place. Yongguk immediately picked up on it, smirking from behind his cup.

“So even though you guys haven’t gone public, you’ve taken that next step. Congrats on getting some rookie.”

Myungsoo tried to hide behind his shades, Yongguk’s knowing expression making him feel embarrassed. “We haven’t done… that. But things have progressed… a lot.” He ran a hand through his hand anxiously. “Why are we talking about this?”

“This is vital information! Guy talk means dishing on your latest conquests!”

“He isn’t a conquest; he’s my boyfriend. And I care about him very much, enough to not kiss and tell.” Myungsoo defended his honor, and decided to turn the tables back on his friend. “And if we’re being honest, you can admit that you’ve been checking out the guy in the blue trunks.”

“Junhong?! He’s a baby! I’ve got like… six years on him, easy.”

“First of all, he has to be legal cause I doubt you’d let someone underage drink in front of you. And secondly, he’s like, taller than me! And I thought his name was Zelo? Which admittedly I thought was strange, but I’m not one to judge.”

Yongguk rolled his eyes. “That’s just what his friends call him. But that’s my point exactly! Only kids have nicknames. It might actually be his rap name… which is preposterous.”

“What are you talking about? Don’t think I didn’t notice your shrine to in the apartment. You love rap and hip hop culture in general. Sounds like the two of you have a lot in common,” Myungsoo teased in a sing song voice.

“I wonder if Jongup is finished grilling the hamburgers yet,” Yongguk pondered out loud, clearly deflecting Myungsoo’s questions. Myungsoo decided to indulge him, because Yongguk had done his fair share of listening to the detective’s life love drama.

“I’m sure he’ll finish soon if Himchan stops hanging all over him. I wasn’t expecting him to be the affectionate type to be completely honest.”

Yongguk swiftly welcomed the change in the conversation topic. “He’s kind of a chameleon honestly; it’s what makes him such a great interrogator. He knows how to switch up his personality and turn on the charm for whoever he happens to be questioning at the time. He’s insanely good at getting people to talk and spill their secrets without them even realizing they’re opening up to him.”

“So I should definitely avoid him for the rest of the evening. The last thing I need is to accidentally out my relationship because Himchan’s a smooth talker.”

“Probably a good idea. And I’d totally be pissed if he managed to figure out who your boyfriend was before I did.”

“You’d definitely be the first person I’d tell,” Myungsoo said honestly, looking gratefully in his direction. “You’ve been so nice to me, ever since I moved here. You’ve welcomed me into your life, introduced me to your friends. You have no idea how important that has been for me. It feels like I’m really setting down roots in San Jose, and you’re a big part of that.”

“It was easy Myungsoo; you’re a great guy and a great friend. I’m just sorry all I had to offer you today was this sad excuse for a barbecue, which would improve immensely if we had some food!” He raised his voice purposely, and the shirtless blond man in an apron at the grill flipped him off cheekily. “Jongup’s a real angel, as you can see.”

“Keep up that noise and I’ll make sure you get the burned meat!” Jongup threatened, pointing his spatula at Yongguk menacingly. While the warning wasn’t so effective with a grown man cuddling his back like a koala, Myungsoo appreciated Jongup’s effort to be intimidating, even if it wasn’t working out so well in his favor.

Myungsoo shook his head, but he enjoyed the easy banter between the friends and hoped one day he could also become a part of it. “I think that means it’s time for another drink.” He made a move to get up from his lounge chair, but another loud shriek went through the air as Daehyun set off a bottle rocket near the punch bowl and Youngjae walked up with a couple black cats in arms, just waiting for his turn to light something on fire. “On second thought, it might be time to get in the pool. Far away from the dynamic duo.”

Yongguk grinned, offering him a hand to pull him out of his chair. “The water would feel nice.”

“Hey Zelo, wanna get in the pool with us?”

“Sure!” The younger guy jumped in with a big smile, completely missing the glare Yongguk sent in Myungsoo’s direction.

