[Can't believe this got 97 Subscribers before a chapter was even posted up! Thank you for the support! I love you all! Hope this story won't disappoint >.<]

Chapter ∞

[Tuesday]

Two months into the new academic year, Xi Luhan was faced with the thing that was Oh Sehun.

It was a nice afternoon and he was enjoying a warm and delicious cup of hot chocolate at his university’s café while reading a book on policy transfer when Oh Sehun came up to his table and said something that Luhan was used to hearing.

“I like you,” he said, a determined look on his face that Luhan was familiar with from all the past people who had confessed to him.

Luhan knew Sehun. Not incredibly well but he knew the guy’s name. Sehun was in the same course as him and was quite smart from what Luhan had heard from his friends, although not as smart as himself. Other than that, Luhan knew zilch about the platinum blonde-haired boy.

He simply gave Sehun a quick glance before turning his head back to his book. “Good for you.”

Rather than simply waiting for a while (faces usually masked with disbelief from Luhan’s past encounters with such situations) before leaving, Oh Sehun took a seat in one of the three empty ones situated near Luhan’s table. “That’s all you’re going to say? But… I just confessed to you.”

Luhan was starting to feel bothered with Sehun’s presence. He had a seminar in two hours’ time and Sehun’s confession was cutting in on his reading time.

So, he packed his stuff, barely noticing that Sehun was watching his every move with enlarged eyes. “I know you did. I heard it. I’m not interested but thank you.”

Luhan finished packing his things and began heading out of the café.

Sehun felt strange. He had finally confessed his feelings to the campus’ most famous student. He even got the rejection he was expecting. He told himself he would simply confess and then continue his life after the imminent rejection.

So then, why did he feel unsettled?

Why did it feel like things weren’t done?

Sehun had had a crush on the perfection that was Xi Luhan for the past two years and two months. He thought it would pass but it simply grew stronger after having most classes together. Sehun liked Luhan’s uninterested yet intimidating aura. He liked the caramel hair Luhan sported that contrasted beautifully with his vanillaesque skin. He liked how Luhan had a definite and unchanging schedule everyday at university.

Sehun knew that every Tuesday, Luhan would study in the library for three hours before going to the café at one in the afternoon, reading something at that one particular table while having his usual hot chocolate. It made him sound like a stalker but Sehun always noticed whenever Luhan was involved. His gaze simply followed Luhan every time that head of caramel brown hair came into view and it made him realize Luhan’s daily routine without even meaning to.

Checking his phone, he cursed under his breath because his least favourite module was coming up and he was so tempted to skip it if not for his friend, Kai, begging him not to abandon him in the hands of the overly enthusiastic woman of a lecturer. Luhan was long gone from the café, leaving Sehun no reason to stay so he headed for his next class.

He contemplated what to do now since his plan to profess his romantic admiration for the Chinese boy went the way he expected it to. Should he just leave it there? He had done what he set out to do so why was he so anxious and incomplete?

[Wednesday]

Luhan was lucky. He had never found difficulty in his life, thanks to his middle class lifestyle. He adapted well into his university life, although he held no interest in what most of his peers called ‘fun’, he actually held no interest in people whatsoever, with the exception of Kyungsoo and Baekhyun, who he considered his closest friends for the past two years.

“Did you do the reading for this?” Kyungsoo asked Baekhyun and Luhan, to which Luhan nodded and Baekhyun scrunched his face.

“Sort of?” Baekhyun said. “I read the first three pages, then I decided to watch an anime.”

Luhan slightly smiled, knowing how Baekhyun was easily distracted.

“I didn’t read anything. I was so tired yesterday,” Kyungsoo said, going on about how he spent the day working on his dissertation thesis while the three of them made their way to sociology class.

When they got to the third-floor class, it was already packed with students and Luhan was met with the usual stares he got every time he went to his classes. He knew why they stared. He never would’ve known if Baekhyun didn’t relay it to him but Baekhyun did. Baekhyun told him how people found him ‘beautiful’, ‘untouchable’ and ‘something god personally created’.

It was ridiculous.

But Luhan held pride in their words. He did feel superior to most of his peers, and some of his professors as well, although he would never admit such a thing out loud. He knew no one in this university would ever hold his interest because he was above all that. Even his course was sometimes so below him that he wondered why he decided to take Social Sciences as a degree in the first place (ironic because he held no interest in people or societal values), but he enjoyed the research and the reading, although classes sometimes became irrelevant.

Luhan spotted an empty row of seats in the middle of the room and pointed towards it, showing Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, who were still standing slightly away from the door of the classroom since Baekhyun wanted to show Kyungsoo something on his phone, where he wanted to sit. Kyungsoo nodded and followed Luhan with a large gap of space between them, with Baekhyun trailing along behind Kyungsoo. As Luhan took a seat that was the closest to the window, waiting for Kyungsoo to catch up and sit next to him, a tall figure quickly scooted to the seat closest to Luhan’s and planted himself on it.

It was Oh Sehun.

He knew. Sehun knew as soon as the class went quiet.

Xi Luhan was there.

Sehun twisted his body around and was met with that indifferent and aloof look that made his insides turn to mush. He was literally shaking at that point because he had a plan.

Toughen up. Just take a risk.

As soon as the class started acting up again, the room echoing with chatter as Luhan scooted over to a seat near to one of the large windows of the room, Sehun grabbed his backpack and quickly went over to Luhan’s table, plopping down on the seat right next to him, much to the confusion of Luhan’s friends who got to the table and sat in the two empty seats close to his own, creating a barrier between them and Luhan.

