Slowly I open my eyes. The sun is shining throw my little window. Is it already morning?  I rolled over in bed to not watch directly in the sun. But I couldn't stay long like this. I've spent enough days in my bed. Days? Or weeks? I can't remember. A day feels to me like a year. My heart continues to sink because it only looks for your trace this days. It still hurts.

 

 

 

 

*

 

"Can i help you with something?"

 

I was looking for a present for my friend. It was his birthday next day. And even when I know Jongdae like for 6 or 7 Years, I still had no idea what i can bought for him. I wasn't always good with presents or surprises. And even when Jongdae always said I didn't have to buy something for him, couldn't i just say okay. Because he has always something for me and sometimes i think he knows me more then i do. It was scary sometimes. But i was lucky to have him.

 

"I have really no idea. I was searching for a present for my friend. His Birthday is tomorrow. And please don't ask me what he likes." with a sad face i turn to the seller of the store. I remember that i just stare at him even when he still saying something to me. He had this precious smile. And this eyes who look like deer eyes to me. I was looking at him with my mouth wide open.

 

"Oh my god your hair looks so nice. This Pink Blond suits you very well." Did I really say that to him. Oh my god I should run.

 

"Thank you!" 

 

Is he smiling at me more? Oh my god I can hear the angels singing right now. Anyway! Minseok come back to this planet. You have to act cool! Cool? I don't even know what cool is. 

 

"So for your friend then. Let me think... Tell me something about him. Maybe that will help a little more." 

 

So I told him that he likes karaoke, watching animes, to go shopping...

 

"See Baozi, shopping is good. Doesn't he tell you something he likes but didn't buy it?"

 

Wait does he even call me baozi? Okay I have to think straight! Is that even possible?

 

"Oh I remember he said he want this cap who Yunho from TVXQ wears last week." 

 

"Ahhh there is this shop, not far away. When you want, I can show you where it is. My work finished here in 10 minutes anyway."

 

"Yes sure. That would be awesome. Thank you!"

 

 

 

 

"So What's your name?"

 

"Minseok!"

 

"Nice to meet you Minseok! My name is Luhan."

 

*

 

 

 

 

"Hello Who is this" I picked up my phone, when I was about to make some coffee to start the day.

 

"Jongdae here. Say, do you want to go to Luhan?" even when my body shocked by calling his name, I just say yes. There was a long silence pause.

 

"Do you want me to come with you?"

 

"No I'm fine thank you." I hang up. I drank my coffee. The Coffee was like grains of sand, trying to force down a spoonful of rice. Without him isn't anything what it was. My day has stopped for while. But the rest of the world is the same. And if I look around, you aren’t here anymore. 

 

 

 

 

*

 

"Why do you always call me Baozi?" 

 

It was a warm but also a dark night. We were outside. Laying in the grass, and watching the stars over us. It is over a week since I met Luhan now. And even when it is only a week we are so close right now. Maybe a little too close for Jongdaes taste, but I told him he don't have to worry.

What I had with Luhan was different. But I wasn't sure what is was. Until now.

 

"You remind me of my home. My mum always did Baozis for me. There are little, white and stuffed. And you..." he stands up und looking now in my eyes. I was still laying. So Luhan was now over me. I thought I saw the stars in his eyes. They are sparkling. With one hand he's touching now my face.

 

"Your cheeks are so soft and so chubby. Gosh Minseok, you are so cute. And when you smile... It is like my stomach flips inside of me. And my heart does that crazy thing with me too. I think... I think"

 

At this moment the world stops. It was hard for me to breath. But all what I want is...

"I think I like you Baozi. Alot." our lips met. Our first kiss was passionate. I pulled him closer to me, and I let my hands rest on is hips. We rolling around in the grass. Until i was over him. I leaned over to kiss him again. But this time with tongue. His tongue tasted sweet. Like strawberries. It feels like my heart jumps out of my head. It was so good. And I want this moment for ever. Until this moment I know that Luhan would be forever there. Forever by my side. That was I thought for a long time.

 

*

 

 

 

 

It was time to go this damn way again. Spring is it now. The Cherry blossom is like every where. I reminds me of the time where everything was perfect. Everything was with you. One week is over now. And the shattered pieces of memories are pierced in me, deep, deep in my heart. I try to forget it all, try to erase it all, but my heart that only knows is you, only remembers you. 

 

 

 

 

*

 

"What is it Luhan? Why are you ignoring me? Please talk to me," I know there is something. He was always so moody these days. And I knew there is something wrong. And I asked him a lot what's wrong. But all what I get was 'everything was ok' but no. That's enough I want the truth now. I can feel the anger and the sadness that comes through me. "because I know there is something. So please talk to me."

 

He still doesn't look at me. Hello I'm talking to you. Not the wall! 

