Chanyeol eyes burnt with fresh tears as he laid on his cold bed. He doesn't want to regret what he has with Kyungsoo. He doesn't like the guilt. But he was helpless against the pain.

He wondered if he hadn't let his eyes wonder off to the counter that day, would he still be with the boy he had fallen in love with? He wondered... if he had stayed by the elder's side, would the other still be alive? He wondered how would his story - their story - have ended if he hadn't make the mistakes he had clearly made?

August 15, 2011

As Chanyeol clutched the star pendant in his shaking hands, his lips trembled and tears rolled down his pale skin. A harsh tug on his heart caused him to bent over the bed, eyes shut tightly as he hit his chest, trying to force the pain away. He sobbed in grief and agony as he curled in a foetal position. 

Why didn't I notice?

It took him hours to finally calm down. Tears were still staining his cheeks, yet he found no strength to sob over what he had dearly lost. His eyes were blank as he stared at the ceiling, the pendant clutched tightly to his heart.  

Why did I forget?

Why did I miss his tears?

And when a salty droplet rolled down and hit the pillow his head was resting on, Chanyeol was pulled into a trip down his bittersweet memory lane.

January 4, 2007

Chanyeol wondered around his new highschool with awe clearly written on his face. The art academy had nine enormous halls for performances and recitals, something he had wished to be a part of since he was young. It's only his second day of highschool, yet, he somehow knew that was going to be an amazing journey. 

"Yah! Look! Baekhyun-Sunbaenim is singing!"

"Oh my god! Really?" 

Chanyeol was pulled out of his thoughts when a group of his classmates started gathering at the door of one of the auditoriums, where a crowd of students was standing at. What's happening there? Chanyeol thought and with small and uncertain steps, he made his way to the large wooden doors, trying to get a peek of what was happening.

When Chanyeol finally managed to squeeze through the crowd with looks glared at him, he stood at the door while rubbing his sore arms. He froze when a clear, melodious voice reverberated through the empty hallways.

더는 망설이지 마 제발 내 

Deoneun mangseoriji ma jebal

심장을 거두어 가

nae simjangeul geodueo ga

그래 날카로울수록 좋아

Geurae nalkaroulsurok joha

달빛 조차도 눈을 감은 밤

dalbit jochado nuneul gameun bam

Chanyeol couldn't believe his ears. The boy standing on the stage was so small and thin, yet his voice was strong and filled with so much emtions that the taller boy couldn't believe it was coming out of him.

It took around three weeks of stalking for Chanyeol to find out that the small and thin boy was named Byun Baekhyun. He was a senior of the school and probably the most popular one at that. He was two grades above Chanyeol, but he was only one year older. He was known mostly for his gentle and kind pesonality and he also had everything Chanyeol would ever want. Byun Baekhyun, in Chanyeol's dicitonary, was the definition of perfect.

Why someone as perfect as him had to love me...?

Why... Why didn't I cherish him?

January 29, 2007

Chanyeol had officially screwed up. He had been so focused on finding out more about the mysterious boy in the auditorium, he hadn't been listening in class. He had a test coming up, yet he couldn't even understand the basics of whatever was taught to him. As he sat alone in the library, tears stung his eyes with frustration pulling at his roots. He stared helplessly at the complicated maths questions and in a fit of rage, he swung the book away. He placed his head in his hands as tears of exasperation escaped his closed eyelids. 

He didn't notice the book landing somewhere near a stranger's feet and eyes looking at him in concern. He was trembling when a small and gentle hand landed on his shoulder. He snapped his head up and everything in his body stopped functioning for a second. There, in front of him, was the boy that was causing all his inner turmoil. Byun Baekhyun was in front of him. 

"Are you okay?" The smaller boy asked, eyes crinkling up with a gentle smile. Chanyeol stared at the elder in daze, mouth wide open. When Chanyeol failed to snap out of his reverie and actually open his mouth to speak, Baekhyun giggled behind his hands and squated beside the dumbfounded boy. Tender fingers gently squeezed Chanyeol's right cheek and the smaller boy smiled. "You're cute," Came the soft whisper. 

That day, Park Chanyeol experienced butterflies in his stomach for the very first time.

But he isn't here anymore...

Febuary 11, 2007

Chanyeol was determined. He stared at the letter in his shaky hands. I'll confess today, he thought with a sudden soaring confidence. But a second barely passed before he slumped his shoulders forward, head lowered and confidence lost. What if he doesn't feel the same? Chanyeol thought and was about to walk towards the nearest rubbish bin when a familiar voice reverberated through the empty hallways. "Chanyeol-ah!" Baekhyun shouted as he dashed towards the taller boy with a grin. Hands were curled around Chanyeol's arm and tha said boy's heart leapt. 

"Let's go to the amusement park!" Baekhyun said and started dragging the taller boy out of the school grounds.

They laughed hysterically and ran about the crowd, smiling like idiots. Somewhere along the way, slender fingers connected with longer and slightly calloused ones. Chanyeol grinned as he stared over the smaller boy beside him. The said boy was squating beside a relatively deserted walk-way, hands gently cupping the wiltering flower in front of him. The taller boy joined the boy, eyes focused on the beautiful hands. "Chanyeol?" The elder suddenly said, dropping his hands on his folded legs. "Yeah?" Chanyeol replied, eyes darting to the boy. Suddenly, a pair of lips were planted on his left cheek and his eyes turned into huge saucers. Chanyeol froze and his jaw dropped in shock. Slowly, the pair of lips left his cheeks. 