Luhan gave him a look that was a cross between confusion and his usual indifference for a second or two before turning away and taking out a notebook from his bag, seeing that the lecturer came into the room.

Although it was only for a second or two, Luhan’s short attention on him made it difficult to breathe. He was sitting next to the Xi Luhan. He was so close to him that he could smell the faint scent of his cologne and saw new little details about Luhan, like how his eye slightly twitched when the lecturer stumbled over his words when explaining a point in his presentation. He was relishing everything he could see for as long as the class went, rather than paying attention to the lecture.

A whole hour passed by in a blink of an eye for Sehun, a whole hour that he wished could’ve been prolonged because how else could he get that close to Luhan? What else could he do to get Luhan to see his way? Even if it was just for a second or two.

Stuttering and unconfident lecturers were Luhan’s pet peeve. He hated the professors who had PhDs in the subject they were teaching but were still stumbling over how to explain it. It was unbecoming and so unprofessional. So when the sociology class finally ended, Luhan was, above all else, praising the heavens for making time go fast.

As he packed his things back into his backpack, he felt Sehun’s lingering gaze on him. It was starting to make him uncomfortable how Sehun kept looking at him throughout the whole lecture, not that he paid much heed to the attention since he had a lecture to learn from, but Sehun’s gaze somehow bothered him more than he liked it to.

Luhan was used to being stared at. People at his university were not subtle at all when they gave him a gaze over, but their gazes didn’t disturb him as much as Sehun’s did and all he wanted was to leave quickly before he started overanalyzing why he felt that way.

But Oh Sehun was blocking his way.

“Could you move, please?” Luhan said, and Sehun scooted his seat as close as he could to the table, making way for Luhan behind him. “Thanks.”

Luhan joined Baekhyun and Kyungsoo who were waiting for him at the back of the class where the door was located.

“Wasn’t that Oh Sehun? Why did he sit next to you? Are you guys friends?” Baekhyun instantly asked as Luhan reached where they were standing.

“Yes. I don’t know and no,” Luhan simply responded before walking out of the class, with Kyungsoo and Baekhyun trailing behind.

“Yah! You’re used to long essays, so why don’t you try saying a little more?” Baekhyun complained, tugging at Luhan’s jacket.

Luhan let out an amused sigh. “He just sat next to me. Ah,” Luhan said, as he remembered Sehun’s confession. “He told me he liked me yesterday.”

“WHAT?!” both Kyungsoo and Baekhyun yelled out, catching the attentions of the people they passed by as they went down the stairs to the ground floor.

“Are you saying that Oh Sehun, the second smartest and hottest guy in our course, confessed to you? What did you say to him?” Baekhyun asked excitedly, hiding his lower lip behind his top set of teeth.

“I said thank you but I wasn’t interested, like usual,” Luhan simply explained, only half paying attention to Baekhyun’s words before a smack on his backside forced him to face his friend, who wasn’t being so friendly at that moment.

“Are you crazy!” Baekhyun yelled out as loud as he could since they were already outside the building where their class was. “He’s Oh Sehun. Oh Sehun. He has got to be the hottest guy here. Every girl and guy wants to get with him!”

Kyungsoo cleared his throat. “First of all, disgusting. Second of all, I am not in that category of guys and girls who want to get with Sehun. Thirdly, I kind of agree with Baekhyun. You’re crazy for rejecting him.”

The three of them were standing in the space in front of the Sociology building and Luhan frowned. “Why though? You guys have never complained when I rejected the other people.”

Baekhyun tsked and shook his head. “Because they were losers and so wouldn’t be able to han—”

“—weren’t good enough for you,” Kyungsoo cut Baekhyun short, stopping him from saying something that could’ve hurt Luhan’s feelings. Kyungsoo raised his brows at Baekhyun and he got the gist. It wasn’t that Luhan was bad in any way, he was just difficult and different that not a lot of people knew how to love him the way Kyungsoo and Baekhyun did.

“Yeah. Oh Sehun is hot. You should give him a chance! He’s got me and Kyungsoo’s approval,” Baekhyun said proudly.

Luhan somewhat squinted his eyes. “Why would your approval matter?”

Before Baekhyun could retort, Kyungsoo’s screechy gasp scared him short.

“I completely forgot I had a meeting with my supervisor today! He’s going to kill me!” Kyungsoo yelled out in a panic, starting a sprint towards the other end of the campus with rushed goodbyes to Baekhyun and Luhan. Baekhyun started laughing at Kyungsoo’s lack of awareness when he realized that he hadn’t even started on an essay that was due in less than forty-eight hours time.

“Eff. Eff. Eff!” Baekhyun said, training himself to stop swearing. “I have to go to the library. I haven’t started on that stupid essay! I’ll see you later! You’ll be fine going home alone, right?”

Luhan felt his insides tense up.

The truth was, Luhan hated going home alone. He hated people on the streets who stared at him like a piece of meat. He didn’t mind it at the campus because at the very least, all the people had passed high school and were not idiots or scary delinquents.

“I…” Luhan began, but seeing Baekhyun’s body bounce in worry and anxiety made him say something he really wasn’t sincere about. “I’ll be fine. Good luck on your essay.”

