A/N: Sehun's side of the story. More angst. Lots of crying and angst.

Words: 2,332

Summary; Because watching his nerdy, dorky childhood friend grow up to be on legs was one of the most painful experiences Sehun had ever dealt with in his life.

Chapter 3/?; Don't Leave Me

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Sehun was so confused. When had Yifan become so important?

The ten year old was currently in school, classwork temporarily forgotten as he thought about his dorky next door neighbor. Thinking about Yifan when he was supposed to be finishing his worksheets really wasn't surprising these days. It hadn't been surprising ever since the idiot had moved in.

So, three years. Sehun's been secretly thinking about him for three years.

Even at the immature age of ten, Sehun knew that wasn't normal.

But if he didn't think about Yifan, this dull ache would constantly pound against his chest – it felt like all the blood was rushing to his head, and he could literally hear his heart pounding in his ears.

It annoyed him. A lot.

Because for the past three years of his life, he'd been trying to get the feeling to go away. The weird fluttery feeling he'd get when Yifan looked at him; the stupid way he'd bump into random things when he heard Yifan's voice..the slight hop that would make it's way into his step when Yifan smiled...

The way his heart would shake when he saw Yifan hurt.

Yifan was becoming too important. Yifan was...becoming this weird person who could make him feel so many different things. The first time Sehun had seen Yifan cry, he had felt a frown tug at the corners of his lips; he felt his chest tighten involuntarily, and out of no where, his mouth had moved.

“My name is Sehun. We're going to be bestfriends.”

That line had started everything; and even now, Sehun regretted saying it. He was ten years old, and yet he felt like he was at least thirty. When Yifan was present, Sehun felt his emotions go haywire. Every little thing Yifan did affected him in some stupid way and that annoyed the hell out of Sehun because he wasn't suppose to care about anyone, dammit. Yifan was weird – he was messy and dirty and his teeth were crooked and he wore stupid looking glasses and his clothes were really really ugly so then why...

“..Why do I care?” Unconsciously, the ten year old mumbled the question aloud.

And just like that, all eyes were on him.

It was their study hour, everything was silent, so of course – everyone heard him.

And silently, in his mind, Sehun cursed Yifan once again.

“Something you want to share with the class, Sehun?” His teacher glanced at him pointedly, voice condescending.

In response, Sehun merely shook his head, biting his tongue to keep from rolling his eyes.

He hated people. Especially his teacher.

Glancing at the clock irately, Sehun frowned when he saw that it was almost time to go. Only five more minutes. But he didn't want to leave. Because after school meant...

After school meant Yifan.

After school meant watching, hurting. When would he be able to watch Yifan get hurt without crying? When would he be able to watch Yifan bleed without feeling as if his heart would cave in? Nothing was working. The feelings...they just wouldn't go away.

Sehun remembered...he remembered the way his lips would pull into a smile whenever Yifan slept over for the night. He remembered their late night talks about nothing. He remembered the way his heart would beat a hundred miles a minute whenever they would walk, side by side, next to each other.

Sehun remembered how he would be just a little bit happier when Yifan was with him. He remembered how angry he had gotten the first time he saw Yifan get bullied. He remembered crying into his pillow that night, because the images of Yifan's tears just wouldn't go away.

It was as if Yifan controlled his life.

Sehun, even at the mere age of eight, couldn't have that.

And so, he promised himself – no more Yifan.

Though unfortunately; he didn't last long.

He couldn't bare to not wait for Yifan in the mornings so they could walk to school together. He wasn't able ignore Yifan's calls at night so they could talk about nothing and wish each other sweet dreams. Sehun just couldn't stand there and watch as people hurt Yifan...he couldn't bare to see Yifan..cry...

Without Yifan, without talking to him and seeing him and knowing that he was safe and happy – Sehun could feel his body ache. He could feel his eyes glaze over with held back tears, and he could feel his heart split in two.

How was he supposed to live without Yifan if he couldn't even go a day without seeing his face?

It wasn't like they were going to be together forever.

One day, he was going to have to let Yifan go. And Sehun rather have that day be sooner than later.

