*****

You watched him with soft and admiring eyes as he stood there, on that platform, being surrounded with random people who’s tugging, cutting, pinning and adjusting that thing he’s on. He looked really beautiful, more beautiful than the paintings and artefacts you saw together with him back at the museums in Paris 6 or 7 years ago. You remembered how he admired and envied each and one of those products of art but to you, they were nothing compared to his beauty. He was much more breathtaking than the goddesses mentioned and told from Greek mythology and he looked even more surreal and realistic than those made up female gods. And you suddenly had this feeling of not blinking just for a second because you fear that if you do so, he’ll disappear, that he won’t be there anymore, that he’ll leave you and you’ll be alone.

All alone by yourself forever and you don’t want that to happen. Of course, you don’t.

-

You gave out your sweetest smile as he caught you staring at him. A smile of yours that would truly make every girl in the world swoon and faint but for him, that smile; your smile, is something that he’d gotten used to. And it won’t mean that much to him, you mused to yourself as he smiled back and turned around to look and study his own reflection. You noticed the way he smiled, the way his eyes travelled up and down; that he’s checking his self out. And you would have laughed at the absurdity of it (he doesn’t have to check himself out. He’s perfect!), thinking that it’s something vain and cute for him to do and you actually laughed, not that he noticed it though. And for a brief moment, a smile formed on your lips when a thought struck you.

He’s not only vain and cute, he’s a dork too.

-

You could still remember way back in X-Man, when he and Changmin were playing the “Of Course” game, on how he actually slipped out when he said “alcohol” instead of “bitter juice” and on how he keeps on saying “I’m sorry” every time he gets caught off guard. The expression on his face was priceless, cute, innocent and dorky at the same time that you would have peed in your pants just by looking at him. And when it was your turn, you tried to act cool, in order to impress everyone and especially him. And indeed, you turned out to be really cool and charismatic too when all of the noona’s present at that time practically fainted as you said the actress’ name in front of you with that voice of yours, that voice which you tried making deep, smooth, calm and y. And you wondered of what he thought about you at that time.

Would he also love to hear you saying his name with that voice of yours? Would he?

-

You also remembered the time when you had a photo shoot, you forgot for what it was, but you could still clearly picture out in your mind on how he formed a heart with both of his hands and smiled ever so cutely that you didn’t manage to control yourself and you actually tried biting his shoulder since you were standing next to him. You saw how he got irritated with what you did but you didn’t feel bad at all (well, perhaps you got a bit nervous) and you were smiling like a fool inside as he elbowed your side and shrugged off what you just did.

-

You also can’t forget the time when you found out that your fans started calling your pairing “soul mates”. You were grinning from ear to ear when you knew about it and some of the members actually asked what has gotten into you and you would continue on grinning, telling them that it was nothing. But when they’d press you for an answer, you’d lie and say that you actually thought of composing a new song and that would stop them from pestering you even more.

-

You really missed the time when you both last performed live together. It felt awkward though, that it was only the 2 of you and the other members of TVXQ were missing but you were still happy because he was there, he was with you and with that, it’s enough. Your live performance together of Been So Long, where you almost ran out of breath because of your rapping, will always be an unforgettable memory (all of your moments with him and with the members are always and will be unforgettable). It was obvious that you were singing at your best at that time and it wasn’t only to please the fans but for a fact that you always love it when you sing with him. It wouldn’t matter if you ran out of breath or perhaps would get out of tune or you’ll forget your lines, as long as you have your duet with your soul mate, you’ll do anything, and you’ll strive hard just to sing with him.

Just to be with him.

-

The song Shelter, the one which he wrote most of the lyrics, was a piece you’d gladly listen to for the rest of your life. Sometimes, you can’t help but wonder, when he wrote some of the lyrics, whom was he thinking of? Was he thinking of his family, the other members, his ex-girlfriend or perhaps you? Like the way you thought of him whenever you write some composition of yours too? And there’s no denying of the fact that when you hear or sing your part, you feel like you just got stabbed and that your heart tore into pieces because some of the lines somewhat reminded you of your ex-lover. The girl you lost and will never be yours again. But you’re happy for her, you really are and you only wish that she’ll always be in good hands.
 

“She’ll know that you’re referring to her if she’ll listen to this song and if she understands it” you remembered him telling you that right after you finished recording and he laughed afterwards.
 