With a too loud burst of ‘thank you! Get home safe! Text me when you get back!’, Baekhyun was gone and Luhan felt regret settle at the center of his core. He most definitely was not fine. He thought of calling up a taxi, but he didn’t have enough money. He thought of just waiting for Kyungsoo to finish the meeting with his supervisor but he didn’t know how long Kyungsoo would take and Luhan hated waiting. Idle time was wasted time.

What should I do now? Should I just walk back? I’m scared.

Luhan felt ashamed of himself. He was almost twenty-one years old but he was too scared to even get home on his own. Why did Baekhyun have to—

“Hey,” Luhan heard someone say next to him.

It was Oh Sehun.

All Sehun thought was ‘I’m the luckiest guy on earth’.

Without so much as a disagreement from Luhan, he was now walking side by side with the most beautiful human being on the planet to said human being’s house. His house. Sehun wondered what the world was on because despite the rejection of his confession, he was now walking with Xi Luhan as if they were together. Together.

Sehun couldn’t contain the buzz he was feeling as they walked down the damp sidewalk en route to Luhan’s house. His face was screaming ‘I’m so happy!’ with a smile cemented on his face.

He had asked to take Luhan home after seeing his friends walk in different directions away from him. Never in a million years would he expect Luhan to actually let him walk him home. Despite his better judgment, Sehun started to feel hopeful. He started to wonder how it would feel like to date Xi Luhan and know him as more than just the most exceptional boy in university.

“We’re here,” Sehun heard Luhan say, halting his dreamy imaginings of his and Luhan’s love life. With a small bow, Luhan thanked Sehun and proceeded to go up the small set of steps leading to his front door.

“Wait!” Sehun yelled out, stopping Luhan from entering the house, one leg in through the door and that indifferent stare boring down on Sehun. “Uh, I’ll walk you back tomorrow too… if you want, I mean. You usually go home late tomorrow, don’t you?”

Luhan blinked for what Sehun felt was the amount of time it took to build Rome. Was Luhan thinking that he was a crazy stalker? Did Luhan find it weird that he was offering to walk him home even though they were barely acquaintances? Eventually though, Luhan gave him a slight nod before disappearing into the house.

Sehun felt excitement filling every nook and cranny his body had and it took him a lot of effort to stop himself from jumping up and down as if he had won a free trip somewhere.

That little nod was going to be the start of everything. Sehun knew it.

[One month later]

Christmas break was quickly approaching and it was driving Sehun crazy. Christmas break meant no university. No university meant no Luhan. No Luhan meant no reason to walk him home. He had devised multiple plans in his head, trying to find a way to stay close to Luhan without being overbearing but all his plans only made him seem like a complete creep.

So now, here he was walking Luhan back to his house with mere minutes separating them from a whole month of not seeing each other and he really wanted to just stuff Luhan into his bag and keep him close until university opened again.

But of course he wouldn’t. That was crazy. Besides, he physically couldn’t stuff Luhan into any bag even if the boy was smaller than him.

Over the past month, Sehun had basked in the privilege that was the ability to be at a close proximity to that of Xi Luhan. Many of his friends were jealous, but he didn’t care about that. He simply cared about Luhan.

In the beginning, it was merely Wednesdays and Thursdays where he sent Luhan home since those were the days they had the same classes together but after two weeks, Luhan’s friends had somehow managed to convince Luhan to walk home with him everyday except the weekends. How he wished he could attend university everyday, just for the sake of being able to be close to the caramel-haired cutie.

Sehun wasn’t shallow. He didn’t simply like Luhan because of his looks, although it was a large factor. During their walks back to Luhan’s house, he noticed more things about Luhan that made him fall harder in love with the boy and he knew he was definitely lucky. He was lucky to see that small head tilt Luhan did to signal that he wanted to start walking back, he was lucky to see how Luhan tensed up when some questionable people passed by them in the street because he felt like he was useful to Luhan when he gave those people a look that showed them not to bother their walk, he was lucky to hear that accomplished sigh at the end of their walks as if making it home safe was an achievement for Luhan.

Despite the simple nods he got from Luhan as an appreciation of taking his time to walk him home, Sehun felt like it was enough because he simply just adored the boy without wanting anything more.

Until now.

They were turning into Luhan’s street now and Sehun could just imagine a big timer in the middle of the sky. 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… and they were in front of Luhan’s house.

“See you tomorrow,” Luhan said with the usual nod, surprising Sehun with what he said.

“Tomorrow?” Sehun asked, to which Luhan nodded. “It’s Christmas break tomorrow.”

Luhan’s eyes shifted as if it was the first time he heard it. “Oh really? Then, I guess I’ll see you in a month. Goodnight.”

Sehun let out an amused sigh. Of course he wouldn’t realize a holiday. He’s Luhan.

“Uh, if you’re going to uni tomorrow, I can walk with you,” Sehun offered, to which Luhan shook his head.

“It’s okay. You should enjoy your holiday. You’ve been using too much of your time on me. I’m sorry about that,” Luhan said with a small smile. Like, really small. His mouth barely even moved, but Sehun caught it and it sent his heart in full swing. Luhan began walking up the four small steps up to his front door and Sehun followed suit.

Luhan noticed Sehun behind him and turned. “Sehun?”

Sehun’s heart leapt. That was the first time. The first time Luhan had actually said his name.

Sehun didn’t want to forget this moment. He simply couldn’t.

So he made it memorable.

Cupping the side of Luhan’s face, he kissed him.

