~Yunho~

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About an hour later when I arrived at home, it was dead silent in the whole dorm. Not a single sound was heard and I .. guess the guys had already gone to sleep..

I sighed heavily as I locked the door, took off my shoes and walked slowly into my bedroom. I turned the lights on and my eyes landed first on the vase that was smashed and it's glasses were spread allover the floor..

I took off my jacket and threw it on the bed and went to the kitchen and grabbed the broom and went back to my room as I started to clean it..
All kinds of thoughts were running through my mind. I looked up around in my room and it was in a big mess. Everything I had thrown down on the floor was pretty much smashed or just.. broken..

The thing that bothered me, that just refused to get out of my head.. was the words that Changmin had shouted at me earlier..
It just made my heart feel heavier.. and the conscience of mine.. were feeling guilty.. Maybe.. I hadn't been the best.. friend.. the Hyung.. and brother lately..

As I was cleaning, I soon saw a note on the floor. I bended down slowly as I grabbed it.
I suppose.. Yuki had dropped it.. when she.. fell down onto the floor.. when the glass had splattered allover her and hit her in the face..

My mind was wandering elsewhere as I put it in my jeans and continued to clean..
I had hurt.. Yuki.. since I hadn't been careful enough.. I knew that Changmin's right.. I should.. take the responsibility.. but.. it's just.. so hard.. when..

"Aish.." I whispered and sat down on the bed

It's hard.. when I knew that my heart belonged to Selina. But I don't even know why my heart.. started to.. feel. . more alive around Yuki.. And even when I was.. being around her, her aura.. her.. energy.. affected me more than I knew myself and my smile would unconsciously appear..

I covered my face in frustration as I sighed heavily. I can't.. forget Selina.. It's not fair to her.. But.. Yuki..
It was going to be hard to stay away from her if I spend time with her..
I can't do that to Selina.. it's not fair..

"Wake up!"

I opened my eyes slowly and saw Changmin standing right next to me with a harsh expression

"Oh.. Changmin.." I mumbled

I looked around in my room and I saw that I was wearing the same clothes as yesterday. I must have fallen asleep.. while.. thinking so much

"You should wake up, take a shower and then have breakfast. You're going to the hospital.." Changmin said and grabbed the blanket and threw it on the chair

I looked at him but I didn't say anything

"I'm going to school. You better take care of her. I know you're off now until the exams so that you can study. You might as well study when you're looking after her" CHangmin said coldly

I didn't answer since I didn't want to argue with him. He had all the right in the world to be angry with me. I knew that all of them.. were pretty close to Yuki..

"Araso~~" I said

I got out of bed and got into the shower and when I was done I went to the kitchen.

"Here"

JaeJoong put a bag on the table and went out from the kitchen
Not a greeting but just.. a word.. he greeted me like that. It was the first time I've seen him being cold to me. I looked around but didn't see Junsu or Yoochun near me..
I opened the bag to see that there was 2 boxes. One for me.. and I guess.. one for Yuki..

I grabbed the bag and took my schoolbag with all the books in it and went to the livingroom. Yoochun were sitting on the couch, packing down his school stuff

"Uhm.. Morning.. Yoochun.." I said

Yoochun seemed like he hadn't noticed me but when I said morning, he looked up and nodded
Seems.. like everyone was angry.. with me..

"Take good care of her Hyung. She'll need it. We'll stop by later" Yoochun said and tapped me on my shoulder before leaving

Soon Changmin and JaeJoong passed me but they didn't say anything. I heard the door close and the dorm were dead silent.
But then..after a minute or so I heard one of the bedroom doors open and Junsu came out. He looked tired and yawned

He walked right into me since he didn't see me standing there and he just looked up tiredly.

He looked at me a bit odd and then nodded . Without a word he just went outside the dorm and I was once again left alone. I looked at the clock and I suppose I should get going..

I should do this.. properly.. She needed someone.. and She has been there for me.. I guess I should repay her..

I was standing outside her hospitalroom, feeling nervous and a bit scared.. I don't even know if I dare to enter since.. it was my fault that.. she was.. here..

"She's awake Sir if you want to go in" The Nurse said as she passed by

I nodded

"Kamsa Hamneeda"

I took a deep breath and entered the room. The familiar scent from Yuki had already filled the room and the gasmask monitor seemed like it was off since.. I didn't hear the familiar sound..