 

"God please Luhan talk to me!" I was waiting. I could hear the clock ticking. It was quite. A little too quite for my taste. "fine!" I was about to go. But Luhan was faster.

He is holding now my hand. 

 

"Don't go. Don't leave me," said he, still holding my hand. I didn't turn to Luhan.

"I wouldn't take it when you leave me. Because you are the one who means everything to me. Because you are the one who is always there for me. Because you the one I love more then everything."

 

"What?"

 

"I was jealous! I couldn't take it so see you with another guy. Having so much skin ship and laughter together..." I slowly turned around and looked in Luhans sadly eyes.

Does he mean Jongdae? "I know... to ignore you wasn't the right way. But it hurt so much. And I haven't the right to tell you what you have to do. Because..."

 

"You babo!" I started to cry. "You dumb babo! Hey lulu look at me please"

 

Luhan looks now in my eyes. "I've had no idea. Listen, you are the only one! And you don't have to be jealous, because I love you. Only you! There is no one who could separate us."

 

"Promise?"

 

"I promise!"

 

*

 

 

 

 

"Excuse me? Do you have lilies?" the flower shop was quite full. So I have to wait a little until someone can help me. 

 

"Sure! For one are they?" she is smiling at me.

 

"For a special person. He loves lilies."

 

"Oh he is lucky to have a boyfriend like you. Lilies are really beautiful." I just smile at her.

 

She hands me the lilies "Like him!" I said and I payed them.

 

 

 

 

*

 

"Oh my god are these for me?" i was holding a bunch of Lilies. 

 

"Yes! All of them!" 

 

"They are my favorite ones!"

 

"Really?" he just nods and brought the flowers in a vase.

 

It is now over 3 years were i met Luhan. It still feels like the first time we met in that store. 

 

"I have a surprise for you. come with me."

 

We put our jackets on and going to Luhans car. Luhan drives. Sure, because I had no idea where he wants to drive. Surprise. There I was bad in. We didn't driving far away. And when we arrived I know immendly where we are.

 

"Our first kiss." It was our place. Where our relationship began. We wasn't there since, yeah our first kiss. You were smiling at me. We running down the meadow. And we stops and fell down in the grass. Just like for 3 years. I remember every second of that day. There are still we two. And nothing other. 

 

"Minseok, you know that I love you right?" said now Luhan. We looking now in each other eyes. Sitting on the grass. 

 

"Yes and I love you too! Forever!" I took Luhans head in my hands and kissed him. 

 

"Marry me, Baozi!" first I got shocked. But I looking for a few seconds in Luhans eyes. Luhans eyes, there are sparkling again. Like for 3 years ago. He is the one I want to be with. And this forever. He is the one that I love more then everything. He is the one I can't live anymore now. He is the one who is always there when I awake. He is the one who cares about me. He is the one I want in my future.

 

"Yes. A thousand yes!"

 

*

 

 

 

 

So I stand here. The place where our first Kiss was. Where you hold my hand and asking me for marry you. All that memories. Our Love, Our Kiss, Our Hearts. I will bury it all deep within my heart. 

 

 

 

 

*

 

"I get the car. I will be waiting." we are at Jongdae. 

 

"Sure okay. Love you!" I give him a kiss. 

 

"I love you too!" he said to me and then a 'goodbye' to Jongdae. Jongdae was happy to see me happy. Even I know Jongdae had some feelings in the past for me. But I know hes good with it, because he keeps talking about a Joonmyun. I really hope he will finds his love soon, too. I wish that for him so badly.

 

"Ok it was nice again. But I will go. Luhan is possibly waiting for me." we both going downstairs. 

 

"Where is he? I thought he will get the car." 

 

"Maybe.... " at this moment comes a ambulance over our way.

 

No that couldn't be.... We are running. My heart beat getting faster. Then there was it. Luhan's car. In a accident. Everywhere laying parts from the car. I screamed out lout his name. Over and over again. Jongdae is holding me. "I want to him! Let me!" I was screaming. But he still holds me. Tight in his arms. I was crying my soul out. I couldn't believe what happens right now. Not long and I drop down on the floor. Still crying and screaming his name. 

 

*

 

 

 

 

I didn't thought I would loose you so fast. Why? I had you! And not long enough for my own good. The ringing beats of my heart are like a lie. Why are you gone and I still here? Why does it be you? You, the most wonderful and beautiful human being. The rest of the world is the same. But if I look around, you aren’t there. Losing you, losing everything is something that can’t be turned around. Your tear stained face haunts me and revolves around my head. You, who took my everything. 

 

Luhan. The name who stands on the stone, are also printed in my heart. Even this pain, like smudged words. Last Love, Last Kiss, Last Dream. I will love you forever. This heart will always belongs to you. Only you! Goodbye, My Love, My Kiss.

 

I Love you, forever!

 

Minseok