Five seconds.

It took Luhan’s brain five seconds to register what Sehun was doing to him before his body reacted and pushed the tall boy down the flight of stairs in front of his house, resulting in Sehun landing bottom first on the cold, damp pavement of the sidewalk.

Sehun kissed him.

The guy who he had trusted to walk him home for the past month had basically just ually assaulted him.

So, why was his chest beating so hard? Why were his cheeks feeling warm? Why was he feeling tingly sensations on his lips?

“What— Are you crazy!” Luhan yelled out, and he didn’t miss the surprise that washed over Sehun’s usually happy face. He knew it was out of character for him to raise his voice but he was just ually assaulted, so he had every right to yell. At least, he thought he did. “Don’t come here tomorrow or ever again!”

Luhan quickly opened his front door with barely controlled shaky hands before shutting it close.

“Yah, what was that about?” Baekhyun asked at the top of the stairs leading to the second floor. Luhan shook his head and said it was nothing as he trotted up the stairs, past Baekhyun, and went into his room.

He shed his jacket off and the sweater he was wearing, leaving only a thin t-shirt covering his body. Usually, it would’ve been freezing for Luhan wearing only a thin t-shirt in his room that wasn’t heated up yet, coupled with the cold winter night air seeping into his room through the small slips of the window, but at that moment it was just hot. Unbearably so.

His whole face was hot and he could feel little trickles of sweat form on his back. It didn’t help that his heart was still beating fast, making blood rush everywhere and making everything even hotter.

Luhan hated Sehun at that point. Although they merely spent about half an hour each day going to and fro university, he had thought they had a sort of relationship that he could trust, that he could call somewhat of a friendship.

But, Sehun had to do that.

He just had to kiss Luhan out of the blue.

Luhan shook his head quickly, trying to shake the memory out of his head as best as he could because he was feeling confused.

He hated Sehun and didn’t want to think about him, but Sehun was stuck on his mind as well as the thought of that little souvenir he gave Luhan by the front door.

Luhan was so, so confused.

He didn’t like being confused. Confused was not an adjective that fit with Luhan.

Because Luhan was always someone who was certain of everything.

The next morning, Luhan carefully opened his front door and was relieved, albeit slightly peeved off, that Sehun wasn’t there the way he usually was every morning excluding Saturdays and Sundays. Luhan took a deep breath and began walking.

I don’t need him. I can definitely walk by myself.

Luhan turned out of his street and began walking the familiar path to university since he wanted to finish all his work early rather than leaving it last minute the way Baekhyun and Kyungsoo usually did. Luhan was focusing all his attention on the ground in front of him when a tall man with a dark grey hoodie came into view and was walking towards him with a smirk on his face. He quickly shifted his gaze onto the ground again and started walking quickly, his chest only slightly calming down when the man was out of sight.

Ugh, this is awful. Where is Se—

Luhan’s brows creased before tensing his jaw. He didn’t need Sehun. He could make it to university alive even if Sehun wasn’t there with him, but at the sight of another man coming his way, Luhan ran. A little voice at the back of his mind wishing that Sehun was there next to him.

Luhan panted heavily as he reached his street. He had never been so happy to see a street corner in his life, until he saw what was at the end of that street.

At where his house was, there was a boy with his platinum blonde hair tucked into a dark green beanie, a few strands hanging in front of his forehead peeking out from that beanie, with a white plastic bag hanging from his fingers.

Luhan took a few breaths to steady himself, ready to ignore Sehun’s presence just as he did before they started walking home together. He made his way quickly to his house, noticing Sehun straighten up at his sudden appearance.

Luhan was already going up the stairs to his front door when Sehun apologized.

“I’m sorry… about yesterday. I… It was a mistake. Sorry,” he said.

Luhan should’ve felt relieved that Sehun realized that it was a mistake, but his apology only felt like a big wooden stake was being stabbed into his chest over and over and he didn’t know why. It was irritating and Luhan hated it.

“Good for you,” Luhan said, giving Sehun a short glance before fishing his keys out of his jacket pocket.

“Are you still mad at me?” Sehun asked, and Luhan stopped shuffling through the keys he had in his hands and went down the steps to face Sehun.

“Yes. I am mad,” Luhan said, feeling himself clench his jaw once more, although he was unsure if it was because he didn’t like Sehun’s apology or if it was because Sehun looked sad with his words.

“Well, uh, I don’t know if this will make up for it but… I bought you twelve cups of that vanilla yoghurt you like,” Sehun said, lifting up the white plastic bag he had in his hands before placing it back at his side. “I thought since the school’s cafeteria won’t be open for a while, you’d miss it so I… uh, yeah.”

Sehun handed over the plastic bag and its contents to Luhan and when Luhan looked inside, sure enough it was the vanilla yoghurt he usually bought at the cafeteria. He never liked yoghurt, but vanilla yoghurt was the only kind of yoghurt he liked. It had a unique taste that he never got sick of even after days of eating it. It surprised him that Sehun noticed how he ate vanilla yoghurt practically everyday at university.

“How did you know I like this yoghurt?” Luhan couldn’t help but ask.

Sehun shrugged. “Same way I know how you spend Tuesday afternoons at the café sipping hot chocolate. I’ve just been looking at you.”

Luhan faltered for a second, his anger feeling lifted after hearing Sehun say such words but he caught himself. “That’s strange.”