“You’re welcome.” Myungsoo joked, abruptly pushing Yongguk in the pool before he could retaliate. He grabbed his phone from underneath his towel, punching in a quick message before joining the other guys in the water with a rather impressive cannonball leap.

I’ve been missing you today baby. I hope you’re enjoying the holiday, and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. I’m looking forward to checking out those tan lines you’ll get from laying out in the sun. Call me tonight and we can talk all about it ;D

July 4th was supposed to be a happy day. Generally speaking, it should have been a day filled with fun, laughter, good friends and smiles. But Sungyeol never found those kinds of things when the holiday came around. He never found the time or conscience to laugh because July 4th was her birthday. It was a tradition for him and Jiseon to close down the cafe and spend the day together. It was a day to honor her memory.

It was always a little harder today as he spent it with Jiseon. She was barely old enough to understand what had happened to her biological mother, but she understood that it was a bittersweet day. She would respect all her father’s wishes that day as she spent it with him. Some years were better than others, but some years she would need to hold his hand. She still needed to get a little older to completely understand the kind of grief it was and what her dad felt. But for now, holding his hand through it would be enough.

But it was different for Sungyeol. It was difficult for Sungyeol. Every year, on this day, all of his feelings of regret and guilt would resurface back up. But it was on this day that he allowed himself to let those feelings come back and wallow in them a little bit. He had never really meant to get serious with Jiseon’s mother, he was just trying to… prove something. He was convinced that he was proving to other people that he was normal, but maybe he was trying to prove it to himself too. And every year he felt bad because if he really thought about it, if she was alive and Jiseon wasn’t born, would he have ever considered marrying her? Even though he took full responsibility of Jiseon, would he still have married her after that? Or would he have figured out his uality by then?

He really didn’t know. And it made him feel worse each year because he never loved her like a lover was supposed to. She was his best friend, he told her everything, and she did the same. Which is how he knew how smitten she was with him, how delighted she was to carry their child, to spend her time at his side. The guilt was worse knowing that he never loved her truly but she still went through hell to give him Jiseon.

He woke up that morning with that same heavy feeling in his chest that he got each year. The sun was too bright when he woke up so he covered up his face with his blanket, hoping that the sun could just dim down a little bit. But the sun always seemed to shine brighter today than all days.

“Daddy?” Sungyeol heard whispering and a soft tug at his blanket. “It’s time to get up, Daddy. We have to go shopping now before it gets too crowded.”

Sungyeol groaned as he pulled the blanket off of his face to smile at his daughter. “That’s right, isn’t it? What time is it?”

She replied, “It’s almost noon, Daddy. You’ve been sleeping a long time.”

“Have I?” Sungyeol replied groggily. “I’m sorry, Daddy was tired last night. As soon as Daddy’s ready we can go shopping.”

It was also tradition to go to the grocery store and buy fresh ingredients for a cake because every year to commemorate her mother, they would bake her a birthday cake together. It would always be her favorite which was a chocolate marbled cake. They never ate the cake, instead Sungyeol would give it away at the cafe the next day for free. He knew she would have liked that, her memory giving people a smile to keep on smiling.

While at the grocery store, Jiseon held onto his hand the whole time. While she would normally bounce off the walls, she chose to walk by him calmly, pointing out the ingredients they needed with a smile. They always took their time at the grocery store, walking hand in hand leisurely with no cares in the world. They bought whatever they wanted, however they wanted and at the end, Sungyeol always bought Jiseon a bag of candy. Each year was different and this year she got sour gummies.

As much as he enjoys spending a day with his daughter, there’s always something quieter about this day. The reason as to why was as clear as day, but between the two of them they never mentioned it. They liked the peace in the quiet instead. Every Fourth of July of theirs was always quiet. They never went to go see fireworks or on a picnic - they just spent the day grocery shopping for her mother.

They started the cake baking as soon as they got home. Their baking always seemed to be done while the sun was beginning to set so by the end of dusk, they were popping the cake into the oven. They would always watch Jiseon’s mother’s favorite movie as they waited for the cake to finishing cooking. Even though Jiseon wasn’t really old enough to understand everything about Roman Holiday, she still laughed at the corny jokes and fight scenes.

