*Open this to a new tab to have a soothing melody while reading: Farewell Flower Soundtrack 

The both of them were on her bed when Hwayeong took a notebook that was covered by a thick brown leather beneath her pillow.

Luhan furrowed his brow when she handed it to him. “What’s this?”

“It’s a compilation of quotations about hope.” Hwayeong explained as the boy reached for it. “This also helps me going.”

Being curious at what she just said, Luhan sat up and carefully opened it.

The papers were old but on every single sheet, there was a dried flower and below it was a string of words of encouragement.

 Hope is the thing with feathers; That perches in the soul; And sings the tunes without the words; and never stops at all.

-Emily Dickinson

The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.

-Barbara Kingsolver

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.

-Robert Fulghum

We dream to give ourselves hope. To stop dreaming—well that’s like saying you can never change your fate.

-Amy Tan

When you have lost hope, you have lost everything. And when you think all is lost, when all is dire and bleak, there is always hope.

-Pittacus Lore

It was very thick but Luhan read every word that was written on it.

It was a month bursting with hope, love and butterflies. But although everything was fine, there’s always a part of them that kept on preparing for the complicated games of the unpredictable fate.

And sometimes, we have to admit that there’s always an end in every exciting situation.

Luhan was at the grocery store when he received a call from Mrs. Lee.

She gave a long explanation and the world stopped before him after hearing Mrs. Lee’s statement. Everything just seemed to stop moving including the beating of his heart.

He didn’t wait for any goodbye because he just quickly hung up his phone and ran straight to his car, leaving behind the thought of buying.

With shaking hands, Luhan started the engine. He didn’t know what state he’s into because all he knew was that his mind was in complete jeopardy and that all that matters was to go to where Hwayeong was, hoping that she’s still breathing.

After reaching his destination and asking a few information to the customer’s service, Luhan walked to the elevator with a swollen heart that made him feel like his rib cage became far too small to contain it.

“Auntie,”

Hearing that familiar voice of his, Mrs. Lee stood up from her seat and tried to plaster a smile but she found it hard because frustration basked her face.

“What happened? Where’s Hwayeong?” Luhan bombarded her with countless questions, making Mrs. Lee hold his arms.

“Hwayeong collapsed so I quickly called for an ambulance. The doctor’s still checking her condition.”

“She’ll be okay right?” Luhan questioned with hopeful eyes.

Mrs. Lee pursed her lips as she tried to contain herself. “We’ll see.”

After that, the both of them sat in silence with hearts that were beating fast because of nervousness, afraid of what the future might bring.

Luhan was resting his head on his knees when a man wearing a lab gown called Mrs. Lee, catching the boy’s attention that he even stood up as if he’s the one that had been called.

When the two disappeared, Luhan sat back again—alone. It was awfully quiet that he almost heard the screams of his very own fear and anxiety.

After a long while of restraining himself, Luhan saw Mrs. Lee walking towards him and what made him felt more hopeless was the fact that she approached him with a red face and eyes that were b with tears. Before she could open , Luhan braced himself despite his unwavering anxiety.

“The doctor said that the cancer tumour was malignant and it had spread in almost every part of her body.”

She was still talking but her first statement kept repeating inside Luhan’s mind.

That night, Luhan went home broken and crestfallen.

He forgot the definition of hope—even its existence.

Stars were the witnesses of his vulnerability.

Mrs. Xi already heard the news from Mrs. Lee that’s why she waited for Luhan at the living room. She had enough sense that it will greatly affect her son. Luhan walked inside just like a wandering ghost that has no destination at all and before Mrs. Xi could even open to speak words of encouragement, Luhan aimlessly made his way to the kitchen.

He grabbed a glass from the counter with shaking hands. He was so jeopardized that large amounts of water even spilled because of the lack of his attention and focus.

With a worried face, Mrs. Xi walked straight to where her son was. His back was facing her as he stared at the empty glass.

“Luhan…” His mother mumbled. “Calm down, son. It’s gonna be alright.”

She kept on repeating those words, expecting that it would somehow take away some of the burns of his heart and just before she could walk towards him and pat his back, Luhan banged his fist on the table and faced his mother with glowering eyes, making Mrs. Xi gasp. “Calm?”

“How could I keep calm mom? That freakin’ cancer tumours just freakin’ spread all over her body! And you think it’ll be alright?” Luhan ruptured with trembling lips and he was unaware that tears were gushing out from his eyes. “There’s only a few months left and now you’re telling me that it’ll be alright? She’s dying, Mom! Hwayeong’s dying! You think I can keep calm with that statement in my mind?!”

Watching her son like that, Mrs. Xi’s eyes became filled with tears and her soul almost left her body when Luhan just suddenly kneeled on the floor, sobbing loudly with convulsive gasps. It was a dreadful scene as if nightmare finally found its existence in the reality.