Sehun smiled sheepishly and Luhan looked at Sehun for a few seconds before going up the steps to his house.

It’s over. Luhan hates me.

Sehun felt dozens of knots at the pit of his stomach as he watched Luhan give him a confused look before walking up those annoying steps. This was the end. Luhan would treat him like he was a nobody again and things would be back to normal.

But to Sehun, it wouldn’t be normal because Luhan had managed to flip him inside out and made him realize that it wasn’t a simple crush as he had thought. He was totally, completely and irreversibly in love with the rarity that was Xi Luhan.

Sehun thought the world must’ve been doing this to . So close, yet so far, his love story was going to end before it even had the chance to grow into something more than walking back home together. It was devastating and Sehun wanted to just weep and beg Luhan not to abandon him, but he wouldn’t. It was too spineless.

“Sixty per cent,” he heard Luhan say. “You’ve used up sixty per cent of the amount of forgiveness I’m ever going to give you.”

Sehun tilted his head in confusion to Luhan who was at the top of the steps, and stayed that way until Luhan came down the steps and lifted the plastic bag in front of his face. “There’s twelve cups of yoghurt. Each yoghurt cup is five per cent of forgiveness. Hence, sixty per cent has been used up. You have forty per cent left so…” Luhan put the plastic bag back down to his side, maintaining eye contact with Sehun, that uninterested gaze boring into his eyes. “If you do something like that again, all the supply of forgiveness I’m going to give you in this lifetime will be depleted and I’ll pretend not to know you and won’t even acknowledge your existence. Got it?”

Sehun blinked at the explanation because it was the most Luhan had ever said to him, and because it was the most strangest way of saying ‘I forgive you’ he’d ever heard but all he realized at that moment was that Luhan forgave him and his love story was still alive.

So, he nodded.

He nodded quickly and gave Luhan his brightest smile because he hadn’t been abandoned and even after Luhan went inside his house without so much of a goodbye, Sehun still had that smile stuck to his face all the way home.

Sehun was looking forward to getting the holidays over with and getting back to university. To Luhan.

[Three months later]

Luhan had finally finished his Politics class and was waiting by the door of the class he was in for Sehun to come get him to walk home together. Over the past three months, Sehun had religiously walked him to university and back, being extra careful of his actions, with that big smile always on his face. Luhan had learnt to simply appreciate Sehun’s happy-go-lucky nature, and over time he had come to really like the infectious cheery aura Sehun emitted.

He found himself smiling more, appreciating conversations more, understanding how nice it was to actually be friends with someone who made him want to smile more and talk more. Luhan was glad he had Sehun as a friend.

“Waiting for Sehun?” Kyungsoo asked with a teasing smirk that was wasted on an oblivious Luhan who simply nodded to what he assumed was a straightforward question. “You guys should just go out already. Everyone thinks you’re going out anyway.”

Luhan felt a little warm wave flow throughout his body from the center of his chest. He knew the rumors. People stared and whispered watching him and Sehun walk together everyday. He wasn’t bothered by it but the thought of going out with Sehun was so strange. It made him feel strange.

“No,” Luhan simply stated. Kyungsoo’s smile dropped off his face and was now replaced with confusion.

“Don’t you like him though? You’re always together and you smile a lot when you’re around him. The first thing you look for after class is him so why—”

“I don’t like him like that. We just walk home together. It’s nothing more. He’s… a friend, I guess,” Luhan said dismissively. This conversation was making him nervous. He didn’t want to talk about such things. Sehun wasn’t like that to him. He didn’t want Sehun to be like that to him.

“Friend? He likes you, though. Can’t you see that?” Kyungsoo asked, his voice tinged with slight annoyance.

Luhan did see it. He saw it but ignored it. He saw how Sehun’s smiles were brighter when he spotted him from afar, he noticed Sehun sometimes staring at him for prolonged periods of time before snapping out of it, he noticed how Sehun covered his mouth to suppress a chuckle whenever Luhan inched closer to him on their walks when he saw strange people going their way. He noticed everything.

But he didn’t want to. Noticing things like that made him feel strange. His insides flared up with feelings he never had before, he was in constant anxiety, both from being nervous in being around Sehun and happiness from being around Sehun. He didn’t like it. It was confusing. Too confusing.

“Even if he does, I rejected him. He knows it, I know it. So, there’s nothing else to it. He’s simply my friend who walks me home because I have issues in walking home by myself,” Luhan explained, pretending to be uninterested although he felt somehow guilty for saying something so cold.

Kyungsoo creased his brows, his wide eyes becoming slightly smaller from squeezing them as if to search for something on Luhan’s face.

“Right,” Kyungsoo said in prolonged exaggeration, shaking his head. “You’re basically saying you’re using him to help you get home safe. You’re really something, Luhan. I’m going home now. Enjoy your ‘friendly’ walk with Sehun.”

Luhan watched Kyungsoo walk away and he felt really bad. Kyungsoo never used such a condescending tone with him. He used it on Baekhyun as a joke most of the time, but somehow the way he said it to Luhan made it seem as if he was mad at him.

Confusing, Luhan thought. So confusing.

“Even if he does, I rejected him. He knows it, I know it. So, there’s nothing else to it. He’s simply my friend who walks me home because I have issues in walking home by myself.”

A little bell rung it’s shrilly, obnoxious ting ting sound in Sehun’s head as Luhan’s words started being processed. He was the first one out of his class as soon as the one hour seminar was over. Luhan was waiting for him so he had to rush. The thought of Luhan waiting for him made his lips curve upwards, giddiness rushing into his head, making him walk even faster to where Luhan’s class was.

