“Five minutes princess, I mean it! We can’t be late to Sooyong’s first birthday party,” Sungyeol called out from his spot on the couch, listening to the hurried footsteps of his daughter speed around their apartment.

 

“It’s his half birthday party, and I’m almost ready Daddy, I promise! I just need to find the perfect bow to match this dress, I know it’s around here somewhere!”

 

Sungyeol laughed to himself, shaking his head. His daughter could be quite the perfectionist, even when it came to something as silly as coordinating her outfits. But he knew Jiseon liked to get ready and pick out what to wear on her own, it made her feel like more of a ‘big girl’. The only time it became a problem was when they were on a tight schedule, and unfortunately the two of them had lost track of time watching old Avatar reruns on Nickelodeon that afternoon, and now they were paying for it.

 

Thankfully Sooyong’s presents were already taken care of, the Marvel wrapping paper and big red bow Jiseon’s doing - because Sooyong is basically a superhero Daddy, duh. The cake was baked and decorated, cooling on top of the stove.

 

“Jiseon, I’m going to start putting stuff in the car! Come outside when you’re done so we can leave right away!” he called out in warning, starting to the tedious task of loading all of their things, hoping that it would speed up the process. Unfortunately, a few minutes later when the car was stuffed full of toys, presents, and  baked goods Jiseon was still nowhere in sight. Sungyeol sighed, opting to climb into the driver’s seat and start the car, rather than to go inside and try to coax her out. It was the middle of the summer and the vehicle was running a little hot, so it would take a couple minutes for the A/C to kick in anyway.

 

He thumbed over his phone screen, frowning when he didn’t see any new texts or calls. Usually he could count on Myungsoo reaching out to him randomly throughout the day, but since the previous night it had practically been radio silence.
 

At first Sungyeol had brushed it off, busy with preparations for Sooyong’s party, but now that he was actually thinking about it the worry started to set in. The end of their conversation last night hadn’t exactly been bad and Myungsoo had confirmed their plans to hang out the next night, but Sungyeol could still feel the tension, even through the phone. Glancing at the still closed door, he decided to go ahead and try to call. Maybe Myungsoo would pick up and everything would be fine, he was just being silly and getting worked up over nothing-

 

“Hello?”

 

Sungyeol swallowed at the greeting, so caught up in his musings that he hadn’t really thought about what he would say if Myungsoo picked up. Even that one word, hello, seemed off. Usually it was hey baby, or what’s up beautiful? and he bit his lip anxiously at the prospect of Myungsoo really being upset with him.

 

“Hello?” Myungsoo repeated, and Sungyeol snapped back to attention.

 

“Hey. How’s it going?” Sungyeol cringed at himself, the words sounding awkward, even to his own ears.

 

“Just like any other work day. Except it’s a lot quieter, since Dongwoo isn’t here.”

 

The mention of his best friend’s name had Sungyeol looking guiltily down at his lap. Myungsoo had declined the invitation to go to Sooyong’s party, stating that at least one of them should stay at the station and get some work done since it was a Monday. But even when Myungsoo had explained his reasoning to him, it felt like a weak excuse. He knew that Sunggyu would’ve let the both of them off for the party, but he didn’t push the issue. Part of him was kind of glad that Myungsoo wasn’t coming; it meant that he could hold off on explaining things about Jiseon a tad bit longer.

 

At first the party hadn’t seemed like an issue, but the closer and closer June 1st came, the more reclusive Myungsoo seemed to be. Sungyeol couldn’t help but feel like the two events were linked.

 

“Well, you know Dongwoo. Always has to be the loudest person in the room.” Sungyeol tried to joke weakly, picking at his jeans nervously. “Are we still on for tonight? I can come over after the party, it shouldn’t be too late.”

 

There was silence on the line, and Sungyeol let it linger until he couldn’t take it anymore. “Myungsoo?”

 

“So you’re really not going to ask me.”

 

“Ask you what?”

 

“To go to Sooyong’s party.”

 

“Why would I ask you that? You were already invited by Dongwoo-”

 

“Exactly. I was invited by Dongwoo. Not you.”

 

“Okay, I’m failing to understand where you’re going with this. You’re the one who said you didn’t want to go.”

 

“I said I didn’t want to go because you obviously didn’t want me to be there.”

 

“Myungsoo, that’s not true.”

 

“Isn’t it? You didn’t try to change my mind - not once. Dongwoo is your best friend and Sooyong is his son and this is an important day for him, I get that. But I’m your boyfriend, and these are the most important people in your life. And you just… don’t have any desire for me to be a part of it. I thought… I figured that at this point you’d want to start making things more official.”

 

“Myungsoo, we are official! And of course I want you to be a part of things but I thought you didn’t want to come.”

 

“I was doing both of us a favor. Honestly Sungyeol, if I would have came what would you have said? Would you have introduced me as Dongwoo’s work partner or as your boyfriend?”

 

Sungyeol swallowed around the dry lump in his throat, knowing that his answer wasn’t the one that Myungsoo wanted to hear. “Myungsoo… I told you I needed time-”

 

“You’re right. I agreed to be your secret. I guess I just didn’t realize how badly you would want to keep me hidden.”

 

Sungyeol bit his lip, an empty sort of feeling opening up in his chest. That wasn’t how he felt at all, but he had no idea how to convince Myungsoo of that.

“I’m sorry.” He settled for the apology, unsure of what else to say. He saw a flicker of movement in front of him, Jiseon locking the front door and heading towards the car. “Listen, I’ve got to go-”

 

“Yeah, I know. Don’t worry about stopping by later. I’m sure the party will keep you more than busy for the rest of the night.”

 

“Myungsoo, we will discuss this later. Please promise you’ll answer when I call.”

 

There was a breath of silence, before Myungsoo’s voice came over, soft and somewhat sad. “You know I can’t say no to you.”

 

It didn’t sound like a happy admission, and as Sungyeol said his goodbyes he couldn’t shake the feeling that this was the start of a much larger, more damning argument.

 

He drove to Sooyong’s birthday party in silence; not the least bit in the mood for celebrating.

Hoya watched in amusement as Dongwoo bounced around the party, the smile never leaving his face and Sooyong almost permanently plastered to his hip. Even he would admit that at first he thought the idea of a half birthday party was a bit silly, but Dongwoo had seemed so passionate and excited at the prospect he didn’t have the heart to say no.

 

And honestly speaking things had been so busy, with getting the house baby proofed and juggling their jobs and figuring out how to properly take care of their son, they really hadn’t had the time to properly introduce Sooyong to their families outside of a voice over the phone or a computer screen.

 

Dongwoo’s sisters had been going crazy, nagging him at least once a day that he needed to either make a trip down to Pasadena or invite them up. Hoya’s parents lived in town but they weren’t as clingy or close to each other as Dongwoo was with his side of the family, but when even his father bothered to stop running his empire in Silicon Valley long enough to enquire about his newfound family, Hoya knew it was time.

 

After discussing it with his husband and looking at the time frame, getting everyone together for Sooyong’s half birthday had been the most logical conclusion. It was an occasion - albeit a flimsy one - but Dongwoo hadn’t stopped glowing since Hoya had given him the go ahead to begin the planning. It was adorable how many hours Dongwoo spent online shopping, looking through site after site for the perfect outfit for Sooyong. Dongwoo had nearly had a heart attack when the shipment on the outfit was delayed, but of course everything worked out; Sooyong was clad in a fancy looking onesie, the bright blue bowtie matching the icing on Sungyeol’s homemade cake.

