Fate is always unpredictable. In this poker game called life, you never know what cards you’ll be dealt with.

Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose.

Sometimes, things happen the way you want it… you feel lucky and you feel your heart swell with so much happiness…

You feel bliss.

But things don’t always go your way… and this time, you feel as if the whole world crashed down on you… as if your heart was ripped out…

You feel like dying.

You feel so messed up…

…more so when you know that there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

 

 

~+~

 

 

“I can’t lie to her anymore,” Tiffany’s husky voice trembled as it cut through the silence of the thick midnight draught. Her hand gripped her phone tightly while her free arm wrapped against her own body. Whether it is because of the cold or because of the pain she felt, it was a lame attempt to stop her body from shaking.

“I don’t want to hurt her… but I don’t know how long I can take this,” she continued saying, her teary eyes focused on the horizon as the sun begins to rise. “I… I just want to be free, Yuri-ah… I want to let go, but I’m being selfish if I did… She still grieves for her parents… She needs me.”

A tear slid down her face.

“I love her, but I feel so chained. My heart is so tired…  I… I don’t know what to do,” her voice faltered as a sob fully escaped her lips.

“O-okay… I’ll see you after she heads out. Sure, you can give me a ride to work… Bye.”

With a heavy heart and eyes shut tight, Tiffany ended the call. Her hand immediately covered , stifling the sobs that were fighting to be let out.

 

…

 

…

 

A few feet from the brunette, a blonde girl stood quietly by the balcony door, her lips pursed as she calmed her pounding heart.

Tears pooled in her eyes as she finally had the answer to her question, her doubts…

 

Tiffany was seeing someone else. And that someone happened to be some complete stranger to me.

 

Somehow, Jessica knew it herself.

She knew it the morning when Tiffany never wakes her up with a kiss anymore… when Tiffany never visited her at work like she used to… when Tiffany never waits for her to come home…

And she knew it the moment she looked into Tiffany’s hazel eyes. The eyes that melted her heart lost its spark.

She knew it… but because she loved Tiffany so much, she refused to believe what her heart was telling her. She refused to believe that the one thing she cared about wanted to say goodbye.

She knew it… and unconsciously, she just needed the confirmation.

And now, she can’t deny it…

She can’t deny the pain coursing through her veins… she can’t deny the feeling of a thousand needles piercing her heart…

 

…

 

It hurt so much.

 

…

 

…

 

Her hand feebly grasped her shirt … a silent tear rolling down her own cheek as she painfully listens to the sobs from the balcony.

Screw the fact that she got cheated on by the girl she considered her everything… Screw the fact that she was hurt…

‘Cause what matters the most to her is the fact that she made Tiffany cry.

Seeing Tiffany hurt because of her was like sending multiple daggers through her heart.

 

…

 

…

 

Her knees begin to tremble as she finally looked away, unable to bear it a second longer.

Wiping her tears, she dragged her feet back to the bed and took comfort in the feeling of the warm blanket and pillows that she and Tiffany shared.

Another tear slid down her cheek as she realized that this was the closest feeling to having Tiffany in her arms.

 

…

 

Hearing the balcony door creak, she immediately closed her eyes, repressing the sobs and fighting the urge to scream from the pain that she’s feeling.

A few footsteps heard and she slowly felt the bed dipping as Tiffany crawled underneath the blankets with her.

Jessica held her breath and tried not to tremble as the brunette s a shaky arm around her waist.

“I love you, Jessi,” Tiffany’s teary voice resounded through the dark room as she held the blonde closer to her, her body still shaky as she hugged her tight. “I’m… I’m sorry…”

Jessica swallowed the painful lump in and she suppressed the overwhelming urge to cry.

 

I love you, Tiff… I’m just sorry I can’t be enough for you…

 

 

~+~

 

 

“Krystal called,” Tiffany said, breaking the awkward silence that ensued as they sat down for breakfast. “She just checked up on you, asked how things are… She also – Jess…?”

She turned her gaze to the blonde, an eerie feeling forming at the pit of her stomach.