“How mom? How? She’s dying.” Luhan blubberingly said, not even caring how wet his face was. “My girl’s dying…”

It was horrible and it was the very first time for Mrs. Xi to see her very own son crying desperately. It was even more painful than the day when Luhan cried in front of her because of a scraped knee when he was a kid. This time, her child was crying because of the incurable and incoherent agony inside him. And it made her guilty knowing that she doesn’t have an idea how to fill in the empty spaces of his heart.

Without hesitation, she knelt herself on the ground and wrapped her arms around her son as she kept on telling that it’ll be alright although she wasn’t sure about it anymore.

There, on the cold tiled-floor, the both of them wept.

The next day, Luhan found himself inside a flower shop, buying a bouquet of assorted flowers.

After paying and giving a tip, Luhan walked to his car and drove quickly to the hospital.

The sun was bright and the sounds of cicadas were heard from a far. It was a lively summer day but Luhan faced it with a lone expression as if it was autumn—a season of sadness and letting go.

Mrs. Lee was outside talking to someone on the phone when she saw Luhan’s presence getting nearer and nearer. After hanging up, she gave the boy an apologetic look. Luhan, on the other hand just bit his lower lip, desperately preventing himself from doing what he did last night.

“She’s awake.” Mrs. Lee informed in a mere whisper.

“I brought her flowers.” Luhan said and looked at the bouquet resting on one of his arm.

Mrs. Lee tried to smile and became even more compassionate for him because she knew how much her daughter matters to him. “She doesn’t want to meet you right now but since you’re already here, go on.”

The woman stepped aside and just before Luhan could twist the knob, he stared at the door while taking in a few breaths.

When Mrs. Lee patted his shoulder, he knew it’s time to open it.

There, he saw her lying on the hospital bed.

No matter how many tears escaped his eyes last night; no matter how fear embraced him tightly; and no matter how scary the future is, Luhan faced her and plastered a smile on his face as if today is just another typical day.

Despite how weak she was; despite how everything hurts inside her; and despite how the fear of leaving Luhan behind ruined her badly, Hwayeong managed to make an optimistic façade.

“Hey,” He greeted and sat on the stool beside the bed after placing the bouquet on the side table. “I brought you these.”

Hwayeong’s eyes sparkled. “Wow thank you, Luhan.”

“You’re welcome.” Luhan replied and held her cold hand.

“Did you know that there’s a meaning behind every flower?” Hwayeong questioned as she studied every single detail of the bouquet.

Luhan shrugged. “A lot of people told that to me but I still don’t know their meanings.”

Hwayeong smiled and take in a deep breath which took her a minute. “I would like to give you an orange Gerbera.”

Hearing her words, Luhan furrowed. “A Gerbera?”

“Yeah,”

“Why?”

“Because,” Hwayeong explained and looked at him straight in the eyes. “You are the sunshine of my life.”

They both smiled but they can’t deny that behind those smiles was fear.

A fear of leaving,

A fear of getting left behind.

After getting lost in each other’s eyes for a long while, Luhan blinked; afraid at the possibility that he might cry in front of her.

“It’s gonna be alright.” Luhan whispered albeit he knew that everything is not alright at all.

Hwayeong bit her lower lip that it almost bled as she nodded. “It’s gonna be alright.”

That night, Luhan stared at the vast white ceiling of his room. Ever since it happened, he already forgot how to sleep. He felt the clenching of his heart as countless visions entered his mind.

He knew that her condition was fatal. He just want to stop the time because he was afraid—not brave enough to face the day when death will embrace Hwayeong. Visions of coffin and people wearing black filled his mind that made Luhan abruptly shook his head and shut his eyes close. That was when he realized that his cheeks were wet.

He’s been crying all night long.

Hwayeong got out from the hospital after a week. Luhan would always stay in their house and sit beside her bed although Hwayeong was always asleep.

But he didn’t mind because staring at her face is enough for him.

As days passed, Luhan realized that despite how miserable everything is, his only choice was to take a hold of the string of hope. It was hard of course but he learned it anyway.

Whenever Hwayeong’s awake, she always plasters a smile on her face as the both of them talked about random things. It was the thing that amazed Luhan because he knew that Hwayeong knows everything about her fatal condition but still, she managed to curl up her lips and kept on being optimistic.

Every day, Hwayeong does it.

That’s why every day, Luhan falls in love for her more and more.

It was a one sunny morning when Luhan stepped inside the Lees’ house. Mrs. Lee invited him to have breakfast but he bowed and politely rejected—a sort of chivalry.

He made his way to Hwayeong’s room with a smile on his face but when he finally stepped inside, the aura was gloomy. There’s no smile painting her face and her eyes were tired and weary.

