"Are you guys really brothers?"

It's not the first time I've heard that. People literally asking whether Chanyeol is my brother. I mean, yea. We're nothing same. But then why do I even bother lying? Chanyeol is tall, slim, have have skin, basically he had the genes from our pretty mother. While I, got the genes from our father, shorter, fatter, and I don't have such fair skin either. Well since my father isn't even taller than my mother. Our aunts and uncles always make fun of us "Is funny how brothers can be so different." How irony. 

Chanyeol's got everything. From the looks, to the popularity. People stares at him when they walk pass, some even tripping. He's always surronded by friends, girls, boys, even the teachers like him. His study is fairly well, not too good, or too bad. Just fine to impress our parents. He plays soccer and tennis. And I enjoy watching him play. He knows everytime where the ball's gonna land, and he's gonna be there to strike. He smiles when he wins, but when he doesn't, he just shrug it off and say "Its a nice game anyway."

He's always into the latest trend and fashion. From simple t-shirt, to tight jeans. Well of course, he looks good in anything he wears. At the other side, I always couldn't find the right clothes to wear. My mom always tells me "I give you guys the same amount of clothing allowance every month, how can you have nothing to wear?" Of course you did. Not when I bought a really nice red blouse, even Chanyeol asked me where I bought it. But I was too stupid to read the tag at the hem of the blouse and ended up throwing it in the washing machine. After I took it out, it turned to faint pink, while the other towels that were put together had red stains on them. With that, because it's still new, I had to pay back $80 to my mom.

Once Chanyeol was wearing a really nice dark blue sweater, I asked him where he bought it. "Oh I bought it at a very cheap price $10 at the Marina Market. It's the last one though." Of course, the last one. He always gets the best, and none for me. I must say, even so, he treats me very well. He's a good brother, he buys treats for me, he would watch me finish my homework, teach me things I don't understand, soemtimes patting my head when he feels like it. I feel truly loved by him. 

Every summer, he hangs out with friends, to parties, clubs, shopping, or rapping. I remembered he likes rapping. While Im the opposite, I stay at home, listening to songs with head phones, sometimes reading books, cook, or whatever I could come up with. 

***

This summer, I've been seeing him laying on the grass at backyard. Sometimes with earphones and eyes closed. Sometimes he would have a book beside him. He haven't been hanging out with friends. There were several phone calls from friends that invited him out, but he declined all of them saying he's busy, and what about next time. We own a home karaoke upstairs, I've heard him singing and rapping a few times up there. 

I wonder why. He used to not go there, he said why be alone at the room when you could go out and sing with your friends. The fact is I like to be alone, but I hate the feeling of being lonely. You get it? It's actually really simple. If you've been in the situation, you can relate to it very easily. But if you don't, cut the crap out because no matter how much I explain, you won't understand.

Being with a bunch of oeople makes me feel lonely. But when I'm alone, music accompanies me. Nothing's alone. Nothing dies. Everything continues living in a different way even after it's dead. The body that contains its soul might be dead, but not the soul. We used to have a pet dog when we were young, after many years, it died because of some infection. Chanyeol and our parents cried really hard, but I only stayed silent. I believe that his soul will always be with us. 

Seeing Chanyeol was laying on the grass again, I walked over and sat beside him. "Hyung, are you okay?" He simply looked at me and smile. "Yea, Im fine." Something seems off, but I didn't question anymore. He picked up his book and pretended to read again. I smiled and walked back into the house. 

Things had been going on like this for a while. Chanyeol laying everyday on the grass. Me have a lifeless holiday. One night while I was in my room. I heard mom shouting Chanyeol's name. She sounded angry. At Chanyeol? I peeked out the door and see Chanyeol standing facing mom. "Chanyeol. I don't expect much from you but why didn't you wash the dished in the kitchen? I've worked all day and come home to this?" Yeol said nothing and soon I could hear washing flushing in the kitchen.

***

I finally went out and hangout with some close friend of mine during the last week of summer break. I literally have no friends except them. We hangout at the arcade, karaoke, and some other places we often go. Then finally we were in a cafe at about 3pm. 

"Hey Baek, haven't seen Chanyeol in a while?" 

"Yea." I answered mindlessly while sipping through my cup of hot chocolate.

"If everything alright? I mean, it's rare to see him not hanging out with the guys." 

I looked up and hesitated. 

" Um ... to be honest I don't know ... He's been laying all day at the grass, sometimes listening to music while sleeping, sometimes reading a book. I don't know, I really don't know Kai."

Kai looked worried and patted my shoulder.

"Well I hope everything's alright !"

I gave him a reassuring smile and nodded.

"Yea. Everything's alright."

Our conversation ended like that and we left not long after.

I walked home silently while kicking ths stones and finally arrived at the front gate. I opened at auto gate and walked into the kitchen. There was a window that opens up to the backyard and Chanyeol was laying on the grass again. Except that I could see sweat forming on his forehead, his bangs sticking to it, his eyes closed. I widened my eyes and rushed over. "Chanyeol" I whispered beside and got no answer. Infact, I was so afraid that I will never get a reply. "Chanyeol!"I shook him slightly and he opened his eyes. I let out a breath but that was not over. "Baek ... get mom." "But mom's at work !"

"Baek. Get mom now." Realising that he won't get the fact mom's not home yet, I rushed into the kitchen and use the phone in the kitchen. So that I could still view him while dialing the mom. Dialing the familiar number and it was picked up within seconds. 

"Mom!"

***

That evening mom took Yeol to the hospital to do a check up. Dad came home early that day, mom must've informed him too. When it was nearly 8pm, Yeol came home with mom. He walked up the stairs and straight to his room. I followed behind and peek into the room silently. He turned around and smiled. "Oh Baek, come in." I hesitated a while but went in nonetheless. I stood facing him and with a worried face, I asked. "Hyung ... are you okay?" 