 

Something wasn’t right.

 

Jessica had been unusually quiet ever since that morning. Tiffany noticed that the girl was spacing out more than usual… And in the back of her mind, her instinct was telling her that Jessica was evading her gaze, too.

“Jessi…?” she tried to call out and held her hand.

The blonde looked up with an impassive expression plastered on her face. Without saying anything, she slowly retracted her hand from the brunette’s weak grip.

“Are you okay…?” Tiffany asked hesitantly, surprised that her girlfriend withdrew her hand. Jessica loved holding her hand. It had always been her simple gesture of saying she loves her. The fact that Jessica broke off contact first… it hurt Tiffany. “Honey?”

“I’m fine, Tiff… I’m just tired from overtime last night,” Jessica forced a smile, her heart clenching just a bit as she pondered if Tiffany ever used the endearment ‘honey’ for that Yuri, too.

“Hm. You do look tired,” the younger girl commented, her hand brushing the other girl’s fringe out of habit.

Jessica flinched at the contact and quickly stood up. Her heart pounded hard against her chest, the small dose of bliss fading before she could even savor the moment.

“Something wrong…?”

“I have to go, Fany-ah… I… I’m gonna be late,” Jessica said as she quickly kissed her forehead like she always does.

Without another word, Jessica left the house, no ‘goodbye’… and no ‘I love you’…

She walked out the door… leaving Tiffany with tears silently rolling down her cheeks.

 

The Jessica I loved really is gone.

 

 

~+~

 

 

Sometimes in life, you lose. And in love, it’s either you play the game again and keep on trying… or you can give up and move on…

 

Jessica had already accepted this little fact, and she came to a conclusion.

Love was a game she’d willingly lose… even if it kills her.

She’d sacrifice her heart… if only for the sake of Tiffany’s happiness…

 

…

 

…

 

It’s hard to let you go, but I would… only because you want me to.

 

~+~

 

After a week…

 

…

 

…

 

“Jessica…?”

Jessica closed her eyes for a moment, her heart suddenly clenching at the thought of what she was about to do.

It was 9:00 pm. Time was ticking fast.

“Jessi…”

A hand on her shoulder sent chills to her spine, instantly slowing her erratic heartbeat like it always has done so for the past 2 years. And right at that moment, Jessica knew that her heart would never open up again. Her heart would freeze the moment they say goodbyes.

Jessica would rather have it that way… because she didn’t want to waste time, hurting herself endlessly by finding something that would never match up to what she’s looking for…

No one would ever be able to replace Tiffany, and that she was sure of.

Though her heart knew it was the biggest mistake to let Tiffany go, Jessica would never regret setting her free.

 

…

 

…

 

“Jessi, it’s cold out here. Let’s just go home,” Tiffany turned around and was about to walk away, but suddenly halted at Jessica’s voice.

“Are you happy with me, Tiff…?”

Tiffany slowly turned around, eyebrows furrowing in curiosity as she sat back down next to her lover on the cold park bench.

“Of course, honey… I love you.”

Jessica bit her lip and almost cried on the spot. She could feel the pain growing even more at how easy Tiffany spouted a lie. She didn’t want to think about what other things Tiffany had lied about. She didn’t want to start thinking, because it would only pain her again and again.

Saying goodbye was hurtful enough. Hearing her lie then and there was just too much.

 

…

 

“Are you okay? Let me take you home,” Tiffany suggested for the second time, but Jessica shook her head.

“You know that I do love you, right?” her voice was frail as she focused her eyes on those hazel orbs that she loves so much.

“Yes, of course I know,” Tiffany answered, her expression softening under Jessica’s intense gaze.

Jessica smiled feebly. “Never forget it, okay? Never forget me,” her voice cracked at the end, and tears involuntarily fell from her eyes.

“Jess…”

More tears escaped her eyes as Jessica found herself being wrapped up in Tiffany’s warm embrace, her head buried on the crook of Tiffany’s neck.

That familiar lump formed in again, and it was getting hard to breathe.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” she stuttered as she slowly pulled away.