 

Hoya knew he probably should be a better host - offer to refill drinks or throw away the half eaten plates of cake and ice cream - but he just couldn’t stop looking at Dongwoo. He was so beautiful, his sunkissed hair blowing in the summer heat, Sooyong smiling happily on from his perch on his chest, the two of them basking in the attention from their family members. The grandparents were positively smitten with the baby, even Hoya’s normally more stoic parents unable to hide their grins. Dongwoo’s team of sisters were busy inspecting the house, offering advice and demanding improvements where they saw fit.

 

It was crazy and chaotic and something Hoya never, ever dreamed he’d have the pleasure of being able to do. His parents weren’t the happiest when he announced his plans of marrying a man, the difficulty in having a family being one of the primary reasons they objected. But now they were all here, his son was here, and he could already feel progress being made, bridges being reformed. Despite their reasons being judgemental and wrong, the fact of the matter was that they were all here now. And he wanted Sooyong to be surrounded by family, people that would and take care of him, for the many years to come.

 

Dongwoo caught his eye from across the backyard, his smile unbelievably managing to grow even wider. He looked so proud, showing off their son to their relatives, watching them ooh and ahh when Sooyong did something as simple as giggle. Dongwoo grabbed Sooyong’s hand, the both of them waving at him with twin looks of satisfaction on their faces, before posing for Jiseon’s Hello Kitty camera when she yanked on Dongwoo’s pant leg to get his attention.

 

She turned the camera around so he could get a look, and after getting Dongwoo’s approval, trotted across the lawn to show Hoya her masterpiece.

 

“Look! Sooyong is even looking at the camera! It’s super cute!” Jiseon said proudly, and Hoya couldn’t help but agree with her.

 

“Yes, it’s very cute. Are you sure you don’t want to grow up and become a photographer? You’re really good at it.”

 

“Nah. I’ll stick to being a part time dancer and a full time lifesaving doctor, just like you!”

 

Hoya laughed, pulling her in for a hug. “Well the type of dancing I liked wasn’t cool enough for ballerinas, but no matter how your career choices end up, I think that we should get that picture printed. Maybe you could give it to Dongwoo for his birthday, have Sungyeol help you decorate a picture frame. I know he’d really love that.”

 

“That’s an awesome idea! Can we take some together too?” Jiseon asked sweetly, and Hoya bent down to her level, lining up their faces. They took a couple of photos, smiling at first and then both of them resorted to making silly faces. Hoya was glad to keep her company; he hadn’t been able to see her too often these days, Sooyong taking up all of his free time.

 

When their mini photoshoot was over, Jiseon strapped her bright pink camera on her wrist, smiling up at him shyly. “Can I ask you a favor Uncle Hoya? Pretty please?”

 

“Anything for my favorite girl,” Hoya replied smartly, ruffling her hair.

 

Jiseon smoothed out her dress, blinking up her eyes in a pouty way. “Could you take Sooyong for a little while? So Dongwoo doesn’t have to?”

 

“Well I never have a problem spending time with my little guy, but is there a particular reason you want me to?” Hoya was curious, wondering if maybe Dongwoo had mentioned needing a break to her. He had looked so happy parading Sooyong around the family that Hoya hadn’t thought he might be tired. “Did Dongwoo tell you to ask me?”

 

“Oh no!” Jiseon shook her head furiously, her long hair bouncing around her shoulders. “It was my idea, honest!”

 

“I believe you,” Hoya replied earnestly, his hands reaching to ruffle her hair again.

 

“It’s just- Daddy looks kind of lonely and Uncle Dongwoo has been really busy with the party… I tried keeping him company but you know I don’t get to see my Aunties that often and once they started talking about slumber parties and makeovers I couldn’t stay away! Then I got distracted by picture taking and well… now I’m here! Can you take Sooyong so Uncle Dongwoo can talk to Daddy?”

 

Hoya looked around, surprised that he actually had to look in the first place - Sungyeol’s loud voice was usually prominent during family gatherings and he often found himself at the center of attention - and when he say him pouting in a corner he knew Jiseon was right.

 

“You got it sweetheart. I’ve been missing Sooyong anyway, so I’ve just been waiting for a reason to steal him back.” Hoya winked and tickled at Jiseon’s sides, making her giggle. “Now how about you go find my mom? She might have brought you a present from her store since she knows how much you love jewelry, don’t tell her I told you!” Hoya fake whispered, and Jiseon squealed in delight.

 

“Thank you Uncle Hoya! I’m gonna go find her right now! I hope it’s patriotic so I can wear it for the Fourth of July!” She skipped away, positively beaming. Hoya thought it was endearing, how something so simple could make a child happy.

 

He caught Dongwoo’s eyes, letting a smirk fall onto his face as he sauntered across the yard to join him at his side. “How are my boys doing?”

 

“Me and Sooyong managed to stay away during one of your father’s self congratulatory speeches about the stock market and his shareholdings in Google; I think we deserve some praise,” Dongwoo joked, leaning into Hoya’s body when he wrapped an arm around the shorter man.

 

“You deserve more than praise. I’ll be sure to reward you later for being such a good host and taking care of our families.” He leaned closer, his voice dropping an octave. “Later when we’re alone, if you know what I mean.”

 

“Hoya. Now is not the time,” Dongwoo chastised him, but their was still a faint blush on his cheeks.

 

“That’s why I said later. And you know you’ll be looking forward to it. You’ve been so busy with the party preparations, I’ve barely had you to myself and I miss you. I miss all of you.”

 

“Don’t flirt with me.” Dongwoo tried to discourage him, but he still tilted his chin up for a kiss. Hoya obliged him, keeping it chaste because he knew eyes were watching them, but it only fueled his desire to daydream about the party ending so he could take the blonde upstairs.

 

“Stop being so beautiful, and maybe I’ll be able to.”

 

Dongwoo scoffed, shaking his head. “And you say that I’m the one who’s over the top. Becoming a father has made you become so greasy. All these romantic gestures and compliments… who are you and what have you done with my husband?”

 

“Hey… I’ve always felt this way. I always think these thoughts in my head; about how perfect you are and how wonderful you look. I’ve just decided to start sharing them with you, that’s all.”

 

“Well don’t get me wrong, I totally appreciate it. Just not so much when I know I’ll have to wait at least two more hours until I can show you how much.”

 

Hoya chuckled, brushing Dongwoo’s hair off his face to kiss him on the temple. “It wouldn’t be the first time that I’ve said I can’t wait until the party’s over, so I can get you all to myself.”

 

Dongwoo grinned and shook his head. “You spoil me.”

 

“And you wouldn’t have it any other way,” Hoya said matter-of-factly, before turning his attention to the baby. “Now let me take Sooyong for awhile. You’ve been hogging him the entire party and a little birdie told me that you’re best friend is feeling a little neglected and not having as much fun as he should be, and I kind of agree.”

 

“Jiseon?” Dongwoo guessed and Hoya nodded. Dongwoo laughed to himself, handing over the baby with a smile. “Sometimes I swear that girl is too smart for her own good. I’ll go investigate; it’s been forever since I’ve had the pleasure of Sungyeollie’s company anyway.”

 

Hoya held Sooyong to his chest, giving him a quick kiss on the top of his head. “You’re totally going to badger her into a confession again, aren’t you?”

 

“What are best friends for?” Dongwoo said cheekily, already setting off to find his unsuspecting best friend. Hoya watched him go with amused eyes, Sooyong babbling happily as he reached for Hoya’s face.

Hoya let the baby have his fun, already moving to find his own parents. He couldn’t resist the urge to play the proud father for awhile; it was quickly becoming own of his favorite new roles.

