Shin looks up from his bowl of rice, turning to look at the dishes his favorite Auntie Tiana served their guests. He turns to the six men eating at the table with them. Since the table he used to eat with his mommy was small, Auntie Tiana had to bring out the extra table in the storage room to extend it enough for eight people. Sitting in his seat, the next seat is currently empty because favorite Auntie is of course on his right, but she’s out to buy dessert for their guests. After that seat is Youngjae, Daehyun on Youngjae’s right, then Yongguk directly across from him, Himchan, Zelo, and Jongup sitting on Shin’s left.

“Oh, did we introduce ourselves properly?” Youngjae eyes on the piece of meat going up to Daehyun’s lips.

 “I don’t think so.” Daehyun swallows and turns to the child. “You name is Shin, right?”

“Mommy calls me Shin.” He replies with a shake of his head. “I’m Kim Sang Min.”

“Kim Sang Min?” Yongguk glances towards the visual. “Why?”

“I’m supposed to be Park Sang Min, but I’m Kim Sang Min now.”

Himchan freezes at the name, eating slower to listen properly.

Yongguk notices his friend’s actions and turns towards the child again. “Park? Did your mommy marry? Did she have a friend that always visits?”

“Mommy has this model friend that always visits.” Shin lifts his gaze, staring into Yongguk’s direction. “He would bring a ring and ask mommy to marry him.”

“W-what did mommy say?” Himchan forces out hesitantly, his voice low with a hint of insecurity. “Did mommy say yes?”

 “Mommy said no, that she’s waiting for daddy to come back.”

Hearing the answer, Himchan feels his heart squeeze. Should he be relieved or tormented to hear that reply?

Youngjae sips his water and turns to Shin. “Can we call you Shin?” He smiles at the nodding head. “Shin, I’m Youngjae hyung.”

“I know who you are. You’re Yoo Youngjae hyung.” He turns his gaze to the next male sitting next to Youngjae. “Jung Daehyunnie Hyung. Bang Yonggukkie hyung, Kim Himchan hyung.” Shin smiles and turns to the male sitting next to him. “Moon Jongguppie hyung and Choi Junhonggie hyung.”

“This is the first time I’ve been called a hyung.”

“That’s because Zelo hyung is cute like me and everyone loves cute babies.” Shin smiles brightly at the maknae, glancing at his cherry tomato hair.

“I’m not a baby.” Zelo replies, denying the comment.

“Okay. If you’re not a baby, then you can’t eat the cherry tomatoes I have because only babies can eat it.”

“Yah…that’s mean.” Zelo comments, a smile on his face.

Shin puckers up his lips and wiggles his head, resuming his eating. “Do you know my mommy, hyung?” He asks, not directing it towards anyone, but it’s obvious who the question is for. “You said you were mommy’s friend.”

“Huh? Yes. We were friends.” Himchan replies, leaving a bad taste in his mouth.

“Did you know my daddy?”

Youngjae and Daehyun glances at each other before turning to their visual. They lower their gaze and keep their heads down. Jongup glances towards the indifferent child and resumes his meal, tugging on Zelo’s arm as he notices the younger opens his mouth to speak. He mumbles a soft ‘hajima’ towards the maknae and lowers his gaze. His eyes meet Yongguk’s for a moment and he quickly turns away, feeling as if he did something horrible. Yongguk turns to his best friend, watching at how the pale hands trembles.

“Did mommy tell you who my daddy is? I don’t know my daddy. Mommy said daddy’s not here with us because he has something to do. She said I have to live with mommy because daddy has to go find his dream.” Shin lifts his head and locks eyes with the visual. “What was daddy’s dream?”

“Um…your mommy didn’t tell me. She didn’t tell me that you were in her tummy.”

Shin opened his mouth to say something, but stops. Instead he takes a sip of water and puts down his fork. “Does daddy not love me? Why did he leave mommy?”

In a span of a few seconds, the six members react in alarm at the questions. Yongguk chokes on his water, Zelo drops his meat, causing a frown on his face, Daehyun chokes on his meat, Youngjae bites his tongue and Himchan’s chopsticks slide off his fingers. Jongup, the only one that wasn’t eating, turns pale.

“W-what?”

“Mommy said if you love someone, you should always stay with that person. If daddy loves mommy, why did he leave? Is it because of me? Did daddy know that I was in mommy’s tummy and didn’t like me so he left?”

“Your…” Himchan takes a deep breath and tries again. “Your daddy didn’t know about you. You were mommy’s secret.”