She was staring at the world outside from her window. The sky was a never-ending blue and the sun was shining ever so brightly that complimented the sound of cicadas from afar.

“Good morning,” Luhan greeted and sat on the usual chair that’s beside her bed.

He earned no reply as the girl kept on busying herself by checking the view outside.

There was a long minute of silence when Luhan heard her steadying her breaths.

“You know,” Hwayeong mumbled. “Before the sun tucks itself, I tell myself that I’ll see it again.”

There was sadness in her voice and it made Luhan afraid because he knew where this will all lead to. They’ve been avoiding this kind of conversation but here she was. He wanted to stop her but it seems like words just left him behind all of a sudden.

“Before I close my eyes at night,” Hwayeong continued. “I tell myself that I’ll open it again tomorrow.”

The latter averted her attention to him with a face full of melancholy. “I keep on hoping, Luhan.”

When her lips started to tremble, Luhan felt his heart clenched but he was brave enough to contain his tears.

“I keep on hoping that sometimes it hurts.” Hwayeong whispered and felt something trickled down her cheek. Luhan widened his eyes and quickly wiped it away using his thumb.

“It hurts, Luhan. Hoping hurts.” Hwayeong continually said when tears started to fill her eyes, making Luhan breathe in deeply for fighting the urge of crying.

“Hway—“

“But what could I do…” Hwayeong said with a shattered face. “It’s my only escape from facing the reality.”

“Hwayeong, don’t say that.” Luhan gently spoke. “It’s gonna be alright.”

The girl steadied her breathing again and closed her eyes.
When she opened it, he’s still looking at her. He always does. “In my favourite book, there's a line that says flowers are ephemeral. It means, in danger of early disappearance.”

With trembling lips and eyes b with tears, Hwayeong started to sniff loudly. “I’m a flower, Luhan.”

It was a ruthless scene for Luhan to see his girl crying her heart out that in the end, he was surprised when he realized that his tears managed to fight him and made its way out from his eyes.

“I’m a flower.” She continued. “And I’m dying.”

Luhan held her face while their eyes were full of misery. “Yes, you are a flower. But you are a brave flower, Hwayeong. Just like your name.”

The girl continued to cry and savoured his touch on her cheek.

“You’re a brave flower so let your name define your acts.” Luhan said before pursing his lips, desperately trying to stop his tears. “It’s gonna be alright.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Luhan stood up and gently planted a kiss on her forehead, reminding her that he will be there. He will be her sunshine in the midst of storm.

That day, they made a deal that together, they will cling on hope. It’s their only choice anyway.

Mrs. Lee doesn’t want her daughter to feel isolated in her house that’s why sometimes, they go out, cherishing each and every moment.

Luhan and Hwayeong took a stroll around and ended up resting under the shade of the Cherry Blossom tree.

The boy was idly plucking the guitar strings while Hwayeong watched him buoyantly, proud that he managed to understand the basic chords that she taught him a few days ago.

“You’re getting good.” Hwayeong complimented.

Luhan plastered a smile full of content. “Thank you, someday, I’ll make a song for you.”

“Then that would be something I’ll be looking forward to.”

The rest of the day was full of laughter and joy. That’s what they do. They use joy to escape pain.

Before they could go, Hwayeong gave something to Luhan. It was tucked inside the book that she brought.

Luhan curiously unfolded the paper and a chuckle escaped his lips when he opened it. There was a dried Gerbera glued on the paper and below it was a string of letters.

Hwayeong watched the slow movement of his eyes as he read it as she felt the calm gush of wind touched her skin.

Gerbera

(You are the sunshine of my life)

To the boy who left me curious from the very first day;

To the boy who was with me when I last climbed the tree when I still have two legs;

To the boy who picked me in a garden of flowers;

To the boy who witnessed my weakness;

To the boy who held my hand when I felt like my world is falling apart;

To the boy who gives me so much Hope;

To the boy who became the reason why I still want to live;

To the boy who made me feel what it’s like to love and to be loved back;

To the boy who has a room in my heart;

To the sunshine of my life;

To Luhan,

I love you and I always will.

His heart was completely overwhelmed when Luhan finished it, her words really do know how to seep inside him. After gently putting the paper inside his pocket, the boy leaned towards her and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. It was quick but the both of them managed to make it memorable.

“Thank you,” Luhan whispered.

Hwayeong smiled and caressed his face using her hands. “You’re welcome.”

“Don’t let go too soon okay?”

“I promise.”

With that statement of hers, she wrapped her arms around him.

Luhan laid himself beside Hwayeong one afternoon and embraced her, ignoring the fact that she’s getting thin.

“What’s your favourite book?” He questioned.

Hwayeong gazed at the shelf where there were countless books that she already read. “All of them.”