 

 

Dongwoo glanced over at Sungyeol, taking in the sight of his friend for the first time that night. With so many people that Dongwoo needed to talk to and reacquaint himself with, he had only spared Sungyeol a fleeting glance when he walked in. They shared their usual friendly hug and large smile but Dongwoo hadn’t seen much of Sungyeol otherwise.

 

Now that he spared a glance, he realized that Hoya was right. Sungyeol was sitting one of the lawn chairs, talking to one of Dongwoo’s sisters and laughing at Jiseon’s antics with a smile on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes. It was weird to see him look so… unresponsive in such a warm atmosphere. Sungyeol knew his family and got along really well with them - he was even well liked in Hoya’s family too. There was no tension or stress in the atmosphere so Dongwoo couldn’t understand why Sungyeol sat there and zoned off nearly every minute, biting his lip in worry. His eyes didn’t sparkle like they normally did and Sungyeol usually flourished happily at parties like these.

 

Dongwoo sighed softly before brandishing a large smile and walking over to Sungyeol. “Hey!” he said, catching the attention of Sungyeol and his sister. “What are you two talking about?”

 

His sister smiled up, mirroring his big grin. “Oh, we were just talking about what Jiseon might want to be for Halloween this year! I would love to make her a costume again and we were just discussing some ideas!”

 

“We might be going for one of the Avengers this year. I keep telling she’d look so cool in Ironman armor but she just insists on being Captain America. But I’m trying to keep it simple, since she’s getting older.” Sungyeol smiled at him positively, but there was a lack of brightness. “Besides, being an Avenger for Halloween means that your sister can’t overdo it with the glitter again.”

 

Dongwoo’s sister laughed. “Oh come on, Sungyeol - she’s still a little girl. I can douse her costumes with glitter for at least three more years.”

 

“Oh please don’t,” Sungyeol chuckled. “I don’t want to vacuum glitter out of my carpets anymore! Seriously, glitter fallout gets everywhere. Every time we go shopping for arts and crafts supplies it takes nearly half an hour to talk Jiseon out of buying any glitter. And it doesn’t even work.”

 

“She’s such a doll!” Dongwoo’s sister giggled happily, enjoying the simple thought of the scene. “I don’t see how there haven’t been any men after you, Sungyeol. You’re an amazing father and your daughter is already precious.”

 

Dongwoo shot Sungyeol a knowing glance and laughed shortly. “Yeah, I don’t get it either. There have just been no men after my Yeol.” He saw Sungyeol’s face change, his eyes darken and his smile falter. But his smile returned after a moment of hesitation.

 

His sister smiled and pat Sungyeol’s shoulder affectionately. “Don’t worry about it, I’m sure you’ll find Mr. Perfect someday.”

 

“Yeah,” Sungyeol agreed, his voice sounding softly strained. “I hope so too.”

 

“Hey, Yeollie - you said you still needed to add some finishing touches to the cake you brought, right?” Dongwoo asked, a smile on his face. “You said something about assembling last minute.”

 

“Oh, right,” Sungyeol said. “I was refrigerating some fondant separate from the cake so that it could harden more thoroughly. It was so that it wouldn’t melt in this heat.”

 

“Let’s go in and put it all together, okay? I was thinking about bringing it out.”

 

Sungyeol smiled up at him and replied, “Sure thing. We can head inside and get started.”

 

He stood up and followed Dongwoo back into the house. Opening the refrigerator, he pulled out two boxes - one held the baby blue cake with the words ‘Happy Half Birthday Sooyong!’ written in white icing, and the other held a few fondant figures that were made to look like Dongwoo’s new family. Hoya was there in a little doctor’s coat and Dongwoo’s figure had a healthy grin on its face. And there was even a small Sooyong sitting in a diaper.

 

“Wow, Sungyeol - this is adorable! You’ve totally outdone yourself this time!” Dongwoo exclaimed, holding up Hoya’s fondant figure delicately. “Are these edible?”

 

Sungyeol laughed at him and responded, “Yeah, you can eat them. Just not now because I have to put them on the cake first.”

 

“What the heck, these are the cutest things ever. I can’t even eat these, I’ll probably just keep them in a glass case. Why didn’t you just bring the cake with them on it?”

 

“Dongwoo, they’re made of sugar. They’re going to eventually go bad.” Sungyeol snickered at him and Dongwoo only rolled his eyes. “And I didn’t want to stick these in the cake too early because I didn’t them to melt with the icing on the cake.”

 

Dongwoo only watched in curiosity as Sungyeol stuck some small skewers up the figures before pressing them down into the cake securely. The smile on Sungyeol’s face seemed a little forced though. Despite knowing that Sungyeol was happy to be here and was happy to celebrate such a momentous occasion for Sooyong, there wasn’t a trace of happiness that reached his eyes.

 

“All right, spit it out.”

 

Sungyeol looked up in confusion, his hands paused and hovering over the cake. “Spit what out?”

 

“You’re upset! I know you’re upset!” Dongwoo proclaimed matter-of-factly. “So tell me why!”

 

“What are you talking about Dongwoo, I’m not upset.” Sungyeol shook his head and tried at a smile, shrugging as if there was really nothing wrong.

 

“Honestly, you act like I don’t even know you,” Dongwoo said, drawing out the words slowly. There was a strong bite of sarcasm in his words.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sungyeol insisted, going back to add finishing touches on the cake. “I’m literally having the time of my life right now and you’re bringing me down.”

 

“Sungyeol.”

 

“Honest!” Sungyeol exclaimed, whipping around to face his friend. “Can’t you tell by the prominent joy in my eyes that I’m thrilled that you extracted me from your garden party to corner me in your kitchen again? Seriously, why is it always the kitchen… Can’t you find a friendlier place to corner me?”

 

“So you are upset.” Dongwoo almost smiled in victory but instead opted to scour his cupboards for that pack of candles he had bought. “I think kitchens are a great place for talks,” he stated. “It’s clean and free from distractions. So spill it - what’s upsetting you?”

 

“Nothing,” Sungyeol insisted once more. “I’m only mildly distraught that you have me in the kitchen again to ask me questions. It’s like this is our interrogation room.”

 

“Perhaps it is,” Dongwoo says with a chuckle, making a sound of accomplishment as he grabbed the box of candles. “It’s nicer than the majority of interrogation rooms I drag most people into so I wouldn’t complain.”

 

“You aren’t going to let me out of here until you get an answer from me, will you?” Sungyeol muttered.

 

“Damn right I won’t. I’m not letting you anywhere until you tell me what’s bothering you. Sungyeollie, even Hoya could see that you were upset. So you can’t tell me that no one’s noticing because people are.”

 

“I’m not! I’m not up… upset.” Sungyeol’s voice sounded heavy even to him and he blinked a . couple times to clear his head. “I’m fine, okay? Just peachy.”

 

“Sungyeol, you’re so obviously sulking right now that denying it is almost funny.”

 

“Dongwoo!” Sungyeol whined. “I’m not sulking!”

 

Dongwoo handed him the pack of candles with his eyebrows raised in amusement. “Yeol, I’m not even sure if you’re convincing yourself right now. So if I were you I would tell me what was bothering me right now or wait until after an excruciating round of questions.”

 

Sungyeol frowned and stayed silent as he opened the box of candles and pulled one out, sticking it firmly into the cake behind the fondant figurine of Sooyong. His hand stayed on the candle for a few more seconds before he hesitantly pulled away and sighed. “I’m… I’m just in an uncomfortable situation right now, I guess.”

 

“Go on,” Dongwoo encouraged.