Because later meant...later meant that this, whatever this was – was going to keep growing and get worse. Eventually, he would get to the point where Yifan just seemed too important to let go. Sehun could see it getting so bad that with the snap of his fingers, Yifan could make him do literally anything. Yifan could...control him completely.

But letting Yifan go all at once...it was just too painful. And so, Sehun decided; he would go slowly. Slowly, one step at a time. He would adjust to letting Yifan live on his own. He would...let Yifan fight for himself and..and he would will himself not to cry when witnessing the elder getting hurt.

No more Yifan, Sehun remembered – back then, even thinking the words to himself made tears well up in his eyes. Because Yifan was everything. Taking him away hurt a lot.

Sehun remembered the first day he walked to school without Yifan.

Sehun remembered the first day he didn't pick up the phone at night when Yifan called to talk about nothing and wish him sweet dreams.

Sehun remembered the first day he let Yifan fend for himself – the first day he let Yifan get hurt; the first day he watched him get beaten like some kind of monster.

Sehun remembered when they eventually just stopped talking.

On those nights, Sehun had cried silently, breathing ragged as he poured out all the grief that was shrouding his poor, eight year old heart.

Sehun remembered the distant, sad look Yifan once gave him when they passed in hallways at school. It took a few seconds...but Yifan smiled at him, a tired, beaten up smile and there was a cut on his swollen lip and it was bleeding and Sehun remembered not being able to take it.

That day, he had ran home as fast as his skinny legs would allow him.

And he had cried, and cried...and cried, whispering the words I'm sorry over and over again.

It was just too much.

And so, Sehun allowed himself one last gift and one last test.

Everyday, him and Yifan would walk home together. As long as Sehun showed up; Yifan would wait. And the first time Sehun let his eyes trail over the elder's broken state, it took everything Sehun had not to cry and fall to knees and beg for forgiveness at the sight because he was letting this happen. All because...all because he was selfish.

Watching Yifan get beat was the hardest thing he had ever done in his life.

Because back then, Yifan still cried. Yifan still screamed for help and begged for them to stop – and Sehun would watch, hands shaking with pent up sadness and anger as Yifan's cries fell on deaf ears.

And at the very end, Sehun would walk up to Yifan's beaten body. He would stretch out his hand and say the words, “Let's go home, Yifan.” And Yifan would nod, and Yifan would take his hand and he wouldn't let go until they got home and for Sehun, it was enough.

The contact; the words that only lasted for fifteen minutes – they kept him going.

And on some days, when Yifan was beaten up particularly badly, and Sehun couldn't bare to leave him like that, Sehun would allow himself to fix Yifan's wounds. He would clean off blood and gently press band aids onto pale skin. He would tape thick rimmed glasses back together, and clean dirt off of ripped clothes.

He would compensate, if only a little, for the pain he had caused Yifan.

When Yifan started seventh grade, things got harder. Sehun waited, anxiously, until it was time to go home – when he was dismissed, he would make the journey up to Yifan's middle school. Yifan got out before him...but the beatings lasted, sometimes for an hour or more. Sehun walked slowly because he didn't want to see it. He didn't ever want to witness Yifan's pain ever again. He never wanted to see Yifan cry or scream or beg...because at the end of the day, Sehun just wouldn't be able to take it.

It was half way into the school year, and Sehun was a bit early. He thought he would be able to hear Yifan's screams from a mile away, but everything was silent save for a few strings of insults that definitely weren't in Yifan's voice.

When Sehun rounded the corner that day, and silently watched Yifan's beating from behind the fence, Sehun saw it...Yifan's body laying there, almost lifelessly as the only thing that spilled out of the boy's mouth were small grunts when the impact was particularly harsh. No tears fell from his eyes. No screams erupted from his throat. No words fell out of his mouth.

Yifan was silent; and it seemed as if..he had finally given up.

Yifan was in eighth grade now; Sehun in fifth. They were six months into the school year, and Sehun was already at his wits end. School was over now; his class had been dismissed and he had begun to walk up the street towards Yifan's middle school. The walk always took about twenty minutes; if he walked slowly, sometimes half an hour. He used to walk slowly all the time, because getting there later meant he didn't have to watch Yifan's pain.