But he was regretting getting there so soon.

Now, he was hiding behind a wall that was close to Luhan’s class that separated the corridors leading to the classes in that building, with the stairs leading to the ground floor. Sehun did notice how Luhan fidgeted after seeing some people pass by him on the street during most of the days they walked back together, but he thought it was just him being, well, Luhan. Sehun didn’t want to believe that the only reason Luhan let him walk him home that day was because—

“You’re basically saying you’re using him to help you get home safe…”

Using him. Using him.

Sehun ran. He ran back downstairs and ran into the boys’ toilet that was nearby. He locked himself in one of the stalls and started to try and think rationally.

But nothing was forming in the space between his ears.

Luhan was basically using him. Simply because he was there at the right place at the right time, or more like the wrong place and the wrong time considering the situation.

He knew deep down it was fishy that Luhan would let someone he barely knew walk him home but he ignored it. Sehun ignored the warning signs; the little scrunch of Luhan’s shoulders on the street, the impassive nods once they reached his house, he ignored it all because he thought Luhan could somehow fall in love him someday, as impossible and crazy as it sounded.

But now here he was in a bathroom stall, feeling like a discarded tissue once it passed its necessary function. He hated it. Luhan only saw him as something of use and a necessity in getting home safe but Sehun needed more than that. He wanted to be someone of necessity to Luhan in a different way.

Would that even be possible? Now that Sehun understood Luhan’s gain from this little relationship they had, could Sehun simply wait idly, hoping an empty hope that someday Luhan might reciprocate his love for him?

The answer was bleak in Sehun’s mind.

So, in that cramped little bathroom stall, Sehun decided.

He decided that this fantasy of his would be over today, after one last walk.

Something was off. Luhan felt something had happened to Sehun but he couldn’t place his finger on what it was.

Sehun came slightly later than usual with an expression that was even more unusual. Instead of that face with the brightness of a smile that could blind a whole nation, Sehun simply had on a half smile as if he just came back from war and felt bad about being alive when all his comrades died in the battlefield.

Luhan asked what was wrong but Sehun simply responded with how it was a hard day and that he was tired so Luhan left it alone, but Luhan felt anxious.

They were halfway back to his house and Sehun seemed to be deep in thought, not even sparing a usual glance to Luhan but instead, Luhan was looking at him once in a while during their walk, worry overwhelming his usual senses of fear that he actually bumped into someone on the street and apologized rather than running away.

Sehun looked at him when that happened with a mixture of emotions. First, it looked like surprise, and then amusement but then it changed to complete gloom. Luhan was mentally hitting himself because he really wished he understood people at that time. It was annoying him that Sehun was like this. What was wrong with him?

As they reached Luhan’s house, Luhan gave Sehun a usual small nod and waited for that overly eager wave to come to Sehun’s hand.

But, it never did. Instead, Sehun said something that made him feel… rejected.

“I can’t walk home with you anymore,” Sehun said, an unmoved mask of indifference clouding his usually cheerful face.

“Oh,” Luhan said, feeling surprised. “Alright then.”

Luhan thought it was perfectly fine for Sehun to stop walking with him. It was close to exam season so he would need to study, not to mention the deadline for their dissertations was coming up fast.

Ah, so that’s why he was strange today, Luhan thought, bringing a smile to his face.

“That’s all you’re going to say?” Sehun asked, a frown apparent on his face.

Luhan tilted his head to show he was confused. “Good luck with exams?”

Sehun let out a bitter laugh, before that indifferent stare came back. “Thanks. See you around.”

With that, Sehun left. No hand wave, no large grin on his face as Luhan closed his front door like all the other times. No nothing.

It was hard to explain but Luhan knew how he felt. He felt sad and deserted like Sehun had left him out in the cold with nothing but a t-shirt on. For the first time ever, Luhan watched Sehun’s back disappear beyond the corner of his street and he felt stranger than ever before.

[Two more months later]

Every word in his textbook looked like scribbles. Luhan couldn’t understand a thing and he was freaking out. He never freaked out. He had two weeks before his first exam but all he could think about was Sehun and how he was doing and why he was avoiding him like he was malaria.

He thought that just because they didn’t walk home together anymore, it didn’t mean a total stop on their friendship. But, apparently to Sehun it did mean that because the boy was barely acknowledging him in the classes they had together. Only giving a small nod and or a small (un-Sehun-like) smile when they made eye contact.

He knew Sehun didn’t have an issue with his other friends or Luhan’s friends because he smiled genuinely and laughed happily around them. So, he concluded that it was him. Xi Luhan. Something about him peeved Sehun enough to make him completely block him out of his life.

Luhan didn’t like it. He felt upset and his chest felt tight, like something was jammed in there and didn’t want to leave anytime soon. He couldn’t concentrate and everything felt wrong.

“You look like ,” Baekhyun said, leaning his small body on the frame of the living room door.

Luhan made a face. “Gee, thanks.”

“Oh, you learnt how to be sarcastic,” Baekhyun noted, making his way to the seat opposite Luhan on the dining table. “It’s Sehun, isn’t it?”

Luhan felt his heart skip, but kept his gaze on his textbook. “No. It’s just exam stress.”

Baekhyun let out a fake laugh. “Exam stress? Xi Luhan doesn’t get stressed because of exams. Exams get stressed because of him.”