“Jessi, what’s wrong…?”

Jessica smiled bitterly as she lifted her hand and gently cupped her cheek. “I’m sorry…”

Tiffany frowned, an uncomfortable feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. And though she tried, for the first time in two years, she couldn’t read what was on Jessica’s mind. There were so much raw emotions in her eyes, and Tiffany couldn’t take it.

“You don’t have to wait for me anymore.”

Tiffany felt her heart sinking at those words, and she heard it crack when Jessica continued.

“I’m setting you free.”

“Are you… breaking up with me…?”

Jessica’s lips quivered at seeing the hurt in Tiffany’s eyes. She wanted to take back her words… to hug her… and she almost did. Almost. She held herself back and continued what she had to say.

“I’m letting you go… because I know you want me to.”

“Jessi, –”

Jessica held up her hand and shook her head. “Don’t. Please don’t deny it, Tiff. Stop hurting yourself with all these lies. Stop hurting me.”

Tiffany’s eyes widened in realization and tears instantly fell on its own. “Jess… Sorry I…”

Jessica shook her head again, a finger pressing against Tiffany’s lips. “Don’t say sorry. I’m the one who neglected you. I only thought of myself and my grief… and I’m sorry for that. I’m just…” she trailed off as she closed her eyes once more.

“I love you, Jessi… That’s not a lie.”

Jessica looked her straight in the eye and smiled despite the pain in her heart. “I love you, too… but I can’t keep you like this, Tiff. So just… smile for me one last time and kiss me goodbye.”

“Jessi…”

Cupping the brunette’s cheeks with both hands, Jessica leaned forward and kissed her.

It was gentle, like their first kiss.

She kissed her with much longing and passion, putting all her love in that last kiss. The kiss wasn’t just a means of saying goodbye to Tiffany, but also a farewell to her heart.

It was a seal… a promise to love Tiffany only. With that kiss, she handed her heart to Tiffany… tore it away from herself for Tiffany to keep forever.

The kiss ended as gently as it started.

“I love you, Tiffany Hwang,” Jessica whispered. “I always will.”

Tiffany smiled wistfully. “I love you…” she echoed.

At this, Jessica smiled genuinely. “That’s it. Smile like you always do.”

Tiffany smiled back again even through the tears, her heart drowning in mixed emotions. Here she was, being let go by the girl she loves… and she’s not stopping her. She needed the break. She needed to figure things out.

 

She was finally free.

 

…but why does her heart feel otherwise?

 

…

 

A squeeze on her hand pulled her from her sea of thoughts.

Tiffany looked back up.

“I hope she treats you better than I did,” Jessica’s voice trembled.

“Jessi…”

“Sshhh,” the blonde girl pressed another finger on the brunette’s lips. “Just… Always smile… for me. Promise me that, ok?”

Tiffany could only nod at those words. “I promise,” she replied and gave her another heartwarming smile… a smile that Jessica would always keep imprinted in the back of her head…

A smile that would finally belong to someone else…

And though it hurts, Jessica would openhandedly share that smile. All she wanted was Tiffany’s happiness. Loving Tiffany was enough for a Jessica Jung to exist, even without being by her side.

 

…

 

…

 

Jessica smiled again, satisfied even with a heavy heart. This is how she wants to remember Tiffany… as a girl who always had a smile on her face.

 

And this is how I want you to remember me, Tiff… as a girl who loves you enough to set you free.

 

“Goodbye, Tiffany.”

With one last peck on the girl’s lips, Jessica stood up and walked away.

The smile on Tiffany’s face faded slowly as Jessica broke into a run, going far away in the distance fast.

New tears began to fall from Tiffany’s eyes, but before it reached her chin, a hand wiped them away.

The brunette looked up in surprise, and she was instantly wrapped up in a warm embrace.

“You don’t have to cry anymore,” the familiar voice cooed.

Tiffany stifled her tears and nodded. “You’re right, Yuri-ah… you’re right.”