 

“I don’t want to get too into it with any specifics or details but… I was pretty comfortable the way I was yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. And I’ve always been relatively content and at ease with my place in life. There’s nothing for me to really complain about - not even my lack of successful blind dates.” He shot a glance at Dongwoo who snickered. “But things look like they’re… changing. And I didn’t think anything would change and it’s happening so quickly that I feel like I haven’t had a chance to come to terms with it yet. And I don’t want anything to change. I’m so happy the way I am right now. Or at least I was yesterday.”

 

Sungyeol pressed his hands to his forehead, as if he could chase his headache away by pure force of will. “I know I’m being confusing but that’s because I am confused. For the first time in a long time I feel like I’m not really in control of the direction my life is headed, and it’s kind of freaking me out.”

 

Dongwoo sighed with a smile, wrapping his arms around Sungyeol’s waist and resting his chin on Sungyeol’s shoulder. “Well, that’s the beauty of change, right? It can sometimes be for the better. Even if the change is drastic and you can’t keep up, there’s always going to be a bright side to it. Change is always going to happen, Sungyeollie, there’s no avoiding it. It’s up to you to make the best out of it.”

 

“Did you ever have something change in your life unexpectedly?” Sungyeol asked softly, as if he was embarrassed to ask the question. “Wasn’t there a time when you were comfortable but then it felt like the rug was slowly being yanked out from under you? And you knew you were starting to slip but you didn’t know how to stop it?”

 

“Yeah, I did,” Dongwoo said curtly. “And let me tell you something, Yeol - that change is the reason we’re here today. Sooyong was my change and while there were downsides - like no sleep and an insane amount of laundry - the bright sides always outnumbered them. Change is good, you’ll see.”

 

Sungyeol turned around and thanked him for his advice. He looked as if a large weight had been lifted off his shoulders as he gave Dongwoo a big, enveloping hug. After a few moments, Dongwoo lifted the cake off the counter and out to the backyard where his guests looked at the gorgeous cake in awe and all sang happily in honor of Sooyong’s half birthday. But Dongwoo knew the look in Sungyeol’s eyes and he knew that there was something still wrong. Sungyeol was unsure about something, and he still had no real clues as to what it was. He could only hope that when Sungyeol was ready to discuss it - and to be completely honest about his situation - that he would know that Dongwoo was there to talk.

 

He just hoped that it wouldn’t be too late.

 

Myungsoo didn’t get it. Of course, he got it, to a hypothetical extent but he didn’t get it, really. He just couldn’t understand. And he wanted to understand so badly, he really did, but there was a part of him that simply refused to understand. Because as much as he wanted to understand, he couldn’t. And he wouldn’t.

 

He thought things were perfect. And actually, maybe it was pretty perfect. It’s been nearly three - no, four - months since they had started dating, six months since they had met and it was almost surreal. It was almost like he was living in some kind of mist concealed fairytale romance where Romeo and Juliet played hide and seek in an enchanted forest. Their relationship was almost like some sort of overplayed romance movie that he didn’t dare watch but couldn’t help himself to. Everything was almost perfect. Almost.

 

But everything wasn’t perfect because their surreal romance was always thrown the difficulties of reality. It wasn’t perfect because somehow the mist that shrouded their enchanted forest became too thick and Romeo couldn’t see Juliet’s face. And it wasn’t perfect because their overplayed romance movie ended in a break up and had five sequels about how they almost got back together. It was almost perfect. But it wasn’t.

 

In frustration, Myungsoo threw his jacket onto his sofa. After a long grueling day of working alone, he was more upset than ever. He unlooped his belt from his pants, slinging that along with his jacket as he sat down with his face in his hands. He wanted to turn on the TV, have some noise to distract him from his thoughts, but at the same time he knew no good would come out of avoiding the issue. He snorted to himself because Sungyeol was the one avoiding the issue, not him.

 

He ed the top two buttons on his shirt and fell back onto his couch lazily. His apartment was much homier ever since he moved in. Getting used to it was easier, especially with Sungyeol visiting and making the entire place cosier each time. And he loved Sungyeol, he really did, but he just didn’t agree with how his boyfriend was handling things. And he was fine with it in the beginning, but after four months Myungsoo was getting fed up with it.

 

His phone jingled and he grabbed it from his pocket, looking at the new text on the screen.

 

I’ll be by in a couple minutes.

 

The text wasn’t from Sungyeol, but from Yongguk. Yongguk had grown on Myungsoo very quickly, to both of their surprise. When Dongwoo wasn’t around, Myungsoo found himself talking to the desk clerk during his breaks. Yongguk was amiable and he became friends with Myungsoo quickly. And once Yongguk saw how distraught Myungsoo had looked when leaving, he offered to help Myungsoo out. But really, Myungsoo just needed someone to talk to so Yongguk said he would swing by after he got off. Yongguk was too kind of a person, in Myungsoo’s opinion.

 

He heard three knocks on his door and he almost jumped to his feet, the impending thought of comfort and food relieving him already. Opening the door, Yongguk stood on the other side of it. The man had a grocery bag filled with tortilla chips and salsa in one hand and a six-pack of beer in his other. “I hope you like chips and salsa. And beer.” He chuckled, his voice deep and gravelly.

 

Myungsoo smiled weakly at him. “You didn’t have to bring all this,” he said. “We could have just talked.”

 

“Nonsense!” Yongguk said, walking in. “Whenever I’m upset I know that some good chips and salsa make me feel a million times better. Beer doesn’t hurt either.”

 

“No really,” Myungsoo insisted as they walked back to his sofa. Yongguk placed the food on the coffee table and began taking it out. “You didn’t need to do this for me.”

 

Yongguk smiled warmly at him, also undoing the top buttons of his shirt. “Look, Myungsoo - if I know anything, it’s that some snacks and a long talk will help whatever situation you’re in. So relax! Untuck your shirt and grab a beer! I’m here to listen as long as you’re willing to talk.”

 

“I-... thanks, Yongguk. For everything.”

 

“It’s really not a problem. Anything I can do for a friend.” Yongguk sat down with a large sigh and popped open the bag of chips as Myungsoo unscrewed the lid to the salsa. “So, what’s the problem here, Detective Kim? Got a lot on your mind?”

 

“Yeah,” he murmured, “I guess it’s something like that.”

 

“Listen, buddy - I wouldn’t have come over here with food and drinks for you to guess. Tell me what’s up.”

 

Myungsoo sighed as he dipped a chip into the tub of salsa. “There’s… this guy.”

 

“Oh, it’s some love problems.” Yongguk laughed knowingly. “Go on.”

 

“Well, we’ve been dating for a while. Like, we started dating a couple months after I moved here and decided to be official on Valentine’s Day.”

 

“Romantic. Who is the guy?”

 

Myungsoo cast him a playful sideways glance as Yongguk popped open two beers. “I’m not going to name names, but he’s amazing. He’s just so loving and caring. I never really realized I could fall in love so hard until I met him. And our relationship has been nothing short of a fantasy.”

 

“Doesn’t sound like trouble so far,” Yongguk mumbled in between mouthfuls of food.

 

Myungsoo took a long drink of beer, only stopping to breathe. He sighed. “It’s not - it shouldn’t be trouble. But for some reason…”

 

“Things aren’t working out the way you want it to?” Yongguk looked at him with eyes filled with sympathy and understanding, his tone soothing. “Or you’ve hit that inevitable rough patch?”

 

Myungsoo ruffled his hair in frustration and exclaimed, “I want to say that’s what it is but I’m so afraid that it’s not a rough patch! It’s more than that! Yongguk, I love him alot and he’s my everything but… he doesn’t want to be public.”

 

Yongguk furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean?”