You gave him a weak smile in response not because you’re worried that your ex-girlfriend might not know and understand that the song was somewhat dedicated to her but for the reason that he wouldn’t know that it was also for him too. To you, when you sing Shelter, you’re dedicating the song to him. You’re referring to him as your shelter, your umma, your comfort, your friend, your love and he will always be your soul mate.

Your one and only soul mate.

-

The feeling of being with him was always right. That when you do crazy things, as long as it’s with him, it’s fine, it’s okay and that you won’t care what the world would say about you. When you both got tattoos, you were thrilled. He was thrilled also, you could see it from his face and he actually told you. He was a bit hesitant at first but you told him that there was no turning back, that it was final. The moment your identical tattoos were finished, you both stared at each other for a while and the first one to grin was you and he returned your grin. Now, whenever you look or touch that mark/writing on the left side of your chest, where your heart’s beating, you’re not only reminded of your fans who are keeping their faith but you’re reminded of him too.

The one you love, your soul mate.

-

That night, when you were lying in bed after accompanying him for the whole day, you can’t forget the way how he’s so excited, how big his smile was and that it was plastered all over his face all day long and you could actually see him glow.  All you could do was to watch and stare and get even more mesmerized with his beauty. He was really, utterly and painfully beautiful that it hurts. That it hurts you so much and you think that you can’t take any of this torture anymore.
 

Sometimes, you blame Jung YunHo, your leader, for suggesting that your soul mate must be placed in the middle whenever you have your group picture taken because that makes him the center of your fans’ attention. Not that you want to hog all the attention and the limelight all to yourself, but what you want is, for his beauty to be kept away from unworthy eyes, you want to keep him for yourself and all to yourself only. Yes, you know well, it’s selfish of you to think of such thing but what hurts you is that you could never ever keep him to yourself because he’s not your property, he doesn’t belong to you and just by thinking about that truth, it hurts, it’s painful and it kills you.

-

Few years back, there was a time when he told you personally (but you like to view it as a confession) that you were his best friend in the whole wide world besides from Hyun Joong. He said that, you were different from the SS501 member and there are things that which both of you actually have in common that he and Hyun Joong would never agree on. You didn’t know how to react, don’t know what to do. You were confused if whether you should smile or cry, so you did both. And what you hate the most when that happened was, he didn’t ask you why. He didn’t dare ask you why you smiled and cried at the same time. He only placed a hand on your back, comforted you and remained silent as you continued to bawl your eyes out. You hated how he understood and reacted to your actions. Perhaps, he thought that you were so happy and touched of what he said and you cried because you’re just the sensitive type of person. You’re always the drama king in the group, the cry baby and you also hated yourself for being known as that kind of person.

He’ll never ever know that you also cried because you can never be more than a best friend to him, you can never be more than his soul mate.

-

You woke up, eyes puffy and red. You didn’t know that you cried in your sleep. Groggily standing up from your bed, you made your way to the bathroom. And within the span of 30 minutes you accomplished what you had to accomplish and dashed out of your condo as fast as you could. You have a wedding to attend to.
 

It has been a year or so ever since Dong Bang Shin Ki broke and gave up as an idol group but your relationship with the members never changed. Even though there was a lawsuit that occurred, the 5 of you separated in to 2 and 3, fans cried, did flash mobs and told themselves to Always Keep the Faith – a phrase which they say that you had came up with – your friendship, ties and bond with the rest of the TVXQ members remained strong and unbreakable. When you stepped foot in the venue of the wedding, you saw JunSu and ChangMin talking and approached them. You gave them a big smile and they returned you the favour. Someone from a corner announced that the ceremony will start soon and you give your 2 co-members a pat on the shoulder as you made your way to the piano which was located near the altar and settled there.
 

You were the one who suggested to be the pianist of the event and even joked that it would save him and his fiancé some money for their wedding. Yes, it did hurt when you found out that he was getting married. You would have understood if he married a girl, you could have then accepted that your soul mate was not the person you thought he’d turn out to be and that he’s not actually swaying your way. But when he told you, you were the first one to know, that he accepted the proposal of the Dong Bang Shin Ki leader, you would have attacked and beaten U-Know YunHo into pulp. Though, you’re sure that, that would only make things worse and you still look up to the Toho Leader and respect him as your very own flesh and blood, a close brother and an honourable father. So to keep things in order, you refrained yourself.
 

