09 | Femme Fatale
{ “Le Angel • Portfolio” }
09 Femme Fatale
09 • Femme Fatale
Story by: TheLandofBrownSugar
[Clear Days, Cloudy Days Reviews]
Story by: TheLandofBrownSugar
[Clear Days, Cloudy Days Reviews]
Title:
The title looked interesting; however since I have no experience in French I had to research it up. After finding out what it means I can say that it relates to the plot, so good job! From my little research I felt that the title seem somewhat fierce and mysterious as well. Moreover, the title sounds elegant and sophisticated which suits the femme fatale of the story; because of this aspect, it made me wonder on what the story will be about. I couldn’t place my finger on what kind of genre the story will be about based on the title only. I thought of romance and maybe but I couldn’t think of any themes that the story could also be about. The title is something that it isn’t common around this site, thus it stands out, so kudos to you!
Foreword/Description:
I’m not familiar with stories that include clubs, but your description seemed like a typical scene that could happen in both books and in real life. I like how we have an insight of who could be the ‘femme fatale’ and the main character in the description, however I feel that the way the dialogue and setting was written, it seemed obvious who was which. It’s a good thing you didn’t specify who ‘she’/’her’ was though! That might’ve almost spoils the story, and I felt that I knew on what might happen next after this particular scene.
The foreword was mainly comments from you, so I have nothing to review that on.
Originality:
As mention I’m not really familiar with fan-fictions that include clubs (I did read some though) nor have I visited one, I can’t say that your story was new to me. I did like how you brought in the femme fatale concept though which was refreshing. I had a bad impression about femme fatales after reading some information about them, but you twist that idea. You show that not all femme fatales are bad people (in my opinion) who just seduce guys but actually women who are mysterious and someone you wouldn’t expect to enter your life. I can understand now on why people like to include clubs in their fan-fictions; it’s a place where anything can happen, even romance.
Characterization:
Sunny didn’t catch my interest. She seems boring to my taste, it’s like she didn’t bear a lot of emotions throughout the one-shot. I don’t quite understand on what made her like Sooyoung actually. Love at first sight? I’m not too sure. I can tell she’s the type who likes to think a lot hence the reason why she doesn’t speak so often. However, she’s the type who likes to follow the crowd which kind of juxtaposes Sooyoung’s personality which I’ll explain in the next paragraph. Sunny seems bland in my opinion, and that aspect kind of contradicts her name; she’s not bright or someone that stands out.
I quite like Sooyoung though! Despite being elegant and really attractive, Sooyoung’s seems like a quirky and un-expecting type of person. I can understand why Sunny seems attracted to her a bit; she’s not the type of person who just backs away- she’s daring and bold, not someone who seduces people to dance with her. However, I did find her a bit cheeky yet creepy at the end. Was it by ‘coincidence’ that Sunny and her happened to be at the same café at the same time? Her response to Sunny’s question amused me but I can’t imagine two people (who are practically strangers) meeting up ‘accidently’. It’s unreal to me. And how is it that Sooyoung doesn’t seem tired after all that hard-core dancing? That, I’d like to know because last time I danced hard in a party, I felt like my legs were paralyzed the next morning. Joking aside, Sooyoung does seem like a nice and fun person, and she contradicts the typical ‘femme fatale’ that people think about- that aspect, I like.
Grammar/Vocabulary:
I didn’t have that much problems with your grammar and vocabulary. I can understand pretty much everything you said. There were a few sentences that didn’t make sense but I believe you can fix them as they aren’t that major.
Example: They was staring right at me!
Correction: They were staring right at me!
This is one example, and I think it’s obvious what the mistake was. Your vocabulary was alright to me, and I felt that there weren’t a lot of repetition of words. I mentioned this in one of my reviews but just make sure you proof-read your work so that it makes sense and that there aren’t little flaws hiding somewhere. Overall, your grammar and vocabulary was alright.
Enjoyment:
I enjoyed it; the plot was simple but sweet. I preferred these types of one-shots as they’re not heavily bombarded with twists and turns that make the story confusing. In addition, even though Sunny did bore me, the other characters (Amber, Hyoyeon and Hyomin) were a bit brighter, which lighten the mood of the story. I believe that your story is something that can happen in real life, which I think is good.
Writing Style:
I was comfortable with your writing style. It wasn’t too serious however, I felt that it seemed a bit light, which I’m alright with as it matches the relationship between Sunny and Sooyoung. It was clear when you were differentiating Sunny’s thoughts and the description, as well when you were transitioning from once scene to another. I did feel that the story went a bit quick when you jumped from the club to the next morning. But I feel that how you ended the club scene was perfect (though cheesy).
Bonus/Reviewer’s comments:
I quite like the story! It was simple and I liked the sweet ending which juxtaposed the boring atmosphere in the beginning, and y-like environment in the club. Since this is your first fan-fiction ever on this site, I’m quite pleased with how it turned out. Try to develop your characters, as to me they play a vital role in the story. Other than that, your grammar and the mechanics of a story seems alright and pretty strong to me, so I believe your future stories will be good.
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