“No, I mean, your absolute favourite book.” Luhan stated and tucked a strand of her hair at the back of her ear.

“It’s in the drawer.” Hwayeong mumbled. So the boy stood up and walked straight to the drawer.

There were small boxes inside and a slight smile appeared on his face when he saw daisy chains that were already dry. Inside, there was only one book. He knew he had seen it a lot of times before.

It was ‘The Little Prince’.

“Can I read this with you?”

He went back to his position and Hwayeong rested her head on his arm. “It’s a privilege.”

They spent the rest of the day by reading the marvellous work of Mr. Antoine De Saint Exupery with nothing but a light breeze for company and before Luhan could go back to his house, Hwayeong gave him another paper. This time, it wasn’t a Gerbera. It was a Daffodil.

Daffodil

(The Sun is Bright when I’m with You)

My life is full of storm,

But there you are, a sunshine in human form.

When darkness engulfs me,

Your light will shine upon me.

I hope you have a clue,

That the sun is bright when I’m with you.

As weeks passed, Hwayeong started to become weaker. They seldom went out because Hwayeong always says that she’s tired that’s why she always sleeps. Although it saddened Luhan, he accepted it and would always be willing to just stay there beside her even though her eyes are closed. He’ll just sit there and watch her as she sleeps, including the rising and falling of her chest as she breathes.

It was eleven o’clock in the evening when there was a knock on the door of his room. It took him a minute to wake up and when he finally opened it, his mom stood before him with a worried expression.

“Mrs. Lee called me just now. Hwayeong’s in pain.”

As if by magic, energy quickly rose inside his body that just got out from slumber and quickly grabbed a random shirt from his closet before rushing outside while Mrs. Xi tagged behind.

With a throbbing pain in the head and a hammering heart, Luhan dashed to her room.

There, on the bed, Hwayeong’s head was buried on the white pillow while screaming. The blankets were completely a mess and patches of blood were seen. Luhan stood there with wide eyes and a mouth that was half open as he witnessed such a macabre scene.

Hwayeong kept on screaming incoherent words while Mrs. Lee kept on rubbing her back while frustration was painted on her face.

Mrs. Xi got out of the room to get some tissues and water while it took a moment for Luhan to move.

Finally snapping back, Luhan ran towards her and held her hand but the girl quickly shrugged it away, surprising Luhan.

“Hwayeong,” Luhan whispered as he rubbed her back instead.

The pillow was already soaked in tears when Hwayeong stopped screaming but she continued to let out jerky gasps. “Everything…hurts.”

Hwayeong tried to sit up and almost failed but Luhan caught her and the girl wrapped her arms around him tightly, afraid that her soul might slip out from her body in any minute. Marks of blood were on the corner of her lips that almost faded because of her tears.

Mrs. Lee was beside them, continuing to let out words that would somehow keep her calm but it didn’t because the girl didn’t hear it because of so much pain.

Hwayeong removed her head from him when a warm putrid feeling rose up from and within a few seconds, she was vomiting blood on the cold hardwood floor. The colour of red conquered the ground with a mixture of chewed vegetables that she ate that day.

Luhan’s arms got some of it but he didn’t care, he continued to rub and pat her back, desperately hoping that it would take away all the agony that she’s feeling inside.

Mrs. Lee ran outside to get a mop when Mrs. Xi got inside and placed the glass of water on the side table. She clasped her hands together and shut her eyes close, mumbling a prayer.

“Luhan,” Hwayeong cried, tightening her grip around his hand. “It hurts. Everything hurts.”

“Hwayeong, look at me.” Luhan said as he felt something warm trickled down his cheek.  “You can do it.”

“But I can’t. I’m feeling it. My eyes are closing.” Hwayeong replied and bit her lower lip until it bled. “The pain just won’t go away.”

“It will go away. You’ll be alright. I’m sure.”

“But I will never be alright!” Hwayeong said after letting out a loud moan.

“You will.” Luhan said continuously although he really wasn’t sure. It pained him to see her like that but what hurt him the most was the fact that he can’t do anything to make her feel better.

“My eyes are getting heavy. I’m scared, Luhan.”

“Hwayeong don’t say that!” Luhan shouted, his vision started to become blurry because of his tears. “Hold on. Don’t let go.”

The girl cried even more after hearing those words from him. She was fighting so hard although it hurts a lot. She was doing her best because she doesn’t want to leave him behind.

She can’t imagine him being engulfed by sorrow.

She can’t stand the thought of Luhan weeping in front of her grave and most of all, she doesn’t want him to see the rising and setting of the sun without her by his side.

“But everything inside me aches and it hurts! I can’t take it anymore!” Hwayeong said and suddenly vomit again. After wiping with the back of her hands, she continued sob out her pain through tears.

