I asked him how it feels like to be getting married. He opened his mouth, ready to answer; but my heart told me otherwise. I didn't really want to hear his answer. I was afraid that it'll hurt again, breaking my already scarred heart into smaller pieces. 

"Good."

He replied softly with his eyes close and head tilted back, facing the beautiful moonlight. His lip formed a curve and he looks so charming, like always. His bushy eyebrow, electrifying eyes, sharp nose and irresistible lip was everything I have dreamt of to be mine. Sitting side by side on this open field, having the wind brushing lightly against my skin, all I could think of was to close my eyes and remember every single moment with him. Because I was very sure that the next moment when I open my eyes again, he wouldn't be mine anymore. But the question is: was he ever mine? Everything that had once happened between us was like a dream, and I told myself, "Im Yoona, it is time to wake up." 

"I accompanied Seohyun to the gown fitting again yesterday. She told me you were busy these few days." 

I started talking again, but my eyes were still closed. I can't bring myself to look at him smiling blissfully when the topic was on his marriage and his bride-to-be, who will never be me. I heard him chuckling lightly before replying.

"She must be really beautiful." 

"She is."

I replied, as I heard the shattering of my heart again. And I wonder why is it that after three years, it's still yearning for him? Honestly, Seohyun was beautiful. She is like the most beautiful bride I've ever seen. But he once told me I'll look beautiful in my wedding gown too. And I think I forgot to tell him that I wanted him to be my groom. But again, I thought he knew. At least at that point of time, I thought he was aware of my feelings, and that it was mutual. Maybe, I was foolishly dreaming about the impossible. 

"So, are you going to accept Siwon's love or not?" He asked casually.

"Maybe?" I replied, with a really faint smile. Whether he knew about my love for him no longer mattered. He is going to become someone else's husband tomorrow and whatever feelings I have no longer stand. And I was determined to show him that I'm going to move on. At least, just showing since I don't really have to because I don't think I can ever do it. My heart was long dead. 

"That's good. A deer and a horse match well." 

He laughed. I opened my eyes and looked at him. I just can't seem to understand what kind of look was that on his face. That smile seemed really genuine and happy for me, yet it seemed a little bitter, like he didn't like my answer. But then again, I was probably thinking too much. He is probably just happy and surprised that I'm finally willing to accept Siwon after two long years. 

"Don't look at me like that. I may mistake it as your love for me is still there." 

That sentence shocked me, completely. I just couldn't digest what that last sentence mean. I totally can't. I stared blankly at him when he looked down on his phone. That very moment, I had the urge to ask him what the meaning of the last line was. But before I could open my mouth, his phone rang again, for the fifth time of the night but never once did he pick up. I know it was her.

"She had called so many times, don't make her worry." 

"I just want to spend the last night of my freedom with you, my best friend. Besides, I'm sure Seohyun will understand." 

His words kept on repeating on my mind like it was put on a replay button. Right, all these years, we are nothing more than best friends. And he is right, Seohyun is a really understanding lady, which is probably why he is so in love with her. All I could do was to laugh it off and look away from his eyes to prevent myself from hurting more. But I know, the worst moments had passed, with my being the love fool to help him with his romantic proposal, running errands to make his wedding as perfect as possible, being the bridesmaid when I don't even want to be present in the wedding hall to listen to his wedding vow, knowing I'll never be the girl next to him. Is there more that I couldn't take? 

The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever.

Why? I asked myself again and again. Why does it hurt so much to try and let him go? Why does it hurt equally much when I decided to hide my love in the darkest corner of my heart? Cho Kyuhyun, the guy I've fallen so hard in love with the very first time I met him. We've been through so much together, but I've never imagined how it would be like to watch him marry a girl who will never be me. 

Flashback:

"Yah Yoong, let's take a photo together. You're my best friend!" He shouted across the studio while I turned towards the direction where the voice came from. Seohyun was adjusting his tie ever sweetly. I wondered how it feels like to be doing that for him.

"You could have said nicely, Mr Cho!" I pouted as I dragged my feet over to where he was. The gown was long and it was too beautiful to be meant for bridesmaid. But I can't possibly reject it since Seohyun kindly chose it for me. 

His arm was wrapped around my waist. Unknowingly, I s mine over his waist too. He was way skinnier than before, and I realized that. He was probably too busy to eat well. I peeked to the side and he was really smiling sweetly. The sweetest guy I've ever met, but also the guy I can never have. I smiled too, looking straight into the camera, imagining that this was my wedding shoot with the guy I love the most. But as the camera shutters stopped working, I knew it's time to wake up and return him to his fiancé. I could only borrow him for that short while. No matter how badly I wanted him for myself, I knew it will never happen. He loves her and all I can ever be is his best friend. 

End of flashback.

"What happened to those photos we took that time?" I asked when I snapped back to reality, knowing that I'm thinking about something that he'll never give much attention to. 

"I'll give you tomorrow," he said as he moved his body closer to me. And before I can say another word, his arms were tightly wrapped around my body, giving me the warmth I've ever dreamt of. I've always thought that this is something only Seohyun has. Then I remembered, I'm still his best friend.

"You're someone really important to me, you know that right?" His words echoed through my mind, almost close to piecing back my broken heart. His breath lingered on the skin of my neck and I begged for this moment to last forever. Because after tonight, I wonder, when will we ever have a chance like this again? 

"Of course, we are best friends," I replied, sounding as cheerful as I can be, trying hard to make sure that I won't choked on my tears that were threatening to flow out. I didn't mind the breaking sound of my heart, since he will never hear it. No matter how close we are, he will never hear it. Because if he can hear, he would have heard it years ago. And that made me wonder, will things turn out differently then? 

"Yes, we are," that was the only thing I heard from him before I close my eyes again and made myself comfortable in his arms. After tonight, I will never get to enjoy such a privilege. I fought hard to keep my tears from flowing out. But I wonder why it is so hard this time round? Haven't I become an expert in doing so? For the countless of times I've been swallowing my tears, watching how he loved her the way I wanted him to love me. 

We sat in that position which I've felt the most comfortable in for probably another hour or so. I wasn't sure of the time but I know it was getting late when I saw his phone lit up, with a message from Seohyun. I pretended to be asleep, so that he could stay like this with me for a little longer. 

"Yoong?" He whispered softly into my ears. I didn't move a bit. I didn't want to. Call me selfish or anything, but this is probably the last time and my last chance to be with him. For the countless time that it's been hurting, let me indulge in this happiness that will never be mine before I really let him go back to the girl he loves. 

Before I know it, I was carried in his strong pair of arms and placed gently onto the passenger seat of his car. I wanted to cling onto him and never let go. But what's the point when he will never be mine? It wasn't long before we reached my doorstep and he woke me up successfully because I decided to stop those silly pretenses to keep him by my side.

"Thanks Kyu," I said as I opened the door, ready to run away before I break down in front of him. I knew well enough that by stepping out of this car, I'll be walking out of his life completely. Because there is no way I can stop hurting when I'm so in love with this guy that's someone else's husband. I didn't even bother to look at him. I know I'll soften and that pathetically weak side of mine would surface. I can't let him know that I'm still crazily in love with him, whether he knew it beforehand or not. I was about the close the car door and run when I heard him whispering.

"Thanks for your love Yoong."

And that moment, I was quite sure of one assumption I made hours ago. He knew. He was aware of my feelings for him all this while. 

Should I smile because we're friends or cry because that's all we'll ever be?

The bells of the chapel rang. I found myself wearing the most elegant gown, pacing up and down in the church. I have to attend to the guests and occasionally run to t