Months after his mother’s passing, Jongin and Kyungsoo finally moved on as trainees in SM Ent. For a while, it felt like all his problems were taken away as he immersed himself in his work. He met a lot of like-minded people like him and he couldn’t be happier with his new surroundings.

                Jongin also moved in with Kyungsoo. He couldn’t bear living in his old apartment all by himself. It reminded him too much of his mother. His sisters moved out as well, and Jina was even planning to get married. They were moving on, and he knew he had too as well. Jongin found that moving on was harder than it seemed, as he woke up often in the middle of the night, crying and twisting in his sleep. However, Kyungsoo would always be there to help him. He would wake the boy up, make him a glass of milk and help put him to sleep.

                Kyungsoo had some new friends as well. A tall kid named Chanyeol, his vocalist friends named Baekhyun and Chen and other kids as well.  Kyungsoo spent a lot of time in the vocal studio whereas Jongin bounced in and out of dancing studios. Dancing was the only thing that could take his mother’s death off his mind.

                Kyungsoo and Jongin were talking to each other during lunch, and Kyungsoo revealed some rather surprising news.

                “Chanyeol asked me out.”

                Jongin looked at Kyungsoo for a while.

                “And?”

                “And I said yes.” Kyungsoo replied.

                “Oh.” Jongin mouthed. He didn’t know what to say. His mind was telling him “Congratulate him! He finally has a date!”, but his heart told him “No. Don’t say anything. You don’t deserve to.”

                “I will be late today. Don’t wait for me.”

                “Okay. Have fun hyung.”

                                                                ******************

                Kyungsoo came home late every day. Jongin never stayed up anymore. Kyungsoo would disappear after practice and Jongin would return home alone. They stopped sitting together during lunch and they stopped going to practice together.

                Taemin made his debut as SHINee and Jongin saw less and less of his old dance partner. Jongin’s closest trainee friend, Sehun, found love with a doe eyed boy named Luhan and stopped hanging out with him as well. Jongin felt like he returned to the days when his mother just passed on.

                Lonely, tired and empty.

                One night, Jongin stayed late in the studio for some extra practice. He walked home and stopped in his tracks. There they were, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol, wrapped in each other’s arms, kissing at the door.

                Chanyeol held Kyungsoo close as Kyungsoo stood on his toes. His eyes were shut and their lips moved together in perfect union. Jongin stood there, his muscles tense and his eyes tearing up.

                That was when it hit him. Kyungsoo was no longer his. He was Chanyeol’s.

                He had finally lost all that meant the most to him.

                “Jongin…” Kyungsoo tried to talk to him.

                “Leave me alone.” Jongin pushed and walked to his room. He slammed the door and left Kyungsoo standing outside.

                The same way he left his mother years ago.

                                                *********************

                “Jongin… sweetheart…”

                By the time Jongin awoke, he found himself lying on his bed, with his feet dangling over the edge. He lifted his body and opened his eyes. The room around him had pastel blue walls with drawings pasted all over. Boxes of toys lay on the floor and he saw his old Cars collection on the floor.

                This was his childhood room.

                “Jongin, you’re awake.”                Jongin saw his mother walk in through the door. He felt his jaw go slack as he hugged his mother.

                “Mom…oh mom…I thought I lost you…”

                “Oh no sweetie. You could never lose me. I never even left.”

                “Yes you did…you were in a car crash…” Jongin felt his words stick to his throat.

                “Jongin, I meant I never left your heart.” His mother smiled, laying Jongin back into his childhood bed.

                “Mom…don’t go…”

                “I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry.” She his hair. “I just saw your dad, and we were just talking about you.”

                “Daddy is here?”

                “Oh yes. He is always here.” She pointed to Jongin’s chest. “Once someone is inside, they can never get out.”

                Jongin held his mother’s hand and watched her smile at him. “I should have never let you go mother.”

                “It’s not too late to bring it back.”

                “I guess I’m just too used to having people leave me.” Jongin said quietly.

                “Don’t. Because once you do, people will walk out even faster than you can imagine. Don’t ever get used to this feeling.”

                “Mom…”

                “Don’t live your life in my shadows. Find your own ground and please do me a favour.”

                “Yes?”

                “Don’t let that go.” She said. “You let me and your father go, please, don’t make the same mistake.”

                “Mom…”

                “Sleep son. When you wake up, everything will be okay.”

                “But if I sleep, will you leave again?”

                “Sweetheart, I have never left.” She smiled. I’m just in a place where you can’t see me.

                “Okay.” Jongin said and shut his eyes. His mother kissed his forehead.

                When he woke up again, he was no longer in his childhood room. He was in the dark musty walls of his old bedroom.

                He placed a hand over his heart. Once someone is inside, they can never go out.

                                                                                ******************

                “Kyungsoo!” Jongin called as he ran outside. Kyungsoo wasn’t in the dorm when Jongin went to look for him. He ran down and through the streets. Just a few blocks down, he finally spotted Kyungsoo at the bus stop.

                “Kyungsoo!”

                “Jongin…” Kyungsoo ran up to Jongin. They enveloped in each other’s arms.

                “Don’t leave.”

                “Wha..what?”

                “Don’t go. I don’t care where you are going. Just don’t go.”

                “Jongin…”

                “I’m sorry I was so stupid. But I can’t let you go. I can’t. I’ve let too many people go, and I can’t let that happen to you.”

                “Jongin, what are you trying to say?”

                “I’m trying to say…Kyungsoo, I love you. Please, don’t go.”

               Kyungsoo stood there, letting his arms fall to his sides. The bus rolled over and stopped. The driver opened its door, waiting for new passengers. An old lady, a mother and 2 kids, and some teenagers boarded and the bus drove off.

                “I won’t. I’m not going anywhere.” Kyungsoo breathed. He pulled Jongin close and for the first time, their lips met.

                Jongin’s heart swelled. He felt tears spring in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around the smaller one. And somewhere in the back of his mind, he could see his mother smiling at him.

                He let his mother, father and his sisters go.

                This time, he wasn’t going to let him go.

A/N: Written in memory of my grandfather, who died two years ago. This goes out to all those who has ever lost someone and to those who don't.