“Don’t go, please. I still have to write you a song.”

The boy whimpered and cupped her worn out face using his hands.

“I hate this! I hate this life!” Hwayeong said as she shook her head, trying to get away from his eyes but because of her weak condition, she failed.

“Hwayeong, look at me,” Luhan said. “I still want to see you smile. I still want to see your eyes and I still want to hear your voice. Whatever happens, don’t let go. I’m not ready. Please.”

His words broke her already shattered heart and she had a hard time looking at his eyes because it was full of hope and assurance and she’s afraid that she might disappoint him.

“I still want to see you too but it seems like I’m giving up.” Hwayeong replied and had a hard time catching air.

“Hope, Hwayeong. There’s hope.”

Everything inside her room was a mess and Mrs. Xi and Mrs. Lee wiped the floor with shaking hands.

The three of them surrounded her while saying words of prayer. Luhan, on the other hand, held her hand tightly—scared because there’s a possibility that this might be her very last day.

“Hold on, Hwayeong. Hold on.”

And she did.

Forget-Me-Not

(Forget me not, memories, true love)

Last night, I was in so much pain.

And my tears flowed like rain.

I became afraid,

Because it felt like my existence was about to fade.

So I thought of you,

And how your love was true.

Forget me not,

I may leave this world,

But I want to stay in you forever.

Forget me not.

After that dreadful night, Luhan started to stay beside her everyday and every night. It frustrated Mrs. Xi but she tried to understand. Luhan’s not a kid anymore and he knows what he’s doing.

It was a Saturday afternoon when Luhan went to his house to change his clothes. He went straight to the kitchen to get a glass of water while his mom stared at him with a face full of weary. She saw how depression ate him up and there were dark circles that started to form below his childlike eyes.

“Luhan, I hope you’re aware that your departure will be on Monday.”

Hearing her statement, the boy stopped from his tracks. Everything that happened to him lately made him completely oblivious of the other things in his life.

After gulping heavily, he went straight to his room without leaving any word.

With a nervous heart and a soul full of assurance towards his choice, Luhan called his father.

“Hey, dad. Remember this certain summer lady that I always talk to you about ever since I was fifteen?”

“What do you think you’re doing, son?!” Mrs. Xi shouted in frustration after knowing from her ex husband that Luhan decided to not enrol himself for the coming semester.

At first, Mr. Xi didn’t agree. He and his son had to go to a lot of arguments because of his insane idea but Luhan kept on urging him. Mr. Xi is a father and he always wants what’s best for his child but hearing his decisions made him frustrated. But there came the moment when Luhan spoke to him all that were contained inside his heart.

Through the phone, Mr. Xi heard his strong son cry. Luhan told him everything—from the day he first met Hwayeong until the day she sobbed in agony. He continually promised his dad that he’ll do his best in the next semester and that his father didn’t need to worry.

Mr. Xi didn’t completely agree but being assured and surprised at his son’s letting out of words from his heart, he let his son do what his choice was which made his ex wife frustrated.

“I’m caring for Hwayeong! That’s what I’m doing!” Luhan replied with clenched fists.

Mrs. Xi touched her forehead and breathed in deeply, trying to calm down. “Luhan, this is about your school. This is about your future!”

“Then darn it! Hwayeong’s dying, mom and you want me to go to Seoul?” Luhan huffed.

“Luhan, please don’t get me wrong. I know you love her. But what you’re doing is something that might affect your prospect.” Mrs. Xi explained, massaging her temples.

“Then let future worry itself! What matters most is the present and that is Hwayeong!” He jeered with outraging eyes.

Her lips started to tremble. She was surprised to witness her son’s bizarre actions because all the time, Luhan’s been a good son who’s always responsible and obedient so seeing him that way was absolutely unusual.

“I’m staying.” Luhan finalized and with that statement of his, he walked out—not even waiting for her response.

Luhan played cards with Hwayeong that night. The sky was dark that it seemed like a black ink just spilled all over the horizon.

“Are you alright?” The girl asked with a furrowed brow as she sorted out her cards.

With a jeopardized mind, Luhan managed to nod and gave her an assuring look as if everything’s okay between him and his parents. “Yeah,”

The first round went on smoothly and giggles would sometimes be heard but none of them dared to speak.

Luhan professionally dealt the cards when Hwayeong looked at him. “Summer is about to end…when will you go back?”

The boy didn’t fix his eyes on her and continued to put his attention to what he’s currently doing. “I won’t go back.”

“What?” Hwayeong asked, furrowing her brow.

“I didn’t enrol for this semester. I’m staying here.”

Hwayeong widened her eyes and touched one of his shoulders. “Luhan, that’s insane.”

