It was one of the days where Luhan would grab Kyungsoo's hand and lead him to the woods not too far from the house. They always went to see if they could find treasure. Treasure's everywhere. What they mostly found was merely the different flowers and plants that dotted the ground. Kyungsoo provided the names of the plants and Luhan the complaints about nothing exciting. Kyungsoo thought the last stripes of sunshine slipping through the trees horizontally was beautiful. It was dusk. Kyungsoo heard the footsteps first, Luhan was busy rambling about a rabbit he'd seen the other day.

“I thought we told you not to go to the woods alone, Kyungsoo!”

“Mom, I'm not alone, don't you see Luhan?”

“Oh yeah, right. But still, you're only boys, don't go too far away next time. And by the way, dinner's ready.”

“We'll be right there, mom.” Kyungsoo defiantly rolled his eyes at the backside of his now increasingly disappearing mother.

When Kyungsoo turned to Luhan he knew what Luhan thinking, that it was the same as he. They walked back.

The way Luhan suddenly grabbed Kyungsoo's shoulder was abrupt.

“You know, Kyung, you don't have to hang out with me everyday! I understand if you want to play with your other friends too! I always get us in trouble. Plus I can entertain myself. I think.” Luhan's smile looked weird. Kyungsoo hit Luhan's arm.

“Why are you saying stuff like that, Luhan?”

Sometimes when the lights were low and Kyungsoo was supposed to be sleeping, he could hear his parents hushed voices talk. The tone and volume made him believe it was about something secret, something they didn't want any others to hear. He only caught snippets due to himself not wanting to be caught. Like the snippets themselves, you could say.

“Still young.”

“Sometime.”

“Nothing wrong.”

“Yet.”

“Just very creative, right?” His mothers voice had sounded, at that point, like she was trying to make herself believe her own words, like they sounded false to her.

After he heard the worry in her words, Kyungsoo decided he best get back to his bed, a strange sense of sorrow rushing over him.

Luhan liked the colour green the most. Luhan liked playing soccer. Luhan wanted to be happy more than anything else. Luhan liked pasta. Luhan hated seafood. Luhan had never learnt how to properly swim. Luhan liked cats more than dogs. Luhan once fell down from a tree and broke his left arm. Luhan never wore enough clothes when it was cold out. Luhan liked the smell of roses more than any other person Kyungsoo had ever known. Luhan drew well. Luhan couldn't pour himself a glass of water without spilling a third of it on himself or on whatever surface nearby. Luhan was left-handed.

Considering the fact that it took about 5 hours to drive to the coast, visits to the beach were a rarity. Much to Kyungsoo and Luhan's dismay. But one hot day in July it was easily decided that the trip was to happen. Luhan was almost ecstatic, despite his inability to swim. The atmosphere was what drew Luhan in. Or that was what Kyungsoo thought. He never asked Luhan about it. Never wanted to intrude in something Luhan seemed insecure about, he knew that pain all too well himself. When the glinting of the sea finally became visible, Luhan and Kyungsoo made their way out of the stuffed car as fast as a couple of overheated boys who'd spent 5 hours in a such vehicle possibly could. That day the waves weren't exactly non-existent. Kyungsoo was firmly told not to go far out. Luhan and Kyungsoo ran to the water. Kyungsoo noticed how many interesting rocks and shells there were. Luhan made a remark about how it looked like the water got deep really quickly. Kyungsoo absentmindedly failed to listen to anything Luhan said, due to the fact that Kyungsoo was pretty sure he found himself an actual fossil.

“Lu, come look at this cool rock I found!”

Only the waves and the many seagulls' shrill voices answered him.

“Luhan?” This time a bit louder.

“Hi Kyung! Over here! The waves are really something today, eh?” Luhan was standing in the water with the expression one has when a roller coaster is about to take its first descent. Kyungsoo felt a need to go down and stand next to Luhan, hold his hand, laugh and scream with him at the infinite ocean. Some sea foam had gathered around Luhan's knees. Kyungsoo still stared at Luhan, something about the scene faintly reminded him of some painting he'd seen once. The waves kept coming.

“Aren't you coming? I swear it's not hard or dangerous at all just standing out here!”

“I'm not scared, if that's what you're saying! I'll be right there!” Kyungsoo's bare feet ushered him to go back to the warm sand as soon as he stepped into the sea. The water felt so cold, at least compared to the land. Luhan wasn't standing more than 10 meters out, but the waves caused Kyungsoo to make his way out there cautiously. Every time the waves hit Kyungsoo he shuddered. Finally he was next to Luhan again, who greeted him with a splash of water. The waves kept coming.