"I like you, Chanyeol-ah,"

That day, Park Chanyeol cried tears of utter joy and happiness.

I won't hear the three words from him anymore...

July 17, 2007

Chanyeol stood outside the school gates, chilly wind blowing at him mercilessly. He cursed lightly under his breath and pulled his hoodie tighter to his body. He turned his head back into the school grounds and sighed in relief when he saw Baekhyun dashing at him with full speed. "I'm sorry! I h-had something o-on and w-was held back," the shorter boy said, stuttering and avoiding the lanky male's judging eyes. "Hyung, are you hiding something from me?" Chanyeol asked, eyes narrowing playfully. 

"N-No!" Baekhyun replied almost immediately, darting his eyes around. Chanyeol frowned. "Don't lie," He said and paused, curling his long fingers around the smaller boy's trembling ones. "But I won't ask if you don't want to tell me," he continued and started dragging Baekhyun down the sidewalk.

From that day onwards, Chanyeol was able to expose all of the elder's smallest lies.

But I forgot about how to do it...

I forgot about him.

December 25, 2007

Chanyeol weakly knocked at the door, eyes downcast, trying to will away the dripping tears. When he heard the door open, he quickly reached up to wipe away the stray droplets. He heard a gasp and found himself drowning in skinny arms wrapped around him. "W-what happened? A-Are you okay?" Baekhyun asked, his eyes raking over Chanyeol's bruised face and trembling body. He immediately pulled the taller in the house gently, shutting the door with his foot. "I-I'm sorry... It's C-Christmas a-and I'm disturbing y-you..." Chanyeol let out a shaky whisper. When he was pulled in the familiar and warm embrace, he broke. Sobs raked through his body as he cried in Baekhyun's arms. "I'm here... Don't cry," Baekhyun cooed gently, tightening his arms around the taller male.

That day, Chanyeol forgot about his abusive father and swore to celeberate every single Christmas with Baekhyun.

But I broke my promise... I left him alone...

I left him alone on Christmas.

Febuary 14, 2008

"Chanyeol-ah," The elder said softly. The said boy opened his eyes, head rested on Baekyun's lap. "Yeah?" He replied, eyes tracing the elder's soft and beautiful features. "Do you know what day it is today?" Baekhyun asked, playing around with Chanyeol's brown locks. "Why? You prepared a rose for me?" Chanyeol asked, a cheeky yet soft smile sliding on his face when the thought of spending Valentine's Day with the elder appeared on his mind. The elder flushed a little, a smile turning the corners of his lips up. "Do you..." He paused, hands suddenly trembling with nervousness. Chanyeol sat up from his position and turned to face the elder. He reached out for the elder's hands with a smile. Baekhyun sighed and grinned. "Do you want to move in with me?" He asked, ending with a kiss on Chanyeol's lips.

That day, Chanyeol mumbled the fastest 'yes' he had ever said in his life, squishing the poor boy in his long arms.

I miss him...

It's cold without him...

August 15, 2011

Chanyeol closed his eyes as he stared at the necklace. There was a suffocating feeling inside him that's tugging at his heart, torturing him. He covered his hand over his mouth, sobs threatening to escape his tightly sealed lips. He doesn't want to regret it now. He doesn't want to hurt Kyungsoo. He doesn't like the pain. 

But staring at the necklace shining in his hands, he felt as if he had pointed a gun at the only person who was willing to take a bullet for him. He clutched the necklace tightly and placed his closed fist over his heart. 

"I'm sorry... Hyung... I'm sorry..." Chanyeol chanted till he lost his consciousness due to exhaustion.

August 15, 2017 (6 years later)

"Sehun! Luhan! Don't run!" Chanyeol screamed as he chased after two hyper-active kids. "No!" Both of them screamed in unison, running with their hands inter-locked, stopping only when they stood in front of a grey marble thombstone.

"Appa! Faster!" Luhan screamed, his hands still tightly around his younger brother's. Chanyeol panted as he stopped in front of the kids, trying to catch his breath. Luhan and Sehun turned to the thombstone, both their free hands gliding over the smooth marble with words carved in gold.

Byun Baekhyun

Died at the age of 20, on July 23, 2011

"Appa?" The quiet and younger boy, Sehun, muttered silently. "Yeah, Sehunnie?" Chanyeol replied, eyes tearing away from the name engraved in gold letterings. "Is Baekkie-Umma in a safe and warm place?" He asked, eyes glittering with innocence. Chanyeol smiled, nodding his head gently. "Luhannie, can you bring Sehun to the car and wait for me? I have to talk to Umma for a while," Chanyeol said softly and smiled when the said boy nodded his head and started guiding Sehun away, hands linked tightly.

"Hyung... I miss you..." Chanyeol muttered silently, eyes turning glassy. "It's been four years since I broke it off with Kyungsoo and adopted those two kids under our names," Chanyeol continued, hands roaming over the surface of the marble. "I know you'll definitely love them... If you were still here," Chanyeol paused when the first tear rolled down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, hyung... I hurt both you and Kyungsoo so badly.... But I missed you so much... I'm really, really sorry..." Chanyeol sighed and stood up from his squated position. "I'll visit again, hyung. I miss you," And with that, he walked away from the grey marble, wiping away his tears. 

I love you, Byun Baekhyun.

-finished

(-|uthor's Note

I finished it already :) Thanks for all your support for this two one-shots :) Comment and vote, if you may XD Seeya next time with more angst and fluff (maybe).