#701

Dear You,

It's been almost 2 weeks since we've officially been together. You know, a couple. Your parents accepted our relationship, and we weren't that shocked due to the fact that, they've accepted me for a very long time. You've tried to get better for me and for us to work, but it hasn't been that successful. 

But, you've been just a little more open with me. You showed me your self-harm scars on your right wrist, left thigh and the one cut on your neck. It was an awful lot to take in without vomiting or cringing at the sight. It took me a few minutes for myself to calm down because the Jongin I knew would never do that to himself.. But the Jongin I knew is long gone. He saw the hurt look in my eyes and he apologised over and over again. He embraced me into a side hug. He gave me a small kiss on the side of my temple and it didn't matter what he's done before, it's whatever he's planning to do in the future. 

I find it wholeheartedly adorable when Jongin tries so hard to be happy for me, for us. He tries forcing this fake smile and I end up laughing but tell him I appreciate his efforts. I give him kisses every now and then and he seems to love it. We haven't hit the stage where we would say 'I love you' to each other, yet. We're really careful with our words but show our feelings through our actions. 

But between you (diary) and I, I'll say it just this once.

I love y

______________________________________

A call from Jongin’s mum interrupted me and I wasn't expecting it because she never calls me. Honestly, the only time she ever called me was when Jongin injured his waist, while he was dancing... And that was over a year ago. I was hesitant to pick up because Jongin's mum can sound like a principal whom everyone is afraid of - seriously. But of course, in the end, I picked up abruptly, and as soon as I answered I could hear her strong breathing through the other line of the phone. It made me worry on too many levels, because I could literally feel her worrisome mother-like presence on the other side of this phone.

"Jongin's been admitted to the hospital! He took a bottle of pills. Sang Jung, do you know why? Aish, never mind that. Come here immediately!" Jongin’s mum hung up before I could even speak or answer.

I dropped my phone and did not care for a single moment whether it was cracked or the least, scratched. It sounded like she was blaming me, and a wash of fault reigned over me. I’ve done this a million times where Jongin was in trouble but, it never got to the point where he’d been rushed into the hospital. But the question was… Why did he swallow down a bottle of pills? What in the world made him consider that? I couldn't think and just ran out of my house without telling my parents anything. Yes, my parents were always laid back and knew me inside out. They knew about Jongin’s depression and knew that he was my… boyfriend. 

You'll be okay, Jongin.

As long as I'll be there, I'll make sure you'll be fine.

Just hold on.

______________________________________

Little did Sang Jung know, her phone that she dropped ever so carelessly and forgotten, suddenly got a text a few minutes after she left the house. And it was from her beloved boyfriend, Kim Jongin.

Mine <3

Jagiya...

Hurry up and come to the hospital. I need you so much right now. I’m sorry for being a pain at 10pm at night. I’m sorry for being a burdensome boyfriend to you...

I love you.