When everyone was gathered and violins started to hum, you started to play the opening song of the wedding and you could already feel tears on the brim of your eyes. You wanted them to just stay there and never go out. They’re better off not seen. You successfully blinked them away and the moment your eyes fluttered open, you saw him. And you think that it was no harm if you’d cry anyway because he’ll only think that you’re happy for him. He walked oh so slowly down the aisle and looked exactly like the angel that he was. After all the years you’ve spent with him as a trainee and a co-band member, you’ve seen how he developed, bloomed and turned into such a beauty. And you feel really proud, as if, you’re one of the people responsible for him to turn out to be so stunningly and gorgeously beautiful.
 

You held your breath when he reached for his future husband’s hand as he approached the altar and you suddenly had the urge to stand up and speak out. But you won’t do that, you can’t do that. He’s been babbling, gushing and telling you about how special this day to him was and you can’t just ruin this for him because of your selfish reasons. Your whole mind went blank when the vows and etc. were exchanged. You didn’t want to hear it; you didn’t want to know how he’d say the words “I do”, the words which you long that he’ll say to you instead to Jung YunHo. You also don’t want to hear your ex-leader say “I do”, the word which you’re supposed to utter and say to your soul mate. And the kiss, damn it, you don’t want to witness it at all. Instantly, tears poured out from your eyes when YunHo leaned for a kiss, a kiss that you, yourself, should have received and you quickly looked away. And for a moment you were half glad that you were facing your soul mates’ back so he won’t see the jealousy in your eyes.
 

After they were announced as a legally wedded couple, you started playing a song. A song which ToHoShinKi released few years ago and you’d actually pitied the guy in the music video. Ironically, you turned out to be in his place. Your beautiful soul mate turned around to look at you as you continued to play and he lovingly smiled, his eyes were shining that you thought he’s going to cry. There were still tears that poured out from your eyes and you wished that he’d wipe them away. You didn’t even notice that Changmin and Junsu were already at your back and they started to sing the song together with your accompaniment. And to your surprise, YunHo and your soul mate started to sing too and you began to sing yourself as well. And that was the first time ever, after a year of disbanding, which the 5 of you sang together again.
 

The reception was held in a private place and only the wedded couple’s family, close friends and relatives could attend. You isolated yourself from everyone and decided to stay and just sit on a lonely bench near the garden. You could hear the whispering and laughter of the guest’s and they ran through your mind like an endless pit. You stared blankly at the flowers and bushes in front of you and you pictured him laughing and chatting with the guest’s right now, his lovely and soft hands linked with his husbands’. That should have been you.
 

A tap on your shoulder made you turn around and you had the strongest urge in believing that it was him but when you looked over your shoulder, it was Junsu. He said something which you didn’t manage to catch and he grabbed your hand as he led you to the noisy crowd. The next thing you knew, you’re standing in front of the guests and with your soul mate by your side.
 

“Do you have something to say for me, Park YooChun? Soul mate?” he asked you and all you could do was to stare.
 

Good thing that you managed to snap out of your reverie as he handed you the microphone and he was motioning for you to answer. You accepted the mic with a smile and craned your neck to the crowd who was also waiting for your response.
 

Clearing your throat, you brought the mic to your lips, an action you truly miss as a singer and turned to look at your soul mate once again and he read that nostalgia of yours in your eyes. He saw it very well and you know that he misses being a singer too. He sighed, as if saying that it was all in the past and gave you an encouraging smile.
 

“Jae Joong-ah” you began, your heart was racing as he waited for you to continue, “I would have preferred you in a wedding dress”
 

There was a moment of silence and abruptly everyone laughed including Jae Joong himself. He was wearing a white tuxedo which was in contrast to his other half which was black. And you could see how his husband, Jung YunHo and the other members, Kim Junsu and Shim Changmin and the crowd themselves approved and agreed of what you said.
 

Jae Joong continued to laugh, a hand covering his mouth. He was still the same and you were assured that he’ll never change. He’ll remain as the Kim Jae Joong you’ve known from the start. You saw him wipe a tear from the corner of his eyes, you didn’t even notice that he actually cried, and he gave you a hug. He hugged you so tightly, like you were some kind of a big fluffy and huggable stuffed toy and you thought you couldn’t breathe anymore but you didn’t mind, you let him be. Then, he leaned and whispered so softly and honestly into your ear, “Thank You Soul Mate, I Love You”.

You knew it wasn’t about what you said earlier and that he thanked you for something else. And that was enough. It was enough for you and all you want to happen next was for Kim Jae Joong, your one and only soul mate, to be always happy.
 

If not in your arms, at least in the arms of the man he truly loves and deserves.
 

*****

A/N: YunJae biased, I know. xD A sequel may be made soon. Not that sure :)