“Hyung.” Shin’s puffy cheeks cause him to look as if he’s pouting, but with all seriousness, he asks the most accusing question he can. “Who’s my daddy?”

Tatiana quickly gets into the elevator, silently cursing the unbelievable traffic. Shin’s known to make his babysitters upset when she’s not watching. Despite there’s chance that he will be nice with the six members, nothing too certain with him. Shin’s unpredictability is definitely from his mother. He always ends up saying things much too mature for his age, making her question if he’s really only five and not older.

The elevator door opens and she rushes out, the bags sliding in her hands. “I think I’ve gone overboard with dessert.” She mumbles at the three different types of cake, cookies, ice cream and candies she got on her twenty minute trip. “I’m back!”

The sound of crying fills the apartment, shocking the six members into confusion. It was unexpected and completely different as to what was happening.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?”

“Hyung said daddy hates me!” Shin buries his face into Tatiana’s shoulder. “He said daddy hates me and left mommy because daddy doesn’t want me. Daddy left because mommy and I will ruin his dream and he doesn’t love mommy anymore.” He snuggles closer into Tatiana’s arms, hugging her tightly as he continues to sob. “I made daddy hate mommy.”

“Y-yeah. We didn’t say that.”

“LIAR! YOU DID! YOU DID!” Shin screams through his crying. “You said daddy left because mommy had me and if people know, they’ll hate daddy.”

“Sweetie, your daddy didn’t leave mommy.”

“But hyung said so.” Shin pulls away from her, rubbing his eyes and sniffling. “Hyung said it. He said daddy left mommy because I was in mommy’s tummy.”

“That’s not true.” Tatiana brushes away the remaining tears.

“Is hyung lying? Mommy said people who lie are bad people. Is hyung a bad person?”

“Sweetie, listen. Daddy didn’t leave mommy because you were in her tummy. Daddy left because of another reason.”

“What reason? What’s more important than mommy and me? Did daddy find someone more important than mommy? Did daddy not love mommy anymore?”

“That’s not true. I’m sure daddy loves mommy, even now.”

“I bet that’s a lie. If daddy still loves mommy, then why did daddy not come when mommy was sick in the hospital? Why did daddy not come when those mean people was putting mommy in the ground?”

“Swe…sweetie. Daddy didn’t know. Daddy didn’t know mommy was sick.”

“But he’s daddy. Daddy is supposed to know everything about mommy.” Shin walks over to Himchan, taking his hand. “Right, hyung? Daddy knows everything about mommy, right? Daddy loves mommy so he knows, right?”

“Shin, I…”

Shin scrunches up his face again. “Hyung, if daddy doesn’t know everything, does that mean daddy doesn’t love mommy?” He frowns at the silence, his hand dropping. “It’s okay. I know. Daddy doesn’t love mommy enough. That’s why daddy’s not here.”

“You have Auntie Tiana now.” Yongguk comforts, kneeling down next to him with a hand on Shin’s head. “We, us hyungs, will be here for you too. Isn’t that good?”

“Yes.” Shin lifts his head and turns to Yongguk with a frown. “But you’ll never be as good as daddy.” Pushing the startled man’s away, he rushes into the living room, grabbing the wagon and pulling the bunny plushies towards the bedrooms.

“I…I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. He’s usually not like this at all.”

“It’s fine. He’s probably just upset.” Yongguk reasons, standing up again with a smile. “He’s still young.”

“That’s not an excuse. I just…” Tatiana sits back down on her chair. “He doesn’t talk about his mother. We didn’t even talk about if after we buried her. He was there of course, but we didn’t talk about why. I felt like he knew somehow. It sounds strange, but it seems that when I try to explain things to him, he ends up understanding before I tell him.”

“What do you mean?” Youngjae’s curiosity is peaked.

A part of him wants to know, but Himchan is scared of what he might end up knowing. “What happened before?”

“After our first meeting, he was asking me who you were and what the papers I was giving you for. I was explaining to him that those were the deeds and possessions Hanna left behind. He didn’t understand what they were or what they mean, but the next day, he came up to me and asked if giving you those papers mean that he won’t have a house to live in and if it means his father won’t have anything.”

“That doesn’t sound so strange.”

“Yes, but then he asked if he would be able to get the house back when he’s older because that’s his mother’s house and that the house should be given to him because he doesn’t have a place to live, but you do.” Tatiana starts to tremble at the memory. “He asked me if he would be moved to an orphanage if he didn’t have a place to live.”

“Maybe he heard it somewhere from someone.”