“Isn't it impressive, looking at the ocean and stuff? If you kept on swimming, you'd reach Europe sometime!”

“I think, technically, it would probably be Northern Africa, Lu. But you're right, it's beautiful.” They sighed simultaneously, but only Luhan's was audible. The waves kept coming.

“If I walked out any longer, it would get deep really fast, I think.” Luhan's face looked foreign to Kyungsoo. He looked so reckless in that moment. Flickering. Kyungsoo knew what was coming. Luhan began half walking half sort of paddling further out in the ocean.

“I was right, Kyung! One meter farther and I wouldn't be able to see the bottom! How cool is that?” Kyungsoo's mind felt muddled, he was uneasy. He wanted Luhan to come back to him. Soon. The waves kept coming.

“I'm gonna see if I can float real quick, ok? I swear, it's so nice to cool down out here.”

“Uh Luhan, you were right about the depth and all, can't you come back now?” Luhan didn't hear him, he was in his own world, in his own waters. The waves kept coming.

“Luhan please come back now,” Kyungsoo yelled. He was watching Luhan trying to float with minor success. Luhan kind of lied on his back, got his head underwater somehow, then resurfaced gasping after air. Repeat that. The waves kept coming.

A particularly strong wave took Kyungsoo by surprise and pushed the fragile boy to the ground. Luhan wasn't visible when Kyungsoo came up again. He'd probably just attempted to float again, Kyungsoo thought. Seconds passed with Kyungsoo anxiously overlooking as much of the sea as he could. The waves kept coming.

Luhan wasn't coming back up again. Gone. Kyungsoo was frantically pushing himself towards where Luhan last had been. He dove underwater, the salt stung in his eyes, he couldn't see anything but different shades of blue. He went under again after a few sharp breaths, and as he was swimming he remarked to himself how Luhan had been completely right. He couldn't see the bottom below him. Not that he could see that much in the first place. What he could see, though, was a figure slowly falling towards it. Kyungsoo heard voices coming from the shore, but he paid them no mind. He took one last deep breath before diving once again. He needed to get Luhan more than he needed the oxygen, he kept on saying to himself. Deep down the water was like ice.

Darkness, but there was the warmth of another in his two hands.

When Kyungsoo woke up, everything was too white, too bright. The first clear thing he saw was Luhan sitting next to his bed. A feeling of relief filled him, although Kyungsoo couldn't piece together why. Luhan's eyes were closed, he looked sad. The room span around Kyungsoo.

“Don't cry, Luhan.” Kyungsoo's voice was so croaked, he almost couldn't even understand himself. Luhan shook his head once.

“You look so weird when you cry, don't do it.” A tear fell from Luhan's left eye, he shook his head again. Kyungsoo was so confused, it hurt his head.

“If you cry, I'll start to as well, and I don't even know why, Luhan.” Finally he opened his eyes, and Luhan began crying for real.

“You almost died because I'm such a moron, that's why! I'm so sorry, Kyungsoo.” Behind the tears and Kyungsoo's own bewilderment, he could see the near resentment Luhan had for himself. Luhan's wailing nearly pushed Kyungsoo to tears himself. It hurt.

“Don't cry, Luhan, then I'll start, too. Please don't.”

The room was spinning so fast. Kyungsoo closed his eyes.

In the dark Kyungsoo saw a flower in a little pot. It was there all by itself. He moved towards it. It looked like a rose. The smell was intoxicating. Kyungsoo tried to touch the delicate petals, but his hand went right through it. He tried to get a grasp on the flower, but there was nothing.

The second time Kyungsoo woke up, it was all a lot more dim. His parents were sitting there, looking at him. When they noticed, they were by his side in a heartbeat. His mother shrieked. His head hurt. Before they both started rambling with words of care, worry and mild scolding. The adults looked at each other. It looked like they made a pact, deciding on doing a specific thing, asking a specific question.

“What were you doing out there, Kyungsoo?” Where was he doing what?

Kyungsoo suddenly, for some reason, thought about how he wanted it to be summer forever.

“What do you mean? What happened?”

“Kyungsoo, do you remember that we went to the beach not too long ago?”

“You almost drowned, Kyungsoo.”

His head again hurt so much, he thought it'd explode. He was only able to think about one thing.

“Luhan..”

“Luhan was the one drowning. Not me.”

Kyungsoo only got two gently shaking heads as his answer.