Being tired of hearing opinions that are opposite with his, Luhan heaved his shoulders and put down his cards. “Of course it’s not insane. This is my choice. My choice is you.”

Hwayeong was surprised at what Luhan had just done and it made her feel that she’s being a burden that pulls him away from being a successful man in the future. “But Luhan, this is not a good idea. It might affect—“

“Darn it, Hwayeong. I’m not leaving you.” Luhan sternly said and rubbed his face with his hands.

“But what about—“

Frustrated with everything that happened, Luhan put his hands on her shoulders and intensely fixed his eyes on hers. “I don’t want to be in school thinking and wondering what you are doing. I don’t want to be in school while hoping that you’re still breathing. I don’t want to listen to a professor while my mind’s completely occupied by you. I freakin’ don’t want to be away from you.”

“Let’s face it. Time’s running out and I want to be by your side to the very end.”

Hearing his assault of words, Hwayeong sniffed but there were no tears that escaped her eyes. Maybe because she’s been crying a lot that there are no tears left inside her. “Thank you,”

Just before the boy could open his mouth to speak, Hwayeong wrapped her lanky arms around him. “For willing to give that up just to be with me…”

“That’s because I love you.”

“I love you too.”

 Hwayeong whispered those three words with so much placidity that it even managed to lighten up his hoping heart.

White Clover

(Think of Me)

Think of me,

Like I’m the favourite thing you want to see.

Put me in your mind,

Like I’m a lost thing you want to find.

So when it’s time for me to leave,

You will not grieve.

Weeks passed and as days went by, it slowly took all Hwayeong’s strength. Her weight plummeted so much and her face became pallid including her skin colour that became feebler. She barely talked because she always sleeps.

Of course she understood that people around her miss her that’s why no matter how worn-out she was, she would sometimes spend her time with them through making random conversations but when it comes to Luhan, she would be willing to go out of the house as long as she’s with him.

As usual, they would lie on the grassy ground beneath the Cherry Blossom tree and do their habitual activities like reading a book, playing the guitar, or just lay there while making a casual conversation as they stared at the vast blue sky that was sometimes decorated by white puffy clouds.

Hwayeong would sometimes make a long daisy chain and put it on her head and on Luhan’s. If Luhan hasn’t met her, he would find this kind of activity childish and insipid but whenever Hwayeong is the one who’s doing it, it seems like it’s the most interesting endeavour ever.

Mrs. Lee was surprised and glad at the same time when Hwayeong suddenly suggested if they could go at the beach. It was an unusual request from her but Mrs. Lee was willing to grant it.

Both Mrs. Xi and Luhan were invited that’s why in the end, Hwayeong found herself sitting on her wheelchair while staring at a spectacular view in front of her.

The sky was a majestic blue that complimented the ocean’s colour and the dazzling sunlight made the sand sparkle like a thousand tiny jewels. Sounds of solitary seagulls were heard along with the crashing of waves by the shore and in the distance, the waves looked like galloping white horses while the sun served as the bright crown.

 Only a few people were there that time which made Hwayeong comfortable and feel more the calmness that the ocean radiates.

Luhan, who’s on his white board shorts, played with the water and would wave his hand whenever he and Hwayeong would meet each other’s eyes.

“It’s so wonderful.” Hwayeong mumbled, catching the attention of her mother who was sitting on the sand beside her.

Mrs. Lee reached for her daughter’s hand and wrapped hers around it. “Yeong, why did you suddenly suggest to go here?”

“Because,” Hwayeong slowly looked down at the sparkling sand after hearing her mother’s question. “Time’s running out.”

Processing her response, Mrs. Lee pursed her lips before taking in a deep breath.

“You’ve been really good, mom.” Hwayeong tightened her grip around her mother’s hand despite the fact that she doesn’t have enough strength to do that anymore. “Thank you for not giving up on me…and sorry if I burdened you a lot.”

Mrs. Lee sniffed and ran her hand to Hwayeong’s hair. “No, Hwayeong. I will never regret having you as my daughter. You’re the greatest blessing that I have ever received.”

Hwayeong smiled at her mother’s string of words because a warm and refreshing feeling made its way inside her. Mrs. Lee stood up and smoothly hugged her. “If you can’t take it anymore, you can let go. I’ll be okay now.”

Mrs. Lee said and felt the trembling of her lips; little did she know that a warm salted tear rolled down on Hwayeong’s right cheek as she savoured her mom’s tender embrace.

Some of the leaves had already turned red and orange while the wind was starting to get cold and chilly.

Summer is about to bade its farewell.

It was afternoon when Luhan was alone at his house since his mom already left to work. He was garnishing the floor when the telephone rang, snapping him out from his trance.

A smile full of familiarity escaped his lips when he heard her mere voice, grateful that she’s still alright.

