My hands are trembling and cold as I walk through these pure white corridors. I'm practically sweating too; despite the chill I'm feeling all over my skin. I continued walking, taking in all the coldness of whites my eyes are able to see and my skin are able to feel. The destination I am headed is probably just feets away from me now, but honestly I don't want to reach it.

I eventually reached where I am headed, and I opened the door and got myself into a room with two people inside; the one sitting on a chair located just beside the bed where the other is lying down and is obviously sleeping peacefully.

"Mrs. Kim," I started off as I approach the woman sitting on the chair, closing the door behind me.

The woman stood up and patted her hands on my shoulder, squeezing on it a little. I gave her a little smile and said "I'll be fine, Mrs. Kim. I won't cry."

She nodded and removed her hands from my shoulders, then made her way out of the room.

I settled myself on the chair where she was sitting before, and despite me promising her that I wouldn't cry, I don't think I actually could.

Jongin lays down on the hospital bed in front of me, with oxygen tanks at the side of his bed, an oxygen mask plastered on his mouth, and a number of small bruises splattered across his face. It breaks my heart to see him at this state; the usually energetic and smiling face matched with such shining brilliance in his eyes now gone and replaced by oxygen masks connected to tanks and a pair of eyelids closed so much as if even tears can't even escape them, as if they will never have the capabilty to open again. It pains me so much to see him like this, but I know I can't do anything about it anyway.

I always can't do anything.

Trying my best not to cry, I shakily said "Hey there, Jongin."

Of course, I didn't receive any response from him. Not even a single eye twitch or a little movement from his fingers. But the doctor said Jongin is still probably conscious by now, only that his body isn't. His mind is still alive; he probably can still hear me and understand all I am going to say.

So with no assurance of him listening to me whatsoever, I started to open up everything to Jongin.

"Jongin..." I started off, "do you still remember that time when we first met? That was...during first year, right? We were both late for first period and we bumped into each other as we both hurried our way to our classroom, but Ms. Lee is such a strict teacher she reprimanded us so much and didn't let us enter the room," I chuckled a bit, vividly remembering the moment in my mind, "and we ended up standing outside of the classroom with our arms stretched in front of us and our knees bent slightly in a squatting position; but despite all that we still talked and laughed our lungs out together until we can practically hear Ms. Lee yelling at us from inside the room. And ever since that day, we've been inseparable, haven't we?" I smiled genuinely as I continued talking, "Jongin, I wanted you to know that that day was one of the happiest moments of my life, because that's when I met you."

"And by 'inseparable', I meant being seatmates in all classes, being stucked with each other during lunch breaks, and being together even after school hours. We hang out at arcades until 10pm then goes home to sleep, then repeats the process the next morning," I continued, "we were instantly the best of friends, and it's actually scary to think how much we've grown so close even at such a short period of time, but of course I never regretted it. You were the best person a friend can ever have, and I wanted you to know that."

"Do you also remember that time your mother gave you a camera for a birthday gift? I am actually the one who suggested it to her when she asked me what to give you as a present," I smiled painfully as I remember the joy in Jongin's face when he received the gift, "I know how much you loved photography and taking beautiful pictures so I instantly thought of that one camera you always checked on the stalls whenever we go to the mall. And you know, you looked really cute during your birthday when you unwrapped the gift and saw the camera was inside," I said bitterly as I clearly reminisce that joyful moment and honestly hoped everything can be back to being as simple as that.

"Jongin, do you remember that time that you wanted me to accompany you to the salon because you'll be having your haircut and you asked me to have my hair styled too?" I paused a bit after seeing his eyebrow twitch a little; is it just me or has it actually moved? "Actually, I really don't feel like changing my hairstyle back then, but since you told me it'll look good on me, I instantly said yes because I want to look like how you wanted me to look; I wanted to look like how you think I am at my best. I wanted to look good in front of you, all the time. So I agreed to it without any doubts or second thought."

