The hot, sticky summer days were coming back and I'm really not looking forward to it, once again. I absolutely despised summer. It was the season when I was unable to breathe the warm and polluted air, unable to become cosy in blankets and unable to look perfect due to all the sweat that dripped down my face.

But what I hated wholeheartedly was that, it had been almost 2 summers since he was diagnosed with a mental and emotional illness, almost wickedly incurable. The cure for depression is not simply to just "be happier"; that was his first try and it failed miserably. Thus, it led him to full loneliness, isolation, incompleteness and hopelessness.   

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#690.

Dear you,

Somehow I can't seem to remember when you last smiled. I can't seem to remember when you laughed, until your stomach ached. I can't seem to remember when you'd ramble about how happy and joyful your days were. I can't seem to remember when you'd tell me your secrets and troubles. Shoot, I can't seem to remember one damn thing about the contented you. 

Yesterday, I knew nothing would happen no matter how I tried to make you happy, or the least, make you smile. You know yesterday, it felt like your despair almost took me, with the dark look in your eyes. Funny, huh? You were sitting at the edge of lake again, just staring at your reflection. The sun perfectly sculpted the sides of the face and you looked enlightened, for a little while. I joined you, and you looked up at me as if I was the water. It was like you were looking at your reflection, within me. At that moment, I thought you were going to do something or say something other than "Can you leave me alone?" or "Why are you here again?" Simply, I would answer, "I'm always here because I care. I won't ever leave you, I promise." As usual, you would flash that infamous smirk of yours, at the word 'promise.' Your next response would always kill me - "And I'll set your pain, burdens and pity towards me at ease, when I leave you forever. I promise."

At that moment, I thought that maybe for once, I could try to understand you and bare the pain with you. Silly me. You stood up from your crouching position and patted me on the head as if I was some dog. I struggled to keep my jaw from continuously moving and shaking, from the tears, I tried to hold back in. Every summer, it was becoming more and more difficult for myself to stay strong for you. Every summer, it was becoming more dreadfully painful to see you grow into something so miserable. Every damn summer, it reminded me of how it all started - or at least, I thought I knew. And I hated every summer, because I couldn't gather the missing pieces and help you one bit! 

All I want to do is help you. Why won't you let me keep my sanity in place, nowadays? 

Signed with love, Sang Jung.    

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"I'm living happily" - something many people wouldn't be able to say, so freely.

I was lucky enough to realise, that I'm living. I'm living something called 'life', to every moment and grasping it firmly, when others are taking it for granted.