“Do kids even know what an orphanage is?” Daehyun glances around the room, looking for an answer. “Isn’t he too young to know?”

“An orphanage is a place where kids with no mommies and daddies go to live.” Tatiana gathers up the plates and puts them in the sink. “That’s what he told me.”

“But his father is alive.” Yongguk glances over at the visual. “He won’t have to go to an orphanage. And doesn’t she have relatives?”

“Mommy only has me and daddy.” Shin’s reappearance startles the group. “Daddy’s not here so mommy only has me.” He walks over to the table and helps collect the plates. “Mommy said that I’ll never meet daddy so it’s the same as not having a daddy.” Putting them onto the counter, he frowns. “I don’t have a daddy and I don’t have a house to live in.”

“Who said that? Who said you don’t have a house to live in.”

“Tatsu.” Shin replies, rubbing his nose.

“Who’s Tatsu?”

“Tatsu is my friend. He tells me stuff and explains things to me. He’s my only friend.” He tugs the fridge open and grabs a can of soda.

“Sweetie, don’t drink that in your room.”

“Tatsu said I can drink it in my room if I’m careful. He said daddy won’t care because daddy’s not here.” Shin frowns at the memory of something said to him. “He said daddy hates me and if daddy finds me, he’s gonna put me in the orphanage because he don’t want people to know he’s my daddy. He’s gonna send me far away to a place no one knows and lock me up so no one will know he’s my daddy.”

“Sweetie, your daddy won’t lock you up or send you away.”

“Your daddy loves you, he won’t do that.” Himchan kneels down to Shin’s eye level. “You won’t go to an orphanage because your daddy won’t send you there.”

“How do you know? You’re not my daddy.” Shin retorts with a frown. “How do you know that daddy won’t send me away when you’re not my daddy?”

“Shin, listen.” Himchan grabs the child’s hand with a trembling hand. “Wherever your daddy is, I’m sure that after he meets you and gets to know you, he’ll love you just like mommy loves you. He’s your daddy and he’ll love you.”

“I don’t care. I don’t care if daddy loves me. I hate daddy.”

“Shin!” Tatiana pulls the child towards her, glancing over to Himchan. “How can you say that? You don’t know your daddy. How can you not like daddy if you’ve never met him?”

“I don’t like daddy because he left mommy! Daddy’s not here when mommy was sick! Daddy made mommy go away! Daddy made mommy cry every day! I hate daddy because daddy don’t love mommy! If he love mommy, he wouldn’t go away! He won’t go and not take mommy with him! I hate daddy because he’s not my daddy! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!”

The sound of flesh against flesh rings in the apartment. One slap, but both are hurting. The cheek and palm both stings. The hand pulls back from the redden cheek.

“S-Shin, I’m…”

Instead of crying, Shin grows silent, his fingers wrapping around the can of soda. He turns and walks away. His bedroom door slams loudly moments later.

“I…I didn’t mean to.”

“I’ll go check on him.” Tatiana moves pass the petrified man and hurries after the child.

“What did you do that for, hyung?” Daehyun scolds, snapping out of the initial shock. “That’s not going to make him like you.”

“Are you crazy?”

“Yah, Choi Junhong!” Yongguk reprimands, narrowing his eyes.

“What? Did I say something wrong?” The maknae turns to the leader with a frown. “That’s not how you get people to like you.” He grimaces and turns to Himchan, tugging on his arm. “Now he hates both you and his father.” Zelo comments with a sneer. “What are you going to do if he finds out who his daddy is?”

“Shin, sweetie. Open the door.” Tatiana turns her head as the six members gather around the door, the culprit looking apologetic.

“NO!” Despite being muffled, Shin’s answer can be heard clearly. “No one loves me! Everyone hates me.”

Himchan bites back a sob. “Shin, it’s hyung. Please open the door.” His heart sinks at the lack of reply. The sound of the door unlocking grabs his gaze, giving him hope.

“What do you have to say for yourself, Kim Himchan?”

Himchan freezes in place. The look, the frown, the redness on his cheek, and the look of betrayal. It’s the same. They’re just like hers. His legs grow weak and he collapses onto the floor.

“Well? I don’t have all day. What’s your sorry excuse?” Shin glares at the man sitting on the floor. Following his mother around might be boring at times, but he’s met many people and seen lots of different expression on his mother’s face. And due to that, he’s rich in facial expressions, some even not common on a child of his age. His mother had always said he was expressive and complimented him on his facial emotions.

 

 

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Shin's not your average 5 year old, isn't he? What does he know? Does he know? And how?