"Do you hear that?" Death asked as he untangled her thick long tresses with a jumbo brush. He bought it on Ebay from a certified bear owner.

"Hear what?"

"The wailing."

"What wailing?" The Shepherdess turned around to look at him with squinty eyes. "Do you have a baby I don't know of? Who's the baby mama?"

He gave her head a poke and she turned right around so he could finish off untangling the bird nest. "That's none of your business, old hag. I'm talking about the wailing dead... Big Man unfroze time again. His fat probably found the remote control."

"He's fat? Oh, wailing dead. Not bothered. I got my anti-whinny-dead-noise earplugs on so... besides, my job doesn't require listening to them. I just have to guide their dead asses to the underworld."

"What? You never told me that... and here I thought we shared a common pain."

"Does it bother you that much? Because you never asked."

"The whinny losers."

"Why do they have to whine? They lived for a while, isn't that enough? Greedy mortals... I kinda feel bad for you, baaa-by." Nah, she didn't. Well, not really.

"Why do you always say what you don't mean?"

"I don't know."

"Done." He lobbed the brush into her lap and disappeared with a poof.

"Why do I need this? Like I ever brush my own hair..." The Shepherdess chucked the jumbo brush over her shoulder and she too went 'poof.'

• • • • • • •

God... they whined so much. Why couldn't he just like... become numb to it or something? He's heard it all, hasn't he?

"Can't... can't remember... my name... Why? Why can't... I remember..."

"It's call Alzheimer, noob." His nice slicing stick materialized with awesome grey swirly effects.

"Please... please... release me..." 

"Lucky for you. That's what I'm here to do." Death plucked his long scythe (not that it's trying to make up for something else...) from the air, lifted it up, and brought it straight down with godly precision, severing the chained soul from its ugly husk of a body.

The soul stood up straight... or somewhat straight because of the nasty hump on its back. 

"I guess... looks don't really improve much after death, does it? Too bad." 

And then the calling card came. The Shepherdess whistled. Not for her dog but for the soul. And the soul, being like a dog, followed happily.

Death has worked with the Shepherdess long enough to put words to her whistles. Right now she was saying 'Hey there, handsome. Come on over. I have a surprise for you!' And the soul fell for her trap... as usual, floating upward through the ceiling like an obedient pet. She's got you by the balls. Game over, big boy.

Next.

"Bound and shackled to this meaningless existence. Free me! Oh god, have mercy!"

"What are you? A poet? Eh, don't know it."

Slice. Next.

"Was it him? Was it her? A mask. In the dark."

"Oh, you were mugged at night. Terrible luck."

Slice. Next.

Sounds like a pretty boring job. All this slicing and nexting... it's not even texting... at least texting you can gossip. Wait, maybe you can gossip with the dead too... except they're usually busy whining. Go figure.

• • • • • • •

While Mr. Death and the Shepherdess were actually doing their jobs, the hallway of greatness fell into the inky blackness of despair. These were dark times... darker than the Dark Ages which was pretty dark.

"Big Man is planning to replace us with EXO? Those little amateurs? They're still drinking their mama's milk."

"I think I saw that happening... don't remember which one though. They all look the same to me. Like clones."

"Well I think they're cute... I just don't know about them taking over our jobs..."

"Now we know your taste, Peacemaker. You like them fresh and young."

"Things taste better when they're fresh, don't you agree? Young is yummy too."

"Wait a minute guys... if they're taking over our jobs then what happens to us?"

"We'll be out of work, Casanova. Use your head for something else... for a change."

"No, I mean like... what will happen to us? Most of you don't know about anything else beside your job, right? I mean, I'll be fine because I'm so versatile but I'm worried for you guys... because I love you guys."

"Yeah. We all know you love us. ually."

"Please... don't get into that right now. I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that he's a stalker." Hope shivered.

"No guys, I'm serious. I'm really worried for you all."

"Oh, you all found out already? What a bummer, huh?" The Big Man's voice drowned them in more inky blackness. "Since you know already, I might as well just send you off to Timbuktu now instead of later."

"Timbuktu? Why Africa?"

"It's a joke..."

"Oh, so you're not really replacing us. Seriously. You gave us a scare there."

"No. The Timbuktu was a joke but giving your jobs to EXO is not a joke."

"What?!?!"

"Okay, okay... so even if it's real. There's only twelve of them. There's thirteen of us... so one of us gets to keep our job?"

Fate yanked Chaos by the ear. "If we go down, we're going down together!"

"Fate's right. You're all being 'let go.' Do you like that term better than fired? I think I'll go with that one."

"You didn't answer Chaos' question. I'm curious about the twelve of them and thirteen of us, business... although I'm shocked you would ever consider 'letting us go' for real."

"I figured Death and the Shepherdess' job can just be combined as one. I don't know... What was I thinking when I made those two positions? They're pretty much the same thing."

"You were probably on some good Sandman ."

"Don't say that word... I just went to take one and look what happened... we get fired on the spot."

"The term is 'let go.' I don't really have time for more questions or comments... I really need to get back to watching my TV shows. I really want to know what happens to Pabo when he wakes up from his coma and finds out his wife's been ing around with all his friends."

"At least answer this one question before you go e to that. What will happen to us? We're immortal, right?"

"You'll all go back to being pretty mortal. Don't worry... I've got the perfect lives for you... depending on your skill and expertise."

"Can't you tell us what kind of lives you're gonna chuck us into so we can be prepared?"

"Death and the Shepherdess aren't here. They won't know what happened."

"Too bad for them."

"So what kind of human jobs do we have?"

"Let me see... at the top of my head... Casanova, you're going to be Xiah the star. Law, you're Officer Jisub. Sandman, you're a drug dealer and... ah, forget this. Takes too long. I need to get back to my shows. Off you all go."  And a vicious wind came in and swept them away... like the tornado in the Wizard of Oz except this wasn't Kansas and they weren't exactly going to the fun world of Oz. Maybe it could be a fun world... but it was definitely not Oz's world.