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

Off in the distance, behind a tree… the blonde looks on with a smile and pained chest.

She glanced at her watch.

 

Right on time, Kwon…

 

…

 

It was 9:30 pm.

30 minutes ago, Jessica wanted time to slow down.

She didn’t want to say goodbye.

But it seemed like the world was in a hurry… time ticked fast, and she finally said goodbye.

 

…

 

Now, she just wanted to get away…

She wanted time to heal her wounds quickly.

But oh, the irony of life…

 

…

 

From that moment on… time ticked torturously slow for Jessica Jung.

 

~+~

 

A week passed by quickly for Tiffany Hwang.

A week spent in trying to forget every Jessica-related memory associated with everything that’s surrounding her…

Tiffany thought it would be easy.

But it wasn’t.

How could she forget someone as unforgettable as Jessica Jung?

The feat was like stopping Titanic from sinking.

It was simply impossible to stop remembering.

 

…

 

…

 

“Are you sure you want to go back there?”

Tiffany heaved out a sigh and nodded as she stared back at Yuri through the reflection in the mirror.

“What if Jessica’s there… what will you do?”

“I… I haven’t thought of it.”

Now, it was Yuri’s turn to sigh.

Tiffany spun around and placed her arms around the taller girl’s neck. “Look, Yul… I just need to get some of my stuff. And… maybe it’s good if I see her. I want to know how she’s doing. She’s still my best friend, you know. I don’t want her totally out of my life.”

Yuri let out another sigh and nodded. “I understand. Do you want me to come with you?”

“I’d love that…” the brunette answered back with a small smile, feeling a tiny bit of anxiety at the thought of seeing Jessica again.

 

…

 

…

 

That tiny bit of anxiety grew bigger the moment she set foot at the familiar doorway.

 

~+~

 

Empty.

 

That was the perfect word to describe the house that Jessica and Tiffany used to share.

All the things that made the house feel homey… they were all gone.

Her clothes. Her shoes. Her humongous book collection.

Jessica’s things were gone.

And all that’s left are Tiffany’s things, untouched and still right where she left them.

 

…

 

…

 

“Fany…” Yuri called out, but Tiffany didn’t seem to have heard her.

She was too preoccupied in her thoughts… too wallowed in the ever-growing pain in her heart.

She found herself walking back towards their room.

A room filled with happy memories… and now…

 

Empty.

 

Even with all the things in the room, it felt empty.

 

…

 

“Fany-ah…” Yuri was able to catch the girl just in time before her knees gave up. Slowly, she led the girl to sit down on the bed. “I’ll get you a glass of water.”

 

…

 

But sitting on this bed… feeling the soft sheets under the palm of her hand… and holding the pillow that Jessica loved so much…

It didn’t make Tiffany feel better.

She averted her eyes away.

And that’s when something shiny on the dresser caught her eye.

 

…

 

Tiffany walked the few steps towards the dresser, and a sudden sting shoots up in her heart…

It was their couple ring… the two white gold bands that Jessica used to wear around her neck.

A sob escaped from Tiffany’s lips as she held the rings in her hand.

And it didn’t end there.

A letter sat atop the dresser, ‘Tiffany’ written in elegant script at the front.

Taking a deep breath, Tiffany opened the letter.

 

 

Hey Tiff…

 

If you’re reading this, then this must be the first time you came back to our house. I do hope you get to read this.

 

I at things like this. You know I’m not that expressive… but I do try to be, just for you. I’m sorry if I wasn’t showy enough… I’m sorry if I made you feel like you had to stay with me because I’m grieving… But you know I’m not the type who takes losses lightly. I needed some time to recover. But I guess I was still selfish. I was too preoccupied in my grief that I failed to think of you. I’m sorry if you felt like I didn’t love you enough…

 

I do love you, Tiff. Believe that. I want you to be happy… even if it means living in a world without me by your side.

 

This house is yours, by the way. I never told you, but I bought it thinking of you. So, I put the title under your name. It’s yours. I hope you keep it safe.