I leaned closer to Jongin before I continued talking, checking on his face that still looked so handsome despite the little cuts and bruises he have. "Jongin, remember during the school festival on our senior year and I was asked to sing on stage? I was so shy and scared back then but since you gave me a pat on my back and an assurance that my voice sounds good, I suddenly felt the urge to go on stage to sing," I'm starting to feel something of a prickle in my eyes and a sort of burn in my throat as I remember those moments, "and so I got myself on the stage and sang Don't Go with all my heart. I'm actually not contented with how my voice sounded but you told me you almost cried hearing my voice on stage while ruffling my hair into a mess, saying how proud you are of me," I can't hold back my tears anymore, so I quickly wiped my eyes and continued, "you know, I dedicated that song to you Jongin. I was able to sang it with all my heart and soul because I kept on thinking of you as I let the lyrics ride the music, hoping that the message will be felt by your heart."

"And of course I know you do remember this, but during our highschool graduation I was crying so much and you're scolding me for being such a cry-baby, right? But you know, I think you yourself was holding back your own tears back then," I said with a little chuckle, again I think I saw his eyebrow twitch a little, "that time, I wanted to tell you that you can cry with me. You can cry as much as you want and I'll be there for you to comfort you. But I thought back then that you'll just laugh at me and thought that I am kidding; especially since you have always been a simple-minded brat," I chuckled softly at my own words.

"But even the most perfect of friendships tend to face hardships, right?" And Jongin..." I trailed off, thinking of the best words to say before continuing, "a week ago, after you told me you're leaving for Seoul to go on a university there, I wasn't mad because you didn't tell me you have plans like that," I continued, my voice sounding weak and sad, heart starting to beat fast, "I...I got mad because I know you will leave me behind. And I got even more mad at the thought of me being unable to stop you from leaving. I always thought the two of us will be together even after college, but I guess I was wrong," my own sobs cut me from speaking as I felt tears streaming down my face, "and it just feels so bad that I am in no position to be mad at you; I am in no position to demand for you to stay, because I was only your friend," I tried to calm myself a little before continuing because I wanted to sound as coherent as possible.

"Jongin, I have always, always enjoyed being your friend," I resumed, trying my best to not burst into tears, "but the label 'friend' is what I grew to hate as years of being together with you proved me how much you mean to me; how much I love you. But don't get me wrong; I love being your friend, but it is also painful to know that I will never be someone beyond that label."

"All of our pictures together paints smiles on my face whenever I look at them, but then the smile will quickly be replaced by sadness for I know that I will be stucked in there. All those pictures, all those moments that were together, all of them are solid proofs of what we both have and what we both can't have," I said while still wiping tears from my eyes, "the photos that can't define our relationship is a heartbreaking story; a story that ended even before it got the chance to start," I continued to say in between muffles and sobs, I can't hold back my tears anymore.

And when I looked at Jongin's face, I was shocked; he was crying. A stream of tears running down the sides of his eyes, and I can't help but cry even harder at the sight; his mind is understanding me, his heart is listening to me, even if his physical body isn't.

"And Jongin..." I tried to continue, I wanted to finish off all I am going to say so that he can stop crying already, so that he can rest, "I am so so sorry that I hid all of it from you and was only able to tell you when you're at this state, when you're about to go, when everything is already too late," I managed to say in between sobs, trying my best to sound as understandable as I can, "I love you so much; so much that I swear I won't regret going back to the past and replay all those years that we've been together," I wholeheartedly confessed at the crying Jongin, "I loved you ever since I first met you, and I'll continue to love you until the end."

I stood up, leaned closer to Jongin's face and planted a kiss on his forehead. That very moment, I wished time could stop. I wished everything will stop and only me and Jongin will remain. I don't want to leave, I don't want to go. But I know my very presence will only further the pain in Jongin's heart more, so after I kissed his forehead, I placed the palm of my hand on his left cheek and whispered to his right ear a heartfelt "goodbye, Jongin," and quickly left out the room.

I cannot stop crying as I closed the door behind me. I laid my back at the door and buried my face into my hands; this is all so painful. Jongin is all I ever wanted to be with, yet he is the person I know I can no longer have.

Because everything is already too late.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I settled myself at the nearby benches along the white corridors as I try to calm myself down. I know I promised Mrs. Kim I won't cry, so I decided to apologize to her before leaving the hospital.