 

“He wants us to be a secret,” Myungsoo clarified under his breath. “He doesn’t want his friends to know that we’re an item. And I respected his wishes in the beginning because he had his reasons. And I understood his reasons, Yongguk, I swear I did. But it’s been too long. I-... I don’t know, the more we hide our relationship the worse I feel. I want to take the next step with him but he’s not letting me. And we trust and care about each other but whenever it comes to this he doesn’t like talking about it. For someone who’s let me into his life he’s doing a pretty decent job of shutting me out.” Myungsoo took another gulp from his his bottle of beer, finishing the rest of it in one breath. Wiping his mouth on his sleeve he asked Yongguk to open him another one and immediately started drinking that as well.

 

Yongguk sat there in silence, contemplating Myungsoo’s dilemma in his mind. There were no words that came to his mind immediately but he placed a comforting hand on Myungsoo’s shoulder. “Look, I’m not really sure what to say or what you want me to say but… I think you guys need to have a talk.”

 

“He doesn’t want that,” Myungsoo murmured almost miserably. “We’ve tried talking about it before but he just deflects it or has some temporary solution for it.”

 

Yongguk continued in a soft but firm voice. “No, I mean you need to sit him down, look him straight in the eye and talk to him. You need to get to him. He needs to know everything you just told me - how you feel, what you want, what you think - everything. You two can’t move forward if you hide your feelings from each other now. Talk with him and sort everything out.”

 

“I don’t know how to do that,” the other whispered. “How do I get to him?”

 

“You need to be straight with him, buddy. I know that feeling of being in love and feeling like the universe is in the palm of your hand, and let me tell you - you can’t be sensitive and romantic about your issues. You need to be frank or it won’t work.” Yongguk smiled at him warmly. “Understand, rookie?”

 

Myungsoo looked back at him with a hazy grin. “I understand. Thank you so much for coming over.”

 

“It’s not a problem,” Yongguk said gently. “Now, I can leave now and take all this food and beer with me or we can finish it together.”

 

“Well,” Myungsoo laughed, “I’m sure that a couple more beers aren’t going to hurt my feelings. My boyfriend wanted to stop by tonight but… I’m not really sure if I know what I want to say yet-”
 

“Then maybe you need some time to think things over. Get your head on straight and decide how you want to approach the issue, so you don’t rush into an argument.” Yongguk offered helpfully.

 

Myungsoo’s phone buzzed on the table almost on cue as he weighed his options. He picked up the phone, texting back a single message before turning it on silent. He was busy with a friend, just as Sungyeol had been all night. But this time, Sungyeol would be the one who had to wait to talk to him. He was having a good time and he was with good company, and the last thing he wanted to do was get into a fight with his boyfriend when he was too riled up over the birthday issue. Sometimes distance was the best choice.

 

Hanging out with Yongguk tonight. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

 

 

Sungyeol checked his reflection in the rearview mirror one last time, smoothing down his long hair until it looked just right. He had already dropped Jiseon off at daycare since his morning started even earlier than usual.

 

He knew his plan was a weak one, but he was also determined to do something to prove to Myungsoo how important he was to him, even if all he could offer was a homecooked meal. They didn’t say that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach for nothing. And Myungsoo, bless his heart, was kind of a disaster in the kitchen. He was always very appreciative whenever Sungyeol came over to his apartment and made him dinner. Sungyeol wasn’t sure if he was big on breakfast, but he figured that he couldn’t go wrong with some french toast, considering Myungsoo’s sweet tooth.

 

The fancy meal was sealed tightly in some tupperware in Sungyeol’s hands, and his nerves skyrocketed as he walked up to the door. He knew that the conversation wasn’t going to be easy, and he knew they couldn’t exactly have it now, since Myungsoo would need to head to the station soon and he himself would have to get to the cafe to start opening up before the morning rush, but he still wanted to reach out to Myungsoo, especially after not being able to spend time with him after the party the previous evening. He would be a liar if he said that Myungsoo dropping their plans to hang out with someone else didn’t slightly hurt, but he also knew it wouldn’t be fair to hold that against him, considering he hadn’t exactly extended the party invitation to his boyfriend.

 

He balanced the sugary breakfast in one hand, using the other to knock firmly on Myungsoo’s front door. He shifted on his feet anxiously, both excited and nervous to see Myungsoo on the other side of it. Sungyeol knew it was silly but he already missed his boyfriend, even if they had only spent a short day apart. It was one of the reasons that Sungyeol knew that Myungsoo was special, and he wanted to tell him so.

 

But no one came to the door.

 

Sungyeol’s bit his lip, knocking on the door more loudly this time. But Myungsoo still didn’t show up, and he knew that his boyfriend wasn’t petty enough to ignore him. He stepped back, glancing through the parking lot but he didn’t see the signature black car he knew so well. His lips turned down into a frown, it wasn’t like Myungsoo to leave his apartment so early. He was definitely not a morning person, so this wasn’t characteristic of his behavior. But Sungyeol was determined not to be discouraged, so he walked steadily back to his car, heading towards the station to personally deliver the treat.

 

Luckily the police department wasn’t too far from Myungsoo’s apartment and it was within walking distance of Sarang’s, so the unexpected change of plans didn’t put him too far behind schedule. He parked in his usual space behind the cafe, and decided to walk to the station to deliver the food. He also grabbed some other treats from the cafe, figuring that the more goodies he had to offer Myungsoo the better.

 

He was happy to see his friend at the front desk, Yongguk’s big frame waving at him from behind his post as he walked up.

 

“Hey man! I haven’t seen you since the marathon. I know you’ve probably been busy but you gotta start making time for us!”

 

Sungyeol smiled sheepishly, leaning on the desk. “I know, I know. But you know I always get a bit busier during the summer time. Once fall comes around and things slow down a bit, I can start making my way over with some treats for you guys.”

 

Yongguk looked down at the food in Sungyeol’s hands. “Is that what this is?”

 

“Oh no, actually. This is for Myungsoo.” Sungyeol suddenly felt exposed, not knowing what hand delivering breakfast to the detective must look like from an outsider’s point of view. “Dongwoo’s always telling me his partner skips the most important meal of the day and I had some leftovers so… I figured why not?” Sungyeol knew the lie was weak, but it was a safe enough excuse to get past Yongguk.

 

To his surprise Yongguk let out a big laugh. “Oh, you have no idea how much Myungsoo is going to love you for this. He’s going to need some breakfast after last night. And this morning, for that matter.”

 

Sungyeol’s eyebrows rose at the suggestion in Yongguk’s tone. In his haste this morning to whip up something delicious for his boyfriend, he had mostly forgotten that Myungsoo hadn’t been alone when he cancelled their plans. But it was definitely coming to the forefront of his mind now. “Any particular reason why?” Sungyeol fished for information, trying to sound lighthearted about his inquiry even though his heart was suddenly pounding in his chest.

 

Yongguk waved him off, resting his forearms on the front desk. “Last night I was over at his place and I had a bit too much to drink. So he offered to take me home but once we got to my place I convinced him to come inside and have a few more. Long story short we both ended up getting way too drunk for a Monday night.”

 

Sungyeol laughed weakly, his fingers tightening on the containers he was holding. “Sounds… like you had a lot of fun together.”

 

“Myungsoo’s a really great guy, I’m always happy to spend time with him. He ended up staying the night, we didn’t want to risk him driving on the roads. But this morning you should’ve seen his face when I tried to offer him some of my vegan breakfast bars. Apparently he’s not a big fan of granola.”

 

“Imagine that,” Sungyeol said flatly.

 

“Yeah. And I live a bit further away from the station, so me waking up him early combined with the lingering hangover and no edible breakfast in sight… I’m betting that your surprise is going to make him happy.”

 

Sungyeol said a quick goodbye and left the food on the desk; it turned out that the thing that what would make Myungsoo’s day would end up ruining the rest of his.