But Sehun was better now.

He was able to bare with the pain that came with watching Yifan get hurt. It's been going on for three years now, after all. Tears still fell. His chest still tightened painfully, but it was more bearable now than it was back then.

“Oh my god, look at his teeth! Ew, they're like, rotting!”

“You should be thanking us, Four eyes. Your glasses were ugly anyway.”

“Gross, I touched his hair! It's all greasy and tangled!”

The usual insults rang against his ear drums, and already, Sehun could feel his eyes get glossy. None of the things they said were true. He really hoped Yifan never believed anything those stupid morons told him.

Sniffling a bit, Sehun listened in silently, waiting another thirty minutes before peeking around the fence. The kids were gone. And Yifan was still laying on the side walk, clothes ripped and full of dirt. Sehun waited a few moments before walking towards him.

He stretched out his hand, putting on his usual expressionless face to hide his slightly puffy eyes.

“Let's go home, Yifan.” He said his usual words.

And waited for Yifan to grab his hand so they could walk home.

And then Sehun watched, eyes widening and already getting watery as Yifan ignored his hand and pushed himself up on his own. Sehun stared at the boy's tattered back confusedly as Yifan bent down again to pick up his broken glasses.

He didn't take my hand. Sehun frowned, unconsciously flexing his fingers just to make sure he wasn't seeing things. Why didn't he..?

Was something wrong? Was today just not a good day?

Or was Yifan...finally breaking away from him completely?

It was silent for a few moments, Sehun thinking hard as he held back tears and focused on the immense pounding in his chest. Yifan always held his hand when they walked home. Always.

Finally, Sehun stared at Yifan's broken state; grimacing at the dry scrapes on his cheeks, and closing his eyes as sinful, crimson liquid fell from open cuts. The elder's clothing was in tatters, stained brown with dirt. Sehun could feel his mouth spread into a thin line. Today was probably just a bad day. That's why...that's why Yifan didn't take his hand.

That has to be why. Sehun assured himself shakily, wrapping his arms around his tiny frame to feel more secure. It just has to.

Looking towards the boy again, Sehun could almost feel the gasp leave his throat when he saw Yifan was already several feet ahead of him, walking down the street towards their homes.

Yifan...didn't wait for him. Yifan left.

Yifan left him.

The words echoed in his mind, and that was all it took for held back tears to spill.

“Don't leave..” Sehun could hear himself whisper the words softly, wiping his tears with the back of his hand.

Quickly, he took off after Yifan, trailing behind quietly because he was afraid to stand next to the elder.

If I stand next to him...I will grab his hand. He sniffled, head down as he hid his tears. I will hold onto him and never let go..I bet he hates me...He hates me, I'm horrible, so horrible...I let him get hurt. I'm a monster. I...

And then they were home.

And then Yifan was already walking up his front steps, getting ready to open the door and leave Sehun behind.

Don't leave, Yifan...don't hate me...please..

Sehun ran after him, grabbing hold of Yifan's dirty, torn up jacket and taking a deep breath as he prepared himself for what he was about to say. His chest hurt. His heart ached. Tears were rolling down his cheeks, and his voice trembled pathetically.

He was scared. Everything hurt.

But above all else, he needed to know.

“Yifan..” He paused, breath shaking as he whispered,

“Do you hate me?”

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A/N: And we're back to this question. Anyway. Please answer these two questions for me;

Sorry. No Tao for Kris. Next time, though. The time skip will be coming up in chapter 5/6 so get ready for some y Yifan. I haven't decided what I want Sehun/Yifan's romantic status to be after the time skip yet, so please help me choose. See you whenever I next see you.

Edit: You guys. Seriously. They're TEMPORARY boyfriends. Meaning, in the end it's still KrisHun. Meaning, if anything -- they're there to make Kris/Sehun jealous/ to create drama for the PLOT. I know you're not here for Krisyeol or Sekai. But please, understand the purpose of sub pairings.