When I calmed down enough to talk coherently, I stood up and walked out of the corridor. Mrs. Kim was sitting at one of the benches too that is near to the staircase. I approached her, sat beside her, and said my apologies.

"Mrs. Kim, I'm sorry I wasn't able to keep my promise."

"It's okay, Kyungsoo," Jongin's mother said and I can't help but notice the crack in her voice. I supposed she also just recovered from crying herself.

"Today was supposed to be the day he will leave for Seoul, but then the accident happened."

"I... I am so sorry to hear that."

"But do you know where he is actually headed when the accident happened, Kyungsoo?"

Jongin's mother said. I shooked my head to imply a no, while my heart beats so fast my chest felt in pain already.

"He wasn't headed for the bus stop that will take him to Seoul. He was headed over your place when the car hit him," Mrs. Kim said.

I literally lost it and started crying again. I tried to stop myself from sobbing, but it hurts so much I can't even stop myself from trembling.

"Jongin told me the two of you were into an argument a week ago after he told you his university plans, so this morning he told me he will no longer go to Seoul and will instead go to your place. When I asked him why, he told me he has to tell you something important. When I asked him what it is, he just shrugged and smiled, and said 'I'll tell you later mom', but then the accident happened and I know I will never know it."

I held Jongin's mother's hand in my own and squeezed it a bit, trying to comfort her a little. My own heart is racing so fast because of all the new things I just discovered, and a whirlwind of emotions send shivers down my spine.

"The doctor said he is currently in a comatose stage, but he assured me that he will not last long. His body is already dead; only his mind and his heart are working weakly right now and even that will soon wither away."

Mrs. Kim removed her hand from my grip and reached for her bag. She took out a rather big notebook and handed it over to me while saying "I found this at his room right after he left the house to go to your place," she said as she pushed the book onto me. "I think all of your questions can be answered by that."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I got back home, I am trembling and shivering so hard I can't even bring myself to look at the book. I calmed myself first, trying my best to stop my heartbeat from beating too fast.

When I believe I already mustered enough courage and can already take a look at the book, I brought it out and placed at my study table, and started flipping the pages.

There, right in front of me, is a scrapbook full of me and Jongin's pictures. Some pictures I  remember and recognize, some are stolen shots of me that are all plastered over the pages. Each picture has captions, and it broke my heart when I read them one by one.

A picture with the two of us together and doing a peace sign has a caption that says: "first photo taken with my new camera, Kyungie is sooo cute!"

A stolen picture of me smiling in a silly way has a caption that reads: "Kyungie's smile is so adorable, I wish I can always see ot everyday."

Another photo of the two of us, which was taken right after we had our haircuts, says: "we just had our new hairstyles. My Kyungie looks so handsome in his new hair!"

Another stolen photo was the next that caught my attention. I believed that was taken during the school festival performance, and the caption under it says: "My Kyungie's voice is so angelic. I wish he thinks of me as he sings that song."

The last picture that I saw, because I can no longer look at all of it without crying so hard, was the picture we have taken during graduation which was apparently 10 days ago. The caption under it reads: "Graduation. My whole high school life was so much better because Kyungie has always been by my side. How I wish I can confess to him. How I wish I can tell him how I really feel. How I wish I can tell him 'I love you so much'. How I wish I can call him mine."

And with that, I closed the book and hugged it and cried even harder than I ever did in all my life. Why would this have to happen? Why is life so unfair? Why won't destiny let us be together?

Everything is already too late. He knew my feelings when he is already on his death bed. I understood his feelings when I know I can no longer be with him.

Each other was the only one we both wanted all those years, yet everything became clear when things are already too late; when time has already stopped for him, for us.

And then suddenly, a realization hit me.

These pictures that I hold in my hands, these captured memories that we both shared, they are all proofs of something we both already had but were unable to tell each other. It's a proof of a mutual feeling we both hid from each other, hiding it to a secret, painful memory that only these pictures will understand; only these shared moments have knowledge of.

These photos do define what relationship Jongin and I had; a relationship too precious to be labeled with words, yet too strong to be captured in a photograph. These pictures are solid proofs of a relationship that is understood by our hearts, not by our words.

And our beautiful story didn't end without even having the chance to start. It started; and it will never have its end.