Luhan shook his head but had a slight smile on his face at Baekhyun’s nonsensical compliment. “Thanks.”

“Anyway,” Baekhyun began, placing his chin on his hands that were resting on top of the table. “I haven’t seen that guy with you lately. I thought it was because of exams but it seems like he’s avoiding you.”

Luhan felt his shoulders slumped. It wasn’t just him that noticed. “Yeah. I kind of got that feeling too.”

“Do you know why?” Baekhyun asked, and Luhan shook his head, all focus on his book gone.

Baekhyun let out a sigh. “You guys were so cute together though. Tell me the truth, you… you didn’t like him? Like at all? Not even a little?”

Luhan bit his lower lip and apparently it was enough of an answer for Baekhyun since his head shot up from the desk.

“Oh my god! You do like him!” Baekhyun yelled out, causing Luhan to shake his head vigorously.

“I don’t! I just… He makes me feel strange. I haven’t talked to him for the past two months and… I want to know how he’s doing. I want to know if he’s okay and if he’s walking home with someone else now. Just normal things,” Luhan said.

Baekhyun clicked his tongue. “Those aren’t normal things. You miss him.”

Luhan felt his cheeks burn. He didn’t want to admit it but he did miss Sehun. He missed seeing him down the steps in front of his house, he missed the smile Sehun gave him every morning before they went to university and once they came back to his house, he missed Sehun staring at him and fetching him from classes. But that was all Luhan could do, miss him.

Sehun said he didn’t want to walk with him anymore so Luhan felt like he had no right to ask Sehun to start walking with him again. So why did he feel so upset? Why did he want to just run up to Sehun at university and yell at him for not talking to him? Why did he want Sehun to look his way again?

“I guess I do,” Luhan said subconsciously, not meaning for it to be heard by Baekhyun.

“Ha! You admitted it! You miss Sehun! You like him, right? Just admit it!” Baekhyun said excitedly.

“Enough, Baek,” Kyungsoo said as he entered the living room, giving Baekhyun a glare before turning to Luhan. “You should see him, Lu. I don’t think you’re going to make progress in studying unless you do. Just five minutes should be enough.”

Luhan shook his head. “Sehun wouldn’t want to see me. Besides, I don’t even know where he lives.”

Kyungsoo’s lips curved into prideful smile. “I do.”

Why did I let Kyungsoo and Baekhyun talk me into this?

Luhan was standing in front of a house that was about two minutes away from his own. Two minutes. No wonder Sehun had always walked Luhan home without any complaints.

Luhan shook his head, feeling awful for not even knowing that much about Sehun but he had to do this. He had to see Sehun, if not for him, for his grades. With a determined nod to no one in particular, Luhan walked up the path towards the front door of the lilac colored house and rang the doorbell before he could contemplate any further.

And Sehun opened the door.

And Luhan knew.

He knew that he didn’t know everything because at that moment, everyone’s words telling him that he liked Sehun as more than a friend came crashing down on him like a comet on earth and he just knew. He knew it wasn’t for his grades.

Surprise couldn’t even begin to describe Sehun’s feelings when he saw Luhan’s face beyond his front door, his cheeks and nose slightly red from the cold, his hair slightly disheveled from the chilly wind, but among all of his salad of feelings, the most he felt was longing.

It nearly killed him not to take a peek at that head of bronze hair when everyone else did at university. It nearly killed him not to talk to Luhan because his body yearned so much to be close to him and to hear his voice.

But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

Luhan didn’t love him the way he did and as much as it hurt, Sehun couldn’t simply stick around and live off an unrequited love. He was much too greedy of a person. He needed more. He wanted more.

“Can I come in?” Luhan asked as if it were the most natural thing for him to be at his front door.

“Uh, sure,” Sehun responded, moving himself away from the entrance to allow Luhan to pass through. Sehun closed the door once Luhan came in and they stood there awkwardly with each other for a good fifteen seconds until Luhan broke the silence.

“Your house…” he said. “It’s purple.”

Sehun furrowed his brows but felt himself wanting to smile. Was Luhan uncomfortable, right now? He almost couldn’t believe his luck. Did anyone know this side of Luhan? He wanted to smile and hug Luhan but controlled himself because Luhan wasn’t his.

“Yeah, it is,” Sehun responded, barely managing to fight off the grin that was urging its way to his face. “What are you doing here?”

Sehun saw Luhan shift his eyes around before making it’s way back to his face. He saw Luhan take a deep breath before speaking.

“You’re distracting me,” he said seriously. Sehun felt his insides drop. Luhan was simply here to complain that he was a distraction? But how? He hadn’t even spoken to the guy in over two months.

“I’m distracting you?” Sehun repeated and Luhan nodded. “How?”

Sehun saw Luhan chew on his bottom lip uncomfortably.

It was too much. This was too much for Sehun. He couldn’t control all these new actions of Luhan that were coming to him in the space of a few minutes in one night. He just couldn’t. His heart couldn’t. He needed Luhan to leave.

“Look, I’m sorry I’m distracting you… somehow but, I think you should leave now. I… uh, I have to study. Yeah, study,” Sehun said, knowing well that Luhan would leave if the issue of studying was involved but something happened. Something that left Sehun at the border between respecting himself and throwing his pride away because Luhan was looking at him like he had said the meanest thing in the world.

Him. To Luhan.

