burn·ing /ˈbərniNG/
1. Selectively darkening part of a photo using an image editing program or a mechanical technique in a traditional darkroom.
2. very keenly or deeply felt; intense.

 “Why am I even here…?” Hae Ri sighed, standing alone in a cramped isle of her favorite bookstore. She had no commission pay to pick up, and no interesting books had been released recently… Her finger was hooked on the top edge of a book for the past three minutes, but truthfully, she didn’t really have an interest in it.

An elderly woman excused herself to squeeze behind her and Hae Ri jumped forward, nearly hugging the looming bookcase in front of her. As she waited for the woman to pass through, her mind wondered to how people even reached the books way up at the top…

“Ah, I’d recognize this troubled face anywhere.” He soft elderly voice chuckled next to her.

Hae Ri looked down to her side, a small elderly woman smiling up at her with an eye smile as warm as the sun. This little old lady would recognize her face? Well, Hae Ri would recognize a warmth unique to this woman! A smile Hae Ri hasn’t made since she was a child broke across her facial features, “Halmonee…!” She gasped; standing next to her was the little old lady who had taken her in in the down-pouring rain. Who had fed her for the night and dried her soaked clothes. Hae Ri didn’t think she’d ever see her again in a city as big as Seoul!

“You’re looking a little lost here, Hae Ri. Why not come have tea at that café with me? An old lady such as myself doesn’t have much company to keep.” And Hae Ri quickly agreed, eager to thank her fully for taking such good care of her. But something made her hesitate for a moment… Hae Ri’s memory was certainly shot, but she didn’t recall ever handing out her name that night… Perhaps it just slipped, like everything else in her life.

How long had her feet been stapled to the spot in front of her window? How long had she had her eyes trained to the concrete sidewalk outside? Snow flittered down from the black sky, illuminated by the one lonely lamppost stationed outside the female’s dormitory entrance.

You look like you have something weighing heavily on your mind, my dear… The elder ladies words hung like weights in her thoughts.

Winter was fast approaching; time slipped seamlessly into December without anyone even realizing it. The weather reports had said that the snowfall would come early this year, and they were correct for once. With snowfall that started in early November, everyone was already prepared for the harsh cold.

There must be something big coming up for you… How did she know that? Something didn’t feel right in her stomach since she left that café…

But although winter was inevitable and unavoidable, although the snowfall came earlier like it was predicted, Hae Ri was never prepared she realized long ago.

Her eyes drifted down to her fingers that clutched a flimsy two-way train ticket out of Seoul and back to Iksan… Was it just her and her stupid brain? Or were train tickets getting more and more expensive each year? They never used to cost so much when she was a child, she was almost sure of it…

A heavy sigh was the first thing to break through the gentle hum of the space heater in hours. The clock was nearing one in the morning, and her feet were growing achy and sore down to the bones. But something… something whispered in her brain to keep watching, to torture herself in some sadistic way of pleasure.

Watch the snowfall.

Do not forget.

Burn it so deep into your brain that it leaves behind an acidic infection that eats away at you, that leaves a permanent scar across your soul.

Oh, voices inside her head, you are too late. For Hae Ri had already carved every agonizing second into every fold in her brain the moment she had woken up in her hospital bed. She desperately missed when she found the fluffy white flakes to be the most beautiful thing in all of winter.

The door rebounding off the wall nearly made Hae Ri rip right out of her skin, the ticket in her hand crumbling into the pocket of her pajama shorts. Who broke into others’ dorm apartments!? Quickly she scrambled for the nearest blunt object when she found an exhausted Hoseok straining under the weight of a rather limp looking Stephanie.

“O-Oh goodness…!” Hae Ri gasped, dropping her alarm clock, “Wh-What happened!?”

“The two lovebirds had a night out…!” Hoseok cringed, dragging the near lifeless body into the room. How could Stephanie be so stupid as to inconvenience others like this…?!

“I-I’m so sorry! She should have called me…” Hae Ri quickly pulled the drunk girl off and Hoseok and was nearly crushed herself under the weight.

“For someone so small, she weighs a ton…” Hoseok huffed, rubbing at his sore shoulders.

“It’s all muscle…” Hae Ri managed a small giggle that made his heart sing and cheeks flush a light pink. It was such an unexpected response from the stoic girl he had come to know little by little. Would it be a little cheesy to say that even such a small laugh sounded like a beautiful melody? Probably, don’t tell her that…

Hoseok watched in amusement as the small girl stumbled her way up the steps. How adorable it was to watch her huff with rosy cheeks as she climbed what seemed to be the steepest mountain. Christ, what if Yoongi could read his mind or something? He’d be the of cheesy jokes for weeks if not his entire life with Min Yoongi’s personality. But damn, Hae Ri made it so difficult for him.

“Really… I’m so sorry about her…” Hae Ri frowned as she danced her way down the steps.

“It’s really no problem, besides…” Hoseok flushed, “Yoongi would have had my head on a platter if he found out I didn’t do anything for her.” Hae Ri nodded her head in silence, the air quickly filling with awkward tension. Say something Hoseok, say something! Anything! “S-So… Christmas break is coming up soon! Are you planning to go back home?” 

Hae Ri’s eyes widened at the sudden intrusion and it made Hoseok even more nervous, idiot idiot idiot!