 

And my rings… I want you to have them. Remember when I showed them to you? You told me it symbolized our two hearts. And I told you that I’ll wear it on my neck, close to my real heart. … As much as I’d love to always have you in my life, I know I can’t have your heart anymore. I kept your chain necklace, if you don’t mind. I’ll always wear it around my neck. Even though I don’t have your heart, my love for you will always stay as strong as this chain.

 

Knowing that you’ve loved me back is enough for me to live on.

 

Take care, Tiff.

 

I love you until forever,

Jessi

 

P.S. Don’t break your promise to me, Tiff. Always smile for me.

 

 

“Damn you, Jess,” Tiffany muttered as she fell on her knees and let her tears drop freely. “How can I smile for you when I don’t have the reason to?”

 

~+~

 

“What are you waiting for?”

“What…?”

“You love her…”

“I… I do.”

“Then, let her know.”

 

~+~

 

“What are you doing here?!” a venomous voice greeted Tiffany as she stood there… at the center of a living room of a luxurious university dorm.

Tiffany flinched at hearing the viciousness in the younger girl’s tone.

“Are you just gonna stand there??”

“Krystal, let’s talk…”

The said girl scoffed. “Talk? Talk about what, unnie? How you broke my sister’s heart? Or how you broke mine by driving her away from both our lives??”

Tiffany’s expression softened and guilt started to course through her veins. It was only then that she realized it. Jessica left her… and in the process, Jessica left her only sister, too. Jessica left the only family she had.

“Oh, Krys… I didn’t know… I’m s-”

“I don’t need your sorry, unnie. I don’t want anything from you… especially your pity!”

Tiffany felt tears pooling in her eyelids, and she stood there, guilt and shame breaking down her barriers and rendering her speechless.

“You say you love my sister, and yet you cheated on her… She loves you so much, you know. She loves you more than me. And once upon a time, I can accept that,” Krystal continued, her voice starting to tremble at the thought of her sister.

“But now… because she loves you more than anything, she left me. I tried to be understanding. I tried to be the stronger one, when our parents died… but I can’t hold out much longer.”

With those words, Krystal broke down in tears, the pain of losing her parents to death not even comparing to the pain of losing her sister to a girl who didn’t even deserve her.

“Krys…” Tiffany tried to reach out, but Krystal only moved away, the younger girl stepping back as she stepped forward.

“Don’t come near me, please.”

“Just tell me where she is, Krystal. I’ll make things right. I’ll –”

“No.”

 

…

 

…

 

Krystal hastily wiped her tears and shook her head. “I won’t tell you, even if I knew. You’ve done enough to crush her heart. Now, she left… pursuing a dream job that she had always been pushing away because she didn’t want to leave you. I won’t let you crush her dreams. All she wanted was for you to be happy… Now, I’m asking you to do the same for her.”

Tiffany’s heart pounded painfully as tears finally slid down her cheeks. She wiped them away, and nodded halfheartedly.

She didn’t say or do anything more.

She left Krystal’s dorm, with a bittersweet smile on her face.

 

…

 

…

 

Smiling when you’re miserable is hard, but I will… because you want me to.

 

Knowing that you’ll be happy even without me is enough to make me smile.

 

…

 

~+~

 

Fate is always unpredictable. In this poker game called life, you never know what cards you’ll be dealt with.

 

But it’s not the cards that matter…

 

It’s how you play the game.

 

Fate provides you the opportunity…

 

But it’s your actions… it’s your decisions which will lead you to win or lose.

 

…

 

Fate is a matter of choices.

 

Your choices mold your fate.

 

…

 

Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose.

 

…

 

And when you lose, there’s always regret…

 

~+~

 

A/N: There.. I hope it's not too crappy or anything. Like I've said, this is PARTIALLY based on a true story. So, if some parts seem unrealistic, blame me. Haha. But hey, this is fanfiction, after all! :p

 

Comments, please!!

 

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this one-shot!

Thanks for reading! ^^

 

Update: There is a follow up of sorts to this oneshot. -> Opportunities and Second Chances