He sad down on the corner of the bed and looked at me. "Im fine ... Just ... There are bruises ..." He said while looking to his leg. "What? Did they beat you up or something?" He laughed softly and pulled me over to his side. "No no no ... they just ... appear ..." He said almost whispering and I felt my heart tighten. "Can I ... see it?" I asked quietly and eyes still looking at his leg. He stopped for a while and went to make sure the door is locked. 

He undid his belt and pulled down his pants. And there were really patches of purple black bruises around it. I shoot him a worried look but he only shrugged and pulled up his pants. 

That night we ate silently and mom said something about she's gonna have to bring Yeol back to the hospital to do another full checkup. 

The next day mom took Yeol out to the hospital and I was home alone. I had my headphones on all day and took a few naps until dad came home early again. He cook dinner and we ate together. Throughout, he kept making jokes to cheer us up until mom and yeol came home. After we ate, I did the dishes today thinking Yeol probably is already very tired.

And then I went to his room again. And asked the same question again, except this time, the response was a bit different. "Hyung ... are you okay?" Yeol turned to me and gave me the coldest look he'd ever made. Infact, he was never cold at me. "Okay? Nothing's okay ! How can someone who has leukemia be alright?" He continued using the cold voice at me and I felt tears stinging in my eyes.

I heard mom crying in her room and I walked in. He turned to me with tears stained cheeks and gesture for me to sit beside her. She put her hands on my shoulder facing me. "Baek ... Im gonna be honest with you ... your brother has leukemia and he's gonna need a lot of treatment in the hospital ... you're gonna be strong for him okay?" Tears streamed down my face and we hugged together.

***

After school reopens and as mom said Yeol was at hospital receiving treatment. He insisted that even if his hair falls off he's not going to wear a wig. I go to school everyday receiving questions from Yeol's friends asking what happened. I avoided the question by saying 'everything's fine' and I had to fought back the tears everytime they ask.

Without Chanyeol, everything seemed miserable. No one would greet me everytime I enter his bedroom, no one would buy me treats, no one hugging me, no one. Daddy and mommy are always busy taking care of yeol in the hospital. Sometimes I would visit him at the hospital too. It's not that I hate seeing him, I just hate seeing him suffer. Everytime, he looked so pale and tired.

Most of the time I would sit beside him. I would talk and he would listen and gave a weak smile. But as time pass, I realise he began avoiding me. As in he would turn his back at me. Ignoring what I say, and I would just fed up and go home.

***

And then something came. 

One night mom came into my room. She sat beside me and smiled weakly. "Baek ... The doctor found a way to treat Yeol. If it works, he would recover even faster. They need to find the right bone marrow that suits him, and transplant into his body. Your dad and I are gonna go check our body up tomorrow ..." I turned to her and stared at her "So he's gonna be okay?"

"Baek ..."

Something wasn't right.

"What?" It came out almost like a whisper.

"The doctor said that the most suitable ones often come from siblings."

The word sibling came out just like a normal word for me, then I understood.

"Sibling? You mean brothers." 

My mom kept quiet for a while and then spoke up.

"It's just taking the bone marrow from your hipbones and then transferring into Yeol .. It's nothing big Baek ..."

"So the doctor's gonna take the bone marrow from my hipbone?!"

"It's not all you silly, just a little .. And you might not suit him either, it's just a check up ..."

"Yea ... after all, we're so different."

You realise she didnt said 'It doesn't hurt'. But I remained silent and pretend to fall back asleep. I heard my mom sighing as she stood up and left the room. I let the tears out as they streamed down my face. I sobbed quietly throughout the night.

The next day came fast and I got up with 2 panda eyes. My eyes were swollen from crying and I decided to skip school. I went to the hospital and saw dad taking care of him. As usual, Yeol ignored me as I stood at the doorway. My arrived later on and we went to the body check up together. Then we spent the rest of the day satying at the hospital until it was time to go home.

***

We were standing at the doorway, me with my arms crossed. Maybe we weren't so different after all. Our genes are still the same. I sighed and rubbed my temples. The doctor was explaining everything to Yeol, and he didn't even bother to give me a glance. I sat at the sofa beside until dad was ready to drive us home. In the car we kept silent until I couldn't hold it in.

"Dad! You saw him! He doesn't even look or talk to me !" I burst at my dad who was driving.

Our eyes met through the mirror infront.

"He's just tired .. the treatment is really tiring .."

That's not true! Once I saw him passing papers happily with Kyungsoo. After that, he never talked to me again.

"No ! He just ignore me! And I have to sacrifice my bone marrow to him? That's not fair dad !"

I see my dad rubbed his temples.

"I don't know Baek ... I can't give you an answer ..."

After we got home I rushed to my room, plug in my earphones and spent another sleepless night.

Time went fast and the doctors were done preparing. 

The morning before the operation I felt awful. I gave me nothing to eat the past 24 hours and some medicine. I really hate the taste of it. I was on a bed beside Yeol and he was preparing too. Is he nervous? I don't know. All I know is my heart beats faster everytime I look at him. And a drop of tear slide down my cheeks again. I stared blankly onto the ceiling as they were ready to push us into the operation room.

Last thing I knew was they inject something into me and I doozed off after 'One Two Three'.

The next thing I knew I was on a bed back in the white room with Yeol beside me. I smiled as I saw mom and dad sitting beside us.

We may look different, but we're brothers after all. Our genes and DNA are still connected. No matter what happen, he's still my brother. I realise I can't the thought inside me telling we're connected. No matter how jealous I am, how much I wnat to hate him. I can't. He's always there for me when I need him. 

And now, I'll be there for him when he needs me.