“Daddy,” she asked at the end of the movie, “why does Princess Ann run away? Doesn’t she like her life?”

He sighed and her hair. “Sometimes life can get boring, or too stressful. Princess Ann just got too tired and got sick of it. That’s why she needed to escape.”

“But she has so many nice things!” Jiseon exclaimed. “And wouldn’t she just need medicine if she were sick?”

“Sometimes a vacation is the best medicine for someone who is stressed and tired,” Sungyeol stated, smiling down at her gently.

Jiseon looks up at him, her big intelligent eyes seeming to contemplate something. “Daddy,” she started slowly, “you need a vacation.” She leaned up and Sungyeol closed his eyes as she approached. She left him soft kisses on his eyelids and said, “You need to rest your eyes.”

Sungyeol was speechless.

However, he didn’t have much time to say or tell her anything before the timer went off for the cake. Jiseon bounced off of his lap and waited for him over by the oven where he put on his mitts and pulled out the cake. After taking it out of the springform pan, he iced and decorated it simply with Jiseon watching with pride. His hands moved across the cake with a learned agility and was able to finish the cake just as the sky had gone dark.

“Turn off the lights, baby,” Sungyeol told Jiseon as he carried the cake over to the table. Jiseon turned off the lights, bringing them into darkness and joined him at the table. “You ready to talk to your mommy?”

Jiseon nodded her head. “Yeah. I want to tell her about how I’m doing in school and the new friends I made.”

Sungyeol smiled down on her and pat her head. “Then you can tell her all that. I’ll get the sparklers.”

It was another tradition of theirs to light small sparklers instead of candles. And after sticking sparklers into the cake and lighting them, they would speak to her for as long as until the sparkler was still lit. It was like a moment where they could talk to her without restraint. Every time the sparklers were lit, it was like she was there with them. And Sungyeol was happy for it because that way, Jiseon could feel like she had a form of motherly support. Even if it was once a year, it was good to let Jiseon know that even though she didn’t have a physical mother with her, she could still listen to Jiseon.

He stuck two sparklers into the cake, watching with his daughter in awe as they were brightly lit. It warmed their faces and glowed intensely against the darkness of their apartment.

“Okay,” Sungyeol whispered, “Do you want to go first?”

Jiseon shook her head. “You go first, Daddy.”

“All right then.” With a swallow, he stared at the sparklers and watched the bright glitters of light fly off. “Happy birthday, darling. I hope you’re doing well where you are. I wish you could see how big Jiseon has gotten - you’d be so proud of her.” He heard Jiseon giggle beside him and he smiled. “And the cafe is going very well. Lots of people love it. And they’re going to love this cake tomorrow also. I know that you are looking down, watching over us every single day but I don’t want you to worry; I’m taking care of our baby girl the best way I can, and we’re both happy. We miss you everyday but we’re always here for each other. Jiseon’s so much like you; so smart and kind. I know that she’s going to grow up one day to be an amazing woman and that’s all because of the sacrifice you made for us. We’ll never forget that, and we’ll never forget you.” He nudged Jiseon lightly. “Your turn, baby girl.”

Jiseon grinned. “I’m in kindergarten now, Mommy! I have lots of friends now, and they’re lots of fun! And I also I have a new cousin too! Uncle Dongwoo and Uncle Hoya have a baby boy now - his name is Sooyong and he’s the cutest!”

“He’s not really your cousin, baby,” Sungyeol chuckled.

“I know that,” Jiseon replied, giggling. “And Mommy, this year has been so much fun. Sooyong is part of our family now and I’ll take care of him forever. Oh, and red is my favorite color now. I know it was pink last year but I think I grew out of that. Plus, Black Widow’s hair is red and she’s awesome. I wish you could watch those movies with me Mommy, cause I know you’d like her a lot. She’s strong and she’s beautiful just like you. I love you, Mommy.”