After telling him to come to her house, Luhan grabbed a casual shirt from his closet and dragged himself to the Lees.

When Luhan opened the door, he was surprised to see Hwayeong at the living room while on her wheelchair. She was wearing a faded pink dress and a glittering flower clip was nicely clasped on the side of her hair. Her cheeks were a little rosy along with her lips—obvious that she put some make up.

She looked simple but yet—stunning. It’s been months that she’d been pale that’s why seeing her that way managed to enlighten the heart of the boy who stood before her.

He just stared at her in awe, telling himself that he was never wrong in picking this beautiful flower. It was a privilege to have her as the one who holds his heart.

Hwayeong blushed at his incomprehensible stare when Luhan finally took a hold of himself. “Wow…what’s going on?”

“Will you do me a favour?”

Nodding at her question, Luhan knelt down in front of her to meet her eyes. “What is it?”

Hwayeong reached for his hand and held it tightly. “Take me to the place where you first kissed me.”

And he did.

Since Hwayeong already talked to her mom about this, Mrs. Lee let them borrow her car. After leaving a note for his mom and saying goodbye to Mrs. Lee, the both of them left.

While on their way, their hands were perfectly intertwined because all that mattered to them was the now so they went on with the guidance of love and hope, not having a care about what future had in stored for the both of them.

The sun was about to set when Luhan gently put down Hwayeong on the thick blanket that he just lain on the grassy ground.

Once again, the both of them were left in awe while marvelling the spectacular view. Hwayeong secured her hand around his for the second time as she calmly rested her head on his shoulder, causing Luhan to relax his head on top of hers. They were a perfect couple in front of the magnificent scenery.

They watched the movement of the sun, completely letting themselves to be oblivious about time and pain.

There was no fear.

There was no worry.

There was no hatred.

Love conquered them all along with hope.

When the fiery ball of light finally tucked itself, the colour of sky became a mixture of orange and purple.

Hwayeong took out a folded paper from her small bag and took in a deep breath before handing it out to Luhan. “Luhan, this is for you.”

Curiosity flooded his face when he reached for it. “Can I read it now?”

After earning a nod from Hwayeong, Luhan gently opened it while holding his breath.

He read it silently while the girl just fixed her eyes on him, carefully studying every detail of his façade.

Sweet Pea

As days pass, I can feel that my insides are slowly shutting down. To be honest, there were nights when it seems like death is just around the corner of my room. It was scary but you’re always there to take it all away. After all, you’re the reason why I still want to wake up every day.

There was a time when I look at the mirror and gazed at myself.

I saw a girl with only one leg…

A girl whose skin was dead pale…

A girl whose lips were chapped instead of having the colour of a rose…

A girl whose hair was effortlessly cut in short…

A girl who has a frail and poor body…

And a girl who’s always having a hard time breathing…

I wanted to cry because right before my eyes, I saw how wrecked I am but I didn’t because I suddenly thought of you.

I realized that although I’m completely a miserable, the way you look at me made me feel like I’m the most beautiful girl in the world.

I may be an utter mess but you knew how to love my flaws.

When I’m crestfallen, you’re there to remind me that I’m strong.

When I feel like hating life, you’re there to remind me that there’s more to it than pain and sorrow.

When it seems like I’m about to stumble, you’re there to hold my hand.

When I feel like giving up, you’re there to whisper this magic word: Hope.

Thank you, Luhan. What happened between us is something beyond extraordinary. When you stepped in my life, everything around me became bliss.

If you would ask me if I want to go back, I will…because I want to fall in love with you again and again.

There were times when my body will tell me that she can’t take it anymore but I shrug it away as I think of you. I don’t want you to be in so much grief and I don’t want to you to look at sunsets without me by your side—most of all, I don’t want to leave you.

That is why I’m still alive. You’re the reason why I still want to open my eyes. You’re the reason why I still go on despite how weak my condition is.

But I want to tell you something…

I think it’s time for me to go.

The longer I stay, the more you’ll get hurt.

I fought a good fight and I am ever so grateful that fate managed to bring you to me before I leave this world.

Thank you for completing my life, Luhan.

I may go but I want you to know that it doesn’t mean that I’ll forget you because you will always be kept here inside my heart.

When you hear the strumming of a guitar, I’m there.

When you look at a wild flower, I’m there.

When you see the setting of the sun, I’m there.

I may never come back and see you face to face again but our memories will stay and they will be the one that will keep you safe and sound.

Thank you for everything.

Thank you for letting me experience and define ‘forever’ in a matter of months.

And most importantly, I want you to know that the Cherry Blossom tree wasn’t my haven…it was you all along.

I love you.

Tears were already streaming down from his eyes when he folded the paper and realized that she was staring at him. A smile slowly painted Hwayeong’s face as she wiped away his tears.