 

 

Hoya squeezed Dongwoo’s hand tightly, trying to ground himself as he nearly went out of his mind. He knew that this could happen at any time, but there was still no real way to prepare for it. Luckily Dongwoo had been able to leave the station at a moment’s notice, and immediately come home to be present for the evaluation.

 

“It’s going to be fine Hoya. We’re doing everything we can for Sooyong. Anyone can see that. Plus, my sister’s went through the house just last night, and trust me when I say that they’re more difficult to please than a social worker.”

 

“I know I’m just- I’m kind of freaking out. Why now? What if we did something wrong and we just don’t know it yet?” Hoya mumbled worriedly, closing his eyes as he tried to focus on the sounds of the man walking around upstairs.

 

Dongwoo threw his arm around his back, rubbing soft circles into his shoulder. “We are good parents Hoya. That’s just a fact. There’s no reason to be worried because we are taking great care of Sooyong.”

 

Hoya didn’t respond, opting to bury his face into Dongwoo’s neck instead. He let Dongwoo slowly his hair, doing his best to comfort him in the tense situation. Thankfully they didn’t have to wait in silence long, the social worker completing his evaluation of the house in less than ten minutes. Hoya straightened up when he heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs, doing his best to look calm and collected.

 

“Thank you for letting me take a look around. You have a beautiful home,” Sungjong complimented them kindly, taking a seat with his notepad on the opposite couch.

 

“Dongwoo decorated it himself. He spent a lot of time and thought trying to make this house a home,” Hoya said warmly, giving a weak smile in Dongwoo’s direction as he tried to hold himself together.

 

“Well then you have great taste Mr. Jang.” Sungjong opened up his notebook, crossing his legs as he got comfortable. “Now, I don’t want either of you to be nervous about my visit. It is standard procedure with all adoptions to do a six month follow up once you take the baby home with you. Especially since you are first time parents, we want to ensure that everything is on track.” He paused, giving them an earnest smile.

 

“I want you both to know that you are doing a wonderful job with your son. I am pleased to see first hand that he has been placed into such a loving home with two dedicated parents. I’m sure Dr. Jang remembers my first visit at the hospital, and at the time I was worried about how things would turn out for the baby. But this adoption has been a great success, for our department and for yourselves. Thank you again for opening up your home to me on such short notice. I’m not a big fan of surprising new parents, but it’s part of the procedure.”

 

“Trust me, as a detective, if there’s anything I can relate to it’s the importance of policy. We both know that these home visits are to ensure Sooyong is in the right place, and we welcome you anytime you feel inclined to stop by and check up on things,” Dongwoo said honestly, extending his hand and shaking it when Sungjong stood up from his perch.

 

The social worker made a few more quick notes with his pen, clicking it closed with a noticeable snap. “I highly doubt that will be necessary. I’m not really supposed to give you guys results, but I don’t see the point in being coy. I have nothing but great things to say about the two of you, and my report will reflect that. This will go in Sooyong’s case file down at DHS, along with his other important documents; the adoption agreement, birth records, vaccination history, and so forth. We keep the originals in our department office but I always encourage parents to keep track for themselves as well.”

 

Dongwoo nodded in agreement. “Our lawyer helped us obtain a copy of Sooyong’s birth certificate and his social security card before we even got him out of the hospital. He has been a godsend throughout this entire process. There’s so many hoops to jump through and we wanted to be positive that we were doing everything right and exactly by the book so the adoption could be finalized as quickly as possible.”

 

Sungjong laughed knowingly. “Well when I saw your lawyer’s name on the adoption paperwork, I knew the two of you wouldn’t have anything to worry about. He liaisons with our office and it’s always a pleasure to work with him. Since I didn’t find anything worrisome during this evaluation, I won’t have a reason to visit you guys again until the one year mark. And after that, the intervals between home evaluations go up to years.”

 

Dongwoo frowned. “Don’t be a stranger! I know social workers have to drop by the station every so often for certain cases, so don’t hesitate to come say hi to me! How else am I going to keep you up to date on how cute our kid is?”

 

“I’ll be sure to do that. It’s been a pleasure to work with you both. Sooyong is a very lucky boy to be part of your family. I’m honored to consider you one of my success stories. I’ll be on my way; this is just my first stop on a long list of home visits today. Have a good one!”

 

The couple said back their thanks, showing the social worker out of the door with a smile. Once the door was safely closed behind Sungjong, Hoya all but collapsed against the wall. Dongwoo shook his head at him, pulling him into a hug and kissing him noisily all over his face.

 

“Did you hear that Hoya? We passed the evaluation with flying colors! Our social worker loves us and he basically admitted that we are his favorite! We should be celebrating! Not having panic attacks on the wall!”

 

Hoya huffed, hugging Dongwoo back. “I know, I know. But I was just so nervous, I could barely even talk. Thank you. For being able to talk enough for the both of us. I was just so scared I’d screw up and say something wrong-”

 

“There’s nothing you could say to change Sungjong’s mind! He’s right! Sooyong is happy and healthy with us, so there’s no reason to beat yourself up. I know we’ve both had a lot of things on our mind lately, so Sungjong showing up on our doorstep caught us both by surprise. I know we both knew that the six month visit was mandatory, but I think time kind of snuck by with everything that we’ve had going on. We should just be thankful that my sisters were nice enough to stick around last night and help clean up after the party, otherwise the house would have looked like a mess, no matter how tasteful my decorating was.”

 

“I know we should be thankful. I am thankful. For Sooyong. And for you.” Hoya pressed a kiss to the shorter man’s neck, his arms settling around his waist. “I honestly don’t know what I would do without you. Sometimes I feel like the only reason I’m still standing is because you’re here with me.”

 

“Well technically, I am holding all of your weight right now. So if I let go you’d totally fall down.”

 

Hoya swatted him on the behind playfully, earning a yelp from his husband. “Don’t be silly; I’m trying to have a romantic moment with you.”

 

“Every moment between us is romantic,” Dongwoo countered, pressing a kiss to Hoya’s lips.

 

“Nice save,” Hoya murmured, pulling his giggling husband closer. “You have a way with words.”

 

“I have been known to be very smooth. How do you think I managed to land a catch like you?”

 

“I don’t know, why don’t you remind me?” Hoya was feeling happy and flirty, glad that the hurdle of the six month mark was passed with no difficulties, and he just wanted to relax. He knew the perfect way to get rid of the stress that had him feeling anxious the entirety of Sungjong’s visit. Just when their lips were going to meet, the sound of a loud cry rang through the house.

 

Hoya groaned and Dongwoo laughed, resting his head on Hoya’s shoulder instead of returning the kiss. “Duty calls,” he joked, putting some space between them.

 

“I can get him. You head back to the station, I know you were in the middle of something when I called.”

 

“Are you sure?” Dongwoo questioned, and Hoya nodded firmly.

 

The doctor watched as his husband went to the closet underneath the stairs, taking out his lockbox. He always got a kick out of how Dongwoo looked when he was getting ready for field work, the street clothes and the hidden weapon he strapped to his belt making him seem that much more dangerous and y.

 

“Should I be worried?” he drawled out, although his thoughts were more along the longing spectrum than the anxious.

 

Dongwoo checked the safety on his handgun, shaking his head. “Nah, just a little surveillance. It just doesn’t hurt to be extra careful. I’ll be home before you know it. Now go take care of our little guy; you know how he doesn’t like to be kept waiting.” Dongwoo grabbed Hoya by his shirt, pulling him in for a long kiss. He pulled away with a mischievous grin, running his thumb over Hoya’s bottom lip. “But you should wait for me, because I definitely plan on picking up where we left off when I get back home.”