“I-I mean… What I mean is uh…” Great, she was probably gonna pity him or something… “It’s just… I-I’m from Gwangju…! So I don’t really get the chance to go home often to see my family… You know, train and plane tickets are pretty expensive!” He chuckled, fingers scratching a little too roughly at the back of his neck. No doubt leaving behind angry read marks.

He had expected that quick, ‘that’s rough, man!’ that Yoongi used to give him. Or a quick apology, he didn’t expect the heartache in her eyes. The look of a scar so deep within her own heart it sent a rock of unfamiliarity weighing his stomach down. It left him speechless, dumbfounded, “Hoseok…” She mumbled, her small hands wrapping around his, “It’s hard not seeing your family for the holidays…”

Oh God, she was holding his hand…! “I-It’s fine… Really!” He laughed nervously, his hand tightening around hers. When she didn’t pull away, there was a surge of confidence swelling within his chest.

“Hoseok…” Hae Ri muttered, her lips slightly quivering, cheeks turning a deep red, “A-About your note… Thank you so much for it.” Her hand gripped his even tighter, “I-I really appreciated it… I still think I’m in the wrong however, but the gesture was lovely.” A smile parted her lips and oh God, oh God oh God oh God. She had the most beautiful smile, her slightly crooked teeth so quirky and cute.

“I-It’s no problem!” His voice pitched a bit too high, “I needed to return your scarf and I mean, I just… I don’t know…” He was a sputtering idiot! The room quickly fell into silence apart from Stephanie’s soft snoring. Thus his eyes wandered around Hae Ri as she simply stared at his hand, her fingers messaging it to a melting puddle… Until his eyes locked on something interesting, “Ah… I hope you don’t mind me asking but I’ve never seen that scar before.” He gasped, eyes locked onto a thick and neat shiny line around the base of her knee. As soon as he mentioned it the grip on his hand was gone, almost thrown from her.

“A-Ah…! Th-That’s nothing!” She laughed nervously, her leg stepping back as if it’d block his view, “It’s late Hoseok, thank you for bringing Stephanie home. Next time please call me, it’s late and I’d like to go to bed.” She was firing words at him in quick succession, her stutter suddenly cured for the time being. She was protecting something. And it only pushed him farther away when all he wanted to be was closer… He’d said the wrong thing and once again, she’d run away. A flightly little songbird.

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you.” He gasped, unsure whether to run or to stand his ground and calm her down. Running didn’t do much last time, let’s try the latter…

“I-It’s okay, Hoseok…” She mumbled, her eyes growing sad, “I just…” Her teeth were clamping down on the skin inside her bottom lip. You’ve kept so many secrets, Hae Ri… You’ve kept this buried your entire life. Don’t bottle it away… Someday it will burst. You’ll burst. You’ll break…

Memories of Min Yoongi and how she had snapped at him played in her head over and over and over and oh Lord, it was making her sick, “Hae Ri…?” Hoseok’s voice grounded her, and she could never thank him enough in that moment.

“I’m sorry, Hoseok… I just… I can’t tell you…” Hoseok’s shoulders sank. I can’t tell you yet…

“We should probably buy a boiler instead of using pots.” Yoongi laughed as soon as Hoseok stumbled through their door, emotionally and physically spent. Waiting for water to boil was certainly boring, like watching paint dry… But when he had attempted to distract himself with other tasks, he was distracted with his own distractions!

“You know…” Hoseok mumbled, twiddling his thumbs nervously, “I-I don’t really… Like this idea, of trying to dig something out of her. Sneaking around on secret little missions like this…”

“It’s not like we’d get answers if we sat around waiting, that girl is protecting something. She has something to hide, and I wanna know what it is.” Yoongi responded, scooping out instant coffee into a pink bear mug that he knew was Hoseok’s.

“Why are you… So concerned about her…?”

Yoongi looked up from his pot of boiling water like he had been slapped in the face. He had lived with Hoseok long enough, and grew up with him long enough, to understand that quiet soft-spoken voice that projected a silent concern. “Yah, are you seriously on about this again!?”

“Because it’s not our business!” He snapped back, “She’s our friend and if there even is something going on, she should tell us instead of us ing prying into her private life! When did you become a private investigator, eh?” Oh? The lamb was developing courage to face the lion.

“Shut the hell up Jung Hoseok, you’re giving me a headache.” Yoongi cursed back, flipped the burner off and leaving the steaming water to cool, hopefully like him. Ha! If only the human brain was like a stove, switches to turn emotions on and off…

“Ha! Maybe you’re just ‘sobering up’.” The younger laughed, hands shoved into his jean pockets as he sauntered off to his bed. The tiest part of living in a studio dorm was that when roomies fought, they had no door to hide behind. There was no private place for each other to cool down, to settle themselves… They had to live with tension so thick a knife could cut through it, they had to hear each other sigh and huff frustrated breathes. But Min Yoongi thought the worst part of it was that there was nothing that could be done to fix it as easily as a door parting them…  

He didn’t want to blow up at Hoseok like that, , it’s not like he meant to! It’s just… It’s just it was easier to get annoyed and throw a fit than give him the truth… A sigh ripped through his esophagus as he sauntered up the steps to his balcony bunk, his eyes sneaking one last glance as he watched Hoseok logging into his laptop.

Where was the lion’s courage now…? A small, airless chuckle bubbled up because, damn, Yoongi was pathetic.

He didn’t even have the guts to tell him that he felt some kind of… feeling towards her… Well, he couldn’t even put a name to that feeling…