I walked towards the small table and put my bag and the food bag on it and walked slowly over to her bed. I looked down on her, looking all.. helpless.. pale.. and just.. vulnerable..

"You're.. here.."

I looked at her face as she opened her eyes slowly and looked at me with her soft eyes..

I didn't know what to say since it felt like I was having a big wall.. something stopping me from opening my mouth to talk. Something in the throat was holding me back

"Did.. you.. sleep well?"

I looked at her confused but a smile appeared on my face as I looked at her

"You're.. smiling" She said slowly while smiling

"You're.. sick.. and.. could've.. gotten hurt really.. badly because of me.. and out of all things.. you could've asked me.. you're asking me about how my night was?" I chuckled sadly as a tear was falling

I don't like her being like this towards me.. Kind and understanding. She should be angry.. Yell at me.. hate me.. I don't know anything.. It just doesn't feel right..

"I guess.. I am.." She whispered

I sat down on the chair and looked at her as she was lying there

"Why.. are you crying?" She whispered

I shook my head as I looked at her

"You.. can't be like this to me.. Yuki.. You're.. suppose to.. hate me.. to be afraid of me.. Yell at me.. not talk to me.. softly.. and kindly.. and talking to me like this.." I mumbled

I heard that she was starting to move and I then saw her hand holding out, waiting for my hand. I didn't even know if I wanted to grab it but automatically, it just.. went there and she squeezed it tightly and I felt her kindness and warmth running through my body

"It's ok.." She whispered

I shook my head

"Look at you.. You can't tell me that this is ok.." I sobbed

She shook her head

"It's just.. a bruise.. it'll heal"

"But.. you might.. get scars.. your face might be.. damaged.. injured badly.. I feel so bad.." I mumbled

She squeezed it tightly

"Look at me Yunho ah~~"

"I can't.. I can't.." I said and was staring down on my lap

"Please.."

Her pleading voice.. kindly and caring.. calling out.. I forced myself to look at her.. even though it was giving me more guilt

"To forgive.. is to give another chance.. A chance that might change the person's life.."

I stared at her

"I forgive you. You have to forgive yourself in order to move on.. With time it'll heal.."

I felt her squeezing my hand again..
I looked down on our hands plaited together.. The.. shelter that I've been looking for.. the shoulder to cry on.. someone to lean on..

"Your heart is calling out for.. help ..."

Her sudden sentence made my heart race even faster and I looked at her as she was kindly looking at me back, her eyes filled with love and softness

"It's.. not.. calling.." I stuttered slowly

She caressed my hand softly with her thumb

"If it doesn't.. why is the expression and the color of your eyes.. so .. dark?"

"I'm.. totally fine.." I chuckled quietly, lying but I guess she could see right through me since she shook her head

"You've never been a good liar Yunho"

"Ho .. ow.. do.. you k know?" I stammered, surprised by her words

She shrugged

"Just a feeling"

"You talk to me.. like you've known me for ages" I said slowly

She kept looking at me quietly but didn't say anything more
The silence took over and she didn't let go of my hands, neither did I let go of hers..

It just felt right for some reason. My heart were saying.. it's.. right but my mind wasn't..

I then realized that I was actually holding her hand. It kind of.. blew me up right inside my head and I slowly let go of her hand and backed away from the bed..

"I can't.." I reminded myself..

"What's wrong?" She whispered

I smiled palely at her

"Uhm.. Food.. JaeJoong made some.. I'll get it for you" I said

I hurried outside from the room and closed the door and leaned against it as I got down on the floor..

I can't be around her.. I'm not myself when I'm around her. I can't be happy.. HOW CAN I BE HAPPY WHEN SHE'S NOT HERE?!

"It's not fair.." I mumbled

I got up and made my way to the cafeteria to get spoons and bowls..
As I was walking back slowly to her room, I was having a lot of regrets and a mixed up head.. thinking all kinds of stuff..

This is not fair to Selina.. I can't.. do this to her..

"It just.. doesn't feel right.."

Before entering the room I decided to sit down in the waiting room to sort everything out.. I had to take care of her.. in order to get her discharged.. But my heart.. was.. so weird when I was around her.. I just couldn't.. be around her..

I shook my head frustrated..

I have to.. bear with this..
Just until she get discharged. Until she will be ok..

"I need to control myself.. or else.. I will loose.. my way" I mumbled as I got up from the seat and walked to her door

Through the small window I saw her lying on the bed, closing her eyes..

"Just until you get better.." I whispered as I entered