 

Hoya let him steal a few more kisses before he ducked out the front door. Sooyong’s cries grew louder in volume and higher in tone as he walked up the stairs, but Hoya couldn’t bring himself to mind.

 

 

Myungsoo’s day so far could only be described as weird.

 

First off, he woke up on Yongguk’s couch way too early in the morning, his body still protesting with slight aches and pains after sleeping on an unfamiliar surface. Then he had been surprised with breakfast from his boyfriend at the station, which would have been nice if Sungyeol had been the one to deliver it to him. He thought it was kind of confusing that Sungyeol wouldn’t want to see him in person, the idea of him just dropping off the meal at the front and leaving striking him as unnatural. Furthermore, all his thank you texts and calls after eating the delicious breakfast had been ignored by his boyfriend.

 

Then Dongwoo had to disappear at a moment’s notice, the arrival of a social worker at his home taking precedent to their afternoon plans. But his partner had shown back up a few hours later, looking happier than ever and ready to resume their activities.

 

The stake out that ensued was nothing shorter than strange - the man they caught selling counterfeit drugs not because he was part of their drug ring, but because he printed off his doctorate degrees online - wasn’t exactly something they could put in their success column, even if it was for the best that the man was off the streets.

 

Essentially his day had been long and exhausting - not to mention the dull headache from the hangover that had never really went away. He wanted nothing more than to just go home and sleep for hours. But when he pulled up to his apartment building to see Sungyeol pacing outside of his front door, he knew he wouldn’t be getting any rest any time soon.

 

Which was actually okay with him; considering the way things had last off the previous night and the lack of contact with Sungyeol all day, Myungsoo was actually looking forward to reconnecting with his boyfriend. He knew that they may be technically disagreeing at the moment, but he was hoping that the breakfast from this morning had been a peace offering.

 

He locked his car behind him, walking up to his apartment with unsure steps. “Hey baby-”

 

“Where were you?” Sungyeol demanded. Myungsoo blinked, giving him a confused look.

 

“I was at work? How long have you been waiting?”

 

“Long enough. And I didn’t see your car at the station on my way over.”

 

“Dongwoo and I were on a stakeout. And then we ended up making an arrest and paperwork got involved so things took longer. Why didn’t you tell me you were waiting? We didn’t have plans.”

 

Sungyeol scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Of course. Push the blame my way.”

 

“That’s not what I’m doing, I’m just saying I would’ve tried to hurry or asked Dongwoo to handle the paperwork if I knew you were planning on meeting me here. I’ve been trying to talk to you all day and you haven’t been communicating with me.” Myungsoo stopped awkwardly in his thoughts. “Thanks for breakfast, by the way.”

 

Sungyeol shook his head, his voice sounding angrier. “Yeah well, I’m already regretting that one. Although I guess it was necessary, so I could find out what you were really up to.”

 

Myungsoo’s confusion was growing by the second. He felt like Sungyeol was on the offensive, and he had no idea why. “Maybe we should go inside? If you want to talk?” Sungyeol stepped to the side, letting him open up the door and set down his things. “Should we go to the couch?” Sungyeol nodded wordlessly, following him over but sitting with noticeable distance between them. Myungsoo wasn’t sure what to make of any of it.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were at the station?” Myungsoo started tentatively. “I could have came downstairs to say hi to you, to thank you for doing something nice and making me breakfast. Why would you just drop it off with Yongguk? Were you in a rush to get to Sarang’s or something?”

 

“No actually. In fact I woke up early to make that for you. I even came here to serve it to you before you left for work, so imagine my surprise when you were nowhere in sight. But don’t bother telling me where you were this morning, I already got the full rundown from Yongguk. There’s nothing more fun than hearing that your boyfriend spent the night with someone else.”

 

Myungsoo’s eyes widened, the sudden hostility from Sungyeol making a lot more sense, even if he was jumping to the wrong conclusion. “Sungyeol, you know that it wasn’t like that. Yongguk is just a good friend! You’re my boyfriend, and I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that.”

 

“So you think that what you did is okay? That you can just stay the night at some guy’s house without letting me know first?” Sungyeol crossed his arms angrily.

 

Myungsoo was starting to feel a bit defensive at Sungyeol’s words. “You’re acting like I was planning to stay with him; it’s not like I knew that I was going to end up crashing there. I had too much to drink and it wasn’t safe for me to drive home. As someone who works in law enforcement, I take driving sober very seriously. I’m sorry that it offended you but I think you are overreacting. I wasn’t with some stranger, I was with Yongguk. Someone that you’ve been friends with for years longer than you’ve known me. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean that I’m attracted to and at risk of hooking up with any guy that I spend time with. If anything I would think that you know me better than that.”

 

“Then what about Yongguk? Does he even know that you’re mine?”

 

“No! He doesn’t Sungyeol, and whose fault is that?!” Myungsoo was starting to get upset; Sungyeol was the whole reason he was troubled and drinking the last evening to begin with. It was Sungyeol’s desire to sneak around and keep him hidden that made him reach out for comfort with a friend. And now Sungyeol was punishing him for it? Myungsoo would love nothing more than to shout from the rooftops that he belonged to Sungyeol, but Sungyeol wouldn’t let him. For him to get upset that he hadn’t told someone about their relationship, when he was the one who demanded it be kept secret in the first place, was simply ridiculous.

 

“You don’t get to pick and choose when you want to ‘claim’ me Sungyeol. You don’t get to tell me to act like nothing’s happening with some people, and then get upset if I don’t mention our relationship to others. It’s everyone or no one Sungyeol. You don’t get to just decide when you want me to be your boyfriend, based on your convenience. I’m a person Sungyeol; a person who cares about you very much and wants to feel just as wanted in return.”

 

Myungsoo sighed, running a hand through his hair frustratingly. “I just don’t get it! Last night you had the perfect opportunity to introduce me as something more. But you specifically didn’t want to! Why do you think I was drinking with Yongguk in the first place? I was upset! I felt rejected and not good enough, because my boyfriend didn’t want to include me in his life.”

 

“Myungsoo-”

 

“No, I want to say this. This is important. I really, really care about you Sungyeol. I could- I am starting to fall in love with you. And it terrifies me because I’m afraid that you don’t feel the same. That I’m in this thing alone and one day you’ll just decide that this- that I’m not really what you want. And I want to be what you want more than anything Sungyeol. It’s just- confusing as hell when one moment you’re pushing me away and the next you’re getting jealous over nothing.”

 

“You think you’re scared Myungsoo? Don’t you get it?” Sungyeol stood up abruptly, turning away from Myungsoo because it was too hard to face him. “I didn’t know I would be so upset by what Yongguk told me. I know I’m being unreasonable but… I can’t help myself! I wish I didn’t feel this way but I do, and I don’t know what to do with that Myungsoo!” Sungyeol sighed, shaking his head. “You’re not alone in this… in your feelings. I care about you just as Myungsoo but…”

 

“But?”

 

“I don’t know what I’m doing Myungsoo! You have been secure and confident in yourself since the moment you met me but I can’t say the same thing! Don’t you get that I’ve never done this before? You tell me I shouldn’t overreact, but I’ve never been in these types of situations. I’ve never been jealous before. I’ve never cared about someone enough to only want them to be with me.”