“Right,” Luhan said, his voice laced with something that sounded like dejection, but that was impossible. Why would Luhan feel dejected by Sehun unless—

Then Sehun connected the dots.

“Luhan!” he yelled out, startling the doe-eyed boy. “Did you want to tell me something?”

Luhan eyes went wider before moving his gaze to the ground. The room was warm so there was no way Luhan’s cheeks were pink from the cold so he had to be embarrassed. The Xi Luhan was embarrassed.

Sehun felt his heart palpitating harder and harder with every passing second. It felt like total chaos in his head and heart with every word that Luhan wasn’t saying.

“I…” Luhan began, making Sehun’s heart stop for a second. “I… to you… I kind of…”

Sehun couldn’t wait. He simply couldn’t so he went to the kitchen.

Luhan felt his palms sweating and heat rising up all the way to the ends of his hair, if that were even possible. He was so nervous. He had only realized his feelings a mere few minutes ago and he was going to give his first ever confession. Was this how all those people who confessed to him felt? Why did they do it? How did they do it? This awful feeling was not pleasant and they should’ve not gone through with it, especially since he rejected them so coldly.

Oh god, what if Sehun rejects me?

“I…” Luhan started, his stomach feeling light and heavy at the same time. “I… to you… I kind of…”

Luhan wasn’t making sense. He knew that but it was hard. So incredibly hard that he was almost thankful that Sehun left the living room, returning with some small cups of yoghurt in his hands.

“I’m using it,” Sehun said, making Luhan confused. A feeling he detested but had grown to known after becoming friends with Sehun. “I’m using the last forty per cent.”

Sehun handed over the yoghurt cups to Luhan and without even trying, Luhan noticed that they were the vanilla yoghurt he liked. Eight cups of it. “What are—“

Luhan’s hold on the eight cups of vanilla yoghurt loosened, eventually leading to them ending up on the red carpeting of the living room floor. All his strength had somehow disappeared because Sehun was doing it again.

ually assaulting him. Only this time, Luhan didn’t mind. Luhan didn’t push him away. Luhan closed his eyes and made it last longer than five seconds because he was experiencing the most wonderful confusing feeling in the world.

Sehun could’ve died. He could’ve died and he wouldn’t have minded because it was perfect. Everything in the world was perfect. Luhan was actually kissing him back. As much as he liked seeing the different expressions Luhan had, anger being one of them, he wasn’t too fond with the memory of his being planted on the dirty sidewalk that first time he kissed Luhan. That’s why this moment was perfect, but then he remembered that Luhan still hadn’t said anything about what he felt for him.

Sehun was overcome with dread at the thought that he could’ve misinterpreted this little visit the way he misinterpreted the little walks home, so he pulled away, and he wanted to groan in annoyance because he couldn’t feel Luhan’s soft lips on him anymore.

Sehun steadied his breathing, maintaining eye contact with a flushed and beautiful Luhan. “I guess I’ve used up the last of your yoghurt forgiveness. Sorry. I think I made a mis—”

Sehun was sure now. He was the luckiest person on earth.

Luhan was kissing him. He got on his tiptoes and was now kissing him.

I love you, world.

Luhan pulled away, a fusion of regret, happiness and worry swirling at the core of his being. He didn’t want Sehun to say that it was a mistake because kissing him like that shouldn’t have been a mistake. He was sure now. He liked Sehun. Liked him so much that he had to wonder when he started feeling that way. Was it that day Sehun stopped walking with him? Was it before that when they first started walking together? Did he actually like Sehun when Sehun confessed to him?

It didn’t matter anymore.

All that mattered was making Sehun understand that it could never be a mistake. So, Luhan bent down, picking up the little cups of vanilla yoghurt on the floor before giving it back to Sehun. Sehun looked at him with obvious question marks in his eyes.

“There’s nothing to forgive so I don’t need the yoghurt apology. I...” Luhan placed a hand over his chest in a useless attempt to calm his heart. “I really like you so… don’t apologize.”

And it was there again. That bright smile. That smile that was for Luhan.

“I like you too, Luhan, but you already knew that,” Sehun said. “Does this mean…”

Luhan nodded quickly, not wanting to hear the words ‘we’re together now’ because it would’ve made his skin crawl, in contentment or something less pleasant, Luhan didn’t know, but it was enough for Sehun since his smile remained on his face like hardened cement.

“Does this also mean that I’m no longer a disposable street bodyguard for Xi Luhan?” Sehun asked with a teasing smirk as he placed the yoghurt cups on the nearby coffee table.

Luhan’s face fell, initiating a little laugh from Sehun.

“It’s okay. I know you only walked with me that first time because you were scared of going alone. I don’t mind that you used me back then. At least, not as much but,” Sehun closed the little gap between him and Luhan before sliding his hands behind Luhan and pulling him close, “I want you to need me now.”

Luhan was uncomfortable but happy, embarrassed but happy, he wanted to run but instead, he hugged Sehun back. “I’ll try to.”

Luhan picked up a cup of yoghurt and gave it to Sehun. “My apology for using you.”

Sehun shook his head. “I don’t like yoghurt. I do like you though.”

With that, Sehun didn’t want Luhan to leave anymore and Luhan found someone who finally held his interest.

Someone just like the taste of vanilla yoghurt. 

A/N: I know. I'm a complete cheeseball. Thank you for reading anyway! Please comment and give me your thoughts on this story! Till next time :)