As Kyungsoo got older things started to grow more difficult. There were so many concepts he didn't understand, so many rules for him to follow. Adults with friendly-looking smiles seemed to always talk to him, attend to him, supervise him. Everywhere. They told him to be more attentive to the real world, his friends and school, those things. Kyungsoo only wanted to be alone. Even his own thoughts weren't all really his own anymore, he believed. He never saw Luhan. He missed him more than anything. Kyungsoo really only got to see him in his dreams, which made him want to sleep forever.

Even when running, Kyungsoo felt frozen into the same place at all times, but with the world revolving before him.

Kyungsoo was dreaming. The atmosphere was innocent, childlike. He could see Luhan sitting in the woods they had so often gone out to back then. A warm, calming breeze made the scene so very serene. Kyungsoo sat down next to Luhan, who didn't notice him. He was just looking happily at nature unfolding in front of him. Kyungsoo was mesmerized once again by Luhan. Kyungsoo grabbed Luhan's hand. Luhan finally turned his head. His expression was of pleasant surprise.

“I haven't seen you in a long time, Kyungsoo. You look different.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't be! I like it.”

“No, Luhan, not that. I'm sorry for leaving you here.”

“Oh. I don't mind. That much. You know, I did say you didn't have to hang out with me all the time! I'm fine, really.” Kyungsoo had always been able to read Luhan like an open book.

“They wouldn't let me out of sight, Luhan. I'm so sorry.”

“Is it because of the what happened at the beach? I've become smarter, Kyungsoo.”

“I don't know, Luhan. But I missed you so much.”

“You too.”

They looked at each other for what seemed like eternity, until Kyungsoo finally enveloped Luhan in a warm, soothing hug. Kyungsoo placed light kisses on the top of Luhan's head, on his cheeks and on his nose.

“Let me become your memories, Kyungsoo. I want to become your memories.”

Kyungsoo woke up with his breathing hitched and a want to leave. The vague remains of his dream disappeared one by one. He sighed. It was only 5 am, which made him sigh yet again. He still had hours to himself and his thoughts. Kyungsoo had come to dislike being alone with himself. It felt unsafe, for some reason. It became much easier just doing what he was told to. The thoughts were saddening, but resilient. They poked at him.

“Why won't you let me see Luhan?” His parents disliked being interrupted in the middle of an otherwise nice dinner.

“Luhan? I thought you would've forgotten about him by now.“ They resumed eating. Nothing had happened.

“No, I didn't. Would you answer my question?” Knives and forks clinked.

“Look, sweetie. Your dad and I decided that it would be best if you interacted more with your other friends and focused more on school. In the long run, it will really be much better for you.”

“But Luhan is my best friend.”

“That might be right, but you need more than one friend, honey. You can see that, right?”

“I don't care.”

“But we do, Kyungsoo.”

“You don't. If you did, you'd let me see Luhan!”

“Now, calm down, Kyungsoo. If you really want to see him, then do it. Right now. Go find him.”

“But.. Where is he? I can't find him anywhere! I looked for such a long time before, but he was just gone.”

“Maybe he moved, Kyungsoo. Maybe he just isn't here anymore.” Blank faces. Apathetic.

“He would've told me, if that was the case! Have you done anything to him? Where is Luhan? Tell me.”

“Kyungsoo! You can look after him, after we've finished dinner, if you really insist. And don't talk like that to us.” Kyungsoo's face was red.

Kyungsoo did go looking for Luhan. He looked for him in the woods, but everything was bare and cold. He looked around his whole neighborhood, there was nothing. He ventured out towards the city center, the night had become so cold. Every time Kyungsoo exhaled, little puffs of mist emerged. The sky was dark and grey. He felt lost, he had no idea of where Luhan could be. It was like Kyungsoo didn't even expect to find him. Like he just wanted to escape. But he wanted to bump into Luhan, wanted to be near him just once, just wanted to see him, hear his voice. Oh, he wanted it more than anything he'd ever wanted before. He wondered what it would feel like to kiss Luhan.

At the display window of a shop, Kyungsoo saw his own appearance. He saw a cold boy, shivering. He saw sadness. Slowly another reflection started appearing next to him. Kyungsoo recognized it immediately. But it was only that, when Kyungsoo turned his head no one was standing next to him. The tears weren't held back any longer. He was torn into uncountable pieces when realization hit him. He understood everything. A sentence came to his mind, as he fell down onto the cold, hard pavement.

"I want to become your memories."

A/n: The comic was calvin and hobbes. I hope you realized that luhan wasn't real. im making myself sad here oh god. comments and the like are greatly appreciated c: hope you enjoyed it. ALSO THIS PAIRING DOES NOT GET ENOUGH LOVE WTF. im sailing my own ship (more like dinghy) here