 

Sungyeol came back to the couch, sitting next to Myungsoo with a frown on his face. “Sometimes I just feel like I’m drowning Myungsoo. I want you so much but it’s hard and it’s difficult to be so out of my comfort zone. It’s not that I want to pretend you don’t exist or hide you from my friends. It’s just… I’ve barely figured out what having a boyfriend means to me, let alone how I want to present the idea to other people. When I said you were my first… I meant it. You’re the only man who has ever made me want to do this. I mean, it’s one thing to accept that I’m gay, but it’s entirely another to be gay. To openly date a man. And I’m not saying that I don’t want to, because I do. It’s just… tough to juggle all these feelings at once while trying to keep you happy. Because that is my main priority, I want you to be happy with me. I just feel bad that I’m doing such a terrible job of it. Maybe… maybe I’m not ready, like you said. You deserve someone better than me… someone who isn’t going through an identity crisis who can proudly walk around town holding your hand. Maybe… maybe it was stupid of me to even consider thinking I was ready to be with you when I clearly don’t deserve you.”

 

“Don’t say that Sungyeol. Don’t.”

 

“But isn’t it true? Everything you’ve said tonight is right. I know Yongguk is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met and I also know that you’ve been the perfect boyfriend to me, and I had no issues with basically accusing you of cheating, without waiting to hear your explanation or your side of the story. I let jealousy dictate my actions and I hurt you in the process. I’m just- I’m not good at this boyfriend thing. I wanted to believe that I was so I could continue to be with you, but the longer this goes on, the more that I realize I’m not.”

 

Myungsoo reached for Sungyeol’s hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it to try to calm him. “Sungyeol, you are a good boyfriend. Every couple has fights or misunderstandings, especially in the beginning. We’re still getting to know each other and that’s perfectly okay.” He looked guiltily down at his feet. “I won’t lie to you; I admit that I was upset last night because of you not inviting me to the party. But did I want to break up with you over it? Absolutely not.”

 

“Really?” Sungyeol asked tentatively, a small feeling of hope coming back to his senses.

 

“Sungyeol… you have to know that moving here, meeting you… this has been one of the most exciting years of my life. My career is finally heading in the right direction and I have an amazing guy to call my own. I’m happy, really I am. I guess I just got caught up in wanting things to be perfect and I forgot that this is all new for you. Even if I have dated other guys before, I’ve never dated you. That means I have to learn what makes you want to get closer to me and what makes you want to pull away. I guess… I need to find a way to be more sensitive to the fact that this is your first relationship - that you really aren’t prepared for the way being with me is going to make you feel. I just don’t want you to be upset like this ever again, especially over nothing.”

 

Sungyeol shrugged his shoulders. “Well, what can we really do? There’s no way for me to gain more experience at being your boyfriend other than… well, being your boyfriend.”

 

“And I want you to stay my boyfriend, if I haven’t made that clear enough.” Myungsoo scooted a bit closer, putting his arm around Sungyeol’s waist. “And maybe I need to be a bit more understanding with you. Just because I’m out and have been public with relationships every since I decided to start dating men, doesn’t mean that you have. Coming out is something that you have to do on your terms, and I don’t get to dictate a timeline on that.”

 

Sungyeol rested his forehead on Myungsoo’s shoulder, breathing out a sigh of relief. “Thank you Myungsoo. I know it seems silly but… it’s one thing to tell people that I like men, and it’s another to actually broadcast that I’m dating a man. And it’s not that I’m ashamed of you, I meant it when I said you’re the perfect boyfriend. It’s just… complicated and I guess a few months hasn’t been enough time for me to get comfortable with it. But I do want to, I want to keep trying. Please just be patient enough to stay with me while I figure it out?”

 

“Of course I will. You’re worth waiting for Sungyeol.” Myungsoo leaned in, brushing a soft kiss to Sungyeol’s lips. “In every sense of the word. I think… what we need to do is start trusting each other a little bit more. I need to trust that someday you’ll not only be ready, but that you’ll want to go public with me. And you need to trust that I’m not going to leave you if that day doesn’t come soon enough.” Myungsoo moved his hands to cup Sungyeol’s cheeks, tilting his face down so he could look straight into those beautiful brown eyes. “I asked you to be my boyfriend a couple months ago, and now I’m going to ask you to take a leap of faith with me again. I want you to trust me when I say that it’s okay for you to fall in love with me, because I’m going to be falling in love with you too.”

 

Sungyeol nodded, his eyes falling to Myungsoo’s lips. “I can’t believe that I’m this lucky. That someone like you would want to do something like this with me. You’re… you’re the man I’ve been waiting for Myungsoo. The one I’ve been waiting to meet, the one who would sweep me off my feet and make me want to do all these crazy things I never thought I would be strong enough to try. Thank you for being patient with me… for caring. Thank you for being... you. I don’t know how I could want anybody else but you.” Sungyeol confessed, finally leaning in to close the small distance between their lips. The kiss was decidedly different now, a little more frantic and a lot more desperate, the both of them feeling a little bit giddy and a little bit nervous that they were talking a bigger step in their relationship, sharing their feelings and their desires so candidly.

 

Myungsoo slowly pressed Sungyeol’s back to the couch, laying his body out underneath him. Sungyeol’s legs slid open, making room for Myungsoo to get close between them. Myungsoo was slightly out of breath from the kissing, but he still had enough presence of mind to be startled by the suggestive action. “Yeol, are you sure?”

 

“I just- I wanna feel you. Is that okay?” Sungyeol asked, his fingers resting on Myungsoo’s thighs as he waited for an answer. He didn’t to do that for long, Myungsoo’s eyes flashing darker as he shifted his weight to his elbows, letting his body press into Sungyeol’s in a way he had never dared to try before.

 

“It’s more than okay. Just tell me if anything is too much and I’ll stop-”

 

“Myungsoo.” Sungyeol cut him off, feeling a little daring as he felt both of their bodies start to react to the close contact. “Less talking and more… kissing. Amongst other things.”

 

“Yes. That sounds good,” Myungsoo said somewhat lamely, but Sungyeol didn’t seem to mind, his hand bunching in Myungsoo’s shirt to pull him down to resume their kissing. Myungsoo was drowning in everything Sungyeol; his scent, the way he tasted, the way he moaned when his hips shifted up to meet Myungsoo’s own. It was hurried and sloppy and a whole lot unpracticed but that just seems to make it that much more perfect in Myungsoo’s eyes. Sungyeol was truly trusting him, with his heart and his body, and that knowledge made something deep inside of him light up with want.

 

Myungsoo broke off from the kiss, letting his lips travel down that long pale neck that he adored so much. He pushed Sungyeol’s long hair out of the way, nipping and just to hear the way Sungyeol would react. And maybe he should have been embarrassed, at how quickly he was reaching his edge or how loud he was being or how desperately he was into everything Sungyeol was doing to him, but he couldn’t bring himself to be because Sungyeol seemed to be in the exact same predicament. It felt almost juvenile, grinding against each other and making out like they were teenagers, but Myungsoo loved every second of it. He got to be the only person who experienced Sungyeol like this, he got to be Sungyeol’s first everything and that turned him on beyond belief.

 

When it finally was over, the both of them making a mess out of themselves and not having enough presence of mind to care in the slightest, they stayed pressed close together, sharing sweet kisses and secretive smiles.

 

It felt like the start of something deeper between them, like their connection was growing, and Myungsoo couldn’t be happier.

 

A/N: Just in case it wasn’t super clear, Myungyeol did not have . They even kept all their clothes on! Lol I wanted things to get heated, but we have to remember that it’s all going to be baby steps because of Sungyeol’s inexperience in the gay department. So they kind of just ed until they came, so romantic, I know. But with how much they want each other and how long they’ve been waiting, it’s not too much of a leap to think they could get off on something so little so easily! Hope you guys enjoyed it! (and don’t get too comfortable because angst is never over that quickly) Leave us some love in the comments below ^_^

 

♥rayquin×