The both of them held each other’s gazes as if there was a world hiding behind those and when Luhan’s eyes weren’t blurry anymore, Hwayeong cupped his face with her two delicate hands.

“I love you and I’ll always will.”

Those words somehow became like a melody that entered his ears and made its destination inside his heart. “I love you too.”

And after hearing that statement of him, Hwayeong closed her eyes and gently placed her lips on his.

It was a long and passionate kiss—something that’s worth remembering for the both of them.

They settled themselves back inside the car and after a few moments, Hwayeong already fell into a deep slumber while Luhan didn’t dare to let sleep eat him up. He just looked at her and observed every single detail of her—including the tiny mole on her index finger.

As he spent his time fixing his eyes on her, Luhan reached for his bag from the backseat—grateful that he brought a notebook and a pen.

After placing it on his lap, he took a deep breath and started to write the things that were kept inside his heart.

Hwayeong tiredly squint her eyes after feeling a light nudge from Luhan, realizing that they were still there.

The boy was smiling in front of her with a face that wasn’t stung by sleep. “Good morning. Can you do me a favour?”

Fixing the small clip on her head, Hwayeong nodded.

“Watch the sunrise with me.”

And so she did.

When they got home, Hwayeong lied on her bed, feeling heavy and fatigued while Luhan took a seat on his usual stool and gently intertwined his fingers with hers.

“Hwayeong…” The boy mumbled, earning a weak smile from her.

He bit his lower lip and stared at her for a minute before fishing out an unsoiled folded paper from his pocket while the girl studied him with a face full of curiosity.

“I told you that I’ll make a song for you but…” Luhan uttered. “I’m never good in words. You’re the one who’s a pro when it comes to that anyway. So I’m sorry if I didn’t make any but instead, I made you a letter.”

Hearing his words, Hwayeong curled up her lips, somehow shooing away his nervousness.

“It’s not that really proficient but I did my best in befriending words.”

Luhan felt her grip tightened, causing him to give her a questioning look.

“Read it to me.”

My Flower

Last night, I stared at you for a long time because I was afraid to see you gone.

Hwayeong, you are so lovely and beautiful that you even have the ability to lighten me up every single day.

But as days passed, you became weaker—just like a gaudy picture that’s slowly fading.

Right after you became mine, I already knew that you’ll go away soon because you are a flower…and flowers are ephemeral.

But I want you to know that I’m having a hard time to accept that fact because I love you so much that I can’t even imagine myself lasting a day without you.

But let’s face it, no matter how much I want you to stay—you can’t…because ‘forever’ isn’t your friend.

So I spent a lot of time looking at every detail of yours, secretly wishing that you’ll stay and will no longer be ephemeral but sadly, I don’t have the power to grant that.

I love you, flower.

Even though there will be day that you’ll become scrawny, I will still love you.

Even though there will be a day that those bright colours of yours will leave you pale and dry, you will still be precious in my sight.

When you go, I assure you that you’ll still be alive inside my heart.

My flower, do not worry and do not cry. I want you to leave this world with a smile, knowing that you are mine and I am yours. While I, on the other hand, will gather a lot of courage to curl up my lips as I see you go right before my eyes.

Hello flower, I love you.

Farewell flower, I love you.

After three days, Hwayeong calmly bade her farewell.

Luhan fixed his eyes on her lifeless body that was inside a simple coffin. It was the morning of her funeral and a few visitors stepped in with formal black clothes. Most of them were her relatives while some were her former classmates. Luhan didn’t mind though because he preferred to be obscure.

The boy looked at her motionless body but he knew that there’s nothing there because her soul has been emptied from her head.

It was hard for him to accept that he will never hear her speak again, see her flash a smile again, laugh again…and he will never see her do anything.

The only things that he had left to make him happy were the fragments of their memories together and of course, he can’t deny the fact that it hurts.

He’s been looking at her for a long while as if he was hoping that she’ll wake up in any minute and tell him to smile but she never did.

Luhan broke out from his trance when he felt something heavy landed on one of his shoulder, causing him to turn his head.

It was his father.

The boy smiled at his presence before Mr. Xi comfortingly wrapped him around his arms. After a few minutes, Luhan saw his dad studying the pictures that were displayed at the side and one of it was a picture of him and her.

Then the two of them gazed at the large portrait of Hwayeong. Her hair was long and that usual cheery smile of hers was imprinted on her face along with the familiar spark of her eyes. It was only a photo but it managed to warm the boy’s heart.

“Seeing you this way, son, I believe that this girl has touched your life so much.” Mr. Xi said without any hesitation. “She must’ve been a remarkable woman.”

Hearing his words, Luhan curled up his lips with full assurance.

“Yes, she truly was.”

"Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart." -Jose N. Harris