Just as she finished speaking, the sparklers burned down into nothing. The entire apartment went dark again and they finished it with a moment of silence for Jiseon’s mother. After that moment, Sungyeol decided it was best to put Jiseon to sleep. She looked tired from a day’s worth of lazing around and he wanted her to get a healthy amount of rest.

As soon as she was in bed, he tucked her in warmly and kissed her forehead. “Good night, princess. Sleep tight, okay?”

Jiseon yawned and smiled as she pulled her quilt up to her chin. “Night Daddy…”

As soon as he confirmed that she was asleep, he went back out to his dark apartment. In the silence, his hands shook as he pulled out another sparkler and lit it for himself. Quickly, he stuck it back into the cake and watched as the sparks flickered before his eyes.

“Hey,” he breathed, “I know I don’t usually do this but I needed to get this off my chest... “ He swallowed. “I met a guy - Myungsoo - and it’s the first time ever that I think I’ve been in complete love before. I really, really like him but I’m at this point in the relationship where I don’t know where we’re going. And I don’t know what to really do. I want to take it slow but I can see that he’s struggling with it. What should I do? You’d know what to do…” He paused, his thoughts swirling through his head. “The thing is… you were my best friend. I trusted you with anything and you knew me so well. You always knew just what to say, to make me feel better. I miss you so much, especially moments like this. I know it’s selfish of me to talk to you about Myungsoo… maybe I shouldn’t. But I also know that you’d kick my for keeping everything to myself. You used to always tell me that I didn’t have to suffer alone. That I had people I could count on; people like you. Well- until you were gone, that is.”

Sungyeol hung his head down, closing his eyes. “The thing is- I really did love you. Maybe not in the way I should have but… I did. I’ll never regret the time we spent as a couple because we made Jiseon together. But I guess, in a way, I never was at risk of my heart completely breaking. But now, with Myungsoo, I’m at risk of losing everything because I want everything with him. I want to be with him, I want to kiss him, I want to wake him up with my latest baking idea at four in the morning because I’m too excited to wait until breakfast.”

Sungyeol felt the wetness gather in his eyes as he let the gravity of his feelings for Myungsoo take over him. “I want him to become a part of my life. I want to be the first person he calls when he gets a promotion. I want him to take me to his hometown, to introduce to the past that shaped his future. I want him to get to know our daughter. I want him to love her as if she were his own.”

He whispered the thought he hadn’t dared to think before this point. “I want Myungsoo to be Jiseon’s father and… I’m not sure if that’s okay. If I ever will deserve that, after what I did to you. After what you did for our daughter. I know he would love her, I know he’d be a great father someday but… I just don’t know if it’s okay for me to get a happy ending when you weren’t able to.”

He took a deep breath, his eyes watching the fuse get shorter and shorter. He knew an answer wasn’t coming but his heart still beat in hope anyways. The sparkler got shorter and shorter and it was nearly about to disappear. And even though he didn’t get a spoken answer, he felt lighter as if the answer was coming to him naturally.

He whispered. “I’m not sure if I have the courage to go public with him.” But with a firm nod of his head he replied, “But I will tell my closest friends that I’m dating him. I don’t know when… and I don’t know how… but I know I will. Maybe soon, maybe not, but I will. I swear. He deserves that. Myungsoo deserves for me to be honest with him. But it’s hard because I can barely be honest with myself. Because the truth is I might not be the right guy for Myungsoo. I might be too damaged… with too much baggage for him to accept. What happens if I take that chance, and the only thing I get in return is a broken heart? You aren’t here to help me pick up the pieces. And I’ll truly be alone.”

The sparkler dissipated into the darkness with a wisp of dark smoke.

A/N: So many ups and downs this chapter! But we kind of wanted to give you an insight into each person’s headspace. Isn’t the tradition for Jiseon’s mother bittersweet? Obviously Sungyeol is still affected by her loss and greiving.. the real question is can he get his act together and learn how to move on, before his past ruins his future? Stay tuned readers! Comment and let us know what your thoughts are, and your predictions for our favorite couples!
 

P.S. Hope you enjoyed the B.A.P mentions! It was only fitting since they finally had a comeback after their lawsuit :)

 ♥rayquin×